"You said that I will tell you directly if you have any thoughts in your heart," Lydia was a little unable to resist Chi Kana's gaze, but she was still very sincere, "I do think you are ruthless enough, although you have a group of things to do, but you are not there when he needs his mother." ”

Chi Kana felt more heartbroken, but still nodded in acquiescence.

Her third brother once comforted her with a smile: sadness is because of love, and the meaning of family existence is to let children have the ability to love.

When Chi Feichi was born, she also made a self-righteous plan:

0-1.5 years old is the stage when people build trust and security.

1. 5-3 years old is the stage of establishing rules, confirming oneself, and learning self-control.

From 3 to 5 years old, the concept of gender appears, and their gender roles are clear.

She accompanies the child until he is 5 years old, and if the child has no eye problems, she leaves.

She thought that she could weaken the child's feelings for her, even if she hated her, it was better than the feeling that she had for her mother back then, "love is wrong, I can't hate".

At one point, she thought she had succeeded.

At first, the little dot would be angry that she didn't go back, but when he saw her, his eyes would brighten up for a moment, like purple stars.

After that, the little little dot grew up slowly, and until now, that brilliance has never appeared in those eyes again.

Her children no longer smile, stop talking to other children, and walk away with a cold face when they see someone being bullied, as if they were living in his own world.

Her children will not be willful, messy, or even coquettish anymore, and they are not as sensible as a child.

When she was in a foreign country, she only fell asleep when she was so tired that she would not think about the bits and pieces of the child all night and night, and she was so uncomfortable that she wanted to rush back several times.

In the past, she still felt that her persistence was useful, she felt that it didn't matter if the child was indifferent, it didn't matter if she no longer relied on her and cared about her, if her heart was as cold and hard as a stone, she probably wouldn't have the feeling of 'love is wrong, hate' to her mother like she did back then.

But those 'she thought' were really just 'she thought', and when she came back this time, she found that her child's love would not be consumed by this, and she brought the same pain to her own child, as well as deeper despair.

She should have understood a long time ago, the child has hidden his emotions better than other children since he was a child, but she also selfishly hopes that her child can grow up to be a self-disciplined, strong, and gentle person, and then leave him after the child feels warm, so that her child's thoughts are not understood, achievements are not witnessed, and there is nowhere to confide in her heart.

Her mother had given them companionship and comfort, and she had not even given them to her own children.

She was worse than her mother, terrible.

In the past two days, she would always have the same dream over and over again at night:

At first, the soft little ball slowly turned into a little boy with a gentle smile on his face, gradually, the smile on that face disappeared, the little boy walked away with an indifferent face, and then slowly became a big boy who was much taller than her, looking at everything coldly, and finally when she was lost, he gently hugged her, and that embrace was just like that day, needless to say, but it made her nose sour and satisfied......

Every time she woke up, she only felt pain to the bone marrow!

And there is a follow-up to the experiment in the book, when those little monkeys return to the monkey group after adulthood, they are indifferent, withdrawn, unsociable, will not find a partner or even refuse a partner when they are in heat, and even after artificial insemination has a child, they will cruelly bite their own child to death.

If there is a little monkey in that group of little monkeys who has suddenly become normal after being withdrawn and obedient, and is slowly integrating into the group, or is it a little monkey who has been smart and forbearant since childhood, then, has that little monkey figured it out? Or is there a more terrible change?

Whatever the reason, she felt uncomfortable and couldn't bear to say that the child was no.

And under this bloodline, there is no definite ending for the future, and she wants her children to do what they want.

Even if indulgence may bring destruction, it is better than destruction, and regret not trying to indulge.

Seeing that Kana Ike was silent, Lydia followed the silence, her gaze gradually becoming gentle.

She lost her children at the age of 24, divorced her husband, and recovered from decadence for more than a year, and in order to make a living, she went to work as a domestic worker in the Field family, and then she saw a beautiful and gentle angel.

A girl of twelve or thirteen years old, with a delicate face, a pair of gentle eyes, and a smile that can move people's hearts.

She occasionally thought of her child who died not long after she was born, and she was secretly sad alone, and once she was seen by a girl.

The girl asked her cautiously and softly:

'Lydia, are you upset?' Then I'll give you a holiday, go play all day tomorrow, come back tired and sleep well, it will feel better, if you want me to accompany you, then I am willing to accompany you. ’

She didn't remarry, she didn't have children, she watched the girl grow up, get married, and have children, from 'Miss' to 'Madame', and then there was another 'Little Master' to call.

The girl was not carefree.

Before she went, the Field family had changed all the servants, and there were some rumors of witch blood, but no one could say clearly.

She is a person who knows but doesn't want to talk about it, it was the girl who told her, and then she understood why girls like little angels sometimes have a daze and insomnia all night long, and why little angels occasionally become little devils, secretly staring at some high-minded people in the dark, their eyes full of coldness......

It was a heavy and depressed secret, and she didn't want that heaviness to be pressed on her angelic heart all the time, and she didn't want that heaviness to be passed on from generation to generation.

After being silent for a while, Lydia took the initiative to speak, "You are thinking so much tonight because of the incident that Young Master Kuaidou mentioned in the afternoon?" ”

In the afternoon, when talking about the little girl named 'Gray Yuan Mourning', Young Master Kuaidou suddenly proposed that Mrs. be the godmother of the child, and Young Master Fei Chi also said that the child's parents had passed away and agreed, but Mrs. did not immediately agree, but just said that she would consider it carefully.

