Soon it will be the end of the year '07, and there will be more than a week to go, and the new year will come. This Friday afternoon, the whole floor began to slip away from 3 o'clock, and I was really bored, secretly turned on the player, put on headphones, and watched a movie online to pass the time.

I wasn't worried that Xiao Luo would see that this girl often touched fish when she was free, and she didn't pay attention to what I was doing until she got up to pour water, and then came over by the way: "What's so good-looking?" "

"Atonement."

"Oh, isn't that the big hit for next year's Oscars?" She stood behind me and said, "Pretty looking, huh? How do I think it's boring, this little girl, who is insane, so good at falsely accusing her sister's lover of being a rapist. "

"Maybe it's because she loves him too."

"Really? I didn't finish it. "

I turned off the player: "Well, indeed, it's boring. "

As I lay in bed at night, there was a passage that went back and forth in my head, it was a line from another movie, the man's girlfriend was missing, and his current girlfriend finally confessed to the man that she was the one who started the whole thing. Here's what she said:

"Looking back, it's easy to judge this, you don't know this woman, she doesn't care about other people's feelings at all? Yes, but you know what? She used to love you like you loved another woman, love makes people crazy, it's ridiculous, she thought she wouldn't do it, she couldn't help it. "

Beside oneself. Yes, can't help it.

The next morning, Qi Xiang was half-lying on the sofa, and I was half-lying in his arms watching TV, when his mobile phone rang.

He looked at the numbers. picked it up, said a few words and handed me the phone: "Looking for you." "

At first, I thought it was his parents calling the child, but when I took it, I heard a young female voice: "Senior Sister Zhuang?" "

"yes, you are?"

Her voice was hurried: "I'm Jiang Ling." "

"Uh-oh."

"I'm sorry to interrupt, I really can't find anyone to help, so I'm going to call and ask, do you have time today?"

"There should be, what's wrong?" I thought she was going to invite us to dinner.

She hesitated for a moment: "That's the case, I have an urgent trip to another country, and my grandparents are traveling with the group......"

I was stunned: "Do you want us to take him for a day?" "

She sighed: "I really have no other way, my former friends, who are not in Lingcheng at all, have been cut off for six or seven years, and I am in a hurry, too abrupt, I'm really embarrassed." "

"Oh, it's okay, we're all idle anyway." I said, "You wait for me to talk to Qi Xiang." "

After listening to Qi Xiang: "You have no opinion? "

"Nope."

"Then neither do I."

Jiang Ling took a taxi to send Jiang Xiangnian's child over, thanked him repeatedly, and was about to sit back in the car and thought again: "By the way, Senior Sister Zhuang, is this yours?" "

She pulled out a string of green and white crystal bracelets. I said oops, I thought I lost it, thank you, thank you.

She said you're welcome, last time Nian Nian picked it up where she bumped into, and she didn't see it until I left.

At this time, Qi Xiang took Niannian's little hand and asked, "When was the last time?" "

Jiang Ling looked at me: "It's Monday night, right?" You were also shopping? "

Actually, I didn't take that little lie too seriously, I didn't react when Qi Xiang asked, and I didn't think about it until Jiang Ling finished answering, and I probably saw that my expression had changed immediately, so she immediately changed the topic and thanked her again.

I thought to myself, eldest sister, I was miserable by you, and I knew I wouldn't help you.

When she left, Qi Xiang looked at me and said slowly, "Peanut porridge, huh?" Steamed eggs with minced meat? "

Nian Nian looked at us with wide eyes, especially at me who was blushing, this child was a nest, obviously, he was only powerful when his mother was present, he was very silent in the face of strangers, and he looked very well-behaved.

After listening to my confession, Qi Xiang turned to Nian Nian and said, "Young man, look, how are we going to punish this lying child?" "

He turned the kid into his peer at once, and then he turned me into a junior to both of them. I was happy when I thought about it, and I thought about it: "Let her sleep alone at night." "

I reached out and armed him: "Oops, how can you be so bad? Who taught you? "

Nian Nian twisted away and said to me solemnly, "Don't make trouble. "

He used such a tone that he almost made me laugh to death, and Qi Xiang couldn't help laughing: "It's a good idea." "

Niannian was lying on the couch watching SpongeBob SquarePants, he neither spoke nor smiled, as if he was watching a philosophical movie. I suspect that this kid thinks that my IQ is very problematic in his heart, so I chose the noisiest and most lively cartoon for him to watch, and he endured it, so he should give face.

