"You're coming, you're coming!" Mrs. Yao also rushed to the door of the flower hall and greeted the child earnestly.

"I don't think he's coming," I didn't hear the child's reply, but I answered beside me.

"Why?" She turned her face away and looked at me with a puzzled look.

"This place has so many painful memories of him, and if it were me, I wouldn't come again," I replied, feeling a little uncomfortable.

"But there should be many happy memories of him here," she thought for a moment, before she said to herself. "I'd love to give him back the garden." She sat down in a wicker chair in front of her desk.

I was taken aback that she had such a thought! I asked, "Give it back to him?" He wouldn't want it either. And is it possible to recite poetry? ”

She shook her head: "I won't agree to chanting poetry." Actually, he doesn't love flowers. I love this garden. Later, she added, "I think this kid is very good." ”

"He has suffered so much, and he understands so much. He should have been better off at his age," I said.

"But there aren't many people who are doing well right now. A lot of people are suffering. Mr. Li, do you think there is a price to be paid for this kind of suffering? How long will this suffering continue? Her two big eyes looked at me, eagerly awaiting my answer.

"Who knows!" I replied in passing. But I caught her troubled eyes, and I immediately became alert again. I couldn't answer her questions, and I knew she needed more than just words. But in order to comfort her, I had to say, "Of course there is a price, and there is never a loss of suffering." The results will come soon. At least in another year or two we will see victory. ”

A smile crossed her face. She nodded slightly, and raised her eyes again, she no longer looked at me, but what was she looking at stupidly? She's looking to the future. She bared her teeth slightly and said gently, "I think so too." But victory is only one thing, and we can't push anything to it. But what can a woman like me do? I'm not just waiting. I can only wait for everything. I have a lot of heart for everything. Mr. Lai, you will definitely look down on me. She buried her eyes in me.

"Why? Mrs. Yao, why should I look down on you? I asked, surprised.

"I was locked up in this mansion all day, I didn't do anything, and I didn't manage the poetry well, and I couldn't even manage Xiaohu's education. If you want to manage it, you can't manage it well. I'm a wretch. Reciting poetry is just spoiling me. He believed in me, but he didn't think I had any of these problems. I don't want to tell him much. ”

"Mrs. Yao, you shouldn't be yourself. If you want to say that you are a waste, am I not also a waste? Am I also empty about everything? I said sympathetically that her words made me feel sad, and I wanted to comfort her, but for a moment I could not find the right words.

"Mr. Li, you are not better than me, you have written so many books, how can you be said to be a waster!" She raised her voice in protest and smiled at me in friendship.

"What's the use of those books? It's not empty words! ”

"It's not empty words. I remember a novelist who said that you are the doctors who heal the human heart. At least I've taken your medicine. I feel like you've brought people's hearts together and made people get to know each other. You are like people who send charcoal in cold weather and comfort in pain. Her eyes lit up with emotion, and she seemed to see something in the distance.

A warm current entered my heart, and my whole body trembled with joy. I would like to take her for it, but I still argue: "We are just writing black letters on a blank piece of paper, wasting our youth, wasting some people's time, and provoking the hatred of others." We can't support ourselves with a pen. Like me, I'm just going to be a diner at your house right now. I smiled self-deprecatingly.

She immediately changed her tone of reproach and said to me, "Mr. Li, you shouldn't say such things in front of me. How can you say it's a diner? You are an old friend of the Poetry, and it is an honor for us to be able to entertain guests like you in our home. ”

"Mrs. Yao, you say I'm polite, so please don't say the word 'honored,'" I interjected.

