Qi Xiang arrived in Lingcheng in the early afternoon of early November.

It was raining again in the city, the water was misty and visibility was low. Qi Xiang put away the umbrella in front of the door of the L Senior Sect, shook it with his hand, and leaned against the wall. The girl in the velvet coat walked over and looked back at him.

This scene, of course, came from my imagination. Because at that time, I was sitting by the window of the classroom without knowing anything, and the seat next to me was a Cameron Diaz-style sunny beauty. I'm mostly referring to her short skirt and big heavy makeup.

Xie Duan was about two rows away from me.

It's cold. The autumn rain is dusk. Fluorescent lamps cool and boring light.

I'm in a low mood.

It's been more than a month, and I still haven't quite reacted.

Qi Xiang walked up the stairs, the thin rain on the terrazzo floor would make the soles of his shoes sticky, when he left here more than a year ago, the four teachings had just been completed, and the classroom desktop had not yet had time to be scribbled by the students, and there was such a line on the one in front of him:

The most beautiful things in the world are conducive to solitary travel.

It's me, it's me who is unconsciously scribbling, and I can't wait to tattoo this sentence on myself when I move out of my dorm room.

I looked up, and Xie looked back. I turned my face away.

Skirting the corridor was my classroom, and outside the floor-to-ceiling glass at the end, a plane tree had squandered at least three-quarters of its leaves this season.

One side is the ** wall, and the other is a gloomy day filled with rain and smoke, like a world where time is slowing down. Qi Xiang stopped at the back door of the classroom. He probably looked at the time, and there were still four minutes.

It's 4:16 and my phone tells me. There were already people around me secretly packing their school bags.

At this time, Shen Sibo appeared at the end of the corridor. He and Qi Xiang came almost in the same route, if there was really such a good girl who met the latter, then she would look back at Shen Sibo again from a hundred meters away.

Raindrops fall on the railing.

I don't know if Qi Xiang was smiling at this time, he found me through the door glass, and then he turned around, and the handsome boy was walking around the corner, coming towards this classroom.

Shen Sibo obviously didn't recognize the man in front of him who had a little physical altercation, but Qi Xiang recognized him, the boy looked calm but his eyes were soft, and he had two black folding umbrellas in his hands, he was the posture of a competent and considerate boyfriend, because of this heavy rain, he came to give his girlfriend an umbrella.

He rubbed shoulders with him.

I slowly wiped the handwriting off the table, thinking, how can I go back, why don't I rush to the dorm room to get an umbrella first? Zeng Xiaobai called two days ago, Zhuang Ning, if you don't come back, I'll use your wardrobe to put something?

Whatever you want, just don't mess with my things.

I thought she was going to say something else, but she sighed and hung up the phone. I moved my phone away, thinking woodenly, Zeng Xiaobai has also learned to sigh, one or two have grown in.

I looked over and Xie Duan was texting.

Shen Sibo was texting, the tip of the umbrella propped up on the ground.

Let me imagine what it was like. Qi Xiang leaned against the opposite wall, he didn't look at anyone, his expression was flat, he lit a cigarette and then discarded it on the ground - its flattened corpse I found on the ground after I came out.

In the two seconds of crushing it, he had already roughly thought about it, if he didn't go first, otherwise when she came out, how embarrassing it would be, he couldn't stand her looking at him stammering and explaining, Qi Xiang, you listen to me. If this really happened, it would take a long time to completely defeat his appetite for feelings.

It is natural to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages, but Qi Xiang said that he himself has no way to explain why he did not leave rationally in the next two minutes.

Now, the bell rang, and in the classroom, she stood up.

I stood up, kicked off the square stool, and scooped up the books in the crook of my arm, you know, I was doing this a little bit of a way that didn't take anyone seriously, including myself. Qi Xiang's gaze was across the crowd, and he might be thinking, she didn't know who she was messing with. The problem is that she herself is not aware of it at all.

I finished packing up and walked out lazily, without glasses, the black pressure was piled up with the humidity of the rainy day, and Cameron's classmate grabbed my arm from behind: "Zhuang Ning." "

"What are you doing?"

"Can you lend me a copy of your notes at the end of the semester?" I'm counting on you. "

"I didn't copy it."

"But you're sure you can get it, who are you, huh?"

I didn't pay attention to what she said next, because I caught a glimpse of Xie Duan and Shen Sibo, who were at the door, and everyone passed by with low-key eyes.

I was in that moment and really felt like I could do anything. As for them like this, they can't stand it for a moment, and they love each other to the core?

I want to cry, scold, and kick and hit the object of my pain like a child.

But Zhuang Ning, but Zhuang Ning, there are so many eyes around you looking at you, please leave yourself a way out.

I turned to Cameron and said, "Huh? "

Judging from the usual reading of this word, it should not be such a ridiculous plosive, and Mr. Ka stopped talking.

The images of that time need to be remembered.

Just like a movie, certain shots may seem ordinary, but they have their own unique language. After the passage of time, I often wondered, this is the only time that the four of us meet in a narrow way, which point is it going to point to, and if I make a clear attitude on that point, what kind of butterfly effect will be generated after that?

I always remember that at that moment when I stepped out of the classroom, Shen Sibo touched me from behind, and Qi Xiang was standing a meter and a half in front of me, but I didn't even notice him. Yes, I was actually waiting for the pair to provoke me, and instead of provoking me, they were going to surprise, and I almost turned my head with gritted teeth and pleasure.