Kana Chi nodded.

If she had another child, what would she do with that child?

That little girl has no parents, if she becomes the godmother of that child, but she doesn't take care of and care, wouldn't she hurt that child again?

And if she is good to that child, she will feel sorry for her son who is so sensible that she feels guilty, and the better she is to other children, she will think that she has not been so good to her son, and the more she feels indebted.

So she hesitated.

"Young Master Fei Chi is a very thoughtful person, he doesn't make decisions randomly, and Young Master Kuaidou is not a person who will interfere with other people's ideas indiscriminately," Lydia said softly, "I guess they all think it's appropriate, so they bring it up, and they don't force you to make a choice, it's just such a proposal, you don't have to think too much, you can contact it first, what do you say?" ”

Chikana listened to Lydia's analysis and thought for a moment, "Did I get into the horns of the bull just now?" ”

"yes." Lydia nodded.

Kana Ikeke: "......"

"You're just thinking too much," Lydia stood up and said with a smile, "Let the past pass, you can be happy, you won't be happy until Young Master Chi, isn't it?" You rest early, staying up late is easy to age. ”

"Hey, Lydia," Ikekana suddenly stood up and leaned closer to Lydia, her eyes full of seriousness, "Do you think I'm old?" Remind me tonight that I'm in my forties. ”

"No, I think he's joking." Lydia has a black line.

"Lydia," Ikekana said slowly, "I want you to be honest and straightforward with me. ”

"Okay...... Lydia said truthfully, "I think what Young Master Fei Chi said is right, you are indeed in your forties." ”

Ikekana's gaze at Lydia was suddenly sad.

The corners of Lydia's mouth twitched slightly, and she said earnestly and sincerely, "But you don't look like a person in your forties at all, and that's the truth. ”

Every time I let her be honest, she said it honestly and then looked at her with this kind of eyes, she was too difficult.

"Yes......" Chikana turned her head to look at herself in the mirror and nodded in satisfaction, "Good night." ”

"Good night." Lydia turned and walked out of the room, closing the door.

……

Following.

Chi Fei got up early in the morning and took Fei Chi out for morning exercises.

On the way home, Lydia had just taken Emma to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

"Young Master Feichi, you got up so early, I didn't know you were out of ......" Lydia greeted her from the kitchen, and at a glance she saw the non-red dirt and grass clippings in Chi Feichi's hands, "Go out......"

"Go to the morning exercise," Chi Feichi carried Fei Chi, who was tired into a dead snake, into the bathroom, "It is in a good mood today, it has been rolling on the grass for a long time, I will help it wash it." ”

It's not lazy and spitting snake letters, it's a little excited to see the owner's mood change today.

Tired and didn't want to talk.

Lydia came back to her senses, "Okay, do you need me to prepare your breakfast?" Madame slept until about nine o'clock. ”

"There is labor." Chi Feichi stood in front of the sink, turned on the faucet, and suddenly thought of one thing, "Don't roast tomatoes, don't roast sausages, don't bake mushrooms, don't cured meat, don't bake beans, don't bake beans, don't have any beans." ”

Lydia sensed Chi Feichi's strong dislike for the English breakfast, and silently ruled out a bunch of foods that she was used to cooking, "Then French toast, fried eggs, mashed potatoes, milk...... Is meat needed? ”

"Just beef."

Chi Feichi washed Fei Chi clean and found a towel to help Fei Chi dry the water on his body.

If he didn't have something to do, he would rather cook a purple potato porridge himself......

Waiting for Chi Feichi to come out of the bathroom, Lydia probed from the kitchen again, "I don't know if it's inconvenient for you to tell me, what do you think yesterday when you approved of Mrs. being that girl's godmother?" ”

Well, she has to help Madame understand the situation, and then communicate and coordinate.

"Kaito, that's a good proposal." Chi Fei walked to the living room.

If you think it's a good proposal, you can support it, and there's nothing wrong with it.

Lydia asked, "Have you ever thought about what to do in the future?" I mean, that girl, stay in Japan or let her go to England with her wife? Or ......"

"After the matter is decided, you can communicate, depending on the wishes of both parties, it's too early to think about that," Chi Fei sat on the sofa and looked back at Lydia, "I haven't told Xiao Ai about this yet, she has concerns, and she doesn't necessarily agree, but she thinks the proposal is good, so she agrees." ”

Lydia was a little speechless, it seems that Madame really thinks too much, and men's brain circuits are not so complicated......

"Is my mother overthinking it again? If only she could handle her own business as neatly as she did her work. Chi Feichi took out his mobile phone to dial the phone and sighed in a low voice, "Tsk...... Woman. ”

Lydia: "......"

What's wrong with a woman's sentimentality?

Young Master Fei Chi seemed to be sighing that 'women are trouble'.

Without waiting for Lydia to ask, Chi Feichi was already talking to Dashan Mi on the phone, "Mr. Oyama, ...... early I'm at home, please help prepare a computer room, computers, switches, servers, workstations...... In short, all need ...... It's urgent, it's best to solve it before 3 p.m., you can go directly to buy a ready-made computer room...... Okay, I'll hear from you. ”

Lydia turned back to the kitchen.

Alas, man!

When I grow up, I don't look like a little padded jacket at all.

She suddenly felt that it would be good for Madame to have a daughter.