(a)

Liu Shen has been back from his inspection of the northern front for some time.

When he came back from the north, he became more silent than before, and sometimes I would see him alone, sitting there, staring into the void around him, as if he had something on his mind. But his attitude towards me is more considerate and gentle. I also asked him why he was in a bit of a trance, whether there was a problem with the advance of the war on the northern front or the construction of the Kaizhou government, and he always replied that everything was going well, so I didn't have to worry. He said he was just a little tired.

On many days, he still slept alone in the study, and I also kept my duty, and I would not take the initiative to disturb him in the study when he was not here.

I was used to sleeping alone in the palace.

On this day, I slept alone until midnight when I suddenly felt something moving around me. I woke up, opened my eyes, and found Liu Shen sitting on the edge of the bed.

He was looking at me intently.

I sat up. I think the look on his face is a little bit special.

I said, "King Han? When did King Han come? Didn't you say today that you would go to bed at Zixia Temple? ”

Liu Shen said: "I suddenly wanted to come, so I came." ”

I said, "The king of Han is the king of a country, and he must be true to his word, since he has notified Zixia Yuan that he is going to bed, he should keep his promise to be lucky." If King Han doesn't go, he will teach people to be disappointed. ”

Liu Shen said: "People will inevitably be disappointed when they live in the world, even if they are kings. He said, "Yes?" ”

He said, "I came over out of nowhere. Are you happy or disappointed? ”

He looked at me. I said, "It's just a surprise." I didn't ask anyone to pass it on, so that Qin'er could get up and greet her, so she suddenly sat here. ”

He said, "Qin'er, when I slept with other women, you never felt jealous or disappointed? Have you never thought of wanting to monopolize your husband? He looked at me.

I said, "Sleeping with other women in the palace is the responsibility of the King of Han." Let King Han fulfill his responsibility, that is Qin'er's responsibility. ”

I said, "As a man lives in the world, he has a duty to do it." It doesn't matter if it's painful or not, whether it's disappointed or not. ”

Liu Shen looked at me and said, "That's good, you answered so well." ”

"Every time, you answer so well," he said. The reasoning is correct, the argument is powerful, and it is impeccable. ”

He said, "Don't talk about that, let's go to sleep, you are thinly dressed, the night is already deep, you sit for so long, I'm afraid you will freeze and get sick." ”

So saying, he began to change his clothes, and I quickly got up and served him. He climbed into bed and put his arms around me to sleep.

(b)

Together, we looked at the beams of the roof.

I asked softly, "Why is King Han keeping his eyes open?" It's late, isn't King Han sleepy? ”

He said, "I'm sleepy, but I can't sleep because of something in my heart." ”

I said, "King Han has something in his heart that is related to Qin'er, right?" ”

Liu Shen said: "How do you know? ”

I said, "King Han didn't come here so late to discuss his responsibilities with me. If King Han has anything to ask Qin'er, just say it. ”

I leaned into Liu Shen's arms, my hair hanging down his shoulders. I said, "If the king of Han doesn't ask, he will never be able to sleep." When the question came out, the truth came out, and King Han's heart was put down, and he could rest in peace. ”

Liu Shen said: "Qin'er, you really know me." ”

I sat up again and looked at him.

(c)

He pulled me under the covers again.

He said, "Don't sit still, you'll catch a cold." I've told you that I'm going to catch a cold. You have to know how to take care of your body and take care of yourself. ”

I said, "Thank you for your concern." ”

Liu Shen was silent.

After a while, he said, "Qin'er, can you tell me the truth?" ”

I said, "About what?" ”

He said, 'Tell me honestly, have you ever been his woman?' What was your relationship before you married me? ”

I leaned into his arms. I didn't move.

I said, "Who is he that the king of Han is talking about?" ”

Liu Shen said: "You know it in your heart. ”

Liu Shen said: "Have you ever been lying in his arms like this? ”

He said, "Tell me." I just want to know what is going on. ”

He said, "Rest assured. I didn't want to do anything, I just wanted to know. As your husband, as the ruler of a country, I think I should know what things are. This is not too much to ask. ”

(iv)

I said, "In this world, from the time I was born to the time I married the King of Han, I have never been lying in the arms of anyone except my aunt and the nurse. I have not been in my mother's arms, nor have I been in my father's arms. When I was a child, I thought a thousand times about wanting to lie in a warm, gracious embrace, and I dreamed about it. ”

I said, "In this world, except for the King of Han, no one has ever really wished that I would become his woman." I am the obligation, I am the responsibility, I am the humiliation, I am the burden, I am the step, I am the chip, I am the tool. That's all I have. No one ever saw me as his woman. Except for you, King Han. ”

I said, "So, I never had the possibility of being anyone's woman." ”

I turned sideways, and I looked at Liu Shen.

I said, "So, in this life, Qin'er is just a woman who is the king of Han and you alone." It is now, and it will be in the future. Forever. And before that, I was nothing. ”

Tears welled up in my eyes. My voice trembled slightly and said, "I'm nothing." ”

(5)

I sat up again.

I covered my face with my hands.

Liu Shen gently grabbed my hand. He took my hand off my face. He looked at the tears on my face.

He said, "I'm sorry, Jean. ”

He said, "I'm sorry. I hurt you. I've touched your most painful place. ”

He said, "Forgive me." ”

"It's me who cares too much about my desires," he said. I'm going too far. ”

He said, "Don't be sad. Punish me. ”

I said, "King Han." I can't be anything else in this life except to be your woman. ”

Liu Shen came over and kissed the tears on my cheek.

He whispered softly in my ear, "No." You can also be a mother to our children. ”

He said, "Let's start tonight." ”

(f)

"Did someone say something to King Han?"

That night, after Liu Shen's lips left mine, I asked.

He was so close to me that I could see every ray of light flowing in his eyes.

Liu Shen looked at me for a while.

He said, "Qin'er, I'll show you something." ”

He rolled over. He left the bed.

I watched the golden tassels on the bed net sway gently at his movements.