Xie Duan was behind Shen Sibo's shoulder, which was a gesture of protection. At the same time, he held the tail of the umbrella in his hand and patted my arm lightly with the handle of the umbrella, as if he was joking, and the matching line should be like this - "Hey, this is not answered?" Do you want me to give it to you personally? "

The book says that this is a ceremonial way to hand over an object with the handle rather than the tip pointing at the other person. He is still a quasi-gentleman with impeccable details.

He was smiling, smiling like my Shen Sibo, and I was in a trance for a second, and then I reacted.

He's asking me for the girl he likes—not asking for it—to accept this favor, as it often says in a book full of big words like Chicken Soup for the Soul, let's turn the page.

I don't.

What you did without me, I remember it all.

Cardmate muttered: "Some people, do you want to be shameless? "

Her voice was not high, just enough for everyone involved to hear.

I looked at the pair again, turned my head and asked her, "What did you say?" "

She shrugged, meaning that if you don't like to hear it, I didn't say it.

I smiled, "What did you ask for before, notes?" Don't worry, I'll have yours, but I'll protect you. "

She blinked. I pulled away from her arm and turned away.

Only then did I see Qi Xiang.

From the point of view of time, Qi Xiang first saw Shen Sibo handing me the umbrella with a kind and gentle look, he and his girlfriend were gradually embarrassed, the boy took back the umbrella, shrugged his shoulders, turned his head to the girl and smiled helplessly.

Qi Xiang watched it all. He admitted that at some times, the surname Zhuang was indeed enough, and the toss was excessive, and no one could spoil her unconditionally, and she would have to suffer one day.

Then he saw the look on my face when I turned around.

One day, many years later, I watched the animal world from the couch, the deer herd flowing through the rushing river, and the young deer with broken legs were left on the same bank, shivering, staggering, staring at the camera, painful and dazed.

Qi Xiang passed behind him, stopped to watch me for a while, and suddenly he leaned down and hugged me and kissed my hair. I raised my hand to stroke his head and neck: "What's wrong?" "

"Looks much like you."

He really has a way of making me vulnerable. Although this was not yet evident on the day of the autumn rain in '02. He just looked at me, and his face wasn't much softened.

I walked over to him. Shen Sibo is still looking at me, right? Great, it's not in vain for me to be hopelessly mean. The man in front of me, do I take the initiative to throw myself into my arms, or wait for him to hug me?

But obviously, we couldn't do this to each other, it was too embarrassing, and we hadn't seen each other for more than a month.

There are classmates around who look sideways, squeezing their eyebrows at me, and some girls look back when they pass, my back is straight like a cervical spondylosis, not only because of Qi Xiang, but also because of the two behind me, I have the feeling of being pinched, and I am not fluent when I speak: "You ......"

He waited for me to say.

"...... Bring an umbrella, right? "

He was stunned for a moment, and then said, "Of course." "

Before leaving, I looked back and saw that Shen Sibo and Xie Duan might have gone down the stairs on the other side.

I thought, maybe Qi Xiang just cares, and maybe maybe he came to tell me, Zhuang Ning, I have found that we are not suitable in the past month. So no matter how much trouble he makes with his nominal girlfriend, he is not angry or jealous.

I didn't understand at the time that he was intellectually aware that I was wrong, but he was unconsciously biased in my favor. The word favoritism, in an adult who has been basically socialized, in his selective consciousness, is a small thing of luxury and willfulness, not everyone can do it. Not for anyone.

In the corridor, the little smile that Qi Xiang had just given him was gone, and his face was not so ugly, but he was expressionless. He's just right, and he's so tolerant that his behavior is completely out of step with him.

I think if he dares to accuse me, I'll say, "Yo, you're very lenient."

I know it's not good, but I'm frustrated and frustrated, I really want to explain, and then I think about it, I really haven't explained, that's what happened, you haven't let go yet. This is irrefutable.

So I have nothing to say, love whomever whom.

How could I tell him, from the moment I reacted, just for a while, I gradually felt - in fact, thank you for coming, I was very lonely and sad in the classroom in the afternoon, plus what happened just now, if you didn't go back to Lingcheng, I don't know how to survive this weekend, go to self-study, read materials, or be alone in the room thinking nonsense. My current roommate is a night owl who turns the morning and dusk upside down, and sometimes I can't say a word all day, and when I say it, I offend myself with the abrupt tone of my voice.

Thank you for coming back, albeit suddenly, although it was not a pleasant scene as soon as we met, I didn't mean to.

How could I possibly tell him this.

If he's going to leave now, I'll stop him right now without saying a word.

So Qi Xiang met me at the age of twenty, it was really a crime, this woman had a soft heart more tightly than the passbook, he laughed at her and thought he was hypocritical, and she felt that her self-esteem had nowhere to put it, and it was not only her nerves that had grown, others also had to slowly adjust their emotions, right--he held an umbrella with one hand and looked at her in a flash, she tightened a face without guilt, and he had to talk to her: "Is it cold?" "

As soon as the words came out, he probably thought to himself, what a waste.

But my impermeable state of mind secretly revealed a line: "It's okay." "

Qi Xiang raised his hand to his collar, and I hurriedly said: "I'm not cold, don't take it off to me, I'll freeze you to death!" "

This handsome man is very academic today, wearing only a shirt and a light sweater under his jacket, and this morning the temperature has dropped suddenly, and the temperature is less than fifteen.

He looked at me with his fingers on the neckline, a little like he was about to laugh, and then he pulled his phone out of his coat pocket, and it vibrated very happily in his hand.

