(a)

That time, in Sha Tin, Liu Wenli told me about something. Pen | fun | pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 Info said it had been haunting her for years.

From your first hospitalization, your last days were very difficult.

In those days, because of my identity, I couldn't be by your side for a lot of time. Before your mother came to take care of you, you were usually accompanied by Director Wang, colleagues from the sports team, Kaohsiung and Liu Wenli.

Liu Wenli can go to see you openly in the name of justice. She can visit you very often. After she goes, everyone else will consciously avoid it, giving you a chance to be alone. In the eyes of many people, she is the girlfriend who is in a relationship with you.

Every time before she goes, she tries to contact me and ask me if there is anything I want to say to you or what I want to bring to you. She has faithfully been a messenger between us every time. The same is true in Kaohsiung.

The two of them and I, like that, became more and more familiar and intimate.

In Sha Tin, Liu Wenli told me that you were suffering from the pain very much. When she comes to see you, you're often sweating profusely, like you've just been fished out of the water.

When she talks to you, you often lie on the pillow and you bury your face in it so that she doesn't see the look on your face.

Sometimes you seem to be able to hear her, and sometimes you are completely overwhelmed by the pain and can't react in the slightest.

Whether you can hear her or not, you often fail to answer her.

When she speaks, if your hands are not secured, you will often try your best to grasp the metal railing next to the bed. You hold on to it so hard that it's like you're hanging your whole life on it.

Because you grip so hard, you often can't release the grip on your own. When a nurse comes in to take your blood pressure or temperature or give you an injection, she often has to gently break your fingers one by one.

Once, the nurse was very busy, so she asked Liu Wenli to help. When she touches your fingers, they are as stiff as a stone.

Liu Wenli tried many times, and she felt that she couldn't get them to let go except to break your fingers.

The nurse kept asking her if she was okay, and she was so anxious that she was sweating, but she still couldn't break a finger.

The nurse came over impatiently, gave her a blank look, pushed her away, and broke it herself. When your fingers finally let go, Liu Wenli saw them tremble uncontrollably.

Liu Wenli said that they trembled reflexively like little bugs whose bodies had been trampled off.

Her tears flowed out at once.

She just like that, she can't help but cry in front of you.

She lay on the edge of your bed, crying so loudly that she almost fainted.

Just when she was crying so hard that she couldn't help herself, she heard your voice.

You say to her, "Braids." ”

Liu Wenli looked up at you with tears on her face.

You gently pick at the bow of a pale yellow ribbon she landed on the side of the bed.

You looked at her warmly, and said weakly, "You, the ribbon on your braid, is scattered." ”

You say, "You, today, are beautiful." Every day, beautiful. ”

This sentence made Liu Wenli cry again on the spot.

You watch her cry in front of your bed. But you can't talk anymore.

That day, later, Liu Wenli cried uncontrollably.

She didn't want you to bother comforting her, so she left the room crying all the way and then took the bus all the way home crying.

When she got home, she threw herself into bed and cried for most of the night.

When she went to work the next day, her eyes were swollen like two walnuts. She could barely see the machine.

Because you're constantly clutching the railings in those two places, and you're sweating profusely. Later, there were faint traces of your finger grasping on both railings.

Later, Ms. Liu said, it looked as if your finger prints had been etched into the metal.

(b)

Liu Wenli has visited you hundreds of times during your illness. But she told me that she never heard you moan.

Every time, you hold back in front of her.

In Sha Tin, Lau said that the time she cried so sadly, it was not entirely because she saw you being crushed by pain repeatedly.

She cries because you are still thinking about how it feels to take care of her while you are in pain.

You've been going out of your way to take care of other people's feelings. Even though you're already very overwhelmed.

She said that although you never fell in love with her, you could do it for her. From this, you can know what you can do for someone if you love her deeply.

Sister Wen Li said: "He will always be a comforter. Obviously, he is the most difficult person and the weakest person, but he will always be the one who can give warmth and strength to others. He never needed our comfort. Although he was still so young at that time, he was a true brave man and a true benevolent man. ”

So, she felt sad like never before. Because one such man, right next to her, disappeared.

She cried because she knew what she had lost and missed, and she cried because she could still feel warmth in the loss of not being able to get love.

That day, when Liu Wenli and I talked about these past events, tears rolled in our eyes. But none of us let it fall in the end.

I listened to her say this, and I didn't answer anything. I scooped up the bitter cup of coffee from the plate. I slowly drank them all.

When I finished my coffee, Liu Wenli said, "It's been so long, we should forget about it." ”

However, there are some things that can be forgotten. There are some things that can't be done. Don't think about it, it's unforgettable.

Hasn't she forgotten it yet?

She said to me that she didn't want to mention these things to me, but she couldn't bear it more and more alone, and she wanted to have a woman who also loves you to share these feelings together. She craves support from empathy.

"You want to know everything about him," she said. ”

I nodded. I said, "Yes." Thank you for telling me. ”

(c)

Why not be jealous? The answer is actually quite simple.

In the face of death, we and our loved ones are all like dust, rushing to each other for a moment, and then separating in an instant.

So, what else is there to fight for? What is there to be jealous of?

Nothing, after all, empty, unattainable.

(iv)

The morning after your first hospitalization, Kaohsiung came to visit you with his mother.

Kaohsiung's mother said: "We will give you continuous intravenous injections of Valium plus Durolin so that you can have a good rest." ”

"Consistent dosing is effective in relieving that pain," she said. You relax, have a good rest, and don't be nervous. ”

You nodded. You say, "Thank you, aunt." ”

Kaohsiung's mother said: "At this stage, the key is to be in a good mood and to be open-minded. This is crucial. ”

You say, "I'm all fine." Pain can only affect a person's body. But our spirit has no body. Pain cannot affect it. My spirit is still healthy and intact. ”

After walking out of the ward, Kaohsiung's mother said to Kaohsiung, "Did you hear what he just said? He said that our spirit has no body, so pain cannot affect it. These words are very instructive. ”

Later, Kaohsiung's mother learned this sentence of yours. When she goes to the ward rounds and comforts those who are suffering from the disease, she often uses your words to encourage them. She has said to many patients: "Our spirit has no body. Our spirits can remain healthy and intact. (To be continued.) )