(a)

My fanatical love for serenades was first discovered by Lu Xiaoguang, an expert in mural restoration. Pen ~ fun ~ pavilion www.biquge.info

That year, during the summer vacation, I participated in a volunteer action to protect antiquities. Together with some mural restoration experts, we restored a number of beautiful murals that were weathering and decaying in an ancient temple of the god of war at the foot of Helan Mountain.

I was in a group with Mr. Lu Xiaoguang. We work from high stands. I used a brush and a small watering can to clean the surface of the mural so that the mottled picture was revealed, and then Mr. Lu Xiaoguang used a paintbrush to repair it little by little.

That day, when he was at work, when Mr. Lu Xiaoguang climbed on a new bracket, he accidentally rubbed the back of his hand on the shelf, breaking a little skin and bleeding a little. He asked me if I had a band-aid, and I said, yes, in the backpack underneath. He went down from the shelf and followed my instructions, rummaging through my backpack for duct tape.

When he opened my backpack, he saw that I had several boxes of CDs in my backpack, all serenade.

When he wrapped up the wound on his hand, climbed the ladder again, and stood side by side with me on the two-person high work table, he said, "Do you like serenades?" ”

I said, "Hmm. ”

He said, "Why do you like it?" ”

I said, "That's good." ”

"I didn't think you'd like something so affectionate," he said. ”

I glanced at him as I continued to get busy with my work.

I said, "What do I look like I should like?" ”

He smiled and said, "You seem to be silent and rejected......"

I said, "I look like I only like crematoriums, right?" ”

He smiled and continued to finish the task at hand.

We worked in silence for a while.

Then, I heard him say over there, "Idealism, what makes you so affectionate?" What makes your heart feel like a dead heart? ”

His words slashed into my heart like a repair knife.

I stopped. I closed my eyes and adjusted my breathing.

I stood on that high platform and stopped for a moment.

Then, I got to work again.

As I worked, I replied, "They're all here." ”

I said, "The one that makes me feel so affectionate, and the one that makes my heart feel like ashes." They're all here. ”

As I said this, the brush in my hand brushed away the dust of the years on the mural.

Beneath that dust, your bright eyes are revealed.

However, that day, Mr. Lu Xiaoguang did not understand my words. He thought I was talking about a love for ancient cultures, or beautiful murals or anything like that.

(b)

Since then, though, more and more people have known that I love Serenade.

Later, when my column was translated into an overseas magazine, the translator asked me what kind of pseudonym I would like to choose. I said, "Whatever you want." ”

He thought about it for a moment and used the pseudonym Serenade for me.

From then on, it became the name I used in that magazine for a long time.

Since then, Serenade has become a unique trait of my life.

Later, all the men who wanted to date me as an adult learned from somewhere that when the conversation between them fell into the embarrassment of silence, just talk to me about a serenade, and the conversation would come back to life in no time.

In the midst of those endless dates, I received a lot of Serenade CDs as gifts.

They were neatly stacked on my bookshelf, six rows full.

However, those who gave me gifts, without exception, were all disappointed. For though I accepted the outpourings, there was no response like a silencing wall. Their enthusiastic outpouring and subtle expression were all absorbed and dissolved by the soft wall. They didn't hit a wall, but they didn't hear from them either. So, in the end, they all left.

After you left, no one could understand the voices I didn't make any sounds from.

No one knew why I loved Serenade so much.

Even S doesn't know.

Although he guided you to that balcony, and although he saw the two of us talking to each other with two flashlights at a distance of 110 meters horizontally and 21 meters vertically, he didn't understand what we were talking about.

That's the secret word between us.

Only you and I will understand the secret language.

(c)

Later, I also tried cigarettes. Together with Mr. Lu Xiaoguang, I smoked my first cigarette on the Great Wall.

I wonder what's in there that once comforted you.

After smoking my first cigarette, I understood why so many people would rather die than give up cigarettes, and things like that actually made them feel more painful.

The comfort of cigarettes is that they symbolize, and do, bring, a slow, deadly death.

When it ignites, people feel that there is a death behind them. All problems die with the end of life. All worries will pass. No pain will never stop. Pain is also life and death. It will eventually dissipate like a wisp of smoke, just like us.

The allure of cigarettes lies in their toxicity. If cigarettes are non-toxic, like e-cigarettes, it's not as wonderful. Smoking is as heartless as smoking a stick. So, e-cigarettes won't be popular.

However, when the pain grows, the toxicity of cigarettes will not be enough. People need something more poisonous to comfort themselves, and there will eventually be death to put an end to this terrible thing.

Compared with the more painful and toxic demand, cigarettes can indeed be said to be a restrained romance. At least, it's gentle.

In the days of cigarette smoking, I became more and more deeply aware that people are not lonely. When everything left him, he always had a friend. This friend is his own death. This friend often comes at the wrong time, but he will never abandon him. It is always open to the weary life.

When we can't find something to rely on in the world, we tend to rely on death.

But all these ideas are based on one foundation: we think that after death there will be nothing. Death is an end.

However, this view is clearly wrong. Death is far from the end.

The eyes that we close in this life will soon be opened in the new world of the next life.

That new world, most likely, will be worse than this one.

Therefore, for people who remember their past lives, cigarettes will not be attractive.

It's too light, too unreal.

Now, I understand why you gave it up. Why do you say you've never been addicted to it, and if you don't smoke, you won't smoke. (To be continued.) )