(a)

You come to your senses. Pen × fun × Pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 info You slowly recognize Coach Wang.

He sat on the edge of the bed, his eyes red.

He clutches your hand tightly. He is holding your hand so hard that the muscles in his entire arm are trembling slightly.

He choked up and asked, "Tell me, what needs to be done to help you." ”

He said, "What can I do to help?" ”

You look at Director Wang. Your lips move, but without success. Then, you try again.

You say in a low voice, "Patience." ”

Say, "Just be patient." ”

(b)

I'm sitting across from you. My eyes were red.

Through the hazy tears, I watched as the clear liquid in the hanging bottle dripped down the plastic pipe and into your bloodstream.

You say, "Heart." ”

I sobbed.

You say to the nurse, "Can I talk to the student alone for a while?" ”

The nurse looked at the device attached to you, then at the thermometer, and said, "Don't take too long, you have to control yourself, you need to rest more." ”

You say, "Thank you." ”

We watched the nurse leave the room.

You said to me, "Xinxin, you also know that at this stage, pain is unavoidable. We should accept that. If you don't accept it, you must defy the laws of nature. That's futile self-suffering. It's not going to work. ”

Tears rolled down. I nodded. Seeing you tortured by pain, my heart was like a knife, and I was filled with the thought of hating not being able to replace me.

I said in despair, "But why is this happening?" This situation is almost the same as last time. Is it a repetition of the last time? Is it true that everything in the past has to be repeated again? ”

You say, "I'm afraid so." Everything will happen again. And, more than once. ”

I cried and said, "How many times is that going to be repeated?!" “

You say, "I have to repeat as many times as I have killed on the battlefield before, if not more." In the end, I will repay everything I have taken. “

My blood was cold and my hair stood on end. I shook my head in despair and said, "It's terrible! It's horrible! It's not fair! ”

You say, "That's fairness." Heart. I owe those life debts one by one, and of course I have to repay them one by one. The pain I inflicted on them must be recycled one by one and endured by myself. Just as if we kick a kick at a wall, the force we exert on the wall will also come back and re-apply to our feet. We'll feel pain in our feet because we've attacked a wall. ”

You say, "This pain is not something that can be solved by any painkiller." Because it was imposed by me, it had to come back to me, for me to bear it all, to suffer the consequences. ”

I said, "But you didn't start that war, and you didn't intend to exacerbate its suffering, you just wanted to end it, just to end everyone's suffering." You could have hid in Qingchuan and sat back and watched all this chaos! ”

You say, "But, as I have told you before, sin is sin." Taking away one's life at will is the worst sin of all. No life wants to lose it, and taking their life away is the most cruel evil thing to them. ”

You say: "After a lifetime of conquest, in the end, I truly and profoundly understood that by killing and fighting, we cannot truly unify the country and create long-term peace." By killing the unified country, it will eventually be divided; Peace earned by killing will eventually lead to war. The peace of the world is not the peace of peace, not the peace of sweeping, but the peace of equality, the peace of peace, and the peace of mind. ”

You say, "As the saying goes: Karma is achieved by karma, and karma is born from the heart." If you want to return to the bad luck, you must correct people's hearts. The wind of the world has not turned, and it is difficult to return from the catastrophe. If the cause of suffering is not pulled, it is difficult to produce bitter fruits. In this life, I will not go to war again, and I am willing to engage in the work of educating people's hearts. ”

I wept and said, "But, but, before, because of you, so many people died!" ”

You say, "No matter how much, I can't go into debt and not pay it." ”

I choked up, "Do you have to pay back every one you owe?" ”

You nodded. You say, "It can only be more, not less." ”

I despaired, "I didn't know the rules were like this!" You knew it was going to be like this before, right? ”

You say, "Yes." I knew it was going to be like this. ”

I said, "And yet, you decided to do that anyway?" ”

You say, "Yes." I decided anyway, I was going to do it. ”

I said, "But why are you so stupid?!" Why do you want to set yourself on fire like this? They kill because they don't know the consequences, because they are ignorant, and you, why do you jump into such a horrible fire pit?! You didn't start the war, it's not your fault at all! It's not up to you to pay for people's mistakes! ”

