In Carnegie's idea of successful interpersonal communication, it is extremely important to follow the utilitarian principles of psychological communication. This principle is based on the various needs of people, both spiritual and material, and on this basis, interpersonal communication is an activity that satisfies people's needs.

Psychologist Homans once proposed that the interaction between people is essentially a social exchange, that is, people hope to get no less than what they give in the interaction. In fact, not only can you get less than you give, but if you get more than you give, it will also make people psychologically unbalanced.

One of the common mistakes people who are new to social circles is to "do all the good things at once", thinking that doing things for the other person wholeheartedly will make the relationship harmonious and close. In fact, this is not the case. Because people can't blindly accept the contributions of others, otherwise they will feel unbalanced psychologically. "The grace of a drop of water is reciprocated by a spring", which is also a practice to balance the relationship. If a good deed is done all at once, making people feel that they cannot reciprocate or have no opportunity to reciprocate, the guilt will alienate the beneficiary. Leaving room for good things not to be done all at once is also an important criterion for balancing relationships.

If you want to help others and want to maintain a long-term relationship with others, then you may as well give others a chance to reciprocate so that they will not be alienated by inner pressure. 'Over-investing', not giving the other person a chance to breathe, will suffocate the other person's mind. And leave room and keep a proper distance, so that each other can breathe freely and freely...

Zhao Ta seemed to have suddenly forgotten the unpleasantness that happened just now and in the past, Zhao Ta behaved chic and decent, Tong Guan also spoke freely, but Cai You seemed restrained, often looking left and right, not saying what he wanted, just echoing his voice. At this time, Cai You fell into confusion, and almost everyone in the entire officialdom of the Great Song Dynasty knew that Cai You and Prince Yan were not on good terms. When Prince Yan was a child, don't let him calculate, not only was his head almost cut off. was also knocked out of a large amount of money, and in the first two years, he finally came up with a way to kill his younger brother Cai Ying, but he turned the tables under his intervention. It was because he was the prince that Cai You didn't dare to deal with him openly, but he also made a lot of efforts when Zhao Ta was sent to the northwest.

When Cai You was sent to the northwest as a special envoy for peace talks, he was apprehensive. Cai You understands the small actions he is doing underneath. Prince Yan could think clearly in a blink of an eye, if he got to his territory, he would have to be covered by the whole thing, but after arriving in Taiyuan, things were unexpected, Prince Yan was out on the battlefield, and he had no time to deal with him.

As the war progressed. Cai You's treatment was two months, and he found that Prince Yan not only didn't find fault with him, but also took care of him, and he didn't miss the same thing that should be given as usual, even if the war report sent to the capital would be left for him, and sometimes he would get some loot as a gift, and he would also mention him a few words in the recital when reporting his merits, and give him some credit. This made Cai You breathe a sigh of relief. I felt relaxed, too. The past grievances between the two of them were gradually relieved, and he blamed those things on Prince Yan's youth and ignorance, but he made a big joke with himself, and now that he is sensible, he also wants to make Zhao Ta as a friend.

And Cai You and Tong Guan have an unusual relationship, they are both world friends and friends. Even Tong Guan's wife had a leg with him, and the two teamed up to bring down Cai Jing. also helped him find a high position, and promised to recommend him as a deputy marshal when he invaded Liao in the future. Let him do something new. Even after arriving in the northwest, although the two are far away, Tong Guan still cares about him meticulously, entrusting his protégé and former official to take care of Cai You in every way, sending money, sending women, eating with him, drinking with him, and playing with him!

It can be said that there is only Cai You can't think of it, there is nothing that Tong Guan can't do, but Cai You got along with Tong Guan, he didn't feel much happiness, after the holy decree came down, Tong Guan asked him to go with him, of course, the battlefield was very dangerous, and Zhao Ta was also 'slightly' slandered, so that Cai You had no choice but to live with him, watching his poor guards drown in Tong Guan's Shengjie army, but there was a feeling of being kidnapped, although he also knew that Tong Guan was well-intentioned. …,

Cai You himself is also a very human minister, speaking of which is also a person of five zhang, with arms and legs, not stupid or stupid, a sound person with all-round development of morality, intellect and body, just got rid of his father's wings, and was protected by people under the wings and crutches, but he could not repay him, which made him uncomfortable, and also made him feel faintly uneasy, and the debt owed would eventually be repaid...

"Bachelor Cai, this king has been on the border for a long time, and he knows very little about the affairs in Beijing, so I don't know what the court has to say about the western expedition?" After three rounds of drinking, Zhao Ta put down his glass and asked, this time he didn't call Xiao Cai, but called him to his job, don't look at Cai You's chest without ink, but he still values this 'university scholar' very much.

"Now the northwest victory, not only the holy dragon Yan Dayue, even the people in Beijing are also ecstatic, all countries have on the congratulatory table, convinced that the victory will belong to my Great Song Dynasty, the streets and alleys are full of rumors that the heavenly soldiers will 'enter Xingzhou, capture the Xia Lord', the two prestige of the world!" Cai You praised loudly, and also breathed a sigh of relief, saying in his heart that this child has grown up, and there is no Xiao Cai long or Xiao Cai short, otherwise it would be really difficult for him to agree in front of many people.

