(a)

A day without you is like there is no air. Pen % fun % Pavilion www.biquge.info

The only thing that sustains me to survive is what you said, if it is convenient for you to visit you at your accommodation on weekends.

I look forward to the stars and the moon to the weekend.

Time passes minute by minute, and time is worthless without you. That's how I felt at the time.

I felt like a withering plant in the desert.

In everything, I was all shriveled, listless, and lifeless.

I was chased by a huge sense of emptiness in my heart, and I couldn't sit still.

In this way, I stayed up day by day, and finally looked forward to the weekend.

(b)

Years later, on a dripping and icy night, I was alone in a room in New York with a heat wave.

I lay among the many pillows on the couch and watched the lights on the stereo on the table go out.

On the radio, there is an old Italian woman singing a song about lost love in a hoarse voice. It is said that she is the oldest popular female singer in Italy, 60 years old, wearing a big straw hat and sunglasses, watching the ups and downs of the world on the cover of the album.

"All love is broken." The radio host said sadly.

These words made my heart feel a blood-dripping pain.

When I was younger, you had a beautiful full-band Desheng radio in your room.

That's the prize you got for playing a professional sport before.

You use it to learn a foreign language.

You often bring it to the office.

When you fill out your daily training sheet, I often hold it in my hand and wander between the many staccato sounds and fragments of melodies.

Once, I tilted my head sideways and asked you, "Guidance, am I interfering with you?" ”

You smile and say, "Of course not." When I write, all the world is silent. ”

That day, you asked me, "Why do you keep changing bands?" ”

I said, "Because my heart is not settled, I have fled from here to there in a hurry." ”

You say, "Keep changing the band, will you be able to settle down in your heart?" ”

I shook my head and said, "No." This heart, like a frog being placed on a red-hot iron plate, knows that it cannot escape, but it still jumps and jumps involuntarily, and imagines in my heart that it will be good to be able to leave the burning pain for a second. ”

You say, "That's not right. Running away is not the solution to the pain in the heart. Facing it is the solution. ”

You hold my hand.

You say, "Don't move, just stop here, stop." ”

A guitar tune rang out in the room. The musician's fingers ticked at my heart with every stroke.

You look at me. You say, "Hold still." Don't move your hands. Let not your heart move. ”

You say, "In this way, the body and mind remain calm and unmoving." ”

We looked at each other and were silent for a long time.

Time is flowing in the sound of the music.

You say, "Just don't move." Pain, it will flow away on its own. It will leave you on its own. ”

You say, "In fact, any kind of suffering, even the most intense, cannot stay permanently in our bodies and minds. It can't occupy us for long. ”

I said, "Happiness is the same." Even the sweetest happiness cannot stay for long. ”

You say, "Yes." Unable to stay. ”

I said, "So, what should I do?" ”

You say, "Then let happiness come, let happiness go; Let the pain come, let the pain go. ”

You say, "Don't move." Let it come and go, whatever it is. ”

I said, "Is that the solution?" ”

You say, "Yes." That's it. ”

You took the radio from me.

You snap the power knob off.

You say, "When you feel lost, when you feel uneasy, when you feel miserable, don't listen to the outside voices." Listen to your heart. ”

(c)

After thousands of years of swamp and bottomless darkness, I finally stood in the corridor of your lodgings.

The bacon hanging in the corridor is now gone. During the Chinese New Year, people pluck them all and eat them. The lives that once existed were gone, and they disappeared without a trace.

The hallway seemed taller and wider than usual, a bit empty, and I felt very insecure.

I stood outside the door and waited, a little afraid to knock. I'm scared to see those scenes, I'm afraid to see you in pain.

There was no sound in the door.

I hesitated, then raised my hand and knocked softly on the door.

I heard some voices coming in the door. You're in there.

But after a few minutes, the door still didn't open.

I knocked softly on the door again. When I knocked on it a second time, something slammed into the door from the inside. The whole door shook a little. I was shocked.

I reached for the doorknob. Just then, the door opened from the inside.

Through the crack in the open door, I see your bed. The bed was empty. Half of the quilt had fallen to the floor, and the other half was still on the bed. All the pillows on the bed had fallen to the floor, one east and one west, and one was very close to the door.

Just as I walked in the door with surprise and panic, there was a knock around me.

You let go of the doorknob and plopped, right next to me, and the whole person fell the floor behind the door. The floor shook, and a lot of fine dust flew out of the cracks in the floor and filled the air.

