I met Jingyun again in the hallway. I bowed my head and let go of it.

He walked straight up to me. He stared at me. An ambiguous smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

He moved a little closer to me. I felt a tightness in the skin all over my body, and a dense electric current passed through all the skin. I couldn't help but take a step back.

He watched me back away. He said, "Are you scared? He said, "He's gone." Now, we're the only ones at home. ”

Jingyun said: "Some people are destined to be just passers-by in your life. To each his own life. You are sad, reluctant, and useless. ”

Just when I thought he was going to come closer, he stepped back. He stepped back away from what made me feel safe. I breathed a sigh of relief in my heart, and then I realized that my palms were covered in cold sweat.

Jingyun stood a step or two away, and he looked at me with a grin. He said: "Just as we have had many happy days in the past, we will have many happy days in the future. He said, "You enjoy it slowly." ”

With that, he looked at me again. He walked past me and towards his mother's yard.

I stood there, looking at his back. I felt a deep sense of loneliness.

Without you, all the courtyards seemed very empty, and even the sound of raindrops hitting the steps was so unfamiliar.

In the days you left, I suddenly felt displaced in this home, where I had lived for more than ten years. I felt an invisible door close to me. Unless you come back with the key, I can't, go back in, I can't go back to the carefree life of my childhood. Every day, I sit by the window and watch for a long time the colorful kites that the children place in the sky. Little did I know at the time that this feeling of being displaced in my own home would follow me for the rest of my life.

Is there anyone who feels the same way I do? Obviously in his own home, obviously surrounded by relatives, obviously living a fine life, but he feels as if he is imprisoned and threatened by something indestructible, not safe, unable to be free?

I miss you.

However, in this chaotic world, in the midst of the great pain of killing and fighting everywhere, a girl's small thoughts are too insignificant and too small.

I've always known that it's small. In God's eyes, it is very, very small, so small that it is impossible to care for it alone. I've known this since the beginning. My attitude towards life has never been truly optimistic.

I sat there and waited. Waiting for an unknowable future. Waiting for all sorts of unknowable pain or joy to strike me in turn.

Many years later, when I sat alone in the warm pavilion with gray hair, facing the case where no one was on the other side, I often remembered those days when I was younger. During this period, how many things have happened, even your short life, has passed in a flash. And I, still, sat there and waited. Waiting ahead, all kinds of unknowable pain appeared.

You're quite right. When a person can bear all kinds of daggers in her heart so calmly and without waves, she can be worthy of being called: old.

I never felt that there was anything wrong with getting old. In fact, this hard-won blandness, it's pretty good.