I didn't have anything to do in Yanjing, so I started thinking about it again.

I feel that all the troubles in this world come from the separate self – because "I am me, and I can't understand others." ”

For example, for so many years, I have never seen Zhao Zhengbao's family, as if they do not exist, in fact, for so many years, people have also had joys and sorrows, as well as joys and sorrows, but I don't understand.

Once, "Zhao Jun Zhao" was just a noun in my eyes, a noun that referred to "the head of the 12th family of Tianzihao", and as a child of the family, I even felt a little jealous and hateful.

When Prime Minister Zhao Guangxin was finished, I was actually very excited, thinking, let you be "Tianzihao", let you be amazing, now the tree is falling and scattering.

When I first heard the name "Zhao Zhengbao" read out, I felt that I had just heard the name of a lost dog, and I would never hear it again.

Unexpectedly, people also have their own thoughts and lives, and they worked hard unyieldingly, step by step, and finally turned Daming upside down.

All people in this world, no matter who they are, they have their own lives.

Everything in this world has its own cause and effect, beginning and end.

This world is by no means a cold grand concept on paper, and it is by no means a myriad of ants on the battlefield, but a living person and a living tradition.

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I quickly became acquainted with the people of the Zhao clan in Zhao County.

Zhao Guangxin still has several younger brothers alive, and there are many of their descendants, many of whom are already senior generals of the Hebei Army. Zhao Zhengbao has several wives, all of whom are from the Dashi clan in Hebei and the Central Plains; He also has a lot of children, but the eldest child is only five years old and just knows how to write "one, two, three".

One hundred and three of us lived in a large courtyard in the Guanfu district, and we ate and drank well, and there were many servants to serve us. We can wander around Yanjing and even the other acropolis at will, and no one will stop us.

In fact, a relationship of trust has been established between us and them.

Zhao Zhengbao spread the news, saying that we were from the Handan Shi clan who came to defect to Zhao Zhengbao. Zhao Zhengbao and Ma Xingcai sometimes came to our compound without guards.

You see, our squad is heavily armed, and if you want to kill them, they won't be able to escape.

But everything was calm, as if we were all brothers.

I even took the time to inquire about Dongfang Rong's whereabouts.

At that time, the obese pork Rong was already a major general of the Hebei Army who commanded 100,000 people, and he was fighting a bloody battle on the front line in Baoding at this time. But I know that he, his army, and his people are all coerced, and in the eyes of high-ranking people like Zhao Zhengbao, Dongfang Rong's 100,000 troops are just 100,000 sandbags to block guns, and the 2 million county citizens are just donkeys transporting grain and grass, nothing more.

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Zhao Zhengbao and I became quite close.

One day, he asked me, "What's your real name?" ”

Me: "Zhao Fangju." ”

Him: "You're still lying to me!" ”

Me: "My name is really Zhao Fangju." Why should I lie? I'm just a small character, it doesn't matter if I call my real name or not, so why don't I call my real name? ”

Him: "You're not sincere. ”

Me: "A name is nothing but a symbol, it is never the thing itself, because the thing itself is unknown." Everyone's name is not his own, and his life has been influenced by others, to what extent is he himself? What a wonderful world it would be if people didn't have names. Because there is no name, there is no reason to accuse. There are no rights, no powers, and no obligations. Absolute freedom. ”

Zhao Zhengbao: "I don't understand!" We don't understand what you inner court people are saying! ”

Me: "It's okay, I'm talking to myself." However, I really have the surname Zhao. ”

Him: "Your surname is also Zhao?" We're family, haha. ”

I said: "There are 800 million people surnamed Zhao in the Ming Dynasty, because of 'Zhao Qian Sun Li'." In fact, four billion people are born from one family, and we are all from Tibet. ”

Zhao Zhengbao said: "Well, whether it's Tubo or Sichuan. I hate it most when the Central Plains people say that we are all from the Central Plains, which makes me look like second-class citizens in front of the Central Plains people. - In this case, everyone is a second-class citizen, and no one can say anything about anyone, haha. ”

He continued: "Let me introduce you to my family and men. ”

He led me to a grand hotel where many people were already seated.

Zhao Zhengbao said loudly to everyone: "Let me introduce to you, this is my brother Zhao Fangju in Handan." ”

Everyone stood up and clasped their fists in salute.

At the same time, Zhao Zhengbao introduced them to me one by one—his uncles, cousins, cousins, and high-ranking military officers near Yanjing.

After that, the banquet is not a problem.

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Later, he took me to see his mother.

In the main room of the Zhao family's mansion, in the service of a group of eunuchs and maids, I saw a peaceful old lady lying on a large bed.

Despite the large room with its wide glass windows and large blue curtains, attentive servants carefully cleaning it, and even turning on the air conditioner, you could still smell the lingering smell of corruption in the room.

Zhao Zhengbao said: "This is my mother." ”

He kissed her gently on the cheek, and the old lady's eyes were dark and stared at me.