I was very embarrassed, and when I saw him answer the phone and put it back, I suddenly remembered and asked:

"How did you find my classroom? You only ask me if I'm in class in a text message. "

"The arrangement of elective courses is announced in detail in the academic affairs column of the department." "You may have forgotten that one afternoon I texted you to ask what you were doing, and you complained to me that the teacher of the course "Law and Economics" only knew how to read from the textbook. It was also Friday, just like today. "

I was silent, it happened at the beginning of the semester, and if he added at this moment, "Look, I remember everything you said", I would be ashamed of him in my heart, but he didn't say anything.

I sighed, feeling inexplicable.

"What are you doing, old-fashioned."

I struggled for a long time and stared down at the wet road: "Hum hum? "

"？" He turned his face sideways: "Say it again." "

"Ugh." I had to be clearer: "You're not angry anymore? "

"Oh." He turned his head and replied coldly, "No." "

I regret it, let you do too much, let you ask.

But then, Qi Xiang changed the umbrella to his left hand, and I just thought, no, he didn't even cover me from the rain, so he put his right arm around my shoulder and pressed it close to his body.

We were still at the "Jiayuan Inn" for dinner, and Qi Xiang said that he missed the ** lotus root of this family very much, and when the lotus-shaped porcelain plate that held them was served to the table, he smiled: "Even the container has not changed." "

That's right, it's always been just right for two people to eat, like this. The little girl who served the food replied with a smile.

If I'm not mistaken, there was a brief pause in the rain at the point where I left the table after dinner. When I walked to the door, a phone came in, and I was talking to Qi Xiang, and while pulling out my phone to look at the number, I was immediately silenced.

Qi Xiang was wearing a coat, and he didn't pay attention to my expression, so he just asked casually: "Have you changed your phone?" ......" was stopped by me with a blank face: "Shhh Don't talk, don't talk - hey, Mom? "

My voice is full and shaky.

"Xiao Ning, how are you doing?" My mom said on the phone.

The director of the Women's Federation does not have to be so careful in his voice for a long time, his business is not proficient, and the frequency is inaccurate between high and low soft: "Huh? "

"That's good." I squeezed my phone between my shoulders and chin and wrapped my bag on my two hands: "What's wrong?" "

I slowed down, Qi Xiang didn't wait, walked in front alone, I looked up at his back from time to time, and the two of them formed a straight line parallel to the road.

"I'm your mother, can't I call you if I'm fine?"

"Yes, yes." I said, "I've been doing well lately, and I got a second-class scholarship – oh that's it." I ran for student council vice president – that too? I'm fine anyway. "

My mom was silent for a few seconds, sighed, and asked softly, "Is it cold at school?" "

"It's fine."

"I helped you pack a few winter clothes, and when you have time, come back and get them, your favorite bamboo shoots, your father brought you for a meeting in Huangshan, and put them in the refrigerator--"

I was stunned: "Oh, oh, okay. "

"I don't go home during the summer vacation, and I don't ...... school when school starts"

I heard Director Zhuang's distant, calm and powerful voice: "I'll tell her." "

"Oh, what do you say, you say, you just know how to discipline her." My mother's words were far away, and then they came closer: "That's it, baby, I'll come back when I'm free." "

"Well, bye-bye." My fingertips were already pressed on the end button, and suddenly I heard my dad's voice on the other end: "Be careful not to freeze ......"

I couldn't react, so I pressed it, and my ears suddenly became empty.

They rarely do this, and more often they seem to forget that I am their child, and since I was a child, I was an adult who could take care of myself physically and psychologically, not authoritarian, not rude, but unconditional accommodation is also exempt from talking. My heart was soft, and I wanted to cry a little.

It's been a while since I've been at home, and lately I've been feeling the urge to escape from all familiar things, dreaming of amnesia and changing my face or being kidnapped by aliens.

At this moment, I held my phone and subconsciously touched my cheek, so what, let's rest, you have to take responsibility for the people who love you.

Then I thought, what about Qi Xiang?

Qi Xiang was standing on the side of the road, staring at the drenched street, and the small road looked like a river shimmering on a rainy night. I shouted behind him, "Hey! "

He turned around: "Finished?" "

"That's it."

"Let's go, then."

"Well, will you come home with me?"

He looked at me in amazement, and I was embarrassed: "Oh no, I mean, let's go back to the city together, and then we go back to our respective homes." "

"Mother's order?"

"Actually, I'm homesick, besides." I thought about it and added, "So if we want to meet tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, it will be much more convenient." "

Qi Xiang accompanied me, went back to the residence to pack up my things, and got the mobile phone charger.

It was about 7:40, and I told him that if we had moved faster, we would have been able to catch the last bus at 8:30. He didn't object, he was a little silent I noticed, but I didn't ask.

I live not far away, the apartment built around the school for teachers, new, not much renovated. I went in the door and put down the book in my hand, rummaging through the objects: "Teacher Su from the hospital, do you remember, the house assigned to her by the school is going to be used for her son's marriage in the future - hey, you just sit on that sorting box, it's okay." "

Qi Xiang didn't move, just patted my chair full of clothes, and teased: "It seems that there is no other choice." "

I was a little embarrassed: "I haven't folded it yet, anyway, you can just sit casually, I'm in a hurry when you stand." "

"It's okay, you clean up slowly." He took off his trench coat and put it on the back of his chair: "I'll use the bathroom." "

"Right next to it."

Qi Xiang probably just had time to move.

