(a)

In order to lead me on the commercial sea road, Kaohsiung did not hesitate to spend a lot of time and energy to take me around the world, teach me business, introduce me to customers, and let me experience the differences in laws and economic policies of various countries. Pen × fun × Pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 infoAgone's journey is just the beginning.

Since then, we've been traveling around the world together for a while.

Sometimes, my family and I would go on vacation together. Kaohsiung bought a mansion on the shores of Lake Windermere, and sometimes, during our travels, we would stay there for a day or two, wandering among the lakes and mountains.

The busy business dealings, coupled with a large number of writing appointments, make me have a lot of opportunities every day, and my time is very tight.

In such a hurry, the loneliness that goes deep into the bone marrow seems to be diluted a little. But I know it's still there. If a person does not touch the core of his life, he will never be free from loneliness and loneliness, nor can he be at peace and tranquility in his heart, and he will always be as stable as Mount Tai in all realms.

(b)

One spring, Kaohsiung and I went to Ireland to discuss a business.

As we drove to where the client was, we passed by a small Irish town and got off there for an hour's rest.

When we arrived in town, it was tea time, so we went to a roadside café and sat down to drink some hot Darjeeling black tea and eat some refreshments and sweets.

Spring in Ireland is often a cold one, with cold winds from the Arctic.

The temperature was also relatively low that day, and I still felt a little chilly wearing a thin sweater and a thick windbreaker. Because it was not yet the peak tourist season, the business of the café was very light, and Kaohsiung and I were almost the only guests who sat down.

During our tea conversation, two or three customers pushed the door in, asked for a hot drink at the counter, stood and chatted while drinking, and after a while, opened the door and left.

That day, when we were drinking tea, Kaohsiung was talking about you, and I sat quietly opposite and listened, stirring the black tea with fresh milk in front of me with a small spoon.

I didn't shed tears, but I couldn't speak, and Kaohsiung only heard the sound of the spoon tapping lightly against the porcelain cup.

It was the first time since you passed away that I was able to listen to Kaohsiung talk so quietly about things I didn't know about you.

During this period, it has always been Kaohsiung who has been speaking, carefully considering the words.

I didn't answer him a word, I didn't respond to him a word.

I don't know if I want the conversation to continue like this, or if I want it to stop. I don't know if I want to continue to hear about you, or if I want to avoid hearing you.

(c)

Kaohsiung said that when you were seriously ill, once, he went to visit you and guarded you.

That day, the weather was also as gloomy as it is today, and everything was soggy.

When Kaohsiung arrived at the hospital, it was about 9 o'clock in the morning. You're asleep and don't look good.

Kaohsiung saw that your left hand was being infusion, with an oxygen tube in your nostril, an oxygen tank by your side, and two instruments. In a conversation with one of the physical education teachers who was on duty to accompany you, Kaohsiung learned that you were in a bad situation last night, your heartbeat and breathing were not good, and you only slowly fell asleep around 5 o'clock in the morning.

Kaohsiung asks the caregiver to sleep for two hours, then sits down on a stool next to you.

He looked at the thermos jar on the bedside table and judged that you hadn't eaten anything from last night until morning.

He then began to look at the names of the drugs listed on the infusion slots. After looking at it for a moment, his heart sank.

At this point, he hears you move for a moment, and then hears some sounds from the instruments next to you.

Kaohsiung stood up, leaned over to look at you, and then looked at the instrument, and he noticed that your eyes were slightly open.

Kaohsiung called you, and you seemed to hear it, but you didn't seem to hear it.

He sees that your hand without the infusion is moving. You seem to want to grab something on your chest, but you don't have enough strength.

Kaohsiung calls you again and asks if you can hear and if you want something.

You didn't answer him.

He asks again and helps you put your hands on your chest.

At this point, you whisper, "Where is it?" ”

Kaohsiung said, "What is it? What are you looking for? ”

"I promised her to wear it until the end," you whispered. ”

Kaohsiung asked, "What are you wearing?" Who have you promised? ”

You say, "Mother." ”

You keep whispering, "Mother." ”

Kaohsiung asked, "Are you okay?" I'm Kaohsiung, can you hear me? ”

You didn't answer him, you didn't open your eyes, and the instrument next to you made some sounds again.

