While the mood is still calm, let's write an article about my experience and so on, always writing novels, always struggling with the sad reality, it has made me forget my heart, my dreams. Pen & Fun & Pavilion www.biquge.info

My title is Asking the Heart, so this time I'm going to peel back the heart, don't care if it's bloody or not, just want to ask it from the heart, what are you thinking in your heart?

Oh, yes! What is really going on in my mind? How would you answer in the face of leadership? Maybe you will say, my idea is to work hard, constantly improve my ability, and make greater performance for the company! Hehe, is that really the case?

How would you answer your lover? You may say that my idea is to give you happiness and make you the happiest woman in the world! But, is your mind really that simple?

What would be your answer to your parents? You may say that my idea is to honor my parents, so that my parents will no longer be tired, no longer worry, and enjoy their future life, but is your idea really just this one?

Of course, that's how we should think! That's how it should be! But is that really what you're thinking right now? In my opinion, this should be called a dream! It's called the motivation for us to keep struggling in the sad reality, to keep looking up, to keep stepping through one obstacle after another.

We make greater achievements and want to break out of the world, this is a dream! I want to give my lover a happy life, this is a dream! I want to honor my parents and let my parents spend their old age in peace, this is also a dream! This is the ultimate motivation that constantly drives you forward, so that you can hold your head high and shout loudly in the face of the awl-like storm!

But, is this a conscience?

No, this is at best a dream of asking, a dream that could not be simpler.

What is a dream? Dreams are things that when you want to cry, you can only grit your teeth and tilt your head and shed tears back!

What is a dream? The dream is that when you are cornered, you can only hit the south wall with your head, even if your head is broken and bleeding, you have to hit a way and never be cowardly!

So, what is the reality? The reality is that just as you are about to see the sun, a total solar eclipse that occurs once in a thousand years occurs.

What is the reality? The reality is that when you want to laugh, flies fly into your mouth and make you sick.

What is the reality? The reality is the responsibility on Ya's shoulders, the evaluation of others about herself, the pitiful monthly income, and the life that you want to get better but keep getting worse......

Ask the heart, what is it that you are asking? Asking is reality!

Today, is your heart tired?

Oh, yes! Is your heart tired today?

To be honest, I envy the physically tired, but the people with happy hearts are very envious, especially envious!

Because, what I envy is what I don't have!

I don't know when it started, maybe it was because it had sprouted before, or maybe everything didn't go well this year, I don't know when it started, I almost couldn't see a smile on my face, every day was a mechanical expression, my heart was depressed, the weather was cloudy, my hands and feet were bound, everything was bad......

It's not good! It's really bad! I also know it's bad! But my abilities, at least at my current level, are powerless to change!

In fact, saying a thousand things and ten thousand is not a very realistic word -- money is caused.

Poor couples mourn everything, and it is difficult to move an inch without money, the reality is like this!

Even if I have had a lot of dreams before, even if I have a good vision for the future before, in the face of reality, these are all shattered.

How many examples, how many bloody facts tell us that things in fairy tales are insulated in reality.

I'm glad I have an empathetic girlfriend who always dismisses me and tells me not to be so tired, she's not afraid of how much I get paid, and she doesn't even mind how much I can make ends meet, I'm very happy to have a girlfriend like her, but because of this, the pressure on my heart is even more - I don't want to disappoint people who are good to me! From childhood to adulthood, it has never changed.

I am also very fortunate to have a father and mother who love me very much, my father doesn't talk much, but now as a man, I am under pressure, and I gradually understand my father's love for me. Every time I talk to my mother on the phone, I always can't control the time, every time I talk it is a long time, every time my mother says that I am afraid that I will spend too much money on the phone, I will smile and say that it is okay, because only when facing my parents, I will really smile once! It's hard, the reality is really too hard! Tired, the reality is really tired! Only my family can let me relax for once. So I don't want my parents to worry, and I don't want my parents to work so hard anymore, I desperately want to make a lot of money, I want to work hard, and the result is ...... Huh

My girlfriend said that I was too smooth before, and I didn't experience many setbacks, which led to my current mentality not being able to adjust when facing some unpleasant things.

I admit that it was really smooth before, even if it was a mistake in the college entrance examination that year, it also passed the line, although it is not a famous university, but at least it is also a 211, and the life of the university is also smooth sailing, there is no failure, student cadres, community activists, one by one title may be a portrayal of my university, after graduation, it is also very smooth, I signed a job before the New Year, although I left because of some things, but in the eyes of outsiders, it is very smooth.

And this year, after resigning, looking for a job, the pain and the unsmooth road really began.

No experience, compressed salary, unlimited overtime, working for nothing, no chance at all interviews...... One by one, when I was looking for a job, I thought it was the hardest thing...... But now, it is the same hard work, getting up early and greedy late, and the result is ...... It turned out to be beyond my means, even when I had a headache every day for eating two or three pieces of vegetables, it was too much to make ends meet...... I'm too......

On Sunday, a friend came to me, and I told him about it, and I told him, "This must be the hardest time of our lives, right?" Actually, I'm not hypnotizing myself, I'm going to lie to my heart, telling me that now is the most bitter time, and there will be no more bitter than this in the future, but in fact, who knows what will happen in the future?

I'm in a bad state of mind! This one is true! I often affect my own joys and sorrows because of a person's joys and sorrows, for the person I like, a smile on TA's face is enough for me to laugh for a day, a word of concern from TA, it is enough for me to be happy this day, but people who have ideas in my heart really see TA, and my heart will have the idea of rebellion.

In fact, at least for now, the reason why I can't calm down my mentality is the matter of work!

The job is unstable, the salary is too low to bear to look at, and I used to think that even if I don't make money, at least don't let me lose it...... But now, I really lost it...... I lost all the work for others, and it was really painful to think about it!

It's as if you can see the light, but the light is getting dimmer and farther away from you, and at last, you realize that when you look up, the world is dark.

That's it! It's a wonderful world, and it's a bit hypocritical to say too much!

That's it! The world is still full of hope, as long as you don't die, you can still toss!

That's it! The article is still positive! At least my journey can give others something to learn from!

One year, two years, five years, ten years

Go back and read the article again

Look at me who hasn't been consumed by life

What kind of life can you live!

――2016.5.24 Night