Late and fast - sorry I used the word again - only to hear a loud bang on the door of the opposite room, a gust of wind in the nightdress, someone instantly seized the target, unscrewed the halter, brushed his teeth loudly, yawned like an animal, and did not close the door.

We looked at each other, then at the bathroom.

At that time, I was opening the drawer, and I could withdraw it when I found all the things, but I was afraid that the women inside would make any more powerful moves, so I reminded in a hurry: "Sister Xiaoyan, can you borrow a chair, I have a friend here." "

Yan Weiwei was wearing a nightdress, his mouth full of toothpaste foam sticking out his head, his sleepy eyes were still worried, and he was very calm: "Oh, there are men." I just woke up and didn't see it, sorry, you go and move it yourself. "

At this point, I had to really straighten up and go to her room, Qi Xiang asked, "Do you want to help?" "

I casually said, "Then you can help me find the charger, it should be in this drawer." "

Miss Yan's room was fortunately not allowed to enter the door, her underwear was hanging on the handle behind the door, and there was a pile of snack wreckage, beer cans, and half-empty cigarette cases next to the computer.

I came out with a square stool, while thinking back to the month ago I just moved into this house, how desperate I was at that time, and I couldn't help but be shocked by this sister's extraordinary lifestyle, this woman is a person every day three watches day and night, I once thought she was at least a seller.

It wasn't until one day that the two of us shared a half-pack of cigarettes on the balcony that we realized that she was a novelist on the Internet.

You've actually seen her, and said that men are especially fond of self-inflicted affection and the one who persuaded me to admit it. She listened to my experience and said Zhuang Ning, I have the urge to write this story down, but I still want to wait and see how it ends.

Qi Xiang took the square stool in my hand and put it down, and handed me the charger: "What do you say, go now?" "

Hearing that Yan Weiwei was still humming and chirping, washing up, while singing, I shook my head: "At least wait for her to leave, otherwise it will be stupid." "

When I say this, I feel like I'm being trapped by myself. Qi Xiang smiled and sat down, the lines of his face were rarely so soft, gentle and even made him look a little tired, and then he pulled me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

I was unsteady on my feet. It's not annoying, but the posture is awkward: "What are you doing?" "

"Talk to you." As soon as he pushed hard, I sat on his lap.

"Hey, there's someone out there." In fact, when you look at it from the outside, it's a blind spot in the line of sight, but it's always a little difficult to get over psychologically.

He whispered, "Then go and close the door." "

"...... I don't want it! I heard Vivi come out of the bathroom humming happily, and snapped her own door shut: "Let's go, let's go." "

But the arm he clasped around my waist tightened instead. I went to break his fingers, panting but unmoved, Qi Xiang didn't look at me, he patiently stroked my hair with his left hand, and the corners of his lips were a small arc of smugness.

In retrospect, he was quite charming. But I was nervous at the time: "Hello? Feed! Other. I couldn't think of reasoning with the facts, so I could only threaten in a low voice: "What am I, I called someone?" I really shouted. "

His answer was short: "Okay." "

I suddenly laughed without holding back, my forehead resting on his shoulder, and my whole body relaxed.

"Laughing at something." He pinched my chin very lightly: "Don't laugh." "

Then he lowered his head and kissed me, gently and briefly, touching mine only with his lips, and leaving: "Laugh again?" "

Before I could react, he kissed it again, this time more deeply, and left. I strained my face and panted unevenly: "I didn't smile, I didn't laugh." "

Qi Xiang'er, his dark eyes were soft and bright at the moment, but his tone was difficult to clarify: "Protest is ineffective. "

I made a very childish gesture and folded my hands over my mouth. With just one hand, he grasped them, and he leaned down again.

It was the first time that he had been so close to me, and I didn't feel bad or annoyed, but neither joy nor excitement, but only a strange peace in my heart, and a warmth mixed with complex components, such as pity, such as amazement, as if your whole life had been laid out in front of you, different from what you expected, but you were ready to accept it.

You see, Zhuang Ning, at this time, they may also be hugging and kissing, just like you saw a month ago.

The breath of Qi Xiang was near, and I closed my eyes.

Now I can tell you what happened to me from midsummer to early autumn that year.

In July, Shen Sibo returned from Licheng without success.

In that place, he stayed in a guest house at night, and the girl he loved accompanied him during the day, taking a bus through the streets and alleys of Licheng, which was the route she had to pass every day when she was a little girl.

They were as silly and happy as all young children of first love, and she took him to her favorite snack shop, and showed him her most cherished landscapes—but even the most unintentional conversation between them drew her silence, and his heart sank little by little in this bottomless silence.

She couldn't get past her own level. The girl named Zhuang Ning, their two-year friendship weighed heavily on her conscience, Zhuang Ning's kindness to her, Zhuang Ning's tears and pain.

As he left, she thought, he was probably disappointed in her. They are lustful for each other, but they share in the pain they cannot ask for. But she couldn't help it.

One night when the summer vacation was about to end, he called her, and the two of them had a conversation without a match, rambling, and neither could really express their heartfelt feelings, until he mentioned an accident that day.

I also know the person involved in this accident, my classmate and Shen Sibo in junior high school, after I came back from Shanghai, I heard that he had a heart attack while playing basketball, and he was sent to the hospital and died--Shen Sibo was there at the time.

"A person, who used to talk to you and laugh, said no, it was gone."

Xie Duan thought, no wonder he looked so depressed today, she was about to open her mouth to comfort, he whispered on the other end:

"Duanduan, what if it's me?"

"......"

