One day in June 2003 — it is not clear exactly which day — it was a bright morning. The sunlight climbed into the small bedroom from the dirty windowsill, and the plane trees outside the window knew that they were babbling, An Ran simply didn't bother to pay attention to them, and the little boy simply pulled up the quilt with his hands to cover his whole head, as if this would prevent the harsh sunlight and annoying sounds to wake himself up. But this is a bit self-deceptive, just like when you used to eat, even if you buried yourself in eating, you would still hear your parents' quarrels.

The cry of knowing is like a mother's complaints, and An Ran can simply recite her mother's complaints, "Look at who they are, who, who, how are they", "If you are a little promising, like a man, our family will not live like it is today", "I was really blind to marry you", etc., these are because most unsatisfactory women will shout out after getting married and having children, and the lines have already shocked the little boy's ears calluses. An Ran chose to accept it numbly, and his father would still be injured, he would burst out of silence like many other people who were stimulated by a certain sentence, and picked up the nearest dishes and chopsticks and smashed them on the ground, "You can't get used to me, you can get a divorce if you can't get by!" Then he got up and snatched the door.

An Ran remembered that there was no quarrel between her parents that day, in fact, there was no war between her parents in that recent period, and occasionally the house would be quite quiet. On the second day of school holidays, he could have gotten up, dressed, washed up as fast as he had been fighting, and then picked up the change on the table and ran to school, and of course he had enough reasons to cover his head with a quilt and let the damn one in the sycamore tree get out of his own world.

At that moment, a thug with the smell of smoke lifted his quilt, and his father, with his black-rimmed glasses, bent down to look at him, and An Ran felt that the dirt on his frames was comparable to the dust on the windowsill. Fortunately, this yellow-faced middle-aged man has shaved his beard and is relatively gentle today.

"You're on vacation, your mother and I are going to take you to the People's Park to play, the last time I passed by the entrance of the park, I saw a big pirate ship inside from outside the wall, as long as you have the guts......" he laughed.

An Ran knew what his father meant, 'As long as you have the guts, we will go and sit'. He wanted to reply to him, why don't I have the guts? I'm bolder than you! But the young man held back, he felt that saying this might anger his father, and from the previous family wars he had learned some taboo words, what stupid, lazy, useless, useless, absolutely not to say. He didn't know why his father was so angry when these words came out of his mother's mouth. Anyway, he wasn't too uncomfortable when they scolded themselves with these words, and An Ran was even more angry about the bamboo stick that was placed behind the door, and he wanted to cut it with a thousand knives when his mother slapped it on him.

"Got it." This was An Ran's gentle response to his gentle words.

"Then hurry up and get dressed and get up!" The father straightened up and frowned, "Huh? Son, aren't you supposed to be happy? We're going to the park! He reminded.

So what?" An Ran thought to herself, "Is it going around on that earthworm-like path behind your ass?" Standing on a cement pavilion and chatting with others; Or find an uncle with a camera on his chest to take a family photo of us? Or do you just leave me in a place called Kid's Playground and let me jump with a bunch of kids of the same size in the ocean tee bumper cars until we're sweating profusely and then come across the world looking for you? And then bored sitting on a chair in the teahouse and drowsy watching the mahjong in your hands? I'm 10 years old! An Ran protested as she dressed, "Only a kid would be interested in whack-a-mole in the park - and, and ......" Somehow he always felt that something bad was going to happen, so of course he couldn't be happy.

But on the surface, he rubbed his eyes and pretended to be surprised, "Are we going to the park?" When he got his father's affirmative look, "Yay! He gestured his finger to a V and stumbled on the bed a few times, showing the excitement that a normal child should have.

While eating breakfast, An Ran noticed that her parents were different from usual, her mother didn't pull her hair up anymore but let the long black hair vent over her shoulders, and she also deliberately added some mousse, so that An Ran, who was next to her, could suck the noodles while smelling the aroma in the air. Mother wore a dress with purple roses on her chest and dressed herself beautifully, An Ran felt that her mother was beautiful, especially that day. If there is one truth that cannot be refuted in his little head, it is 'My mother will always be the most beautiful mother in the world' that day, and his father also changed his unkempt image for many years, put on a suit that had been sealed for a long time, and his leather shoes were clean. An Ran felt that his father was not handsome but very burly, and he seemed to be very energetic, and he was also full of smiles when he looked at their mother and son. However, the moment this man was holding a big bowl and drinking noodle soup, An Ran's smile disappeared immediately when he saw him.

