In September 1994, as a last resort, I went to the "fifth year of high school". Pen fun and pavilion www.biquge.info

The head teacher approached me and asked me to be the class leader, but I firmly refused. I have been in high school for four years, and I have been the class president for three years, and now I don't have that confidence and interest anymore.

Looking at the mountain-high test questions and books, dizzy, really dizzy.

Usually, the teacher is fine in class, and he can concentrate on listening to the lecture, but when he does the question, his chest is tight, he is flustered, looking at everyone, looking out the window, his mind is full of his parents working hard in the fields. "What should I do if I can't take the exam next year, what should I do if I can't take the exam next year"? I also feel that the pressure has turned into resistance.

In the 1993 college entrance examination, I scored 328 points, and I passed by the promotion line, and I didn't even have a chance to be admitted. Later, I also received admission notices from several colleges and universities, and when I saw the high tuition fee of 3,000 yuan to 5,000 yuan, my family didn't dare to think about it, and I didn't dare to mention it.

The only way out is – repetition. At that time, I was the first in the village to go to the highest school in the county-County No. 1 Middle School, and there was no way back if I couldn't pass the exam, and it was also the only way out for rural children to jump out of the farm. There is no way out. Okay, yes, no, you have to be hard-headed. It's a pity that in the second year, the policy changed, and the university became a "dual-track system". Our generation will always step on the tail of reform, a little faster, what you enjoy is the policy before the reform, a little slower, that is, liberalize and invigorate. Now we are facing not only whether we can pass the test, but also the challenge of not being able to afford to pass the test. I'm in college, what if my younger brother and sister go to school?

Suffering, trouble, trouble, suffering, the result can be imagined, and he failed the college entrance examination again that year.

"Dad, I don't want to repeat my studies anymore, I want to do some work for the family." I said with my head down and a grimace.

"That's a pity, we've all come this far, let's keep going. "The father is also a little helpless.

"I really don't want to go on it anymore, I don't know the bottom of my heart."

"What's the point of working in the family, Dad's only hope is that you can eat commercial grain. That's your whole life. You didn't go to school for me. "Father is a little on fire.

"Working in the field is not the same life." I thought about my father's thoughts, and I fought carefully.

"What will you do, you say, what will you do!" His father was completely angry, and he felt that the soap bubble with colored light and shadow that he had longed for was now on the verge of bursting at the touch of a button.

"I ...... I ......, "I don't dare to say anything more, and I'm going to quarrel again, I knew that my father had a heart attack since I was a child, and the family tried not to make him angry." It's also that he doesn't have the ability, so why make the old man angry again.

My mother was illiterate, stood in isolation, and didn't know how to help. Looking at my parents' black and thin bodies, thinking about their dedication to me, my heart is really mixed, sour, and wronged, but more unwilling.

I asked for 600 yuan to repeat the study again, and my family was too poor, so I didn't dare to ask my family, so I entrusted my classmates to intercede with his relatives at school, and I postponed it for a while. But after all, it is not a solution, and people urge it twice a month. So what to do? I can only bite the bullet and rely on it for now.

Just after the National Day that year, my father rode a 30-kilometer foreign car to school and brought me pickles and soybean sauce for the month as usual. These are all made by my mother, and in order to make me eat well, she also makes various sauces: watermelon sauce, cucumber sauce, tomato sauce...... This is my important next meal, and I have to serve a 5-cent winter melon for each meal, so that the food stamps can be replaced with home-grown wheat, and the monthly vegetable money can be controlled within 10 yuan.

"Do you want to be a soldier?" Father asked tentatively.

"Ah, being a soldier? I haven't thought about it, so wouldn't this learning be in vain? "When my father asked me coldly, I didn't know how to answer.

"You think about it."

"I'm not going, it's all unknown and I don't know where the road is." At that time, I didn't know much about being a soldier, and I went to school all the time, and I basically became a nerd.

"Then you go back to the classroom, I'll go back." My father turned the car around as he spoke.

"Dad, slow down on your way." Dad's back is a little rickety.

After my father left, I froze.

His question was like a stone thrown into my heart, and ripples splashed. Can't go to this school? There is absolutely no certainty that the situation will be like the one now, unless there is a miracle. Being a soldier is unknown, you have to start from scratch, and you don't know where the road is. I didn't have the heart to go back to the classroom, so I went straight to the dormitory, and flipped through the third volume of "Ordinary World" boringly. The main character, Sun Shao'an, is older than me, but the things reflected in the book seem to be my upbringing. He was also helpless, but he dared to fight; How could he have lived without being depressed? But he kept fighting. Think about Sun Shao'an, what should I do? Continuing to study, the south wall is in front of you, and it is a sure thing to hit it, it is only a matter of time. As a soldier, the future is uncertain, although it is unknown, but there may be a solution, isn't it just to endure hardship, and children in the countryside are not afraid of this. There seemed to be a light in front of me, a vague light in front of me, and the spirit of the man grew. I grabbed the cart and rushed to my house despite the darkness.

My father was stunned when he saw me. "Why are you back?"

"I'm going to be a soldier."

"You kid, I asked you if you were going before, and you said you wouldn't go, so why do you become so happy." There was a mixture of concern and incomprehension on his father's face.

"Are you eating?" Mother asked with concern.

"Oh, mom (read buried)."

"Let's get some egg noodles." Mothers know best what their children eat.

"That's okay, you go back to school tomorrow, don't delay your study, I'll report your name first." Maybe it was my father's choice to let me go to the army, and he didn't say anything more.

The next day, when I returned to school, I didn't have the heart to study, and I looked forward to what it was like to be a soldier every day, thinking about the 600 yuan tuition fee, which may not have to be paid, as if there was a wide road in front of life, although I knew that the road was definitely uneven, and the route was definitely not familiar, the only thing I knew was that this was a new road, and it led to the distance.

At that time, there was no Internet or mobile phone, and the message was very blocked. But the ears can hear the singing, Zhang Yusheng's "My Future Is Not a Dream" and Ye Qianwen's "Walk in Style" sing so beautifully, I sometimes can't help humming: Leave half awake and half drunk, at least you follow in the dream, I bet my youth on tomorrow, you exchange your true feelings for this life......

What's even more memorable is Zheng Zhihua's hoarse "sailor" voice:

The feeling of bitter sand blowing pain on the face

Like a father's scolding, mother's crying will never be forgotten

When I was younger, I liked to be alone by the sea

Rolled up his trousers and stepped barefoot on the beach

Always fantasize that there is another world at the end of the ocean......