"If I die tomorrow, will you regret it?"

She held the microphone and was caught by a sudden burst of impermanent sadness: "Don't talk nonsense. "

After closing the phone, Xie Duan imagined him lying there with a pale face, I understand, I occasionally think so, isn't this how to love someone, in addition to care and pity, there are also conjectures and imaginations full of unknowability.

She was in great pain and dialed me while I was sitting in the cinema watching a movie with Qi Xiang.

On the third day after that, I returned to Lingcheng from Shanghai.

I was a little hypoxic and asked in a daze, "Qi Xiang, do you like me?" "

He had just finished a long kiss when I heard his suppressed breathing between my shoulders and neck, his hands unbuttoning and tying up my coat, fingers slowly rubbing the horn-shaped gadget.

Men encounter this kind of problem, how much will be a little embarrassed, men who are good at expressing themselves in this kind of thing, in reality are actually very scarce, I have not encountered an exception, he considered for a few seconds: "Otherwise, what do you think." "

I want to say, or is it, Freemasonry? At Jiayuan Inn, the waiter said that the ** lotus root is exactly the weight of two people, isn't it?

"Am I really like her?"

"Who?" Almost immediately, he understood, "Where do you want to go?" "

He looked a little angry and put me down: "Forget it, let's go." "

I stuffed the charger into my bag and said, "It's like it, I don't mind." "

As soon as I finished speaking, Qi Xiang had already walked out of the door, retreated to the room, slammed the door shut, and turned around and walked back to me.

"Zhuang Ning." His voice startled me: "You're not happy if you don't mess with me, aren't you?" "

On the day I got home, Shen Sibo had already gone to school, and his mother saw me at the door: "Xiao Ning? I heard that you went to Shanghai for the summer vacation and came back? "

"Yes, Aunt Shen." The tone of my speech was as if I had never been sad for her son: "What about Shen Sibo? "

"He's gone to school, just today."

"Oh." I breathed a sigh of relief and felt slightly disappointed: "Yes, he is a person who has a girlfriend." "

She stared at me in surprise: "What are you talking about, Xiao Ning?" Did you quarrel? "

I also looked back at her in surprise, and she said firmly, "No, I know our family." "

I was about to rekindle hope if I didn't leave, so I quickly smiled wryly: "Oh, maybe I'm mistaken." "

Aunt Shen stopped me: "Hey, Xiao Ning, Sibo has a piece of clothing left at home, you can bring it to him." "

She rummaged through the closet, while nagging me, Shen Sibo and I when I was a child, saying that he refused to sleep because I was sick, that he always remembered what I liked to eat, that every time I went to his house for dinner, he would take care of the nanny, and that he would not talk to other girls until he went to middle school.

I leaned to the side and thought, in fact, Aunt Shen knew, she was just facing me. But she can't change the reality, those things are true, they are all true, but they will only make me more sad, this is like a life lawsuit, no matter how biased public opinion is, the deceased is already dead.

She said, Xiao Ning, if you take care of him a little more, he will be sensible. I smiled as I smelled the aroma in the room.

Light, slightly sour sweet.

Shen Sibo never likes to eat snacks or anything like that, I once gave him a message, he frowned and laughed and said, Isn't this what children eat?

My eyes fell on his desk, where there was a small box of tea plums, exactly the same as the one Xie Duan liked.

I wasn't too happy anymore: "How can I mess with you?" I'm not telling the truth, you think of her when you eat, and your mood is different after that. "

He stopped and paused: "Yes, I broke up with her on that road, I had a very bad attitude that day, and I refused to listen to her more, and I sometimes wonder what would happen if I was a little better that day - but it doesn't mean anything Zhuang Ning, it's you who are with me now, can't you ......"

It seems to me that this misunderstanding is big, and he thinks I'm jealous? He thought I cared?

"What do you explain, I'm not angry when I say it." I don't think the language is convincing enough, and I really don't want to argue with him, and when I get the meaning of what I want to say, I think that others should go down the river with this meaning.

At this time, Yan Weiwei came over and knocked on the door: "Zhuang, Xiaozhuang, are you still there?" "

I straightened up and thought about it, but I didn't say anything for some reason, probably this scene was really embarrassing, I guess she didn't have anything important, and it wasn't too late to get back in touch.

Yan Weiwei muttered outside: "It seems that you are gone, really, more confused than me." "

Then she left, going out through the gate, with the sound of twisting the key.

I turned my gaze back, shrugged my shoulders and added, "Really. "

Actually, I'm not so true. But you know a woman who has already been emotionally frustrated once, made it so ugly, and wants to find some posture in the next paragraph, and take it seriously again, she doesn't want to.

Qi Xiang looked at me condescendingly, and for a moment, he let out a long breath, and then he actually laughed, though not very heartily. To describe this laugh, you have to digress.

I remember when I first entered elementary school, one day I didn't know which tendon had a problem and I had to watch a TV series, and my dad said, "No, go to sleep." "

Usually I can't refute it, but that day the devil was stunned: "I want to see it, don't worry about it!" "

My dad's face was up, and it was terrifying: "Say it again." "

I don't know where the momentum came from: "I want it!" Is!! Is!!! "

As soon as I finished thinking about it, where to run without being beaten, my dad stared at me with a calm face for a second or two, and then quite suddenly, he smiled and came over to pinch my face: "This little girl!" Stubborn! "

The end of the matter was that although I didn't watch TV and was sent to bed, I didn't get beaten either, and my dad was very kind to me, and I was completely confused, and I felt that adults turned their faces like turning books, which was unreasonable.