"What was my father like?" An Ran thought while eating, "He hates work, and going to work seems to kill him, so when he goes to work, he is always listless, and he looks like he is going to die, this expression looks very funny with his tall body." Only when he is in the second half of the shift does he look bright, why? Because he's about to pick up his dear mouse and fight with them. My father was always careless, smoking and drinking, but he rarely smiled happily. He can only be heard laughing when he sits in front of the computer and faces the little people and numbers running around the screen, or when a few friends come to the house who call him brothers and sisters, and they are chatting tirelessly at the wine table.

"Hey! An Heizi, how about a few more pigs tomorrow night? If you break the verdict, it's cool. ”

"Go for your spring and autumn dreams! I said Erwa, you brushed thousands of white wild boars, and you exploded to the verdict? If you can get a verdict, I'll get a paralysis ring belt to take you, don't you believe it? “

"Cut!" At this time, the brothers next to him often despise him in unison.

"Don't fix those who don't have eggs, I'm about to attack the sand, and a few brothers go to Zuma to upgrade their equipment is the right thing - come, come, come and drink, drink!"

What about mothers? My mother never got involved in what my father said, and she used to sit at the table and talk to his friends. Although she doesn't understand their game world, she always wants to find something to talk about. For example: 'What grade is your child in?' Where does your guy go to work or something?' they'll answer her politely, and then immediately return to the topic between a few game guys. She always said that they came to the house as guests, and it was the least polite for the host to talk to the guests. However, as the days passed, my mother eventually gave up this politeness, and sat silently on the shabby sofa in the living room watching TV, occasionally pressing the remote control and frowning. She doesn't seem to be satisfied with every TV series, she changes the channel every few minutes, and if she can't do it, she simply turns around and walks into the bedroom and never comes out again.

She used to wait for the guests to leave and clean up the mess they left behind, and she would call her father to clean the house and chatter endlessly, but her father's friends would frequent her house, and finally her mother would be too lazy to take care of the house, and wait until the dead of night to argue with her father in the bedroom. They control their voices, but they can hear them clearly when they sleep next door. Late one night, the mother smashed his father's computer, his baby, and the angry father slapped the mother, and they fought. Since then, their war has shifted back and forth between the bedroom and the living room, and they often scare themselves into tears through brazen fights. The end result is that both spouses lose out, sometimes ignoring each other for several days, and then reconciled with a reluctant compromise by one of the spouses.

"What about me then?" An Ran continued, "I couldn't hold back my tears, crying and begging them to stop fighting, but it was useless, and even the war would burn on my body, and in the end I could only try to hide, either go out, go back to my room or bury my head in eating." At that time, parents will also show amazing tacit understanding, and they will not ask, 'What are you doing?' Where are you going? They want the child to leave and not to see themselves arguing. They were afraid to hurt me, but they had hurt me. “

When his parents quarreled and fought, he was helpless and helpless, and the little boy could only run away from the house uncomfortably, or go to the video game hall to watch some people taller than him play games, or go to a messy community full of vegetables to find a partner who is connected to his fate.

The kid's surname Gu is a fat man, and he is in the same class, and An Ran didn't have a good impression of him at first. Because he always bragged in front of himself that he could eat a bottle of milk and two eggs every morning, and he could eat chicken and drink chicken soup when he went back in the evening. And An Ran always pouted in response, "What's the big deal" He said to him, "No matter how well you eat Zhao Chunmei won't copy your homework" This sentence can always hit the heart of the little fat man and make him silent, because Zhao Chunmei will borrow homework to copy for herself, not for others. This is something An Ran is very proud of. First, Zhao Chunmei is well-behaved and her academic performance is not bad, and secondly, he knows that Gu Xiaopang likes people behind his back, so An Ran is happy to show off himself while hitting others, which is something that many children as old as him are willing to do.

But I don't know when they became good friends, maybe because Gu Xiaopang's parents also love to quarrel, they can always find topics to sympathize with, or they can run into the game hall together and play arcade games loudly. Most of the time, Gu Xiaopang provides supplies, and this little fat man can often take out change from his bag to buy coins for them to be happy like a magician doing tricks. They were fighting excitedly in the game hall, studying the character's combo skills, and at this time, An Ran could often show great talent for understanding the game, his slender fingers could beat quickly and rhythmically on the buttons, and Gu Xiaopang's face was full of admiration. Once Gu Xiaopang proudly said to the people around him who were playing games: "None of you can beat An Ran!" His words immediately attracted a bunch of gamers to disagree, one by one came to face off with An Ran, the happy thing is that An Ran can easily pick a large number of challengers under the horse, and the pain is that although they can dominate the arcade game, they will inevitably have to bear the fists of a few angry and corrupt social youths who greet them.

