"When I was a child, my father loved me. I remember that from the time I was three years old, it was my dad who took me to sleep. Mom likes my brother. My brother didn't listen to his father since he was a child. Dad was not at home for a day, and he didn't come back until the evening, and when he came back, he had to quarrel with his mother, sometimes the quarrel was very fierce, and his mother cried, and the next morning his father said a few good words to his mother, and his mother was happy again. Two days later they quarreled again. I'm afraid to listen to their quarrels, and my brother sometimes helps my mother say a few words. I hid in bed, even on a hot day, and covered my head with a bed, not daring to make a sound, and unable to sleep. Later, my father came to bed, opened my bed, and when he saw that I was still open, he asked me if they were so quarrelsome that I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't speak, I just nodded. He looked at me, he said that he would not quarrel with his mother anymore, I saw him crying, I also cried, I didn't dare to cry loudly, just cried softly. He tried so many things to persuade me, and I fell asleep. ”

The child began to tell his story like this. He sat on the couch next to the bed, Mrs. Yao sat on the other couch, and I sat on the edge of the bed. Our eyes are on him, but his eyes are on the glass window. Naturally, he wasn't looking at the scenery outside the window, his vision was obscured by the pale cyan curtains. His red eyes seemed to be covered with a layer of mist, and tears were full of tears, but they did not drip down. I think he's looking back on his childhood.

They still quarrel a lot in the future, Dad is still away from home all day, and Mom sometimes plays mahjong. If you lose money, it's easier to quarrel with your father. One time when I was already asleep, my mother pulled me up and asked me and my brother to kowtow to my father. Mom said, 'Why don't you two kowtow to your father and beg him to leave you a few dollars to live, so that you don't lose his face in the future!' Kneel, kneel! My brother knelt down first, and I had to kneel with him. I saw my father blushing, clutching his hair and stammering to my mother, 'Why do you bother, why do you bother!' On this day, Dad had no choice, he was so anxious that he circled the house. Mom just urged us: 'Kowtow, kowtow!' My brother really kowtowed, and I was so scared that I started crying. Dad grabbed his hair one after another, stammered, and said several 'you' words. Mom pointed at him and said, 'Why don't you speak today!' Will you be embarrassed too? They are all your sons, and you take out your father's frame and teach them a lesson! You tell them that you spent the money you earned, not the money their grandfather left them! Dad said, 'You see Han'er is scared and crying.' What are you arguing about! Shame on everyone when they hear it! Mom was even angrier. She spoke louder, and she said, 'You were so noisy in the past, why are you afraid of arguing today!' If you do it, I can't say it! Who are you afraid of not knowing that you are prostituting outside, gambling! Who doesn't laugh at me for being ......a widow at home,' Dad hurriedly blindfolded his ears and said, 'Don't say any more, I'll kneel down for you, okay?' Mom rushed to say, 'I'll kneel for you, I'll kneel for you!' And he threw himself down and knelt down. Dad stood still. Mom started crying, pulled her father's clothes and cried and said, 'You have pity on our mother and son.' It is better for you to kill us as quickly as possible, lest we suffer the sin of life. Dad didn't say a word, he shook off his mother's hand and turned around and ran out. Mom called him from behind, and he didn't turn around. Mom cries, my brother cries, and I cry too. My mother looked at us and said, 'You have to study hard, or we're all going to starve.' I can't say a word. I heard my brother say, 'Mom, don't worry, I'm going to avenge you when I grow up!' My mother let me sleep alone that night, and my mother thought that my father would come back, but my mother didn't sleep well, and I didn't sleep well. I opened my eyes and stared at the oil lamp, waiting for my father to come back. The rooster crowed several times, but I couldn't see my father's shadow.

Dad didn't come back for two nights, and Mom was in a hurry, so she sent someone out to look for Daddy, and asked my brother to look for it, but I couldn't find it anywhere. Mom stopped playing, sat at home all day and cried, complaining that she shouldn't have quarreled with her father. On the morning of the third day, my father came back, and my mother talked and laughed again, and poured tea and snacks with my father. Dad also talked and laughed. Later, I saw that my mother handed over a pair of golden circles to my father, and my father was very happy. In the afternoon, my father accompanied my mother and took me and my brother out to watch the play.

I remember it vividly. I've dreamed of it a few times. Dad and Mom didn't quarrel for twenty or thirty days. We also had a great time. Dad came back early every night and brought me snacks every day. One night I secretly said to my father in bed, 'Dad, don't quarrel with your mother in the future, you see that if you don't quarrel, everyone will have a good life.' He swore a curse on me, saying that he would never quarrel again.

