[Title]: "My 10,000 Years"

[Author]: Space Master

[Link]: http://www.qidian.com/Book/3686995.aspx

[Commentator]: Luo Sugar

[Reading Progress]: The latest chapter

Hello author, this is the Nova Literature Society, I am a commentator Luo Tang, the following is limited to the personal opinion of a certain sugar, and there is absolutely no ginseng rooster.

If I want to rate this article, absolutely more than 90 points, this article is well written, the comments in the club require "avoid pure reading after feeling, to a panacea", here I said, the concubine can't do it, Wanjin Balm really can't write it, because as a writer, the strength of the author's fungus threw me off several streets, as a reader, after seeing the latest chapter, I can't get enough, I want to put the author's fungus in a small black room, all kinds of rushes.

Next, I will analyze this article with the author with a learning attitude.

One. Title and introduction

Now the flood of online articles,It's very difficult to come up with a striking literary name,I look at the literary name very simply,First of all, the literary name should be closely integrated with the content of the article,Secondly, don't give any XXX honor,XXX God,XXX Emperor,XXX sword, etc.

The introduction is also good, close to the topic, let me know what is written in the content of the article, no rhetoric, no pretenses, like.

Two. subject matter

So far, there are two articles I've read that have crossed into primitive society, one is JJ Jinbang's article, and the other is the author's article.

I have to say that the author's choice of this subject is very good, there are few people who write about this theme, and there is a lot of room for development, plus the author's writing skills and rich writing experience, I believe that this article will definitely be able to be controlled very well.

Seeing the introduction of the article, the protagonist has to experience the Stone Age, the Bronze Age, the Iron Age, the Industrial Age, the Information Age and the Age of the Universe, as far as I am concerned, the author's fungus mentioned above, in addition to the information age, I have only seen other eras in history books, comic books, European and American dramas, in fact, I almost don't know about these, after reading the author's text, I have a new understanding of the Stone Age, all kinds of knowledge. I believe that the author has to check a lot of information.

The article mentions that after the male protagonist Lin Yuan built the Huadu name, he found that there are fifteen literary names in this world, and I was excited when I saw this, and I couldn't help but open my mind, will there be Egypt, Xitai, Maya or something, and then be swallowed up by the male protagonist in turn?

Three. The first three chapters of gold

About the first three chapters of gold, I myself prefer to appear in the first three chapters of a small high. tide or a small contradiction, attract the reader's eye. The first three chapters of the author are different from what I admire, but they are very well written.

The author of bacteria did not use high. tides or contradictions to attract readers, but use the various settings of the article. First of all, the subject matter of this article is great, the first chapter means that you have traveled into a primitive society, and you will immediately retain the reader, and the next two chapters explain that there are many time-travelers in this world, each time-traveler comes from a different period, and the history is completely different (it can be understood as coming from a different dimension), and each time-traveler has ten chances to die. These canons are rare, so it's perfectly fine for the first three chapters of Gold.

Four. content

The author's writing is good.,The content of the article is better.,The stalk is very good.,Otherwise, I wouldn't have seen the latest chapters at one time (at least the first twenty chapters are required in the club),I really can't find any problems.,If you have to let me pick a bone in my egg.,There are still problems =.。 =

There are two problems in the author's article, both of which are not big problems.

Question 1: [Each traverser has ten chances to die] Is this golden finger a little too thick?

I don't know the author's conception of the full text.,It's just that when I saw the latest serial.,I think for the time-traveler in the article,Ten chances of death are too much.,It seems very cheap.,Personally,It's better to set it to three.。 Of course, maybe as soon as the full text is unfolded later, for example, if you die once in each era, ten times will be about the same.

Problem 2: Some of the words in the article are inaccurate.

For example, in chapter 51:

When Lin Yuan was trading with several other chiefs, Lin Yuan said to the chiefs, "If you often have diarrhea, there will be no more such things." ”

To the primitives, they probably don't know what "diarrhea" is.