You say, "But if I have the power to put an end to it, and to cherish my own self, to do nothing, to allow more people to commit more sins, and to allow them to bear the long retribution in ignorance and without knowing the terrible consequences, then it is my fault." ”

You say, "If the war continues, many more people will be involved, and they will be forced to kill, and they will be in debt for their lives, and they will have to pay a painful price in the future." If I had stopped them and stopped the war, they would not have been in debt for their lives. Only I will owe countless life debts because of this, and I can repay them slowly. ”

I said, "Are you going to pick up all the debts of so many people?" ”

"Yes. Because they can't stand it, I can. ”

I said, "So, you don't want me to know that the price is so great!" ”

You say, "Yes." I don't want you to feel bad about it. If you had known at the time what my choice would mean for the rest of your life, you would have prevented me from doing so. You'd rather kill me with your own hands than let me do that. ”

You're right on what I'm thinking. Yes. If I had known that your choice would have cost so much in countless long lives, I would have rather stabbed you in the heart and killed myself than would have drawn you into the war.

You say, "Xinxin, my heart at that time is no different from your heart at this moment." You would rather bear the retribution and pain of killing me yourself than let me bear the long ordeal and pain ahead, and so do I. I would rather kill them and let myself owe them their lives than bear to see them slaughter each other for hundreds or even hundreds of years because of ignorance, and owe each other boundless debts that cannot be repaid, so that they will have no hope of extricating themselves from this vicious circle for a long time to come. “

Say, "Let me owe everybody so that they will not be able to pay their debts and be liberated." “

I said, "You love them more than you love me, and in order to free them, you would rather push me to someone else, and you would rather leave me for the rest of your life!" ”

You shake your head. You say, "No." Heart. I love them as I love you. I love you as I love them. ”

Say, "I don't want to see you fall into war, and I can't bear to see them fall either." ”

My heart, as heavy as mercury, kept falling, and my whole soul was sinking into the abyss. I now understand why you have never been happy in your life to win.

I said, "But the price of this choice is too heavy!" How many more times do you have to break your bones before you can pay it off? ”

You say, "It's like a person scouring the waters of the four seas with a wooden spoon, and as long as he perseveres, as long as he has an infinite amount of time, as long as he doesn't create more sinful karma, one day, he can do it." No matter how heavy the debt is, there will always be a day when it will be paid off. Time is endless, and it's on our side. ”

I said, "But how can you let me bear it?" How can I bear to see you like this again and again....."

I don't have the courage to finish the next sentence, I can't bear to say, how can I watch you go through the torture of a short life again and again, and you can't live a long life, and you can't die well? How can you see all this cycle repeatedly, you are trapped in it, forever in the path of blood, unable to be freed!

Say, "I know you can't bear to see me suffer like this." But, Xinxin, why don't you have the same patience for them? Let them make mistakes and suffer the consequences, and we will be able to bear it? ”

I said, "........"

You say, "Our love shouldn't be so narrow, right?" Narrow love is not deep love. True love must be extremely broad and universal. ”

I was silent. I know you're right.

You say, "Heart." Listen to me, those who died in the war, I slaughtered them by my own hands or by order, and these are my debts. You're not one of them. As long as you can leave me, you will not suffer such heartache again. ”

You say, "As long as you don't have attachment to me, as long as you see me like an autumn leaf, and you see me like a season of the past, this pain will not touch you." As long as you can let go of this attachment, you will be free. You don't have to suffer with me. ”

I shook my head. I said, "No! ”

I said, "I will never leave you alone." ”

I said, "We are the left hand and the right hand, we are the lips and the teeth, we have never been two people." ”

(c)

You say, "Well, then, don't be so sad, heart." ”

You say, "You know, the way of heaven never treats anyone badly. If we bravely bear the suffering of the people of the world, then we will be rewarded equally greatly. We will have the kind of strength that can bear the pain of the world. ”

You say, "Remember your longing in your previous life?" This power is the kind of power that you have longed for all your life. It's the kind of power you kneel down in front of the statue of Avalokiteshvara and make a vow to have. ”