"I'm saying what I want to say," she replied with a smile. But her smile faded again. "I'm not complimenting you. For many years I have regarded your books as my husband and my friend. My mother was a good-hearted old old lady, and my brother was an old-fashioned scholar. I didn't meet a good gentleman in the school, and the young classmates didn't associate with me after I got married. In Yao's house, I have a lot of free time, and when he goes out, I am bored and can only read books. I've read a lot of novels, translations, books, other people's books, yours, I've read them all. These books opened up a world for me. My former world was only a little bit bigger: two homes, a school, and a dozen streets. I now know that there is such a vast human world around me. I'm just getting in touch with people's hearts now. I now understand what misery and pain are. I know what it's like to be alive. Sometimes I'm so happy that I'm in tears, sometimes I'm so sad that I just giggle. Whether I was crying or laughing, I always felt much happier afterwards. Compassion, love, mutual aid, these are no longer empty words. My heart is next to the hearts of others, I am happy when others laugh, and I am sad when others cry. I have seen so much pain and misfortune in this world, but I have seen more love. It was as if I heard grateful, contented laughter in the book. My heart is always as warm as it is in spring. It's a beautiful thing to be alive, and I remember you saying that. ”

"I mean: it's a beautiful thing to live and work for your dreams," I interjected.

She nodded, then continued, "That's pretty much it." If you want to live happily and meaningfully, who can live without ideals! I heard a gospel church sermon very early on, where a British female doctor spoke Chinese, and she quoted a Bible saying: Sacrifice is the greatest happiness. I didn't understand the meaning of this sentence before, but now I do. Help people, give their own things to others, make the crying laugh, the hungry full, and the cold warm. Isn't that the laughter and joy the best reward! I sometimes think that it would be much better to go out and be a nurse, and that I could also help the unfortunate patients: take this one, give that one something, take medicine to relieve the pain of the third person, and dispel the loneliness of the fourth person with comforting words. ”

"But you shouldn't forget yourself by thinking about others!" I interjected a second time with emotion.

"I'm forgetting myself, I'm actually expanding myself. This is still the saying of a foreign novel. I will see myself in the laughter and crying of others. I am in the happiness of others, in the daily life of others, and in the thoughts and memories of others. How nice it would be to be able to do that! "The smile on her face was so bright, I felt as if I had seen the starry sky on an autumn night. As I listened to her, I thought to myself: How beautiful this is! I thought again: Is there a poem in this smile? Then I thought, "Is there me in this smile?" I felt a high spirit, as if I had been lifted up by her. My heart was beating so hard that I looked at her gratefully. But the starry sky suddenly dimmed again. She changed her tone and continued, "But I can't do anything. I'm like a bird that grows up in a cage and can't fly if I want to. I don't dare to fly now," she said, and as if she had inadvertently glanced at her belly, her face immediately flushed.

I don't know what words to comfort her, there are so many things I want to say, maybe she understands better than I do. Her words are still stirring in my heart. To say "enlarge yourself", she has already received the effect on me. All she needs is proof and some sympathy.

"Mr. Li, are you done with your novel?" She asked suddenly, as she rolled her eyes to look at the desk.

"Not yet, it's been a slow time these days," I replied briefly. She solved my problem, and I didn't need to say anything else.

She turned around and looked at me sympathetically, and said with concern, "You're too tired, it's the same to write slowly." ”

"Actually, it's almost over, it's just a little bit close. But these days, I can't pick up a pen and write. ”

"Is it for the Yang family's children?" She asked again.

"Probably," I replied, but I hid a reason: Little Tiger, or rather, her.

"If you can't write, you just take a break, why bother yourself like this," she said comfortingly. Then she turned around and looked at the stack of manuscripts on the desk, and said, "May I read the manuscripts first?" ”

"Naturally. If you like it, you can take it now. Just leave the last one behind," I said earnestly.

She stood up and smiled, "Then let me take it and see it." ”

I walked over and gave her the manuscript. She took it in her hand, flipped it over, and said, "I'll be back tomorrow." ”

"Take your time, it doesn't matter, there's no rush," I said politely.

She took her leave and left. I stood on the low threshold and looked at the silent garden, and I looked at it for a long time.