Zhao Zhengbao and I walked out of the room.

He said:

"My mother gave birth to many children, a few died, a few miscarriages, and only five children survived, Zhao Zhenglong, Zhao Zhenghu, me, Zhao Yishu, Zhao Yihao.

In my eyes, my mother has an eternal image: it was a spring, on the grass, my mother had a big belly, and she was still pregnant with a good child, but she still took us outside to play at our insistence.

My eldest brother Dalong and my second brother Xiaohu ran in front, and Shu'er cried and chased us behind.

Shu'er was wearing a red dress with a red bow, and she fell down as she ran.

Then the dragon went to help her, and when she was crying, the dragon caught a red butterfly and teased her.

But she accidentally caught the butterfly to death, so she continued to cry.

And the mother hugged her and comforted her. ”

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Zhao Zhengbao is immersed in happy memories.

Then he continued: "Two months later, when she gave birth, she unfortunately contracted puerperal fever and is still paralyzed. ”

The women or mothers of the Ming Dynasty are the most miserable. They were married at the age of eighteen and had non-stop births, because contraception was strictly forbidden in the Second Survival Department. Fortunately, the civilians are still breastfeeding, which can delay the next child. And the mother of the scholar tribe can only give the baby to the nurse and give birth to it one by one. The Ming Dynasty did not have any decent medical skills, and the birth mortality rate was very high, even among the scholars. You can calculate what the mortality rate of having ten children is, even if the lowest birth mortality rate is two percent.

Zhao Zhengbao continued his words: "I sometimes feel like a dream, but I always can't wake up, this nightmare is overwhelming. ”

He asked me, "Do you think a person can deceive himself?" ”

I thought for a moment and said, "No, unless she's stupid." ”

He said, "I think so too, but my mother is very smart." ”

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Zhao Zhengbao seems to be talking to himself:

"My mother was the only woman in my father's life. My mother is the eldest daughter of the Baoding Wang family, she married her father, and married the whole of Baoding to my father.

Pity...... Ay. My mother was paralyzed behind the bed, and whenever possible, my father always looked at her, accompanied her, watched her eat every day, wiped her body, and made her laugh.

She couldn't eat sweet things, she couldn't eat noodles, she could only eat chaff and lean meat, and her toes were rotten, and my father even called the imperial doctor to show her.

And so it happened, my dad died.

We didn't dare to tell my mother at first, and then we kept dragging it out until now.

I don't know if she knows now, she pretends she doesn't know, or she's lying to her that she doesn't, or she really doesn't, who knows.

When my father died, the whole family was very noisy, firing guns and blowing trumpets or something, even if we blocked the doors and windows, she could hear her.

In the beginning, she always asked her father where he had gone.

We said that he was busy in the palace, and then everyone stopped mentioning it.

When the forbidden army bombed Hanzhong, we hid in the underground fortifications, the lights went out, the smoke and ashes were everywhere, and she didn't speak.

Even when I was talking to her, I accidentally mentioned my father, she didn't speak.

Then it was all gone, I didn't mention anything, and she didn't speak.

Later, there were bumps all the way, from Handan to Baoding, and then to Yanjing, and she never spoke

I don't know what she's thinking, but she understands everything.

She remembers my little sister Zhao Yihao, my uncles, my cousins, my children, and the children of the Zhao family.

She remembers everything, she can tell it when she meets, she remembers everything that happened before.

However, the strange thing is that she never mentioned my father, my eldest brother, my second brother, and my eldest sister. ”

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A tear, dripping from the man's eye, splashed to the ground.

I looked at his mother from the window and remembered my mother.

In fact I can't remember anything about my mother, people say she died, but I don't even remember her funeral, but my heart was touched.

At this moment a girl, twelve or thirteen years old, walked by, carrying a plate of rice porridge and green vegetables, and she went into the room, and knelt down before the bed to feed the old lady.

She glanced at me as she passed by.

I was scared like I had seen a ghost.

It's not rhetoric, it's really like seeing a ghost.

That girl is exactly the same as Queen Zhao Yishu, with eyes, eyebrows, nose, mouth, and chin.

Zhao Zhengbao said: "That's my little sister Zhao Yihao." ”

No wonder!

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Zhao Yi came out.

Zhao Zhengbao introduced us to each other, and he said that I was from the palace.

Zhao Yihao's eyes widened and said, "Are you from the palace?" Have you met my sister and my nephews and nieces? ”

That expression is exactly the same as that of the queen......

I said, "I've seen it, I'm not familiar with it." I'm from the inner court, not the harem, and I've been there for half a year, and they've ......."

She was silent.

Haven't spoken for a long time.

Because I don't know what to say.

I said to Zhao Zhengbao, "Hurry up and finish the fight." I'll help you drive them out of Hebei, and then everyone will live a good life. I'll go back to my Chang'an, and you go back to your Handan. ”

Zhao Zhengbao said: "Go! We are almost ready, and the whole army is ready for the decisive battle in Baoding! ”