Turning his head suddenly, the wine flag in the countryside and village fluttered, waving up and down with the wind. I met the person I loved the most on a snowy day, and I decided to overcome all obstacles to fall in love with her. I firmly believe that I am ready to do so, and I will bring her happiness and joy. I promise to make her food and clothing worry-free, I promise to make her higher than all the women around her, I promise to give her endless love. I gave up writing and started working hard to earn money, but I was surprised to find that no matter how hard I tried, I was only rewarded enough to survive my life. It was only then that I fully understood the phrase in that book: stay poor, stay hungry. Let most people struggle on the line of survival, and they can't give the third-class people time to enjoy life, and once they have an insight into life, they will perceive the necessity of the Divine Religion, and they will rise up to overthrow the Divine Religion. ”

"I picked up the pen and paper again, and I wanted to leave something for the world. My love, how great she is, knowing that I am doing something extremely dangerous, she still silently supports me. In the world of two people, the financial burden is on her alone, and I only occasionally rely on helping others write some letters to get some change. One day, she asked me why I was writing. I didn't know how to answer at once, and I lied to her that it would be better for the future. Naively, she easily believed me. ”

"Why am I writing? I started asking myself this question. A long passage of words seemed to reverberate in my mind through time and space: looking back at all of my work, I saw that when I lacked a political purpose, the books I wrote were invariably lifeless, degenerating into flashy paragraphs, meaningless sentences, decorative adjectives, and, in general, self-deception. This idea is like a powerful potion that gives me peace of mind and the so-called rebellion written on her money. ”

"I proudly compare myself to a lone warrior against the whole world, and she says that I am such a warrior that she has never complained that I am not contributing to our well-being. I often told her that if one day our economy came to an end, I would go to prison and write, and I would have to write honestly about what I knew and felt. Actually, this is already dishonest, I know, as long as I really go to prison, people like me will definitely be reformed and then turned into nothing. Lies, let's be reassured. ”

"Because of the pressure of survival, I accepted a writing assignment of more than 80,000 words, and the price given by the other party was five silver coins for 1,000 words. I can write 10,000 words in a day, and with revision and pondering, a book of 80,000 words can be written in half a month at most. Five silver coins for 1,000 words is a sky-high price for me. And then I started writing, and unlike the books I had written before, this book had no political purpose, it was like rewriting some myths, adding a new element to the well-known stories, eroticism. I write three chapters a day, each with about 3,000 words. Soon I was writing 80,000 words, but looking back, I felt that the book was rubbish. ”

"I got a huge sum of money and she was happy for me. The text finally brought me a little benefit, and I bought her a lot of things, all the things she always wanted but didn't have the money to buy. She was happy for a long time, and we even lit red candles that we only use for the holidays. The wind gently shook the candle lights, and the beauty was slightly drunk in her arms. She said she was so happy and that all her perseverance was duly rewarded. She blushed drunk, and I held her in my arms and circled in the sky. It was a beautiful night, and we slept so peacefully. ”

I flipped the page, and the paper was wrinkled, as if it had been soaked in water, and some of the words had melted away.

“…… At this time, I realized that words have always been just a tool I use to make a living, and I am not noble. I have been writing under the pretext of waking up the world, and in the end it is only for my own benefit. I started to shift my writing style, and I found that erotic content was quite popular, and there were even some mystery people who specialized in collecting a lot of erotic works. Later, I learned that these erotic works eventually flowed into the color department of the Ministry of Truth, and the color department people needed a large number of manuscripts, and these manuscripts were secretly packaged and distributed to major cities after being approved by the color department. These works eventually fell into the hands of ordinary people, because they could only give birth to one child, so the physiological needs of ordinary people were infinitely compressed, and these erotic works satisfied their fantasies of lust. If nothing else, I'll keep writing like this until I'm exhausted. Only by constantly writing can she earn more money, buy her more things, and make her live a better life. Whenever I was immersed in writing, she always arranged everything for me with understanding. ”

One day, she took out a manuscript and asked, "Why wasn't it written?" I took the manuscript and looked at it twice, hey, it was a long time ago, and the content of the article was blaming the Cult and the Empire. I replied that such a manuscript was too dangerous, and no one would read it, so I wouldn't make much money. She asked suspiciously, isn't this the type of manuscript you are writing now? I replied that I was writing about erotic content now. I didn't want to lie to her, but I didn't expect her reaction to be that big. A resounding slap in the face, she said angrily: I was willing to talk to you because I took a fancy to your ideals and retribution, I hope you can complete your ideals, write down the most true thoughts in your heart objectively, and you have to leave something to the world. I don't want any money, even if you are penniless now, I am sure you will have it in the future. But now you're wasting your time on these things, and you're throwing your dreams aside. I'm not happy about you like this. I said uneasily, but if I didn't write this, we wouldn't be able to live a normal life. She interrupted, "You can write hard, we have saved a little money, and with my work, we will be able to sustain us for a long time." Don't let me down. ”

Her words were like ice and snow in the scorching heat, and I turned my perspective back to caring for the world. I started fictionalizing a single character who struggled in this abnormal world and eventually assimilated into this abnormal world. In a world with such strict censorship, I had to project the background of the story into a world that didn't exist at all. Either write a traditional story in a new way, or write a new story in a traditional way, and if both are new, the reader can't accept it. I want to tell everyone that if we could, we would change the world; If we can't, we stop the world from changing us. It's a pity that I was so wrong, this abnormal world is like a grinding machine, living people go in, and paralyzed dead flesh comes out. It's not this meat grinder that's scary, it's the indifferent that we're the parts of this meat grinder. ”