Later, I thought about him, on the one hand, he was angry and unimaginable, and on the other hand, he was so serious with his seven or eight-year-old daughter, he probably felt ridiculous. But the main thing is that he loves me - I'm still a child, and there are many opportunities for education, so let her go now. After that, I became more sensible, and I basically didn't have this kind of opportunity again.

Qi Xiang's appearance at this moment is not far from the number of roads that Director Zhuang had back then. was about to collapse in anger, but with a slight change of thought, you see her shoulders shrugged like an experienced girl, I don't know from which lame movie, but this action is obviously not in line with her.

Forget it, let her go, don't you know her yet?

yes, he knows me. When he laughed, I was stupid, and I could handle it if he continued to argue with me, not this.

"Really?" He asked me rhetorically.

"Ahh I said, "Probably." "I forgot what I said before.

He looked at me and said slowly, "Now I'll answer your previous question." "

"？"

"For such a tenacious and stupid and sad person, I really hope for it." He said lightly: "I can like her a little less." "

I stared at him with my back to my desk, and it took me a few seconds to understand, "Ugh. "

Well, this is a change of offense and defense. At the same time, my phone was beeping in my bag. I reached out and flipped it, while struggling, how is this, how to respond to this.

The text message was so simple that I didn't understand it the first time, read it again, and then I tensed up and stood up straight like a police dog smelling drugs.

Xiaozhuang, you lost the key on the gate, I will put Teacher Su for you, you come back and get it yourself.

"Share." I was devastated and said to him, "We might be locked inside." "

I went back to my bedroom, it was empty, I tore off the newspaper that covered the bookcase, and in the frame of the little apple was a picture of me and Duanduan, I looked at it for a while, and then climbed into bed and lay down.

No, it won't.

She also called me two days ago and said she missed me and she wouldn't be like that.

How ridiculous you are, just a tea plum.

But she said she was in love with a boy, but they couldn't. Shen Sibo said that he fell in love with a girl, an invisible girl I have never seen, and Zhuo He refused to reveal a word.

and, all before.

You know, when someone is rummaging through an object, if she's already found a place, she often doesn't bother to go through it a second time. So since I dispelled my suspicions on Christmas Eve last year, I haven't thought in that direction again, and of course, maybe, it's possible that I don't want to.

But those suspicious things, they never really disappeared, that word plum is a fuse, I don't know, ignite it, what is the end, my friendship with her, my trust.

And she hasn't come back yet, she said she's coming back today. I called her cell phone, no answer, no answer.

As far as I learned later, she was sitting on the side of the highway more than ten miles away from Lingcheng, waiting for Shen Sibo to rush over, her sleeves stained with blood, holding her slightly injured right hand, shaking like a dead leaf in the November wind.

On September 2, 2002, a major traffic accident occurred on the 10* National Highway from Licheng to Lingcheng, and the light truck from west to east crashed into a passenger bus traveling from north to south due to the failure to brake, and the collision was violent, both vehicles overturned on their sides, and the bus passengers were killed and injured a total of 2 and 30 injured.

He asked her before, if I died tomorrow, would you regret it.

It's like fate.

At first, she didn't feel afraid, just numb and incredulous, and when she woke up from the blank space and was placed aside by rescuers, fear slowly licked into her consciousness, her limbs were cold, instinctively, uncontrollably trembling and crying, and her teeth could barely bite.

Her cell phone antenna broke, borrowed a call from someone else, dialed his number:

I regret it, Shen Sibo, I regret it.

No one answered. I closed my phone, climbed out of bed, and suddenly felt something missing, on my wrist.

I opened the desk drawer, and the five-dollar crystal beads that Shen Sibo gave me on Christmas Eve last year were lying in a glass box, and the thread connecting them was inexplicably broken. I flipped around, pulled out a small watermelon-shaped fan, and fanned it at Qi Xiang, who was sitting there.

He didn't turn his head: "There is labor." "

I turned around and slapped myself, freezing so hard that I quickly put it back.

He stopped writing, turned to me and said, "If you're bored, find something to do." "

"You've taken my seat."

He was speechless, thought for a moment, and nodded to himself: "Fortunately, I'm used to it." "

Then he continued to write. I leaned over and said, "Thank you, write a little superficially." "

Before I found out about the tragedy of being trapped at home, I immediately dialed Yan Weiwei's mobile phone, but she didn't answer, I know this person, there is no mobile phone, often set to mute and forget where to throw it.

Of course, you can also call Mr. Su. Her family lived in the professor's building a few steps away, so Yan Weiwei was able to throw the key to her so quickly.

But as soon as Teacher Su came up, he saw Qi Xiang...... Every time she comes, she is willing to walk around each room to see if we are connected to water and electricity, whether we pay attention to hygiene, and there is nothing to hide.

I can only wait, wait for the writer to call me back.

While waiting, find the least ambiguous job to do, such as writing a thesis.

As you all know, in the course setting of the university, which major has at least one course is chicken ribs, and it is boring to learn and abandon it, such as this "Legal Professional Ethics", Derrida "Law can be deconstructed, justice cannot be deconstructed" can be clearly explained in one sentence, it took more than 200 pages to say, and the teacher also asked us to submit an experience in the mid-term.

I lay on a stack of manuscript paper, and sighed vigorously from the first word, what needs to be said in the textbook, and what needs not be talked about has been said, where else can I break it?