After the deal was agreed, the Hula Chief said, "We can get so much in a week." ”

In the Stone Age, primitive people should not have known that there were 365 days in a year, what the hell is this week?

These are all problems in detail, and there are some in the article, if you read it quickly, you may not notice it, but after a little pondering, you will feel that it is not right. After writing a chapter, when the author looks back and checks, in addition to making the sentences smooth, he should also pay attention to the words that should not appear.

Five. Personality

The male protagonist Lin Yuan has a positive outlook, has ideas, has ability, and is very good. The characters of other characters are also very good, what impresses me the most is that Lin Yuan had a disagreement with Zheng Jing, who was also a traverser, when he migrated and fled, one had to fight together, and the other had to leave behind the old and weak women and children, in the situation at that time, the two could not say who was right and who was wrong, what Lin Yuan insisted on was the three views and morality of a modern person, which is the difference between the protagonist and other characters.

The setting of the supporting characters is also good, but I think the author is not too "smart" to write the primitive people? Lin Yuan crossed into the primitive society, the three views were not yet perfect, and there was not even a unified writing and language, in this case, Lin Yuan when he established the civilization, the various speeches he made, could the primitive people understand? When Lin Yuan was talking to the chiefs of other tribes about trade, the chiefs had all kinds of calculations, would they be too smart as primitives?

The author emphasized more than once in the article that primitive people are very stupid and have worrisome IQs.

The author's fungus should be written about the male protagonist's 10,000-year experience.,In this 10,000-year time,How will human beings change?,From appearance,Thinking,Three views, etc., are all expressed by the author's bacteria.,But I see that primitive people's thinking and thoughts are not much different from modern people.,So how should the author describe the evolution of human beings after that?

Six. In fact, after reading the whole article, it is not that I comment on the author's bacteria, but that I learn from the author's bacteria. I should have dozens of essays in the club, and this article can be ranked in the top three here. The structure of the frame, the setting of the background characters and the golden finger, the grasp of the rhythm, and the setting of suspense are all very good. I am very fortunate to be able to read this article by the author, which gave me the opportunity to learn.

Finally, I wish the author all the best and become a god as soon as possible.

The words of the family, if there is no such thing as looking at Haihan.

Second Comment

【Commentator】Tongue can be poisoned

【Reading Progress】70+ chapters

After reading all the current chapters, some of the not very mature views want to discuss with the author, if you feel that there is something you disagree with, please laugh it off, I really want to throw some eggs, I will take it home and get a chili scrambled egg, quack. The theme of this article is relatively well chosen, although I have read some articles about pig's feet crossing into primitive society, but at least this type of text has not reached the level of rotten streets, it looks quite fresh, and the near, medium, and long-term goal setting in the text is complete, and the description of contradictions and conflicts, suspense, high tide, etc. is also good, and it still looks like it has a good attraction.

After the praise, where are the flowers? Where is the applause?

Ahem, don't shoot people with bricks, this tongue will start to get into the topic, first of all, I want to say that there are some imprecise places in the setting of the main quest, and I even personally feel that there is a contradiction with the development of the plot, because I really don't know that the pig's foot and his old man worked hard to run more than 10,000 years ago, in the end, to dominate the world and change history? Or be a strategist and a powerful minister to help return history to the normal track?

It is very clear in the article that the rebirth of the pig's foot is with a very clear task - to correct the historical trajectory, which has its advantages, and the main line is clear, but as the plot unfolds, it makes me see that it is a more common mode of rebirth for hegemony, so there is this confusion.

The tongue is less readable, don't tell me, pig's feet dominate the world, build the Great Xia Dynasty, the Great Shang Dynasty, and then lead the Qin soldiers and the Roman Empire to fight the sky What is the correct historical trajectory, even if it is an alternate history, some general cognition is still recommended not to change excessively, otherwise it would be better to write a fantasy essay directly.