In this way, they sometimes sit under the street lamp on the side of the road and talk about each other's sadness about the fear of their parents' divorce; Sometimes they will enter the game halls in the streets and alleys to have a hearty time, share happiness and pain, and simple friendships are also established in this way.

An Ran had a breakfast that day, and he noticed that his parents were different from the past. He could see them talking and laughing, and of course he hoped that after a period of calm, Mom and Dad would be reconciled. An Ran is still very young, so small that he can't think about deeper things, even if he feels that there is something wrong between his parents, he can't think about it, he never dares to study whether his parents' smiles are true or false? Did they act respectfully or like glue? He doesn't think about whether a band-aid can heal a person if he gets a stab in the chest. What he thought was that he must go to Gu Xiaopang at night, and tell him how boring those childish toys in the park were, they were only suitable for two or three-year-old children, and Lao Tzu didn't look at them all, far worse than "The King of Fighters" in the game hall. The little boy wanted nothing more than to prove to him what he had been saying in those weeks, that my mom and dad were no longer arguing and that they would not get divorced. You see they took me to the park today! ’

The result? As a result, An Ran only remembered that it was not a park, it was a white stage theater, and he tried his best to perform the excitement and surprise that a ten-year-old child should appear when he saw a pirate ship, and he screamed when he rode the roller coaster, whether he was really scared or pretended, he hoped that his mother and father would hold him in their arms.

Did they hold themselves? An Ran didn't know, he vaguely remembered that he looked at his parents many times, and his parents always smiled at him tacitly. Together, they paddle on an artificial lake; Eat snacks together; Let's take a ride on the train. Mom and Dad were talking softly, without the tension of the past, although An Ran couldn't understand what they were saying, he could see that the two sides were calm when their parents looked at each other. It's like you and I seeing strangers on the street, and there is not a trace of a wave in my eyes.

Although An Ran in 2003 is very strange that he does not have a strong interest in the park like most children, he is still a child, and he still expects his parents to be by his side all the time like other children. He sensitively sensed the strangeness of his parents' calmness, but he was paranoid that his parents would no longer quarrel so they would not divorce. He struggled to suck on the warm feeling of his parents by his side, like a hungry man in the desert sucking a bag of water, hoping that time would never move forward; Expect the water in the bag to never run out.

However, the stage play will eventually come to an end, and parting will come. An Ran waited anxiously for the scene he was most afraid to see, and the three of them walked together to the crowded street, where his mother bent down and picked him up and kissed him, and her tears came out of her eyes and dripped down the boy's face. "Xiao Ran is good! Listen to Dad, Mom ..... Mom will come back to see you. Then the woman turned away without looking back.

To this day, An Ran, who is already tall, every time he thinks of that day, the white back that gradually disappeared in the crowd, his heart still hurts badly, and he continues to smoke in the dim light. "But you never came back." Thinking of this, he coughed.

An Ran didn't know how long he had been standing at that street that day, and he seemed to ask, 'Where is Mom going?' ’

"Your mom went to work." After a long time, my father said.

"Does she not want us?"

A long sigh was in answer to him.

He suddenly felt that his father around him was so hateful, he was lazy, he was incompetent, he was selfish, he was timid, he only knew how to smoke, drink and play games; He doesn't know how to work, without a trace of self-motivation; He could neither provide for his family nor protect himself and his mother. Such a man! What else can he do but fool around with his dog friends and play that damn Legends?

Xiao Anran's eyes were full of tears and he looked at his father, his eyes were full of resentment. Looking directly at the tall man with black glasses, he looked at the dirt on the frames of his glasses; Look at his helpless eyes; Look at his sallow face and the ugly pores on it; He felt disgusting, and he didn't allow him to just stand there and tremble, so he ignored everyone's gaze, clenched his fists and struck at the enemy called his father with all his strength.

He wanted him to hit him again, but he didn't, he just picked him up and hurried away as if he were carrying a sack. What is he chasing? He didn't know, just like An Ran didn't understand why he was struggling. Are they going home? Is it still home? He didn't know.

Yes, as told in many tragic stories, Xiao Anran's world collapsed instantly at that moment. This poor child! Even if Heaven needs to carve him, this carving knife to the young heart is too ruthless. If he's another world, a piece of text on some boring author's paper, and the damn author trying to make him a vivid character, then the author's pen is too cruel. Because there is nothing more desperate for a child than being homeless, and nothing is sadder than losing a mother. It's easy to kill your child - leave him without looking back.