I didn't dare to offend this everyone, so I tiptoed to the kitchen to find Qi Xiang: "Hey, you say, his grandparents and grandmothers, how could they go out to travel at this time?" "

He replied, "How would I know?" "

"Have you seen them?"

"Yes, intellectuals, just like you and my parents, nothing special."

"You're not going to, are you really angry?"

He paused to cut the lettuce and looked at me, "What do you say?" "

"Stingy."

"Zhuang Ning." Qi Xiang paused, and his voice was very gentle: "You are not a child anymore, you can't be so naïve in doing things, if you are really bored, tell me that I can take you out, you know?" Even with our children just a few months away, what else can we not communicate? "

After Qi Xiang finished speaking, he turned his head and found that I was in tears: "You bully pregnant women!" You know I'm emotionally unstable and come to recruit me, I, I'm moved to death. "

He couldn't cry or laugh: "Go, go and play with Niannian, little mother." "

During the meal, Qi Xiang's mobile phone came with a text message, he opened it to take a look and smiled. I asked, "Who?" He looked at Niannian: "His mother, ask me if she said the wrong thing just now, please don't mind." "

I shrugged.

In the afternoon, we play games with Niannian, there is a PS3 at home, and there is very little time to touch together, this day is connected to the TV, two people shouting and playing games, don't underestimate the intelligence level of a five-year-old child, you want him to play love or the age of empires He is indeed a little difficult, but racing, fighting, gunfights he can quickly get started, one big and one small is really happy.

I was tired next to me, Qi Xiang's mobile phone rang again, he raised his chin to me, and motioned for me to help him see, this one is still from Jiang Ling - thank you, I hope you and Nian Nian get along happily.

Pretty pleasant, haha. Look at them, they are so close to each other, Nian Nian shouted violently, jumped up and pressed the two keys hard, accurately annihilating a bandit on the screen who tried to sneak attack Qi Xiang, Qi Xiang happily patted his head in encouragement, how much like ......

The corners of my mouth that were halfway bent froze as Qi Xiang made this movement.

How big is Niannian? Five years old. That year, Qi Xiang was in Shenzhen, and she was also there.

Jiang misses. River, enjoy, read.

Before going to bed at night, Nian Nian talked to his mother on the phone: "...... I'm very well-behaved...... No, no picky eaters...... Well, Mommy, I love you too...... Mommy! Mommy! What month was I born? "

I couldn't stop it, there was obviously silence over there, and he continued, "Aunt Zhuang asked me...... When I say autumn, it's autumn...... Want! I want it! I want a console! Thank you Mommy, bye. "

He hung up the phone, climbed down from the back of the couch, and obediently said to me, "It's done." "

I laughed, as naturally as I could: "Then go to sleep." "

Qi Xiang came out of the bathroom and said to me, "Are you okay at night?" "

I shook my head. Nian Nian refused to sleep alone, probably this is a means of punishment for him, if I take him and I am afraid that he will be kicked in the middle of the night, I can only enjoy him with him.

Qi Xiang said, "Nian Nian, come here." "

Nian Nian ran over as soon as he slipped through the smoke, his little feet kicked on the floor, and then he grinned: "Let her sleep alone." "

And Qi Xiang actually smiled indulgently and echoed: "Yes, let her be alone." "

At noon the next day, Jiang Ling came to pick up Niannian, she looked at me and said, "Isn't Niannian too noisy?" You see, you haven't rested well. "

The little boy was immediately angry, and Qi Xiang smiled: "No, he is a good young man." He hugged Nian Nian with all his might: "Private Jiang misses, is there anything else to report?" "

"No, Commander."

"Okay, allow the promotion, and appoint Staff Officer Jiang as the new commander of our army."

"Roger."

The two of them were very engaged in role-playing, and then Jiang Ling spoke.