You say, "Listen to me, heart." Don't let tears drown out the moment and the rest of your life. This strength can only be obtained from the pain experienced, and it cannot be born from a life without setbacks and storms. This power is the reward for those who pass through suffering. Whether it is me, whether it is you, whether it is the one who has gone before or the one who has come after us, we must go through the deepest pain and go through countless broken bones in order to get it. ”

You say, "At the edge of the stream of Qingchuan, under the ancient green pine, on the hill outside the Yantang Pass, we looked side by side at the city wall in the distance, watching the setting sun, at that time, I thought about it, I decided to take this road, and I did not hesitate." ”

You say, "If you choose not to leave me, will you follow me?" ”

I'm looking at you. I nodded with tears in my eyes. I said, "I will follow you." I will. ”

You reach out and wipe the tears from my cheeks.

Say, "Heart, are these tears today different from those you shed in your previous life?" ”

I said, "Yes." Before, they flowed for you, for the weak and helpless. Now, they are flowing for all life, so that all the sorrow, heartbreak, despair, and helplessness of all life will flow to me, and they will all flow through me. ”

You smile softly. You say, "Isn't that great?" They are relieved of the pain of life to come, and we can learn to bear it. ”

I said, "Yes." Best of both worlds. Very good. ”

You say, "All debts are gifts at the same time." It's up to us to see if we can receive it. ”

You're always right. However, I know that I am only saying this in words, and in my heart, I don't think it's very good. I didn't want to take on the pain of my life, I was still trying to escape it. I can't even bear my own pain, let alone other people's.

(iv)

You say, "Heart, a relationship, no matter how loving, will end in separation." There is no exception. ”

You say: "Many people envy their partners who have grown old, but in fact, every day of their marriage is spent in a hidden fear, the fear in the bottom of my heart: he will leave, he will die, I will lose it all." ”

You say, "The deeper the love, the greater the fear." People are too scared to think about it. The joy of love is not as perfect as we think. This happiness has always been fearful. ”

You say, "Assuming that I am healthy and disease-free, assuming that we can combine smoothly, assuming that we can grow old together, do you think that today's pain will not happen, and you will not have to go through it?" It's just a little bit of a delay. I'm 11 years older than you, and if there is no accident, there will be a day sooner or later, and everything will still play out today. At that time, we had been in love for decades, and in our long-term life together, we gradually became an indispensable part of each other's lives, and we were used to each other's presence. Will the separation be a little more comfortable at that time than it is now? ”

You say, "One of us will go first." The remaining one must experience seeing the love of his life turn into a corpse, and must watch him be pushed into the crematorium and turned to warm ashes. You have to go through the despair and pain of coming back with an urn in your hand, sitting alone in the place where you once lived together. ”

You say, "As long as we want to be together, it's inevitable." Whether I get sick or not, no matter how many days I live, it's something that has to be experienced. The difference is only whether you experience it when you are young or old. ”

You say, "Generally speaking, a person in his youth is more able to withstand blows, has more strength to recover from them, and is more likely to start over than in his twilight years, right?" ”

You say, "The way we are not necessarily the worst possible outcome. ”

You say, "Heart." You have to look at it as it is. It is a blow, however, not necessarily the worst ending. ”

You say, "Would you really prefer to see the day when I become old, goosebumps, dazzled, and then reduced to ashes before your eyes?" ”

You say, "Surely that ending would be more pleasant than it is now?" ”

You say, "Heart, don't let the tears overwhelm your inner reason." I hope you will be able to think calmly and seriously. ”

(5)

You reached out to me the hand that wasn't on the infusion.

I bow my head and hold your hand.

You say, "Heart, don't refuse to go through what you have to go through." ”

You say, "This time, I didn't choose to push you away." I chose to be with you. ”

You say, "Will you have the courage to come with me to the end?" ”

You say, "This is your strong desire before, isn't it?" ”

I nodded. I said, "Yes." That's what I want. ”

I cried and said, "I knew you were brave, but I didn't know that you were so brave!" ”

I said, "No matter what, I'll be with you." ”

You shake your head. You say, "Xinxin, not with me." It's with me, it's with me, it's to help me, to save everyone. ”

You say, "I hope you will love all people as you love me." (To be continued.) )