Lying in bed for a while, I was really sleepy, and my body was so tired that I didn't want to move.

I sat here and didn't move much for a day, but I moved in the morning. But now there is a faint pain in both legs, and it is better if you don't move, as if you have run a marathon, is this the feeling of being overdrawn in your body? Maybe I'm really old, not as old as when I was younger, and after 16 hours of continuous online work, I feel a little overwhelmed.

My eyelids were very heavy, and when I was washing up just now, I saw that my eyes were bloodshot so dense that they almost covered the color of my pupils. It seems that I am really tired, but although I have to meditate in my heart for a long time to even move my eyelids, what kind of meditation is this...... I can't sleep.

This feeling is a little jerky, and there are some inexplicable familiarities, and the number of times I can fall into this state is naturally very rare.

I grew up in a boarding school, and I don't miss my hometown too much, and I don't secretly cry at night. I overcame this in elementary school, otherwise how would I have survived until now......

It's not that my family education is not good, in fact, in some family environments where the relationship is more tense and depressing, it is also a good choice to be able to go to boarding school, at least there is no such kind of high-pressure policy, which makes me uneasy all day long.

If you think about it carefully, it seems that when I fell out of love for the first time, I felt that the whole world was empty, and I was like a piece of catkins, drifting in the sea of bitterness without support, and I had no thoughts of life.

When I was a man, I gave birth to some ...... I will return to the idea of loess before I am blushing...... It's really absurd when I think about it now. It's too outrageous, and I simply think that the love between men and women is determined by appearance......

At that time, it was really ridiculous, I couldn't sleep all night, not that I cried all night...... I'm not that fragile yet. It's just that there are some thoughts in my heart, which are always popping out involuntarily, and no matter how I wipe them out, I can't erase that feeling. It's like there's a movie depicting an invisible person slapping you with an insignificant spoon, and the damage is dispensable, but only you can detect it.

It was a very difficult time, and it took more than a month to go up and down, and the sleep time was estimated to be about 4 hours a day. The whole person is useless, I am listless during the day, and I can't sleep at night, thinking about life. For such a long time, my body bones have been worn out, and my hair has fallen out a lot. What I regret the most now is the hair that fell out during that time, love or something, I have already seen it, that is, can this hair be returned to me......

The two types of pain are not the same, aren't they...... But the results are quite like that, and I still remember it vividly. Another time it was so uncomfortable, that is, after realizing that he was a waste, let alone surpassing his parents and becoming the person he wanted to be, even the most basic food was not even qualified to do it.

When I was a child, I thought a lot about what kind of car I would drive, what kind of things I would do, and what kind of things I would say. Even when I became famous in the future, I thought about how to give an acceptance speech and a speech to encourage young juniors to strive for progress. But the reality slapped coldly on my face again and again, not to mention the original dream, during that time, I wanted to be an ordinary person who couldn't do it, food, clothing, housing and transportation, three meals a day, covering my head with tiles, none of which I could do. Life is so gloomy.

At first, I could tell myself that the time had not come, and after a while, I even got used to the life in front of me. Even if you live in such a place, I want to say that if you can really stay here for the rest of your life, it is also a good choice. But in the end, on the day when I didn't even keep my job, I woke up and saw all this, and it turned out that I was a piece of garbage. Don't talk about getting ahead, even the most ordinary connection between the previous and the next, supporting the elderly, and taking care of the younger generations, I haven't done it.

It is estimated that it is difficult to do, I can't afford the bride price for marriage, and more than 20 people still owe credit cards, can I stand it that day? I couldn't sleep all day, but it was short-lived, and after a week, I started looking for another way.

At first, I was a little disciplined, I wanted to be a writer and write something on the Internet, but later I found out that it was 1,500 yuan a month...... Forget it. Originally, the professions that I once spurned and ridiculed in front of my relatives, friends and classmates were all included in my consideration during that time period, not to mention some simple swiping orders, and some open-mouthed e-commerce public accounts, Internet celebrity marketing accounts, and even telecom fraud I have thought about it, as long as we can make money, we can do anything.

In fact, if you think about it, it's really not that I'm a decent person, I'm just an ordinary person. If I really force it to that point, I will continue to do it without choice. But at this time, the door of the world of the Gate of All Wonders opened to me......

Life is already good, isn't it the most important thing that there is money in the card? Now that I think about it, it seems that there is nothing else except money in the card, classmates are no longer in touch, and relatives and friends can't make two phone calls a year......

Oh, I see, it turned out to be loneliness, it was this thing that kept me from sleeping, it was this distant and hurried loneliness that kept me awake at night......

It seems that this is also the case, I have never encountered it before, I really live independently, and I live in a large villa of five or six hundred square meters by myself......

When I was in boarding school, there were classmates in a dormitory or 6 or 8 people, and when the conditions were poor, there were even more than a dozen people, but it was always lively. No matter what I do, there is always someone to accompany me, and after graduation, there is Lao Li Tou who has been helping me, at the beginning, he helped me pay the rent without money, and then I didn't even have a job, and he ended up at home as a game booster like me. Not a penny came in, and it all depended on his help......

At that time, no matter how lonely I was, I always had friends, but now that I close the door, the whole room is only the echo of my own breathing. Now that I think about it, I still miss the neighbors who used to live in the tube building, although I don't say hello much, but I can hear their faint chatting voices, and I always feel much more relieved.

Hey, it's infuriating, let's take some sleeping pills......