"Senior, did you forget something? You didn't seem to want to go back to your uncle's house before, but what will you do when you go back this time? ”

Huang Xiaobei stared at Carl expressionlessly.

"That's what you asked me yesterday."

Karl didn't say anything, and stood quietly.

Huang Xiaobei exhaled heavily, "I can tell you this answer now, I would definitely not choose to go back to my uncle's house before." ”

Karl frowned slightly, and Huang Xiaobei noticed his reaction and nodded.

"I know it does look really hard to understand. Why don't you go back? Finally, someone is so good to you, Huang Xiaobei, you should rush up like a pug and hug your uncle's leg for the rest of your life. ”

"But you still don't want to go back, you're still wondering if you were forced to go back this time, do you want to go back next time no one forces you? Hehe, you still don't accept that others are good to you, what a thing. ”

Huang Xiaobei looked at Carl and laughed at himself, "You must think so, right?" So you can't understand me, and of course, no one in this world can understand such an idiot's thoughts. ”

Karl hesitated for a moment and said, "Maybe I'll be able to understand after you finish speaking." ”

Huang Xiaobei nodded silently, clapped his hands, and pretended to be relaxed.

"I don't know how much your old man has seen, but that's probably it, do you know why I suspect that my uncle has some other purpose when I see him for the first time? You know why I have the question of whether I should go back to his house when no one forces me in the future, right? ”

Huang Xiaobei clapped his hands, "It's actually very simple, I'm used to it, I'm used to being alone, why do I still find those uncomfortable things for myself." ”

"I just like to be alone, can't I?"

Carl opened his mouth to say something, but Huang Xiaobei interrupted him, and said with a helpless smile: "That's right, now I look at the previous I was really naïve, or the kind of naïve to the extreme, it's just a second-year young man." ”

Speaking of this, Huang Xiaobei's eyes suddenly deepened a lot, "But you are always broad, you don't lack anything, and you haven't experienced the taste of nothing." Well, it's uncomfortable, it's really uncomfortable. ”

"The police assigned me a house, although it is a bit far from here, but you can be regarded as a home?"

"No, I can't watch you brush the plate for a lifetime, come with me!"

"That's what Uncle said to me that night, do you know what my first feeling was after listening to it?" Huang Xiaobei stretched out his four fingers, "Just four words, unrealistic,"

"I know, you definitely don't understand it now, but don't worry, you listen to me, you listen to me slowly tell you what my past life was like, after listening, you probably understand."

Carl really became a silent listener, listening to Huang Xiaobei talk about his past.

Listening to himself in his mouth, listening to Huang Xiaobei in the past, Carl seemed to see a very pitiful person with a smile appear in front of him.

——————————

"Sometimes I can't sleep in bed, I'm idle, so I look back at my past 22 years of life, hehe, it seems that tragedy accounts for more than half."

"I haven't seen my mother since I was born, and I haven't even smelled a thing like mother's love that everyone deserves," Huang Xiaobei shrugged his shoulders, "It doesn't matter, just have a father, although that eyed house looks quite out of tune, but it is very good to me, so good that it often makes me suspect that he owes me something, and I want to make up for it." Well, I can understand him. ”

Huang Xiaobei slowly sat on the ground, leaning his back against the railing, and with that bit of alcohol, he was ready to tell all his past.

Carl lit a cigarette for him, Huang Xiaobei smoked, looked up at the starry sky, and continued: "It won't take a few years, the eyes are gone, and the uncle suddenly appeared again, and he was very good to me, and it seemed that he wanted to make up for something." ”

Speaking of this, Huang Xiaobei shook his head and smiled bitterly, "Wait, should my life be so tragic, is it always one person who is gone, and the other person is trying his best to make up for it?" ”

"There are some things that can't be replaced."

Huang Xiaobei lowered his head and smiled.

"Hehe, actually, in fact, there is nothing that can't be replaced, people like me, life is dull, death is dull, if someone can be good to me, I should be content."

Huang Xiaobei raised his chin towards Karlyang, "Please comment on the second goods in front of you in five words." ”

Carl took the cigarette and said nothing.

Huang Xiaobei laughed at himself and said: "It's probably that you love to daydream, it's probably a second thing who loves to daydream." ”

Huang Xiaobei lowered his head and stared at his toes.