"Alas, this is not a good thing, now under the holy decree of peace talks, now the people's expectations are very high, the weather is strong, the heart is happy, pretentious, everywhere triumphant as if drunk, in such a situation the people who propose peace talks are regarded as betraying the country, we, as the executors, will be scolded by the people!" Tong Guan sighed.

"What Taiwei said is extremely true, everyone thinks that Song Xia's peace is only beneficial to Western Xia at this time, and it is his conspiracy to get out of the predicament of defeat, but who knows how much sand we in front of us have eaten, how many people have died, how much food has been consumed, and how difficult it is to win, anyway, I can't fight, whoever wants to scold, just scold, anyway, I don't care!" Zhao Ta shook his head and said with a wry smile.

"Yes, Prince Yan fought all the way from Hedong to Lingzhou, and wiped out the 100,000 army of Western Xia with 50,000 soldiers. Although I failed to capture Xingzhou, such a big victory in our dynasty is also unprecedented, I often hear the dead husband, no son of the woman Xiao Er crying, my heart is also sad, if you can climb the head of Xingzhou City, these deceased are also comforted, but..."Cai You wiped his tears with his sleeve, his face was full of sadness, and he sighed with deep sympathy.

"Alas, once you will become famous, let's drink!" Zhao Ta raised his glass again and invited everyone present to say, but everyone thought it was weird, they all said that Prince Yan and Master Cai met like a dog meeting a cat, there was no time not to fight, today to see how the two of them have the meaning of sympathy for each other, the words seem to be complaining that Captain Tong reversed his word, and transferred the Shaanxi army back at a critical moment, so that the Western Expedition became a tiger, and had to sit down and make peace with Xixia.

"Eh, Prince Yan don't be discouraged, the old man has nothing to do, although he has not been able to take the Western Xia now, but he has conquered Lingzhou to comfort these bloody soldiers, the prince is still young, and there will always be opportunities to make contributions!" Tong Guan saw that what the two of them said was quite speculative, and immediately interjected, "Now that our dynasty has formed an alliance with the Jin State, it is imminent to raise troops to attack Liao, although the national strength of the Western Xia is small, but after all, it has been divided in the northwest for a hundred years, as the saying goes, 'the hundred-legged insect dies without stiffness, and breaks without kicking', and if you are entangled, you will miss the sage's plan to cut Liao, and make peace with the Western Xia as soon as possible, you can avoid worries!" ”

"Although Taiwei's words are reasonable, but there is also a saying" snake does not die but is bitten', the party and the people are fierce, happy to fight to death and die of illness, and attach importance to revenge, if you can't destroy the country this time, its subjects will try to lie down and fight for revenge, and it will eventually be attached first and then rebel, and the future will be endless!" Zhao said.

"What Prince Yan said is very true, but the war on both sides, I am afraid that my dynasty will not be able to catch it, and the Western Xia dares to rebel repeatedly, and it is also attached to the Liao for the tiger, but as long as the Liao is victorious, the Western Xia loses its dependence, and it can never be troubled, so the destruction of Liao is fundamental!" Tong Guan said in his mouth, but his eyes looked at Cai Youdao. …,

"Taiwei's words can be described as gold and jade, and the saint is even more arbitrary, Xixia is very anxious to beg for peace this time, and there are Prince Yan and Taiwei sitting in the northwest, he will not dare to commit it again!" Cai You saw that Tong Guan's eyes were not good, and he knew that he was dissatisfied with what he had just said, and asked him if his buttocks were crooked, so he quickly turned around.

"Yes, I've stayed enough in the northwest, and my mother has repeatedly urged me to go back to Beijing to get married, and I don't want to come to this ghost place again!" Zhao Ta stretched his waist and said, "The two of you don't know, now the Western Xia is very jealous of this king, and sent the first swordsman of the Western Xia as a killer to assassinate the king, this person has now infiltrated Lingzhou City, escaped our several roundups, and the generals are not allowed to leave the mansion for half a step, so this peace negotiation still depends on the two adults!" He bowed to the two of them again.

"But huh?" Tong Guan asked anxiously after hearing this.

"That's the person, the captain has also heard of it?" Zhao Tan asked in surprise.

"This person is not easy to deal with..."Tong Guan swallowed his spit and said, "It is not in vain to claim the first swordsman in Western Xia, it is said that this person has excellent knife skills, and no one has ever been able to go through three moves under his knife, he has single-handedly killed a hundred and ten horse thieves, and also sneaked into the camp of the Ten Thousand Tent clan in order to take revenge, and beheaded its chieftain, and then because of his many grievances, he was chased and killed by several party clans, and he disappeared many years ago, but he did not expect to appear in Lingzhou City!" ”

"How is it good that this person wants to disadvantage us?" Cai You was a little panicked when he heard this, this peace talks have not yet begun, and he is facing such a risk, if he really forces Xixia to sign that contract, he is the mastermind, and the account must not be counted on his head.

"There's no good way to do it now, so you can only be careful!" Tong Guan shook his head and said, back then, several party and wealthy families sent a large number of good hands to round up, but he escaped, but it is not easy to catch him... (To be continued.) If you like this work, you are welcome to vote for recommendation and monthly passes, and your support is my biggest motivation. )