(I originally wanted to write about Zhou Hexuan's return to the mainland to invest after the change, but I wrote it and deleted it, because it would inevitably involve many big people, and it would be too fake not to write it, and it would be easy to violate the rules if I wrote it.) ）

Summer 2008.

Chen Shuo and Du Xiaoxi are both college student volunteers, and as the opening time of the Olympics approaches, they are tired like dogs these days. At about nine o'clock in the evening, they returned to the shared house, took a shower and began to visit Tianya Forum and Peking University BBS.

"Xiaoxi, don't stick to the water, play with me for a while." Chen Shuo shouted.

Du Xiaoxi walked to the living room and turned on the TV: "Stop playing, come and watch TV with me, I heard that today's "Qiang Qiang Threesome" invited a mysterious guest. ”

The world is big, not as big as his girlfriend, Chen Shuo can only honestly go to the living room and sit down.

"Qiang Qiang Threesome" was so popular that it exploded in the past few years, and was widely loved by intellectuals and the middle class. Although the ratings have been declining in the past two years, there are still countless die-hard fans, and the host Dou Wentao has also become a male god idol in the minds of many female students in literary and artistic universities.

Du Xiaoxi sat cross-legged on the sofa, half-snuggled in her boyfriend's arms, clacking and chewing snacks like a hamster.

"Qiang Qiang Threesome!"

The camera focused on the host Dou Wentao, and then two old men appeared: "Today we invited two guests, and the audience and friends should all know each other." ”

Du Xiaoxi put down the potato chips and asked her boyfriend: "Who are these two?" It's a bit familiar. ”

Chen Shuo stared at the TV screen with wide eyes and muttered, "No...... No, the one on the left seems to be Academician Zhou Weilie! He never appeared on a TV show. ”

Du Xiaoxi hasn't come back to his senses yet, and Dou Wentao on the TV has already begun to introduce: "The one on my left, the father of China's electronic computer, the father of China's Internet, the academician of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, the academician of the Royal Society, the member of the Royal Society, and the prover of Fermat's theorem, Mr. Zhou Weilie." ”

"Hello everyone!" Zhou Weilie beckoned to the camera.

Chen Shuo slapped his thigh: "Sure enough, it's Academician Zhou, he came to Peking University to give a lecture last time, but unfortunately I missed something." ”

Dou Wentao said again: "The big names have to be left at the end to introduce, the one on my right, I think anyone who has read the old Mr. Zhou Hexuan, the master of Chuhua!" ”

"Zhou Hexuan?!"

Chen Shuo and Du Xiaoxi almost jumped in shock.

Chen Shuo said: "He's not dead yet?" ”

"It's about 100 years old, right?" Du Xiaoxi asked.

On TV, Dou Wentao smiled and said: "I received a call in the middle of the night last night, and the director personally called, telling me that I had to fly to the Beijing Phoenix Hall to record the program the next day, saying that I had invited two guests to be guests. I was so scared that I didn't sleep all night, and you can see that my eyes were bloodshot right now. ”

Zhou Hexuan smiled and asked, "Is it because my wrist is too big?" ”

"Not to mention the big names, to put it on the Internet, you are now a great god," Dou Wentao said, "I grew up reading your books, and I remember that there were more than ten pages at the beginning of the year, and Mr. Lu Xun's texts were more than ten pages. Good guy, after two texts, one Chinese textbook is gone. ”

"Did you do reading comprehension and vomit?" Zhou Hexuan laughed.

"Not really," said Dou Wentao, "actually I like your texts very much, at least they are easier to memorize than Mr. Lu Xun's articles." ”

Zhou Hexuan said: "His writing is too awkward. ”

"Yes, it's very awkward," Dou Wentao was a little nervous at first, but now he has completely let go, and asked sideways, "How is your relationship with Mr. Lu Xun?" ”

Zhou Hexuan said: "I met once, I helped him buy a train ticket, and he invited me to eat fried noodles. ”

Dou Wentao gossiped: "I remember that Mr. Lu Xun had an essay saying that he invited you to drink bean juice. ”

"I didn't drink it, I wasn't used to the taste." Zhou Hexuan said.

"Like you're from Beijing?" Dou Wentao said.

Zhou Hexuan said: "At that time, it was called Zhili, between Beijing and Tianjin, and now it seems to be under the jurisdiction of Beijing. ”

Dou Wentao: "Five rings? ”

"Yes, I'm from the suburbs of Beijing, not from the city." Zhou Hexuan said.

Dou Wentao laughed happily: "Mr. Zhou, I suddenly found that you are very humorous, is this your secret to maintaining a long life?" You're 110 years old. ”

"The secret of longevity is not humor, it is to eat, sleep, and play," Zhou Hexuan joked, "Look at that Zhang Hanqing, he is proficient in eating, drinking, prostituting and gambling, and he has not lived to be 100 years old." ”

Dou Wentao said: "You are still very strong, you speak clearly, and you look like a 70-year-old man." This time I made a special trip to Beijing to watch the Olympics? ”

"Take a walk around and take a look before you're dead, and by the way, visit the diocese." Zhou Hexuan said.

