(a)

One day, during my stay in Yantangguan, I proposed that I would like to go to the city wall after dinner and see the landscape of the whole city. Pen "Fun" Pavilion www.biquge.info

Local officials rushed to make arrangements.

When the moon was rising, I took two guards and two palace maids and quietly came out of the back garden of my uncle's mansion, passed through the small gate at the back, and arrived on the bluestone paved city road.

After so much time, many places in this city are no longer the same as before, and many scenes along the way make me feel very unfamiliar. In the streets, alleys, houses and houses of the past, in many places, there is not a trace of a star.

However, there are some things that are not easy to change. People's joys and sorrows, joys and sorrows, love and hatred, now, and a long time ago, may not have changed very much.

I sat in the car and looked through the window to see the wheels rolling sparkling across the bluestone floor. Over the years, how many people have passed through this earth and finally disappeared into the depths of the earth?

I looked at the tiny cracks in the stone slab on the ground. That's where your footprints have been taken. Now the rift is still there, where is the human face?

(b)

Following the bluestone road, I once again came to the road of the city wall.

The entire vicinity of the city walls was cleared to the ground. Only the long, upward-sloping corridors and the continuous battlements of the city walls spread out under the moonlight.

I walked slowly along the corridors of the city wall by myself, my long embroidered skirt dragging on the ground behind me.

I walked alone in the middle of the corridor of the city wall. The world on both sides is below me and far away from me.

Whether it is the world of life or the world of death, now, it is far away from me. I am neither in the fiery life, nor in the world of death. In this way, I walk alone on their dividing line.

On this section of the city wall under my feet, the old Han King walked with my husband, you and my husband walked side by side, and I walked hand in hand with you. I have watched your back here, your silhouette, your face in the early morning light. I told you here that this city can sleep peacefully and I can stand here peacefully because of you. I hope to soothe the pain in your heart.

You don't really like war at all. It is precisely because you don't like war that you get involved in it without hesitation.

Piece after piece of bluestone slabs with all sorts of scars and cracks stretched out before my eyes.

I walked alone to the battlements where we had stayed.

I looked alone at all the undulating roofs of this city.

Those who have lived in this city, those who have been saved by you with blood and sweat, are now falling into the abyss of death one after another. You saved them for a while, but you can't stop death from eating them.

It is not easy to live in this never-ending world, even if it is to be in peace for the rest of your life. How much pain does a person have to go through to live to my age?

I stood there, feeling the void around me and the emptiness in my heart.

There is no perfection in this world. Before our hearts are perfected.

(c)

Someone approached me from behind. I heard footsteps getting closer.

I looked back. That's my son and Liu Shen's son, and yours' son. Our three sons together.

Lingnan King Cui Chengzhi, he is now middle-aged. It seems that he has changed from looking like me to becoming more and more like Liu Shen. I saw on his face the bridge of Liu Shen's nose when he was young and his eyes when he was young.

He stood cautiously behind me. He lowered his hand and said, "Queen Mother." ”

I took a breath. I said, "Have I been standing here for a long time?" ”

Cui Chengzhi said: "Yes. The night is deep, the wind is strong in the city, and the queen mother should be careful of the wind and cold. ”。

I said, "I've lost track of time." ”

"The scene here evokes memories in the heart of the Queen Mother." Cui Chengzhi said.

I said, "yes." It's been most of my life since the last time I stood here. ”

My son said, "The Queen Mother liked the years when she lived here when she was young. ”

I said, "yes." At that time, although the world was in turmoil, my heart was simple and calm. I was content to stand here, holding hands with the late general, watching the city below sleep peacefully. I still remember the temperature of his palm vividly. ”

Cui Chengzhi said: "So, what about the heart of the Queen Mother now? Can't you be calm? Now the whole world sleeps peacefully, and not only this city. ”

I said, "yes." The peaceful and prosperous world I dreamed of was presented in front of my eyes at this moment. But my heart can't be calmed anymore. Many of the people we worked so hard to protect are now dead. While we can protect them from the agony of war, we cannot prevent them from being swallowed up in death. ”

I said, "When I think that all the people in this city below, and all the people who have stood on this city, including the late generals, including the former emperor, including me, including you, will eventually be swallowed up by death, my heart feels very powerless. Could it be that even if we are willing to spend our lives in blood, go through hardships and dangers, endure all kinds of physical and mental pain, and endure all kinds of parting sacrifices, in the end, we still can't help these lives in the hands of death? ”

"Isn't there any way or path to change?" I say.

(iv)

My son watched me silently.

We looked at each other from the walls.

Alas, this son of mine, he is resigned to his fate. He is a man who believes that there has never been such a path or method, and who has never thought of looking for it. He and too many other people are people who are willing to spend their lives like this.

Is it me, particularly whimsical?

It's me, and I'm out of place with the public.

Although he inherited the title of King of Lingnan, this son of mine does not have your courage in him, although he has Liu Shen's gentleness.

The world has been peaceful for a long time, and men with courage are becoming more and more rare.

Even with me, there are fewer and fewer people who agree on courage.

However, I will still move forward. Until the time we find the answer.

I am not reconciled, I do not believe that this world is forever ruled by death.

Although I am old, although I am a woman, although I myself am about to be swallowed up by death, although I do not know how long it will take and where I will go.

Standing on the wall where we once stood hand in hand, I knew I would keep going. Perhaps, to be born into this world, is to do this thing, to make it successful! For all life, all life under the sickle of death, make it a success! I believe that as long as this ambition is strong and deep, and unshaken, I will continue to get life to move forward.

Even if I am always alone, I will not lose my ambition.

What's the use of crying? What's the use of missing? What is the use of loneliness? Grief and mourning, even writing and reminiscing, these are of little use. Only by breaking the dilemma of life and death can it work.

The pain of losing you is so deep that you must be able to solve the dilemma of life and death in order to comfort and peace.

Until the time I said this, I still remember vividly the wish and the circumstances when it arose.

I'm going to put all the life I get into doing this one thing.

Do only this one thing, for all life, only this one thing.

Dear you, please support me, never lose this heart, and finally fulfill your strong wish.

Please support me. (To be continued.) )