Kaohsiung looked at you, then at the equipment, and decided to call the doctor immediately.

(c)

It will be 40 minutes before you open your eyes and are able to speak.

This time, you recognize Kaohsiung.

Kaohsiung told you what had just happened, and asked you what you were looking for and who "she" you mentioned.

You listened, but did not speak.

Kaohsiung said, "It's a dream, right? ”

You glanced at Kaohsiung, smiled weakly, and said, "Probably." ”

After you say this, your eyes are fixed on the ceiling.

You don't speak, you keep your eyes on the ceiling.

Just when Kaohsiung wants to speak again, you say, "It's not a dream. ”

You say, "Amulet." ”

You say, "At that time, her name was Qin'er." ”

Kaohsiung said: "Qin'er? ”

Half a second later, Kaohsiung said again: "Do you mean her?" Heart? Her name used to be Qin'er? Is it a nickname? ”

Your gaze turns to Kaohsiung's face.

You look at him for a moment, and then you say, "Once upon a time, her name was Qin'er." It was someone else, but it was her. ”

You say tiredly, "It's not a dream. ”

You pause, then say, "But it's also a dream." Not really ....... ”

You didn't finish the sentence.

You feel severe pain.

(iv)

"Would you like to call the doctor again?" Kaohsiung asked worriedly.

You shake your head.

"So, would you like some water?"

Kaohsiung asked.

You shake your head.

"Do you want to shake the bed a little higher, will it feel more comfortable to lie a little higher?" Kaohsiung asked.

You can't have any more representation.

(5)

After the vomiting has passed, you fall back asleep.

Kaohsiung hears you in a drowsy state and says, "Don't cry. ”

You say, "Don't cry." ”

That day, you didn't come to your senses again, and you didn't talk to Kaohsiung again.

(f)

Later, there was a discussion between Kaohsiung and you about this matter.

You say, "I know why I'm so sick and I can't live long." Because, I used to kill too many people. I have put out a lot of pain, and now, this pain is returning to where it was sent out. ”

"Before?" Kaohsiung asked, "You killed?" ”

You say, "Yes." Before birth. I mean, premortal. ”

Kaohsiung was silent for a while.

You say, "You don't believe in a past life, do you?" ”

Kaohsiung said, "I don't know. But I believe in you. ”

You smile weakly.

Kaohsiung said: "You and Xinxin knew each other before, right? Her name was Jean at the time? ”

You say, "Yes." I often dream of her at that time. Almost every time she fell asleep, she would show up. ”

You say, "Once, she threw something into my arms. I thought she was sad at the time, but she held back her tears and didn't cry in front of me. ”

You say, "It's because I've done something sorry for her, and I've broken my promise to her, so she is so sad." She didn't want to throw it at me like that. She's just too desperate for everything. ”

You say, "Later, I dreamed again that she hung a chain around my neck." She spoke to me as she did so. It was a talisman. I often feel like it's hanging there, but it's not there. I could never touch it there, but my skin could always feel it. It's cool. ”

Kaohsiung looks at you and doesn't know what to say.

Say, "I have killed many people, and rivers of blood have flowed like this." It was painful for her. But she always believed in me. ”

Kaohsiung said, "Why did you kill people at that time? ”

You say, "Because if I don't do that, people will still be killing each other for hundreds of years, and they will be stuck in it, and they will not be able to extricate themselves." I want to wake up from this nightmare, I want them to stop. ”

You say, "I always knew that killing people would not end well." It's a pity that not everyone knows about it. Even if you tell them, they won't believe it. ”

Kaohsiung looks at you. "It's hard to imagine that you're going to kill someone," he said. ”

He said, "Don't think about it. No matter what happened before or what will happen in the future, now, there is only one thing, peace of mind. ”

You laugh self-deprecatingly and say to Kaohsiung, "Perhaps, when it's about to end, that's how it is." ”

You say, "When life is coming to an end, you will see things that you didn't see before." It's like showing a movie, and at the end, you will see the entire list of the crew. ”

You say, "When the film is not finished, people can't see it." ”