Qi Xiang was originally flipping through the novel on the side, but he couldn't listen to it, so he picked me up: "Forget it, I'll write it for you, what's the content?" Work ethic and civic law-German construction - boring enough. "

"yes, yes, read your novels."

"This novel is more boring than your essay." He said, "I don't have a choice, get up." "

So I began to wander around the side, touching all the gadgets, and finally sitting down on the edge of the bed, watching Qi Xiang occasionally flip through the book, I can write so attentively and fluently, I think it's amazing.

I stared at the movement of the pen, listened to the rustle under the lamp, and the last thing I felt before leaning over the corner of the table and falling asleep was a sudden feeling of paralysis like a parasite that I had never felt before.

Xie Duan returned to school the next day, and after Zeng Xiaobai and Suma, she almost didn't catch up with the registration, and someone later described it as a tall, good-looking boy who accompanied her to the school office.

Who is it, is it her roommate's boyfriend? The listener asked.

It should be, who else.

Tsk, I didn't expect her to look so ...... The person who spoke was pounded in the arm, and I was two meters away from them, my face calm and my heart churning - it was already after the situation had settled.

I didn't ask anything at the time, the day she went back to the dormitory, the four of us went to the school gate for a meal, very happy, but I carried that little mystery, like carrying a ***, it kept crackling in my heart, I looked at her gloomily when others - even myself - were not paying attention, did you lie to me, did you have something to say to me?

But I don't dare, really, I don't dare.

Xie Duan and I began to avoid each other. One goes to class and the other always has to grind for a while, or, do you go to self-study? -- Oh I've got something else -- okay, I'm going, I'll take a place for you-- okay.

So one slipped away, and the other wouldn't go at all.

Suma noticed it, that indifferent little Suma, she asked me, Zhuang Ning, are you and Duanduan, you?

I said, "No."

She said, don't do this, they're all good friends.

I said yes, it was.

I didn't contact Shen Sibo again, his coat was still pressed in my closet, I don't know if his mother mentioned it to him, but he didn't look for me.

I can't sleep, every time she turns over in the middle of the night, makes a sound, I wake up, every text message she makes, every phone call, every time she smiles, sighs, I guess where it came from and where it points to. During the day, she talked to me and I also carried a heart, I was afraid that she would say in the next sentence, Zhuang Ning, I will tell you something. This spell awaits me at an unknown turning point in my voice, and I am always on guard against being struck by it.

But just like that, I still didn't dare ask.

At the same time, other behaviors begin to occur autonomously. For example, I met Zhuo He on Q, he asked me how I was doing, I said average, he asked why, I smiled gloomily, what do you say.

Or is it because of him?

You tell me.

Zhuo and persuasion, coaxing, comforting, and stopping when he wanted to speak. I was like a broken gramophone, suggesting over and over again that I was still in the old light and shadow, and I refused to go.

I did this with conflicted feelings, disdain, and gnashing my teeth. Finally, Zhuo He called me half a month later, his tone was very weak, and he made a lot of determination, Zhuang Ning, if you have time now, I will take you to a place, but you have to promise me, no matter what, don't be too excited.

It was dusk, and I remember that I was rehearsing for the National Day show, and I didn't have time to change my clothes. When I passed by the cafeteria, there were students watching TV while eating, I don't remember anything else, there was only one picture freeze in my heart - in a foreign crime program, the deceived old man stared at the camera, and his face could no longer see the joy and sorrow:

"The most crucial part of this is that they lie, they look you in the eye and lie, and from now on, I can't trust anyone anymore."

Someone lifted me up from under his arm, and I asked him to put me back on the bed and cover me with a warm blanket, maybe a coat. He touched my hair and pulled a strand from my forehead behind my ear.

"Zhuang Ning?" I probably didn't react, he lowered down and got closer to me: "Xiao Ning? "

I think I'm laughing, there are only a few people who call me Xiao Ning, and it's right to smile.

Almost immediately after, as if you opened a bottle of strong perfume and you smelled it, my upper body was pressed against the bed, and he kissed me again.

What's the reaction, you ask me? Still sleeping? Thank you, I just fell asleep and wasn't drugged. In this way, I still don't wake up, so don't expect anything from classmate Qi, just consider getting up and dialing 112.

I woke up, and he continued.

This time it was different, he was almost biting me, the heat of his body was like a scramble to the surface of his skin, his lips and tongue were soft, but every inch of muscle was as hard as a battle, and I had a hard time to free my right hand, and he held his wrist and buckled it on the bed.

It's menacing, and I can't help but say it. I really didn't figure out why I suddenly lost all my voice.

Then he freed up one hand and started playing games with mine, unbuttoning my clothes.

This man, his breathing was getting longer and longer, and there was an irrepressible trilling between his lips and teeth, but he didn't say a word, he was silent, very patient, he pushed me away, he didn't fight after untying one, and quickly moved on to the next target, so I was always in a hurry between re-buckling back and continuing to fight.

When he took off my sweater, I was really panicked, and my teeth chattered in panic: "Qi Xiang, you don't want it, Qi Xiang, you don't want it." "

"I want it." He smiled slightly, not so serious, and his tone was slightly off: "Don't be nervous. "

I don't know how many women's first time doesn't happen 100% willingly, ** can't talk about it, but sex is such a thing, a reluctance, there will be three points of psychological humiliation, which most men will not understand, they see that their girlfriend's resistance is not fierce, thinking, ah, she will endure it and it will pass.

That's it now, I don't want to, but I don't necessarily want to bite my tongue and kill myself or shout in shock, I can only tell him, keep talking, but he obviously doesn't believe it, what he wants to do, or what he does.

