(a)

The entire Yunjing turned into a snow-white color, and even Liu Shen's mother changed into plain clothes for your death.

Liu Shen made the whole army mourn with a specification that was very close to the death of the monarch.

Liu Shen took me to the mourning hall of your Lingnan palace to worship the state.

Following Liu Shen, I slowly got off the pedal of the carriage and stepped on the brown carpet that stretched from the mouth of the alley to the front of the mourning hall of your Lingnan Royal Mansion.

Liu Shen stretched out his hand to me. He took my cold hand.

I mechanically followed him forward, feeling like I was walking in a dream. My long, pale teal skirt swayed to the ground.

Because Liu Shen is still alive and well, and he is about to go out to fight, I can't even wear mourning clothes for you, so I can only remove the gorgeous clothes and change to a plain color.

I can only remove the hairpin ring, without applying fat powder, and put some light blue flowers on my head, which is the greatest mourning that can be expressed in my identity.

Standing in front of your mourning hall with Liu Shen, facing your spirit card, and the empty coffin behind the spirit card, looking at the light of the many candles, I feel that there is a huge abyss in my heart that is suffocating, its sharp teeth are tearing me, biting me to the point that my flesh and blood are blurred.

How many times have we knelt side by side in front of our parents' shrines. I still think about it, and I can still feel your body temperature around me, your breathing. However, this is your mourning hall.

I've imagined countless times that I would be your wife and be with you day and night, but I never imagined that one day I would be in your funeral hall.

The overwhelming white color shook me strongly.

I look at your spiritual position, and my knees go limp. I couldn't stand still, I had to be supported from side to side to stay on my feet.

When I followed Liu Shen to worship you, I knelt down for the first time and couldn't stand up again, even if I was supported left and right, I couldn't stand up again.

Throughout the ceremony. I couldn't stand up anyway.

I knelt in front of your spirit tablet, and with all my strength, I couldn't stand up.

The sadness, it was so painful. It shattered all the bones in my body.

It crushed me to dust.

Liu Shen watched my defeat and watch me fall apart, but he couldn't help me.

It's easy for me to get up from the ground, but it's not that easy for me to get up from this sadness.

Everyone. They can only rely on their own strength to get back up from this collapse. No one can stand up just by virtue of the sympathy and concern of others. In the end, it is only with one's own clear insight and fearless courage.

I fell to my knees on the ground.

I kneel on the earth where your body is decomposing and entering.

For the first time, it became clear to me that even the earth that now carries me is just as fragile and dangerous as it can be. Just as you and Liu Shen's bodies cannot be relied on, power and victory cannot be relied on. This seemingly solid earth also has its demise. It will collapse. It will boil, it will vaporize, it will turn into dust in great destruction.

There is no need for the collapse and sweep of the apocalypse, at this moment, the world is fragile. 24/7. It's all in jeopardy. It has never been not. Every breath we breathe out in this world, it is a fluke.

All the things that make us feel happy on such a foundation, they are all castles on the beach.

(b)

It's like a person sleepwalking on the edge of a cliff who suddenly wakes up. Suddenly, I realized the extreme danger of my situation, and that day, in your mourning hall, I suddenly woke up. The pillars of false stability in the whole world have collapsed and collapsed. I suddenly realized that the world was so big, but there was no place where I felt safe, and there was no place where the happiness I hoped for could take root. The happiness of expectation is just a dream bubble.

Suddenly, just when all the meanings were crumbling and decaying, I suddenly understood that the peace in the world, the peace that you have paid so much to achieve, in fact, is very unpeaceful in itself. It is impossible to be stable.

At the moment when I suddenly woke up, a strong and heartfelt desire arose in my heart: So, what is true peace? Is there a real peace? In this world where human lives are fragile and the land is in danger, what can we rely on? I want to know.

I want to know, in a world where you can turn to ashes in an instant, and your love can be empty in an instant, what is there to rely on?

No one can find safety in earthly life, only the illusion of self-security.

From that moment on, I lost interest in everything on earth. I watched people love power, children, love, family, fame, wealth, smooth situations, antiques and jewelry, poetry and songs, and all kinds of things, and I felt the pity and pity in them. They have not yet understood that everything can be destroyed at any time. 20 years later, or, the next second.

One person cannot get here without experiencing such a disintegration. It is necessary to pass through such a complete collapse in order to see the world as it really is, to prove it for yourself, to be convinced that this is the real picture of the world.

Everything is crumbling and ruining, and this is the real way the world is.

This new perception of the world sprouted in my heart on that day. However, it is not yet stable and not firm. Therefore, it is necessary to go through more life and death to prove it repeatedly, and it is necessary to have greater and deeper suffering to prove it powerfully.

You can't only learn the truth of the world from Buddhist scriptures. All the experiences in life are all the world's education to us. There are wordless sutras everywhere. Experiencing everything that happens in life is also all chanting.

All suffering is education, the key to wisdom, and the rescue arm that truly saves us from the abyss.

So, don't resist that kind of heartache, don't resist the pain of life.

With respect and gratitude, embrace it with open arms, and accept it. Let it flow through life, nourish life, and sublimate life.

Just let it destroy me. Just let that kind of broken bones happen. That's part of learning. The fearlessness of the heart is forged through repeated experiences. Gentle and warm compassion can only be formed and grown in the unbearable pain of one's own repeated experiences.

What is true happiness? True happiness is that even if you have experienced a life full of misfortunes, it does not matter at all.

A person who can calmly say "it doesn't matter" to all misfortunes, there will be no more anything, any situation, any encounter, and any force in the world that can make him fall into misfortune.

Don't mind. This is the only way to attain true happiness and tranquility.

But if there is one mind, the heart will always be boiling on the boiling fire, and the pain will not be subsided. (To be continued.) )