It's not that this tongue has to be entangled in this small problem, but because there is still a difference between the two types of readers of the overlord and the power of the ministers and strategists, if the text itself is vague, it will cause some trouble, and lose some of the attention that should have been there (for example, I like to watch the power of the ministers and strategists, and look at the introduction, oh, the hegemony is not my thing, detour; Or I like to watch the battle for hegemony.,Look at the introduction and come in.,As a result, I look at the main quest.,Oh.,It turned out to be an auxiliary strategy.,Fooled.,Abandon the text...... ）

Therefore, clarifying what the protagonist wants to do and the meaning of what he does is still important for the long-term expectations of the main line and the choice of plot type.

The second point is still the problem of the setting, that is, the "system" in the article is not bright enough, and I personally think there are quite a few flaws.

The most inappropriate thing for this tongue is that it can be resurrected after death, and the skills that this group of wearers have are too rebellious, and the most important thing is that this setting reduces the sense of crisis in the text, just imagine that this group of people has ten lives, and they are not afraid of death, what else can make us nervous?

It's a big deal to come back after you die, is it dangerous? Poof, it's dead, and then shouting that Brother Chun loves tiger oil and he will be resurrected with full blood, and start all over again, anyway, ten lives must be enough to take a long time, and after the task is completed, maybe you can add countless lives, how does it feel like playing a game......

Let's take the plot of the second female sacrifice herself to save the male pig, because of this setting, after reading it, this tongue said "oh", and then just wait for her resurrection, don't be sad, don't feel tragic, anyway, death is used to death, will the second female feel that she is a little aggrieved when she dies?

The second is that the punishment and reward mechanism of the "system" is not complete enough, and there is a lack of necessary expectations.

For example, if the task is not completed within a certain time limit, he will cut the pig's foot Ding Ding for several years or punish him for rolling naked in the snow at 365 degrees, etc., and if he succeeds, what kind of unique rewards he has, etc., these are some of the best tools to arouse anticipation and satisfaction.

If it is other types of alternate historical texts, maybe I don't want to have too many "systems" or other golden fingers on the pig's feet, after all, his knowledge and grasp of the historical development context are the biggest capital, but this article is different.

The "system" of this article is a god-like existence throughout the whole text, and all the behaviors of the pig's feet, including the goal and the value of their own existence, are based on the requirements of the "system", so its series of settings, such as upgrades, technology trees, rewards, punishments, ...... Wait, it has to have an attractive highlight, otherwise where is the meaning of its existence? Does it just serve as a guide to this article? Personally, I really think that there is no need to put such a big weapon to increase the highlights of the article, it is a pity to waste it in vain, if there is, it is recommended to appear early.

Let's talk about a place where I think the problem will be bigger.,Since it's a group wear.,And it's based on the type mode of the Three Kingdoms series or civilization series games as a framework.,Compete for dominance in the world.,So in this era, it's not interesting to just rely on abusing NPCs.,Otherwise, most of those stand-alone games are dead.。 The interaction of real people, that is, the interaction of these people who wear in a group is particularly important, after all, the framework is so determined, they are the real opponents of competition, obstacles and demons that need to be pushed down, as far as I am concerned, pig's feet are just tossing those who are very lacking in spirit and material, just like NPCs primitive people naturally do not have a strong sense of coolness.

Of course, in this article, the author consciously arranges the complex relationships between some characters, such as threats, help, betrayal, and even sacrifices, which should be said to have a certain skill, but I think the portrayal is still a bit superficial, especially those supporting characters, without digging deep into their personalities and psychological activities, changes, etc., so their behavior and words will seem to make me feel a little abrupt and unnatural.

Besides, it's going to exceed the word limit again.,Above,It's not that this article is not well written.,But as a work that has been signed by A|.,The tongue just hopes that the author can write better.,The results can be better.,That's it.,Can help.,I'm honestly afraid.,Can't help.,Don't blame it.,Come on!