"Parish?" Dou Wentao didn't understand.

Zhou Weilie suddenly interjected: "Flying Noodle God Sect, my father is the Pope. ”

Dou Wentao said: "I really haven't heard of this sect. ”

Zhou Weilie began to talk about the doctrine of the "Flying Noodles Divine Cult", explained a few words briefly, and finally said with a wry smile: "I was also dragged into the church by my father, and now I am the archbishop of the Beijing Fried Sauce Noodles Diocese. ”

Du Xiaoxi, who was watching TV, exclaimed: "Wow, this Flying Mask Divine Sect is so cool, I want to join too!" ”

Chen Shuole said: "It's quite interesting, I'll ask another day." ”

After chatting for a while, Dou Wentao saw that Zhou Weilie didn't talk much, and deliberately led the topic to Zhou Weilie: "Academician Zhou returned to China in the 50s?" ”

"It was in 1956 that I received a secret letter from my mentor, Mr. Hua Luogeng, and returned to China to participate in the research and development of the first generation of computers." Zhou Weilie said.

Dou Wentao asked: "During the 10-year movement, were you not affected?" ”

Zhou Hexuan smiled: "Wow, the scale of your show is really big, you have to quickly converge and converge." I also have a stake in Phoenix Terrace, so be careful not to mess it up. ”

Dou Wentao was stunned: "Mr. Zhou is a shareholder of Phoenix Satellite TV?" ”

"Otherwise, how could I agree to your director to record the show?" Zhou Hexuan said.

Dou Wentao pretended to get up and bowed: "Disrespectful, disrespectful, good boss!" ”

Zhou Hexuan followed him: "You little comrade is very spiritual, I will raise your salary when I turn around." ”

"Then I'll have to bow two more times." Dou Wentao said and stood up again.

Zhou Hexuan raised his hand and said: "Excuse me, you will only kowtow to me by so much, after all, I am a black-hearted capitalist." ”

The two gaged for a while, and Dou Wentao said to Zhou Weilie: "Academician Zhou, let's continue the topic just now, have you been impacted during the exercise?" ”

Zhou Weilie shook his head and said: "In my unit, my colleagues are either friends of my father, or students of my father's friends, or students of my father's friends, at least they have also received my father's favor. I was a 'pet' in the research institute and a 'pet in the R&D group', and everyone took good care of me. ”

"Nonsense," Zhou Hexuan unabashedly revealed the secret, "The reason why you are okay is because you are on the protection list." There are a total of 14 letters accusing you, Zhou Gong handed them all over to me, and now he still puts them in my drawer, I know your every move in the mainland! ”

Zhou Weilie was surprised: "Is there anything else? ”

Dou Wentao suddenly received a warning from the director, and he immediately smiled: "Qiang Qiang threesome, see you after the advertisement!" ”

During the advertisement, Du Xiaoxi immediately rushed back to the computer and called Peking University BBS to post: "The great writer Zhou Hexuan is still alive, 110 years old, and he just saw him in "Qiang Qiang Threesome". ”

It's summer vacation now, but the popularity of Peking University BBS is still very strong, and there will be dozens of replies soon.

"What a coincidence, I'm watching too!"

"Wouldn't you, still alive at 110?"

"Mr. Zhou is so naughty, and he can play self-black."

"Zhou Hexuan and Lu Xun, the nightmare of my youth......"

"Legend of the Galactic Heroes is awesome."

"The trucker's remake of Titanic made me cry."

"What does "Titanic" have to do with Zhou Hexuan?"

"Original author."

"Holy, really?"

"I prefer The Little Prince and bought a copy for my son last month."

"I'll go and capture a senior brother alive, senior brother, in which year did you graduate?"

"Tsinghua in '02."

"Kill the Tsinghua dog! This is the territory of Peking University. ”

"Hehe, my wife is from Peking University. Children, call my brother-in-law. ”

"Wu Na Qinghua dog, dare to rob my sister of Peking University, suffer death!"

"Wu Na Qinghua dog, dare to rob my sister of Peking University, suffer death!"

"Wu Na Qinghua dog, dare to rob my sister of Peking University, suffer death!"

"Wu Na Qinghua dog, dare to rob my sister of Peking University, suffer death!"

"Wu Na Qinghua dog, dare to rob my sister of Peking University, suffer death!"

"Hey, you guys seem to be crooked."

"Mr. Zhou is the old president of our Peking University, will he return to Peking University when the school starts?"

"It is estimated that people will leave Beijing after watching the Olympics."

"It's possible ......"

Du Xiaoxi returned to the sofa with his notebook and watched "Qiang Qiang Threesome" while sticking a water sticker.

"Damn, I went to check the encyclopedia just now, and the current king of Belgium is actually Zhou Hexuan's own grandson!"

