(a)

Under Mr. Wig's introduction, I got to know a Protestant Chinese pastor in Cologne, Germany: Pastor Fu Guohua. Pen ~ fun ~ pavilion www.biquge.info

Before becoming a pastor, Mr. Fu Guohua was born in ancient Chinese literature, and he studied Chinese Zen Buddhism and related arts, and his literary cultivation was also very realm.

After we met, it was really an instant hit, and there were many common topics.

Mr. Fu Guohua likes to recite poetry very much. He often recited poetry during his sermons. When he recites poetry, his eyes are shining, his voice is full of emotion, and he has a special appeal between the tone and frustration. His sermons and speeches were particularly appealing to the local Chinese.

It is said that before he came to Germany, he taught literature at a university in Shanghai, and often recited Dai Wangshu's "Rain Alley" with affection in class, which poured the majority of young women in literature and art.

He has a special affection for lilacs.

Pastor Fu has been abroad for a long time, and he is now a citizen of another country. He has always been a staunch Protestant, and this is in his family tradition. He always said, "I am a man of faith." "He's always been proud of that. Although this did not bring him any good fortune in his youth. Although this eventually led to his departure.

I went to hear Pastor Fu's sermon on a special trip. In his sermon, he referred to the Austrian writer Franz Kafka, and gave a lengthy commentary on his life and art.

When he spoke from the pulpit about Kafka's deathbed request for his relatives and friends to destroy his work, he saw me sitting in the first row, and tears flowed from his eyes.

It was this tearing that made Pastor Fu pay special attention to me.

Pastor Fu later said, "Even though there were more than 70 Chinese believers sitting in the church at that time, they all looked at me attentively. But only you understand the pathos in this act. He said, "The reason why you understand the pathos is because you feel the same way." I said to Pastor Fu, "Why does Kafka need to write?" Because he needs to confide. Why did he need to talk about it? Because his heart was full of pain. His soul needs an outlet. He didn't expect to be understood, and nothing was worth caring about for him. He just had to keep writing, like a person who fell into the water and needed to keep paddling his hands and feet to get close to the shore. To him is to write in the form of life. It's a diary, it's a healing, it's a prayer, it's a flood. He just needs to continue, and he doesn't need an audience. "Pastor Fu was very impressed by my words and praised them a lot.

After that, he gave me a book. "As a Chinese, you may be reluctant to become a new Protestant," he said. But, perhaps, you can find something elsewhere to calm the depression within. He gave me a thick dictionary-like book called Zen Buddhism and Oriental Art in China, and then directed me to various books written by Suzuki on Zen Buddhism and art.

Pastor Fu should be my enlightenment teacher in Zen Buddhism.

Zen Master Yongming Yanshou Zen Master's "Zongjinglu" (an extremely beautifully written introduction to Buddhism) and "The Collection of All Good Things" were also recommended to me by Pastor Fu.

(b)

After working at the magazine, I had the opportunity to attend the Oktoberfest in Munich.

In the middle of my busy schedule, I called Pastor Fu, who also happened to be in Munich on business.

For two and a half hours, in a small restaurant filled with extremely bulky old furniture, he invited me to taste the famous German corny pork knuckle.

The next day, we met again. This time, I invited him to eat Chinese food at a Sichuan restaurant that had just opened by Chinese immigrants. This Sichuan restaurant has not been open for a long time, but it is already very famous among the Chinese, because its Sichuan cuisine is still very authentic and has not been assimilated by German tastes.

Pastor Fu married a Romanian wife. It's been a long time since he's eaten an authentic Chinese meal.

He was sweating profusely from the peppercorns, but he said happily: "Happy, happy!" "The moment of reunion after a long absence is always very emotional. We talked about all sorts of things at the dinner table.

I was somewhat curious about his priesthood. I asked him what pastors do.

He explained to me one by one how to serve the hearts and minds of the faithful in the parishion.