"Niannian's father may not even know him." She said softly, she didn't need anyone's mercy, but instead she had to pity others: "Thank you for giving him this opportunity to experience fatherly love." "

I turned my head to look at her, she smiled, and showed me the game console in her hand: "Nian Nian just passed his birthday last month, what do you think of making up for his gift?" "

When I got home, I sat down and almost didn't want to move, Qi Xiang thought I was tired: "Why don't you go sleep for a while." "

I nodded and went to the bedroom to lie down. The body is indeed very tired, but the mind does not stop for a moment. Jiang Ling actually didn't express anything clearly, as if I had a secret poison in my heart, her words were quoted, if it wasn't there, then she was just communicating normally.

What about sharing? She said that Niannian's father didn't know about it, but if they really had anything at the time, did he have any doubts? You see that he is so good at Niannian, it is like a familiar thing at first sight.

Maybe he didn't know anything about drunken sex, maybe he was suspicious but didn't want to say it, this mother and son live elsewhere, they always have to leave, and the past is gone.

If his affection for Niannian is a dark reflection in the film, why give it a chance to set things right and give it a chance to show itself.

I flipped through my emotions, worried, repeated, doubtful, but I didn't see anger, even faintly, and felt a hint of relief that we were finally evenly matched in the fact that we had failed each other.

But Jiang Ling didn't seem to have any intention of leaving in the short term, their middle school classmates even planned a small gathering during the Spring Festival, they all heard that she had returned to China, but they didn't have her contact information, or Qi Xiang called her and asked her if she was free then.

I sat next to me and read a book, listening to them, it seemed to be very pleasant, smiling together, my eyes were very gentle, and I said that of course it is okay for family members, but you can bring Nian Nian - Zhuang Ning? I'll have to ask her, not necessarily.

I got up and went to the balcony.

Do you think that what is true in the past will not affect the present or the future?

Who knows.

I am not surprised that Shen Sibo returned to Lingcheng at the beginning of the new year, as Uncle Shen behaved well during his imprisonment and was likely to be released early or even return home for the New Year, so it was reasonable for him to return to China.

To my surprise, he called me. I happened to be staying at my mother's house at the time, and I was really taken aback when I heard his voice, he said you didn't change your number?

"No, what kind of number have you been changing here, haha, you're back?"

"yes, just got home."

"Is it fashionable to return to China recently?"

"Huh?"

"Oh, it's okay, it's irrelevant."

He laughed: "What about you, where are you?" "

"My parents are here, you're next door."

"Yes, have time to meet?"

"Okay."

I buttoned up my phone, and my mother also heard: "Shen Sibo? "

"Yes."

"What did he call?"

"Reminiscing."

She doesn't speak. I said, "Please, Mom, I'm like this, do I have anything to think about?" "

"That's not what it meant." My mom paused for two seconds and asked, "How is Sibo doing outside?" "

"I don't know, I didn't talk a word."

I also muttered in my heart, I really felt a little nervous at the thought of seeing this person, but when I did, except for the shock of the reunion in the first few seconds, I found that even though this young man was more handsome and mature than before, now that I was opposite him, I was only left with a sweet and peaceful temperament, and good intentions.

There is no uneasiness, no heartbeat, just like seeing an old photo of the past, you laugh or feel sad because you have touched the warmth of the old times on it.

Moreover, he looked really good, he was in good spirits, and he had a platinum wedding ring on his ring finger, and I opened my mouth without any obstacle and asked:

"You're married?"

"Yes, last year."

"Congratulations, congratulations." I asked, "Is the bride a compatriot?" "

"Do you remember the German family I went to tutoring in my freshman year?"

I nodded, and we still remember an argument about it.

"It's the daughter of that family." He said lightly, "Her name is Su'er." "

"Good name, the god of the sun in Norse mythology, she must be beautiful." As I said this, I thought to myself, if I went back to seven years ago and told me at that time that Shen Sibo's future wife was this woman, what would eighteen-year-old Zhuang Ning do? Beware comes and goes, but not once is it to the point. I thought it was emotional and funny, so I laughed.

Shen Sibo also smiled: "It's really fast." "

I said, "yes." "

My mother brought him tea: "Sibo, take a sip of tea." "

"Thank you, thank you, Auntie."

"You're welcome." My mother changed her tone and said to me, "Don't sit all the time if you're fine, stand up and walk around, it's good for the child." "

Shen Sibo looked at me in surprise: "You? Then he laughed, the kind that was genuinely happy: "What month?" "

"July and August."