"Cut, it's unheard, our old headmaster is amazing. Have you seen Song Hongbing's "Currency War"? There is a paragraph in it that specifically mentions the old headmaster. At the end of World War II, the old principal cashed out a large number of shares in Justbond, Coca-Cola and Royal Pharma, and invested in dozens of Japanese companies in one go, and now he is the boss behind several major Japanese conglomerates. ”

"Song Hongbing's book can also be believed? You're not a finance major, are you? ”

"In my department, the one I admire the most is the old principal."

"Zhou Hexuan has nothing to admire, the lackey of the British, as soon as the founding of the country, he went to Hong Kong to be a Justice of the Peace, and when the country became strong, he came back to find a sense of existence. What contribution did he make to China during the Anti-Japanese War? What contribution did he make to the establishment of New China? Now that he has been praised to the sky, he is actually a shameless literati, and his fart is useless. ”

"Huh."

"Huh."

"Huh."

You're funny, aren't you? I don't know anything else, I studied communication engineering, China was blocked by the international community during the special period, and a lot of our professional high-end equipment and materials were smuggled from Hong Kong by Mr. Zhou. ”

"Ignore that stupid fork and bite like a dog. During the Anti-Japanese War, Mr. Zhou donated dozens of planes at one time, which is called not contributing to the Anti-Japanese War? ”

"I studied history, and Mr. Zhou is in the field of history, which is a Mount Everest. Since the 80s, who can get around him when he studies history in China? He is not only the founder of modern Chinese historiography, but also the founder of modern historiography in the world! ”

"It's the same with the literature major, the old principal has created several literary genres."

"I studied quantum physics, and I only know 'Zhou Hexuan's cat'."

"I studied medicine, and Zhou Hexuan won the Nobel Prize in Medicine with his discovery of sulfonamides."

"Isn't Zhou Hexuan winning the Nobel Prize in Literature? What the hell is a medical award? ”

"I can prove that Zhou Hexuan won the Nobel Prize in Medicine, and I was at the award ceremony at that time."

"Fuck off, China was in the midst of the Anti-Japanese War when the award was issued, and Zhou Hexuan didn't go to accept the award at all."

"Damn, it's so embarrassing to brag."

"Damn, is Zhou Hexuan Long Aotian? I also recognize the achievements of literature and history, how he intervened in both physics and medicine, and won the Nobel Prize in Medicine. ”

""My Motherland" and "On the Songhua River" were also written by him, and the music and lyrics were written together."

"I'm afraid you don't know yet, my buddy is engaged in music, he said that Zhou Hexuan is recognized as the 'father of rock and roll', so he asked if he was awesome! The world's first rock song is an anti-war song written by Zhou Hexuan during World War II. ”

"The father of rock and roll? Even buy karma, wife, come out and see God! ”

"Hehe, I'll show you a photo, the one in the middle of the first row is Zhou Hexuan."

"What the hell is the Tianjin Guoshu Museum?"

"Zhou Hexuan is the deputy director of the Tianjin Guoshu Museum, an absolute master! He created mixed martial arts with Bruce Lee, and the two are known as the 'Father of Mixed Martial Arts.'" The current UFC mixed martial arts tournament that is popular in Europe, America and Hong Kong, the boss behind it is Zhou Hexuan. The one sitting next to Zhou Hexuan in the photo is Xue Dian, and anyone who knows how to do it should know it. ”

"What you said is nothing new, Zhou Hexuan does know martial arts. He had studied with the sword immortal Li Jinglin, and he was slightly better. He is not only powerful in swordsmanship, but also haunted in the gossip palm of one hand, and is known as 'Zhou Hexuan' in the martial arts of the Republic of China. ”

"Dude, you've read too much literature on the stall......"

"I can testify that what LSS said is true, 'Iron Fist Invincible Sun Yat-sen' is Zhou Hexuan's senior brother."

"I can also testify that there was also a master named 'Jiang Zhongzheng who wore Lin Bei's legs' at that time."

"Reincarnated Overlord Yuan Shikai."

"Falling Sakura God Axe Washington."

"Roosevelt."

"Uranium Light Wave Truman."

"Hey, you're enough, it's going to be a big deal if you tease like this again. Blizzard's major shareholder is 'Oriental Holdings', and the boss of 'Oriental Holdings' is Zhou Bingyao, Zhou Hexuan's grandson. Who dares to talk nonsense again, let Zhou Hexuan see it, beware that "World of Warcraft" is not updated in the mainland! ”

"Damn, it's scary. Old Headmaster I love you, you are a good person! ”

"Long live the Monster, long live the Headmaster!"

"Whoever dares to speak ill of the old principal again, I promise not to kill him!"

"In fact, the person I admire the most is Mr. Zhou, he is electricity, he is light, and he is the only myth."

"I'm still a Superstar."

"You may not believe it, but I used to like Chinese classes the most, because there were Mr. Zhou's articles in them. When I read the text aloud, Mr. Zhou's beautiful words made me stop dozing off, the quality of learning improved, the composition was written well, and I was able to pass the exam. ”

"Do you want a blue bottle?"

“……”

8)