I know, I've always known that even if I really go to be Carl's junior brother, the head of the Celestial Empire branch won't be able to take my turn, but can't I just think about it? Isn't it okay to find some joy in life for yourself?

Talk to yourself, enjoy yourself...... No way, who made me only daydream.

————————

"How to say it, I remember the days when my father just left, I was very sad and broken, I felt that the sky was going to fall, my life was going to be over, and I couldn't see any hope in my life."

Huang Xiaobei spread his hands, "Originally, I have never been the kind of person who can be the focus, and I have never been the kind of guy who never gives up in a desperate situation." According to the current words, it is to follow the crowd, what is the people, what is the way I am, when I encounter bad luck, people save themselves, I wait for others to save, I don't meet a kind person, obediently wait for death. ”

The smoky Huang Xiaobei didn't mind tearing open his past scars and showing his bloody side in front of Carl, the person he had always been very guarded against.

"I'm not very good at studying, and I don't have any special skills, except for bragging and daydreaming, unlike some people, although they are poor at learning, they are very good at other aspects."

"Some people can run fast enough to participate in sports meets, some people learn garbage but can play a good guitar, and some people can tell jokes and make people happy, not to mention those who are born to learn to run fast and tell jokes."

"I can't do anything, I don't study well, I don't run that fast, I'm just average, I grab a lot of things in the class, and I can only tell jokes that others have said, and even that's embarrassing......"

Speaking of this, Huang Xiaobei seemed to have found something particularly interesting, and clapped his hands and laughed.

"I'm not afraid of your jokes, seeing other people's guitars play so well, I really went to learn guitar for a year...... But at the class party, the sound I played was like playing cotton. ”

"Alas, obviously I have practiced very hard, and I obviously played it okay the night before, so why did I ....." Huang Xiaobei scratched his head, and then said with a smile.

"But the teachers and classmates were smiling very happily, looking at my embarrassed look, they were very happy to smile."

Huang Xiaobei nodded.

"I know, that's a mockery."

"Because I was laughing with them at the time, laughing awkwardly."

Huang Xiaobei faced Carl and showed him the smile he had back then.

"Isn't it stupid? Isn't it hilarious? Hey, why don't you laugh? ”

That night, the smile on Huang Xiaobei's face was never forgotten by Carl in his life.

Inside the shell of laughter, there is a poor soul.

————————

Huang Xiaobei drank the coffee in his hand, threw the empty bottle downstairs, licked the corner of his mouth.

"According to this development, I was actually quite suitable to be a bad student in school back then, smoking and drinking to collect protection money, skipping classes and surfing the Internet to fight in groups, but ....... Alas, not that guts. ”

"In the class all the year round, I occupy the top of the list that my grandmother doesn't love my uncle and don't love, obviously I was having a lot of fun with others one second, and a top student also wanted to play with us the next second, but the number was enough."

Huang Xiaobei patted his chest proudly, "At this time, I will always take the initiative to quit with a very humble spirit and a very fearless spirit, saying, "Good student, you come, I will learn from you." ”

"Hehe, self-aware eyes, I feel a little sad to see." Huang Xiaobei smiled slightly.

"But what? smiled at this, continued to lean around others with a dead face, and said insincerely, "Sure enough, it's a top student, just play well!" ””

Huang Xiaobei sighed, "No way, people, I always like to join in the fun, but this is lively...... It's not fun to put it together. ”

"Just get together, and I'll be a person."

Huang Xiaobei lowered his head.

"I used to be a joke."

Rubbing his face vigorously, Huang Xiaobei's voice became a little unnatural.

"I remember the day my dad left, huh? That's right, it was the day the eyes left, I deleted the contact information of all my classmates and friends, I only thought of one sentence, don't be a joke to show people at the door, in this way, the memories you leave to them are just a simple joke, you yourself are a joke. ”

Carl looked at Huang Xiaobei thoughtfully, and at the same time handed him a cigarette.

Huang Xiaobei understood Carl's eyes, took a cigarette and smoked it, and said in a deep voice, "You probably want to say sympathy, right?" Well, I see what you mean. ”

Huang Xiaobei stared at the slowly burning cigarette in his hand and smiled slightly, "But if you say a joke, that is, everyone thinks he is a joke, what kind of sympathy will you get?" Do you think this is a joke? ”

"Just like everyone knows, it's normal for a good student to score 100 points, it's normal for you to be the leader of the secret party in the future, and it's normal for my dead father to die."