So I finally couldn't hold back and burst into tears.

Qi Xiang was already on my skin at this time, and one of the suspenders of my bra was being pulled by him to his arm. Then he froze, and after a few seconds he lifted the strap into its original position.

"Little friend, do you hate me so much?" He asked gently, in a low voice, to consult with me, a thin layer of sweat on his forehead.

"No, it's not."

Qi Xiang looked at me for a while, then sat up and covered me with a thin blanket: "Okay, I won't touch you." "

He was only wearing a shirt, twisted and crooked, and the cufflinks were also opened, one sleeve was covered on the back of his hand, and the other side was slightly shorter, and I was still crying in one eye, and I couldn't help but laugh, oh my God, this is Qi Xiang.

He glanced at me: "Don't recruit me, I'm very uncomfortable." "

"Ugh."

"You don't hate me, do you?"

"Hmm."

He reached over and snapped the lamp off: "Show me the proof, go inside." "

I immediately became nervous again.

"If I said I wouldn't touch you, I wouldn't touch you." He lifted the blanket and lay down beside me, in the darkness: "It's for you to touch me." "

If I say I didn't understand it at all, then I'm lying, Haruki Murakami's "Norwegian Wood" was popular in my freshman year, and I also watched it, and I didn't remember anything else, so I thought it was very yellow and dark, and people didn't take themselves seriously one by one, ** as cold as a scalpel, and a tough woman named Naoko said to the male protagonist (I have forgotten the name), I'll help you with my hands.

At this moment, I have never heard this sentence, and Bawang Qixiang is talking casually.

But probably no man will take this sentence "casually", he clasped my hand and put it on his waist and abdomen, in the hot and firm stage, he tried to be as smooth as possible, and breathed as gently as possible.

I said, "I can't ......."

But this time he didn't pay any more attention, the mourning soldier was ineffective, his palm was like a reliable vehicle, carrying my hand to the designated place, okay, please get out of the car and finish what you have to do.

The tourist was very timid and tried to retreat, but was intercepted and had no way back.

He gently broke my fingers one by one, and then.

He gave himself to me.

Half of my body was shaking, my head was dizzy, my ears were ringing, really, not exaggerating at all, the world was swirling like a gray-white marshmallow.

Qi Xiang smiled bitterly: "That's how you ...... Belch? "

I'm pretty much gone, and it's impossible to expect me. So he had to give me a hint.

The activity—let's call it an event—was mostly done by himself, and at the last minute he let go of me and quickly pulled a few sheets of tissue paper from the bedside.

Faint, faint fishy smell, I suspected that I was sensitive, and I suspected that I was not sensitive enough.

Enjoy the silence of the night, the breath from fast to slow, from long to calm. Then he rolled over and took me in his arms.

"Xiao Ning." His body was still tense, but he kissed me lightly: "Xiao Ning." "

Forgive me for not being able to respond to him poetically at that moment, I was still dizzy, weak as if I had just recovered from a serious illness, and it was already a miracle that I didn't vomit on him, and I had no other thoughts than to fall asleep.

This sleep was not pleasant.

At first, I was always shaky and forced, like taking a train for a day and night and then touching the ground, and the surroundings were always gray, like eyes without vision.

Then it gradually calmed down, and there were colors piercing the bleak world, and heavy rain pouring in, and people running in the rain.

Red.

It was originally very dull rusty red, but when it was soaked in water, it suddenly came alive, as if the blood of the old had been snowed, and it was hideous and cheerful.

But I can't describe to you the girl in this dress, because when I see her, I feel very sad.

She was me more than a month ago. Everyone around her is looking at her, ah, what is this doing, filming? The young man named Zhuo He put his coat on her shoulders, and his voice flickered far and near, Zhuang Ning, you have seen them too, it is more worthwhile to find another one.

Then, the scene switched to the bedroom, a new character appeared, Xie Duan, she saw the one named Zhuang Ning, sitting in the center of the bedroom, not moving or making a sound, she was holding her breath, brewing, waiting for a reckoning. She stood up and gave her a crisp slap in the face.

I was woken up by Qi Xiang, and the first thing I saw after my eyes adjusted to the darkness was his chin with little stubble coming out, and then I looked up, and he looked at me with a frown, and I said, "I'm having a nightmare." "

"You can see it, do you want to say it?"

I shook my head.

He said gently, "Then go back to sleep." "

What a nightmare. The characters are distorted because of dreams, especially exaggerated, absurd, and dramatic, in fact, the reality is not so strong, for example, it didn't rain that day, the wind and the sun were beautiful, and the sunset was full of sunset, I wiped away my tears and asked Zhuohe:

"Am I too stupid to breathe?"

"It's okay, I don't know it soon."

"Last semester?"

"It shouldn't have been last semester, although I can see the trend somewhat, sorry, I didn't tell you earlier."

I didn't slap anyone either--though I wanted to-but smashed the small apple with our photo in front of Xie Duan, Zeng Xiaobai and Suma were stunned and didn't know how to persuade them, and when Xie Duan began to pick up the pieces with a white face, I didn't get much better, I left with a disgraced face, opened a room in the hotel at the door, and slept for a day and a night. Soon after, I contacted my accommodation and moved out of my dormitory.

That's how the whole thing went, and it's not that bad. It's just that Shen Sibo has known me for so many years, and in the end he just met a Xie Duan.

I continued to sleep until the next morning, when Yan Weiwei called me back.