"Don't forget to send me a picture."

"No problem."

After Mom walked away, the atmosphere fell silent, and we both had a name in our mouths, and I spit it out first:

"Duanduan, she is also married, several years."

"I know, I heard."

"The man is a teacher at the high school attached to the Normal College, and he is said to be very honest."

"Have you seen her, how is she doing?"

Actually, I didn't know, I texted and greeted her every New Year's holiday, and that's it: "It's not bad." "

"I hope so." He was silent for a moment and said.

I repeat: "I hope so." "

On that quiet winter afternoon, my mom was knitting little sweaters in the dining room, while Shen Sibo and I were sitting on the sofa in the living room, with a towel quilt on my lower abdomen, curling up my legs, talking in generalities, sometimes we would talk about Xie Duan, about something that the other party didn't know, about her.

If it hadn't ended up like that, if they had successfully ended up as a family instead of living separately like this, would my attitude towards this matter still be negative to this day? Grow into a woman who is gentle on the surface and resentful in her heart from time to time, and always feels that she has been deeply disappointed?

What can turn the tide in the midst of such anger? It can only be you, in turn, who have failed others more deeply.

I can help him tell the story, tell how they parted because of an accident, how I took a taxi with him all the way to school that day, and saw Xie Duan waiting at the door, the rain became heavier at that time, Shen Sibo stretched out his windbreaker and escorted her to run in the direction of the gymnasium, I watched them stand under the eaves for a while, try to push the side door, and then disappear there.

The school was so empty, I was groggy and sneering at myself in the rain, a laugh I can sometimes hear in my dreams.

Of course, I could also tell Shen Sibo how jerky the door was, and my canvas shoes made noises more than once as I walked across the basketball court, and then there was the long, dark corridor where you and she were, soaking each other's gazes.

But I chose to sit there and face him many years later, like a good listener, without saying a word.

A week later, I met Xie Duan, she came to Lingcheng by car alone, and when she called me, it was about five o'clock, Qi Xiang asked so late, who is looking for you?

"A friend of mine, a woman." I put on my coat and said, "Will you take me to the Flower Garden Hotel?" "

"Why don't you invite her to your house, and I'll pick her up."

"No, no, we have other arrangements." I said, "I promise, I don't go out of the hotel, this friend of mine has some personal relationship problems, and I may have to talk to her about it." "

From a distance, I saw Xie Duan standing by the fountain waiting, I pointed it out to Qi Xiang, and leaned over to kiss him before getting out of the car, he smiled: "Be careful, I'll come to pick you up at nine o'clock." "

"Okay."

I got out of the car and walked to Xie Duan and her husband.

The two cities weren't very far apart, but we hadn't seen each other since she got married, and we didn't know who avoided anyone, but we just couldn't make up the time. But she didn't come for me this time.

Xie Duan's husband's surname is Xiao, he is a young man with glasses, he seems to be very sincere, and he is also very affectionate to Duanduan, when I accompany them to dinner in the restaurant, he remembers her love of food and taboos, and from time to time puts his hand on her hand and smiles at her.

After the meal, I took Duanduan's arm and said to him, "Mr. Xiao, borrow your wife to chat for a while, okay?" "

He nodded in agreement and took the elevator upstairs to his room.

Duanduan and I were walking slowly in the garden, and I was waiting, waiting for her to ask, what would she say, "I want to meet him" or "I actually still love him"? When I first saw her, she was so eager that it was like it was on her lips, and she needed a little courage to get it.

Yes, she only needs a little more, but I don't have the courage to ask, Duanduan, are you happy now? If so, why would you want to come?

But the more Xie Duan walked, the more calm she became, she opened her mouth to ask me about the child, asked about Qi Xiang's situation, apologized to me, and called me out during my pregnancy, Qi Xiang must have been very angry with her.

I said in my heart, no, you don't want to talk about this, Duanduan, since you called three days ago, and suddenly came here, I knew that you were here to make a mistake, you said that you wanted to visit the pregnant woman, you were using me as a cover, it doesn't matter, I am not Zhuang Ning before, I am willing to cooperate, please forgive your respective spouses, but even if you elope, I am willing to cooperate, as long as you open your mouth.

