It was only by lying in that warm hand that I could feel that this was not a cold world. Here, the nurse is the only person I can rely on, but why call her the nurse, instead of a simple mother's word, I don't know at all, I only know, although there is only a word difference, it is a world of difference.

Whenever I asked the nurse the question that she had asked over and over again, she always looked at me with a frown, I could sense her sadness, I could feel her hesitation, but she would not tell me anything, no matter what kind of sadness she had in her heart, she would grit her teeth and carry it alone. But why is the nurse not my mother, where is my mother, I desperately want to know the answer, but I am afraid to know, because I think that if I find my mother, maybe the nurse will leave me.

I want her to stay with me, I want her to be with me all the time, if I can I would rather not have the mother I have never met, if I can, I would rather have her alone.

I can still remember the look of her consternation when she looked thoughtfully at the only small door in the courtyard, and the look of astonishment on her face when I cried and wanted to rush through the door to find my mother. "You're not my mother at all, I'm going to find my mother!" The crying voice also seemed to still linger in my ears, and the words I said unintentionally probably stabbed her heart hard, looking at her red eyes and wanting to rush over and wave at me desperately as if she was afraid of something, I actually had a trace of pleasure in my heart, and at that moment, I even forgot that she was a person who loved me so much.

I gagged my ears and shook my little head as if I were trying to provoke her, and I made all sorts of childish gestures to the man standing in the courtyard with the hand she had held and taught me to read and write, and paid no attention to what she shouted at me. I was angry, but I didn't know why I was angry, I wanted to break free from the shackles and rush out of that door, but even I knew what was beyond that door.

I could clearly see the horror in the nurse's eyes, I could clearly see the hesitation that she wanted to pounce on me but was afraid that I would just walk out of that door, what was she afraid of? I don't know, I just know that I'll do it even if it's just a prank big enough to make her look look like this. The door seemed to me like a demon opened, full of temptations, and I couldn't help but feel excited. I wanted to get out, I wanted to get out of this little yard, and, if I could, I wanted to get out of the nurse and hide from the side to see the anxiety on her face.

I don't know how much I think this in my heart, and I don't know how sad my actions will make the nurse, but at the time, I did. Ignoring the nurse's cry with fear, ignoring the impatience in the nurse's eyes, I took a step towards the door that was slightly pushed open with a crack in it, as if with a hint of curiosity and a hint of excitement. At that moment, I even saw the uncle who was selling roasted cakes at the mouth of the alley, the man with thick arms and almost no expression on his face was fiddling with the cauldron as always, and he seemed to be stunned for a moment when he saw me, and the almost invisible smile that was still on his face disappeared at some point.

"Uncle, are the baked cakes delicious?" My voice was as crisp as ever, and only I knew that the slightest hint of excitement in that childish voice could not be concealed. Although the uncle who brought us food every day would occasionally stuff me with a hot pancake, compared to the uncle who shouted loudly from time to time in the alley, the original crispy pancake seemed to fade from my mind as if it did not leave any memories for me.

Normally, I never thought I'd be able to pick out one of the hot pancakes wrapped in oiled paper, but now I don't hesitate. Even though I knew that the uncle who sold the pancakes would be there selling the same food even when I couldn't get out, I knew I would never find an opportunity to sneak out like today—no, not even sneak out, because I had already been discovered by the nurse, but she had no time to stop me. I took the first step with a desire to do something bad, and I don't know what punishment awaits me when I get back, but I know that it will be the most memorable moment of my life.

But things are far from being as simple as I imagined, and the whole thing is even more terrifying than I imagined. A fierce feathered arrow flew tightly against my hair, cool, as if it were a warning of some kind of firm fixation on the small door, and the buzzing sound of its own way told me in its peculiar way that the blow I had just struck was not a scene of my own imagination, but that the sharp feathered arrow was indeed there.

I was stunned. I could even see the whirling of broken hair falling from my eyes, and I could even hear the grim reaper's smile in my ear. I could even see the blood-stained scythe hovering around my neck all the time, and I didn't even dare to make any sound, I didn't even dare to call out the nurse's name. Now I finally know why the nurse has that look when she sees me about to walk out of that door, and I finally know why the fear in the nurse's eyes is so terrifying, but I don't know why someone would do this to me and want to kill me.

Another feathered arrow was aimed at me only twenty paces away, and at such a distance that even I knew what part of my body he was aiming at, the eye? Or is it the heart? None of this surprised me more than the man with the stiff bow, whose greasy hands were no longer the swarthy cauldron, but in my small sight he was merely a man who wanted to kill me.

I can still remember the consternation on his face when I first beckoned to him, and I can still remember the sound of soft and hard at the uncle who delivered the food the next day, I said to him, I only need to eat the baked cakes sent by the uncle of the baked cake stall, I can still remember how the uncle who delivered the vegetables smiled bitterly and stuffed a snack handed by himself from the owner of the baked cake stall into my chubby hand, and I can still remember the stiff and ugly smile on the expressionless face of the uncle of the baked cake stall when I greeted him again. I can still remember the first time he secretly waved at me between the opening and closing of the little door, and I can remember the smile that resembled his burly figure for the first time on his face, which he hadn't smiled in a long time, was no longer so stiff, no longer so ugly.

I waved my fist at him in satisfaction, a gesture I made when I climbed a tree and saw a little boy cheering on his little friend. I still remember the expression on his face when I swung my fist at him for the first time, I still remember the clumsy appearance of him slowly scratching his head in confusion, I still remember the face of the nurse who always looked cold and abnormal when she saw everyone outside, and I still remember the expression that she couldn't help laughing out loud after seeing the strange exchange between me and the uncle, and I still remember the seriousness in her eyes when she laughed at my innocence and told me with a serious expression that I must not cross this gate.

Maybe I should have guessed what was going on then. The hawkers, who were completely different from those who were in a hurry, always had a hidden sharpness when their eyes swept over me and the nurse, and even the birds refused to stop in this little courtyard as if they were aware of the unusual smell here. Perhaps I should have noticed that this was out of step with the houses around me, and perhaps I should have noticed that I and the nurse were not ordinary people—just like them, they were not ordinary people.

Perhaps, it's just that I don't want to believe it. The nurse and I were prisoners, and they were guards who were ordered to guard them secretly. I don't know what mistakes my nurse and I made to be locked up in this little courtyard, but I know that they only care about me.

It was my nurse who came here. For the first time, I had the feeling that she should have been able to live carefree outside this little courtyard with her daughter in her arms, like the beautiful woman who walked by the wall. She is a very beautiful person, and if it were her daughter, she would be as beautiful as her. She should have had a whole family with someone who loved her, but now she had to stay here with me. In her heart, did she ever hate me?

I suddenly laughed stupidly, it turned out that all of this was because of my incongruous existence. Even if you can't guess who is behind the scenes, it must be a powerful person. Those guards must have listened to his orders before they reluctantly came here to spy on me in the guise of all kinds of peddlers. They must be happy if I die, and they don't have to stay here anymore, so why should I let all these unrelated people be alone and miserable with me?

Taking a deep breath, I ignored the shiny arrowhead that seemed to tremble slightly, and took another step forward.

Now, it's all over, right?

I thought faintly, and my heart was at peace. (To be continued.) )