Carl finally couldn't help but say, "Senior, you seemed too extreme before, of course, I'm not you, I haven't experienced everything you've been through, I have no right to say anything." ”

Huang Xiaobei ignored Carl, and another scene was slowly reflected in his low eyes.

————————

Alone, I came home from school, there was no food, no food, and the house was empty.

He put down his schoolbag alone, walked to the corner and squatted down silently holding his knees.

There was not a single sound, and as long as he didn't speak, he couldn't hear anything.

There was a lot of noise outside the window, but an invisible window blocked those sounds, permanently isolating this small nest of only a few dozen square meters from the outside world.

It's quiet.

When the man crouched in the corner, all that came to mind was these three words.

At that time, that person liked to squat in the corner with his knees held alone, and he liked to stay alone in his corner.

It's good, it's good, there's nothing but himself.

————————

So I'm used to it, so I'm used to it, I'm used to living alone, why do I have to go back to my uncle's house?

It's really naïve to look at my former self now, but some things don't change.

Lonely? Is it hard? Not really.

When I was young, I lacked what everyone had, and when I was young, I didn't get everything that a person deserves.

I used to feel very unfair, but after a long time, I didn't want to think about it anymore, and I put everything together in the so-called fate.

This is my life, and this is my life.

But now, someone wants to make up for it, but he doesn't owe me anything, but I owe him a lot.

That's probably why I've been reluctant to think of myself lately, right?

Huang Xiaobei smiled bitterly.

I also want to pretend that I don't know anything, and go back to my uncle's house to hang out with him for the rest of my life, and I also want to forget the person who squatted in the corner in the past, but I can't forget it, even if Carl doesn't mention it, I will still remember him.

After my dad died, the man who would only crouch in the corner haunted me like a ghost.

Why can't I forget him? Why can't I forget about him and start life again?

Huang Xiaobei lowered his head and involuntarily hugged his knees.

I don't know why I can't forget the past, maybe it's because of him, hateful!

Yes, hateful, he is really, very hateful.

I don't know when I started to see my former self not only naïve, but also disgusted.

I hate my past self so much, I hate him in the past so much that I can't even wait to beat him up myself!

But the more annoying I was, the more he appeared in front of me.....

Why bother him? Because he did it himself, because everything was completely his own doing!

He's just a piece of rubbish, just a piece of trash, just a joke!

Of course, I'm not, so I can annoy him, I can hate him! I hate to see him again!

But it didn't work, it didn't work, the guy who disgusted me, the guy who disgusted me, still appeared in front of me all the time.

Am I extreme? No, it should be said that he is extreme, it is that he is too extreme, I just ......

I don't know why I hate him and want to live according to his ideas, I don't know, I really ......

Huang Xiaobei hugged his knees and stared at his toes in a low voice, and suddenly, he raised his head slightly, as if he remembered something.

By the way, if memory serves, the man crouching in the corner seems to like to watch the door.

——————

Clutched on his knees, crouched in the corner, staring at the door.

Will someone knock on the door?

Well, a knock on the door? Who will it be? Daddy...... Forget, the eye house is gone.

Oh, I'm here to urge the property fee, well, the eyes are good, quite sympathetic, but why do I always feel that kind of look disgusting.

Forget it, it's nothing to urge the property fee, so can you talk to me a few more words? Don't say comforting words, the more you comfort me, the more you feel that you are hypocritical.

Say something else, such as whether you have eaten, whether you have slept, etc., don't say anything about mourning, take care, it's annoying.

Huang Xiaobei looked at his past self and laughed.

He's really hard to serve, he wants to do it and doesn't want to, it's just a collection of contradictions.

Looking at the door, expecting a knock, expecting comfort, but hating that comfort.

Why are you so hard to serve? You're really just on your own.

Yes, he is only suitable for himself, and the best ending for a guy like him is actually to die in loneliness, and only Dugu is with him before he dies.

How nice.

————————

I am also a collection of contradictions, disgusted with my past self, but involuntarily living according to his ideas.

A person dies of loneliness, and all that accompanies him before death is loneliness, how naïve.

I really hate my former self, but what should I do?

I don't know.