When he said this, his face glowed. It made me realize that it is a great joy to work for what I believe in.

Later, for some reason, we talked about hospice care. Pastor Fu told me a lot about the death he experienced. A lot of painful and reluctant deaths, a lot of unwanted deaths, a lot of unfulfilled wishes, a lot of unsettled moods, and a lot of useless struggles.

Later, we went on to find another place to have coffee.

Over coffee, I asked Pastor Fu, "So, after witnessing so many deaths, what kind of death do you think is the most charismatic death?" ”

Pastor Fu said, "It's those quiet deaths. ”

Pastor Fu said, "When death comes, unexpected changes occur. Some people who are usually mild-mannered will be hysterical with fear, while others who are usually short-tempered may be serene and calm. ”

I said, "How can we achieve a peaceful death?" ”

Pastor Fu said, "The degree of calm depends on the fiery degree of desire. ”

He said: "I feel that the more unfulfilled wishes a person has in this world, the more unfinished work, the more unfulfilled desires, the more he cannot be at peace when he dies. ”

"So, the best thing to do is to take the time to do what you want to do most in this life while you're alive," he said. "And don't get attached to a lot of work."

He said: "You must know how to make trade-offs in the various affairs of life. Don't expect a lot of work to go hand in hand. Then you probably won't be able to do anything. ”

"If you can keep the unfinished work to a minimum, you can walk very calmly," he said. The calmer you are, the more you can see the light of God, the more you will be free from fear, and the more you will be filled with the satisfaction and serenity of returning to your roots. ”

After coming out of the café, I wanted to experience the carnival rides. Pastor Fu said that he couldn't go back too late and wasn't fit to participate in the carnival, so he took his leave first, and when I returned to China, he would come back to see me off.

So, we parted at the entrance of the playground.

When I went to play trapeze, he went in the other direction.

As I began to spiral high in the sky, I saw his figure in his robes disappearing into the crowd of people in the streets of a foreign country.

(c)

Pastor Fu went to the airport to see me off.

As we waited to go through security, we talked about yesterday again.

I asked Pastor Fu, "Do you have any unfulfilled wishes?" ”

Pastor Fu said, "My only wish is to live one day to serve God's cause one day. ”

He said, "I have nothing else to worry about, and I am ready to follow God's call and set out." ”

Then, too, he asked me, "What about you?" Do you have any unfulfilled wishes? ”

I said, "And." A very grand wish. ”

Pastor Fu said, "Then you have to hurry up and get it done." Don't wait any longer. ”

He said, "May the light of God guide you to fulfill your desires." ”

I said, "Thank you." ”

(iv)

Since then, Pastor Fu and I have been in contact by email and phone. We talked to each other on the phone about doctrine and life.

In the spring of 2006, I received a phone call from Wigg saying that Pastor Fu had died of a heart attack the previous night.

Mr. Wiig said he had not had an easy time over the years.

When Pastor Fu died, I had the opportunity to attend an exhibition in Hanover. But I got stuck because of one thing, and I ended up going to someone else. So, we haven't been able to see each other again since Oktoberfest.

On the day of Pastor Fu's burial, it was raining and the famous heavy metal band EDGUY came to Beijing from his country for their first performance.

I got a VIP ticket for 600 yuan, but I didn't go either.

I can't sit in that loud trash music and imagine his burial.

I hurried on a plane and sat in the old song of Chow Yun-fat's version of "Shanghai Tang" played by the taxi driver.

I went to the Shanghai International Church of Worship in Xujiahui.

This is where Pastor Fu used to preach when he returned to China in his early years.

I put a bouquet of white roses under the pulpit he mentioned and that he used to teach. In this way, I silently said goodbye to him.

In front of the pulpit he had taken the stage, the verses from the Heart Sutra came to my mind: "There is no fear because there is no obstacle, far from upside-down dreams, nirvana."

I knew he must have walked peacefully.

I'm going to try to do that too.