"Oh my God! Why does it hurt like this? What about medicine? Where's your medicine? ”

I knelt beside you, trying hard to lift you up, and asked you.

You fall to the floor and can't get up.

Your hands are moving directionlessly on the floor, and you're trying to find some support. Your hand touches the pillow closest to the door, you grab it, you drag it closer, you roll in pain, and you bury yourself face down in the pillow.

I snapped the door shut. I open the drawer, I rummage in your bed, I crouch down, look on the floor. I looked back for the broom. I used my broom to sweep out the pill bottles that had tumbled underneath the bed.

The cap of the pill bottle is screwed on. You can't unscrew it in the severe pain.

I tried to focus my gaze, looking at the label on it, and I poured the pill into the palm of my hand. I stood up and looked for a water glass.

I was sweating profusely to turn you over, hold your head, and let you rest on my knees. I put the pill to your mouth. You've got a pill.

You're soaking wet, like you've just been fished out of the water. Your whole body is shaking.

I'll bring the glass to your lips. I hear your teeth tap against the rim of the glass. You finally swallow the pill.

"Hot water bottles. You hold it. It's going to feel a little better. I stammered and panicked, "Hold on to this one, and I'll pour another one a little hotter." Soon fine. Bear with me. ”

You shake your head hard to indicate that you don't need an extra hot water bottle. You want something else.

"What do you want?" I followed the direction of your finger and looked at the desk.

"Is this it? Or is it this? ”

I scrambled around the table like a headless fly.

I said, "Aren't these what you want?" ”

At this time, I saw the Desheng brand radio on the table. I said, "Is that it?" ”

You painfully say "give it to me".

With trembling hands, I turned on the radio, knelt beside you, and handed it to you.

You grab the radio. You struggle to get your hands on it louder.

Loud music could be heard from inside.

There's a man's voice singing inside: Do-u-love-me-enough-to-let-me-go?

His languid, hopeless voice sang the phrase feebly and repeatedly in the midst of the noise.

In the midst of a loud musical sound, you make a little painful sound.

The volume suddenly rises to its maximum level, and you let out a heart-rending scream.

My heart stopped beating right away! I've never heard your voice in such pain. It's the first time I've heard you scream in pain.

I know why you're looking for a radio. You're going to use it to drown out the sound you can't hold back in pain.

(iv)

The sound of rock instruments crossed the floor and pierced my heart.

I sat on my knees beside you in a daze, watching you fall to the floor, clutching the radio like a floating plank in a flood water.

Time froze. The world has become very distant and strange.

The sound of the drum kit sounded strongly. Continuously, intensely.

My heart became a myriad of hollows.

"Hey, upstairs! Whose radio is that? Can't you turn the volume down? Outside the window, a neighbor shouted from below.

Your fingers are released.

The radio falls out of your hand and falls to the floor.

I was awakened. I picked up the radio.

I trembled my fingers, and with much effort, I finally closed it.

The beating of the drum kit and the man's voice stopped abruptly.

There was silence all around.

You, too, fainted, and lost consciousness.

(5)

You lean back on the pillow. You opened your eyes.

You look at me, speechless.

"Are you better?" I said with tears streaming down my eyes. I had no idea I was in tears.

You nod slightly.

"It hurts so much, do you want to go to the hospital? Shall I go find Kaohsiung? ”

You shake your head and say no.

"Do you want to take one more pill?"

You shake your head.

You're fumbling for something.

"Looking for this? Over here. Didn't break. "I put the radio in front of your eyes.

I said, "It's good quality." ”

You look at me. I said, "Listen, the timbre is intact." ”

I gently turned the volume down.

The male host's magnetic voice sounded softly: "There is a sentence in the lyrics of the following song that used to be my favorite. I think of it in many bleak moments in my life. The lyrics are: All arrangements are the best. ”

However, that day, he played it wrong. What follows is a very quiet piano piece. From beginning to end, not a word of lyrics, either.

The piano music played for a while, but the host didn't notice it, and he didn't stop to change to the correct song.

Is he distraught? What's going on over there?

My heart can't help but think in this direction.

That day, we were together and listened to this very quiet, wordless and unsung piano piece from beginning to end.

"He just put the wrong song." I say.

You look at me. A shallow, feeble smile tufts across your lips.

With the smile of the rest of your life, you said to me silently: All arrangements are the best.