But not long after, he quarreled with his mother again, as if it was for the matter of the Golden Circle. When I was arguing, my mother always had to cry, but after two days, my mother and my father got better again. Almost every month or two, my mother has to give my father something of value. When my father got something, he had to take my mother out with us to watch a play and go to the restaurant. In a month or two they quarreled over that stuff again. It's like that every year.

They all said I was sensible early. Indeed, I understood everything at that time. I know that money is more useful than anything else, I know that people cannot tell the truth from one person to another, and I know that everyone is only looking out for himself. Sometimes they quarrel so much that they alarm others, and everyone comes to see the jokes, but no one sympathizes with us.

Later, they quarreled even harder. Each time it is more fierce than the other. Mom always cries after the quarrel, and Dad always sleeps outside. Even my brother and I could see that the more they argued, the worse their relationship became. We still don't understand why Mom was happy to take things to Dad and let him take them out after arguing and crying. Not only things, but also money. Mom used to tell us that the money was running out for Dad. But my mother still gave the money to my father. Mom also told us that what she gave to her father was the money that her grandmother left her, and her father is now using it to do business. The money left by Grandpa has long been spent by Daddy.

When my father got things and money, he talked and laughed at home, and he also talked a few more words to his mother. When he couldn't get the money, he kept a straight face and didn't say anything. In fact, he was never at home during the day, and his shadow was only visible for about one or two days out of ten days.

One day my father took me out to buy something, and he didn't take me home, but took me to a solitary courtyard. There was a very beautiful woman there, and I remember that she had a melon seed face, and she rubbed a lot of red powder. She called her father to be the 'third master' and me to be the 'little master', her father called her the 'fifth master', and her father called me 'aunt'. We sat there for a long time. She was very affectionate with her father, and they talked a lot, but they were not very loud, and I didn't pay attention to it, and I didn't understand my aunt's words. She gave me some picture books to read, and brought me some candy and snacks. I sat alone on a low stool reading a book. We had dinner before going home. Along the way, my father also told me not to talk about 'Auntie' in front of my mother when I went home. My father asked me again what I thought of 'Auntie'. I said Auntie, it's good-looking. Dad was very happy. When we got home, my mother saw that my father was happy, so she asked two or three words casually, and left me alone. But my brother didn't believe me, and he dragged me into the garden and forced me to ask me where my father had taken me. I won't tell the truth. He got angry and scolded me a few times. My dad was very nice to me that day, he went to bed, and he told me stories. He praised me for being a good boy and said that he would teach me to read well. By this time I was already in elementary school.

In the second year, my mother knew about 'Auntie'. Mom packed up my father's clothes one morning and found a picture of 'Auntie' in her pocket and a letter from someone else to my father. As soon as Dad got up, Mom asked Dad, Dad didn't answer correctly, Mom realized that the things that were handed over to Dad in the past were not used for business, but were all for 'Auntie'. The two of them had a big argument. This time the quarrel was really fierce, and my father threw all the snacks and chopsticks on the square table on the ground. Mom cries and makes a fuss. I've never seen them look like this. Later, my mother was looking for death, so my brother went to invite the eldest uncle and the second uncle; The eldest aunt and the second aunt also came. The eldest aunt and the second aunt persuaded the mother; The eldest uncle and the second uncle scolded their father, and the matter did not get serious. Dad also gave a gift to his mother and promised to cancel the small mansion in the future. He didn't go out that day, and his mother's anger didn't subside until the evening.

I slept with my dad that night. It's raining heavily. I can't sleep, and neither can my father. The lights were very bright in the house, and we already had electric lights in our house, and I saw tears in my father's eyes, and I said to him, 'Dad, don't quarrel with your mother anymore.' I'm scared. You're always arguing, what should I do with my brother? I cried as I spoke. And I said, 'You used to bet on curses and don't quarrel with your mother anymore.' You're an adult, you shouldn't lie to me. He took my hand and said softly: 'I'm sorry for you, I'm not worthy to be your father.' I'm not going to talk to your mom anymore. I said: 'I don't believe you!' In two days you will be noisy again, so noisy that we don't even have the face to see people. Dad just sighed.

I thought they wouldn't talk again. But less than a month later, I saw that my father and mother's faces were not right. But they didn't quarrel much after that. As soon as my mother opened her mouth, my father ran out, and sometimes he didn't come back for a few days. As soon as he got home, his mother forced him to ask him, and he said two or three words casually and went into the study. Mom can't do anything about him.

As soon as the uncle died, everyone in the mansion clamored for a complete separation and the sale of the mansion. Mom agrees. It was my father who objected, he said that it was built according to the pattern drawn by his grandfather, and his grandfather also said in his will that he was not allowed to sell the mansion, and he wanted to use it as an ancestral hall. Everyone laughed at Dad. No one would listen to him. The second uncle and the fourth father both said that the father was not worthy of saying such things.