I thought so, but my face was faint, no, we have been arguing recently, and he also picked up the cleanliness of the night.

I'm referring to an argument we had yesterday and he was late for picking me up, which was supposed to be nothing, but I found a hardcover set of children's martial arts cartoons in his bag after work. I asked Qi Xiang, he didn't deny it, it was indeed bought for Nian Nian, this comic was adapted into a cartoon and put on TV, Nian Nian liked it. Today in the book city, the cartoonist signed and sold books, so he delayed for a while.

After he finished speaking, I threw away the book and went to my room.

Then we had a hard time, and finally I said I was in a hurry, what does he have to do with you? You've worked so hard.

Qi Xiang looked at me in disbelief: "What do you mean?" "

"I, I just mean, there's no need to be so nice to him."

"Zhuang Ning, you are also the one who wants to be a mother, the young and the young, don't you know?" He tried to slow down his tone: "Or are you tabooing the mother you miss?" "

I pushed him away: "What are you talking about?" "

Then I went to take a shower, and when he came out, he wanted to explain something, I was already lying down, my eyes were closed, and the pregnant woman was going to sleep, please be quiet.

Xie Duan wrinkled his brows and laughed: "Are pregnant women so bad-tempered?" It's scary. "

I tugged at my mouth: "yes." "

"Are you cold?"

I was waiting for it to burn: "It's okay. "

She broke a small branch from the plum tree in the flower bed: "It's so cold, I'm cold to death, Zhuang Ning, I want to go back." "

I stopped: "Just go back?" "

"Well, I'm sorry."

In terms of time, about half an hour later, Shen Sibo extinguished the last cigarette in the café across the street from the hotel, then he got up and pushed the door open, stopping a taxi to leave.

They finally didn't see each other, only a street apart.

Qi Xiang has been silent since I got in the car, and I, I can't tell if I am disappointed or relaxed. She finally restrained herself, and her passion succumbed to reason.

Is she doing well? I silently thought that her appearance hadn't changed much. But I noticed that when Teacher Xiao clasped the back of her hand, her eyes looked like many years ago, watching me and Zeng Xiaobai quarrel.

Tolerance, shrinkage. And more profound than that. Teacher Xiao also wondered if his wife was going to come with a friend when she saw her, was it too loving or ......

"Hungry?" Qi Xiang turned his head to me and asked, I was immersed in my own thoughts, and I was startled by this sudden voice.

He looked at me expressionlessly and asked again, "There is a cake shop on the side of the road, do you want to order something?" "

I was really hungry at night, so I nodded, "Matcha tofu." "

He stopped the car and bought it back, handed it to me, matcha has always been so light aroma, today I opened the package, only to feel that its flavor is strong, more than ten times more than usual, I slammed the car door and rushed under a tree, vomiting nonstop.

Qi Xiang got out of the car and came over and patted me lightly on the back: "Zhuang Ning, why do you want to toss so much?" "

I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night, so I got up and went to the living room to get a carton of milk, opened the DVD, and sat down to read it.

Last time, I saw half of "Atonement". The lying girl grew into a young woman, and under the secret guilt, volunteered to serve in the field hospital and worked hard. Her sister and lover were torn apart by her lies, fell in love, and went through hardships, but one died in the Dunkirk retreat, and the other died in the howling flood in the bomb shelter. The girl who eventually became a writer faced the camera in her later years and expressed her lifelong regrets.

I bit the straw and thought, "Sorry, sorry for others, is it really that powerful?" In "Gone with the Wind", Captain White said to Scarlett, you are like a thief, not angry that you stole something, only angry that you are about to be imprisoned.

That's human nature. Why can't you forget it? It's just that I'm worried about retribution.

And in "Les Misérables", when Valjean is confronted with someone who will take his place in prison, his guilt tells him - "There is only one voice, a voice that no one can hear, that will curse you in the dark...... That voice of praise will fall before it reaches heaven, and only that curse will reach God! "

This form of guilt, you may know that it can't cause any impact in real life, but it will twist your bottom line as a human being into a rope, whip you, and make you wake up in the middle of the night, self-loathing, and your heart is cold.

It is far more difficult to convince than the previous one.