I remember very well what happened when they had a meeting that day. At that time, the Japanese were already fighting in Shanghai. In the hall, the second uncle quarreled with the fourth father and father. The second uncle slapped the table and scolded, and the fourth father also pointed at his father and scolded. Daddy blushed and stammered. I hid outside the door to watch them. He said, 'If you want to sell, sell it.' I will never sign. I'm sorry Dad did too much of it. I'm a bad kid. I've lost my father's face. I sold all the land my father left me. But I don't want to sell this mansion. Daddy won't sign it. The second uncle and the fourth father have no choice. But if we don't have a signature, the mansion won't be sold. Mom came out to persuade Dad, but Dad still refused to agree. I saw the fourth father talking a few words in my mother's ear, and my mother went out to find my brother. My brother has been in the province for less than two months after graduation, and he has not yet been admitted to the post office. He walked in and didn't speak to his father, but walked over to the table, picked up his pen and signed it. Dad glared at him. Then he cried out: 'I signed it, and I approve of the sale of the house.' I can make the decision about the three rooms. I'm not afraid of which one opposes it! The second uncle hurriedly put the paper away, and he was very happy. There are also four fathers, and the eldest uncle's eldest brother, they are all very happy and walk away one by one. Dad was so angry that he just rolled his eyes, and after a while he said to himself, 'He's not my son.' He was the only one left in the room, and I went up to him and took him by the hand. I said, 'Daddy, I am your son.' He buried his head and looked at me for a long time. He said, 'I know.' Alas, this is my own doing...... Let's go into the garden, and they're going to sell the mansion. ’

"Dad took me by the hand and walked into the garden, which was exactly the same as it is now. I still remember that it was almost the August Festival, and the osmanthus flowers were in good bloom, and I smelled the fragrance of osmanthus as soon as I entered the door. I followed my dad in the dam for a while. My father suddenly said to me, 'Han'er, look twice, and in a few days, the garden will not be ours.' When I heard him say this, my heart was saddened. I asked him, 'Dad, we live well, why do the second uncle have to sell the mansion?' Why are they all against you and don't listen to you? Dad buried his head and looked at me for a while before he said, 'It's all for money, it's all for money!' Then I asked my father, 'Then we can't come in again?' Father replied, 'Naturally.' That's why I'm telling you to look twice. I asked him again, 'If the mansion can't be sold, can we not move?' Dad said, 'You are such a child, where is there a mansion that cannot be sold?' He took me to the camellia. This was not the time to bloom, and my father asked me to see the words he carved on the tree. It's the words I just saw. We used to have two camellias, and then the mansion was sold to your Yao family," (his eyes had fallen back to Mrs. Yao's face) One of them died white. Now there is only one black camellia left. Dad pointed to those words and said, 'It's older than you.' I asked him: 'What about my brother?' He said: 'Older than your brother.' He sighed and said, 'Look at the spirit of today, your brother is bigger than me.' Now I can't control him, he's going to take care of me. I also said, 'My brother is not good to you today, and even I am angry with him.' He turned around and patted me on the head and looked at me for a while, then he shook his head and said, 'I'm not angry with him.' He has a point, and I am not worthy to be his father. I cried out, 'Daddy, he is your son.' He shouldn't have bullied you with others! The father said, 'This is my recompense.' I'm sorry for your mom, I'm sorry for you. I hurriedly said, 'Then don't go to Auntie.' If you stay at home with your mother every day, your mother will be happy. I'll just go tell my mom! He quickly covered my mouth and said, 'Don't go and tell your mother about your aunt.' It's too late now. Look at these words, when I first carved it, I wasn't much older than you are now. I didn't think the two of us would be standing here looking at it today. In two days, this mansion and this garden will change owners, and I can't even keep the few words I carved. Han'er, remember Dad's words, don't learn from me, don't learn from you, an uncompetitive father. I said, 'Daddy, I don't hate you.' He didn't speak, he just looked at me. He burst into tears. He sighed, put a hand on my shoulder, and said, 'As long as you don't hate me and don't scold me when you grow up, I'll be happy when I die.' He made me cry. When I had enough of crying, he took his handkerchief and wiped my eyes dry. He said, 'Don't cry. You smell and see, the osmanthus is fragrant, and it is about to pass the Mid-Autumn Festival. When I first picked up my wife, I used to watch the moon in the garden with your mother. At that time, there was no flower platform, only a pond, and later when your brother was born, your grandfather said that there were many children in the family, and he was afraid of falling into the pond, so he filled in the pond. At that time, I had a good relationship with your mother, where did I know that there would be such a result today? Then he led me to the goldfish bowl. The water in the tank is very dirty, there are duckweed, there are shrimp, there are insects. Dad held the jar with his hand, and I also held the jar. My father said, 'When I was a child, I loved to feed the goldfish in this tank, and every day after school, I would come here, and I would not leave until they came to call me for dinner.' At that time, the water in the tank was really clean, and even the sediment at the bottom of the tank could be seen clearly. I got two "Eyes to the Sky", and your grandfather liked them too. He came here a lot. Several times he stood with me in front of the jar, just like we do today. Those times it was me and my father, and today it is me and my son. Now that I think about it, it's like I had a big dream. We walked back under the osmanthus tree. Dad looked up at the osmanthus. The finches fought in the trees and dropped a number of flowers. Daddy bent down to pick up flowers. I also squatted down to pick it up, and my father picked up the flowers in the palm of my hand. After that, Dad went to open the door of the Upper Flower Hall, and we sat in it for a while, and then sat in the Lower Flower Hall for a while. Dad said, 'In a few days, it'll be someone else's.' I asked my dad if he had built this garden. Dad said yes. And he said: 'I remember, not long before your grandfather died, one day I met him in the garden, and he talked to me a lot, and suddenly he said, 'I don't think I will live long.' I'm dead, I don't know how long this garden, these things, will last? I don't trust you. I only now understand that it is unreliable to leave property to children and grandchildren without virtue. I've been so confused for so many years! "Your grandfather did say something like that. I only understood what he meant today. But it was too late. ’

Mrs. Yao covered her eyes with a handkerchief and cried softly. I often looked at the child as she recounted, and for a long time I noticed that there were tears in her eyes. When she cried, the child stopped, looked at her in horror, and called affectionately: "Mrs. Yao." I looked at her sympathetically, excited, but unable to utter a word. There was silence in the flower hall for a few minutes. The child's tears rolled down his face. Mrs. Yao's crying had stopped. The mixture of these two people's experiences hit my heart. There will be so much distress in the world! A thousand times more than I can write! What can I do? I was not willing to just look at them quietly. I hated myself. This silence pains me. I'm going to speak loudly.

The child suddenly stood up. He wiped the tears from his face with his hands. Is he going to walk away? Wouldn't he reveal the most important part of his story? As soon as he took a step, Mrs. Yao raised her face and spoke: "Little brother, don't go, please continue." ”

"I'll speak, I'll speak!" The child hesitated, then suddenly burst out and sat down on the couch again.

"I was a little sad just now," she said embarrassedly, gently rubbing her eyes with a handkerchief. "Your grandfather's words are really interesting. But I wonder how you can remember so many things at such a young age. You should have forgotten about it for years. ”

"As long as I know about my father, I won't forget it. When I can't sleep at night, I think about those things, and I still know those words. ”

"Do you often have trouble sleeping at night?" I asked him.

"I can't sleep when I think about my father. The more I couldn't sleep, the more I thought about it, and the more I thought about it, the more I felt that we couldn't live up to Dad......"

"How do you say you can't live up to your father? It's clear that he's wrong. No one can tell that he ruined your family's happiness," I couldn't help but interject.

"But we were too fierce with him later," replied the child; "He has regretted it, and we should be lenient with him."

"Yes, the little brother is right. Forgiveness first. What's more, it's about treating your own family," Mrs. Yao echoed movingly.

"But forgiveness should also have a limit, and when it comes to some stubborn people, forgiveness is tantamount to connivance," I said, alluding to the Zhao family's affairs.

She looked at me and didn't say anything, but turned to the child and said, "Little brother, go on." She added: "You don't feel too sad when you talk about it, don't be reluctant." ”

"No, no," said the child, shaking his head vigorously; "When I'm done, my heart is happy. I've never told anyone about my father. The head of the family always thought of me as a child. It's rare for them to speak to me seriously. Actually, I'm not too young anymore. I'm no longer an ignorant kid just eating. ”

"Then please go on and let us know a little bit more about your father. I'll pour you a cup of tea first," she said, standing up.

"I'll pour it myself," said the child, who quickly stood up. But Mrs. Yao had already poured the tea. The child gratefully took the teacup and took a few large sips.

I stood up silently, walked to the door, and then to the desk. I moved the wicker chair four or five paces away from the child, and I sat across from him. I looked at this precocious child with sympathy. At his age, he should not have such a good memory of pain and misfortune, nor should he have such a good understanding. Even if I were asked to tell it, I couldn't tell the story of his father's half of his life more clearly. The misfortune has left such a big impact on the child's spirit.