I could hear him overheard, and there was an unspeakable embarrassment, and he just stared at me quietly, saying nothing else. When the embers of the incense fell and the tea cup was cold, I spoke: "My husband, have you heard about it?" ”

He replied, "I've heard of some, not much." ”

I pondered for a while, but after all, I couldn't hold it back, and asked him bluntly, "How is the princess now?" Are you alright? ”

"I have only been in the palace for three days, and I have not seen the princess in her house. However, her situation should not be better. Mr. Zhang said, calmly telling the facts he knew, "It is said that after you left, the official family expelled all the high-ranking ministers in the princess's mansion, and ordered the provincial officials to change the system, and from now on do not put the capital prison, do not choose a minister over forty years old and a third-class court envoy over fifty years old to work in the princess's mansion, and the rest of the little yellow men who serve the princess must be under the age of fifteen." Later, Shi Luxu, the palace attendant, said that the nurse of the princess of Yanguo, the Jun Han family of Changli County, had instigated the princess to ask the official family to promote her nephew Yu Run's official, and had stolen the clothes and utensils in the princess's house to her private home, and asked the official family to investigate the matter. So the official family issued an edict to lower the official position of Run, and cut off the Han county seal, and did not allow her to serve the princess anymore. ”

I was shocked and asked, "Even Han Junjun is not with the princess anymore?" ”

Mr. Zhang bowed his head: "The current ministers in the princess's mansion are either old or young, and most of them she didn't recognize before. The old people who stayed with her were probably only two or three maids. He looked at my expression at this moment, and said, "When you made a mistake, you must have anticipated your current situation, and even put life and death aside, but you probably didn't think about the situation that the princess might face?" ”

I turned my head away from his direct gaze and looked away, but my nose was sore, the corners of my eyes were moist, and the scene in front of me was like a wave, and I couldn't see clearly.

"Huaiji," Mr. Zhang called my name again, his voice gentle and calm, "I ask you again, do you know what you are wrong with?" ”

I swallowed the clogged pain in my throat with difficulty, and whispered to me according to the charges that the officials had convicted me: "I have been careless in my words and deeds, and I have ...... in disregard of my dignity."

"You've crossed the line." Before I could finish speaking, Mr. Zhang had already made his diagnosis directly to me, "Respect and inferiority, up and down, regardless of our identity, we are different from ordinary people, we are not qualified at all to pursue what ordinary men have." ”

Seeing that I was silent, he asked again, "Have you ever thought about how you and the princess will develop if you are not noticed by the official this time?" ”

I groaned for a long time, but I still chose to shake my head.

Mr. Zhang continued: "Love is like alcohol, it is easy to make people addicted, and they do not know how to be satisfied. If you take a step, there will inevitably be more attempts, and in the end, how are you different from the despicable eunuchs that the officials accuse? ”

I bowed my head and was taught, and I had nothing to say. He paused, and then said something I didn't expect: "What's more, let the person you like see your mutilated body, what dignity do you have?" ”

His tone was always tepid, as calm as autumn water, but his words were sharp and sharp, reaching the most vulnerable part of my heart. I looked up at him in horror, and saw that there was pity in his eyes as he stared at me, and after a little glance of light, he sighed, revealing a rare sentimentality: "From the moment we are purified, we have been insulated from love. We may have many identities in our lives, but we can never really become the husband of any woman or the father of any child, and women's happiness often comes from marriage and family, so it is impossible for us to give happiness to any woman...... We have nothing, and if you value someone, stay away from her, don't get in the way of her and her husband's life, and try to preserve a little bit of dignity for yourself. ”

I pondered for a moment, and finally smiled reluctantly, "Sir, don't worry about it. I have been banished here, and I will never have anything to do with any woman again in my life. ”

Mr. Zhang was silent, picked up the teacup and took a sip, and said: "I love to drink tea, so things are not intoxicating, but I feel clear and thoughtful, not like mellow wine, although beautiful, but destroying people's liver and intestines." Moreover, there are spring, summer, autumn and winter, and the sky is cloudy and sunny, and when ordering tea, watching the milk flowers from floating to bursting is also like experiencing a process of generation, holding, decay, and dissipation...... Everything in the world is like this, and everything has a fixed number, so you don't have to force it too much. When the past dissipates, there is no need to be too sad, it is better to adjust your mind and face the future days calmly, maybe another clear and clean career will begin again. ”

After Mr. Zhang left, for a long time, I still failed to adjust my mind and achieve peace and tranquility as he said. Thinking about his words and missing the princess are intertwined and have become an indispensable part of my life.

I transplanted a wisteria plant into my hospital. In the past ten years, I took care of the princess like a flower, and now, I take care of this wisteria like a princess, and I do my best to make it lush and lush, so that not a single leaf vein shows a yellowish color, not a single branch is contaminated with insect traces, and even the dust on the leaf surface I feel is an eyesore, and I always carefully brush it off. If there is any fun in life in Xijing, it is from the time of serving flowers.

In the middle of spring, my wisteria bears bunches of flower spikes, hanging branches, bright as clouds, among which there are often warblers chirping, just like Li Taibai's poetry: "Dense leaves hidden singing birds, fragrant and beautiful." ”

I love this flower very much, and I don't let others touch it, so I don't hesitate to face people coldly. However, there are times when there are exceptions.

One evening, when I returned to my residence after finishing my work, I sat indoors and took a nap, habitually looking through the window to see the wisteria in the courtyard, but I accidentally found that the vines were shaking, as if someone was pulling.

I immediately hurried out and saw a young girl stepping on a rock, pulling wisteria branches in one hand and reaching as far up as possible with the other, apparently trying to pluck the flowers.

I raised my voice to stop, and she was startled, and her foot slipped and she fell off the rock.

She immediately began to cry, I hurried over to help her up, and saw that she was completely a child, and she looked pitiful, the anger at first dissipated in an instant, and her heart softened, so she soothed with kind words, and picked a few bunches of flower spikes for her, and after a long time, she stopped crying slightly.

Her cheeks were pink and her eyes were clear, and she looked like a young princess. I felt kind and smiled and asked her, "What's your name?" ”

She still looked at me timidly, and it took a long time before she pointed to the female Luo on a pine tree outside the courtyard gate and replied softly, "Luoluo." ”

Her clothes are not exquisite, but they are not too bad, and she should not be a little palace maid. I guessed her identity and asked her, "Who is your mother?" ”

She replied, "Shen Si." ”

Shen Si is a female official who was demoted to the Inner Cabinet of Xijing. It is said that she was a cheerful, talkative and laughing person. At that time, Jin Shang was only a teenager, not yet married, once Shen Si combed Jin Shang's hair, the two laughed and pulled and frolicked, but unfortunately was bumped into by the Empress Dowager Zhang Xian, and the Queen Mother degraded her to this place on the charge of bewitching the lord. And since then, her temperament has changed greatly, she has become silent, unsmiling, and always seems to be rejecting people from thousands of miles away.

Then this Luo Luo should be the adopted daughter played by Shen Si. I sighed in my heart, and felt a little more pity for her, twisted the hairband on her head, and asked her again: "Luoluo, how old are you?" ”

"Five years old, tomorrow will be five years old," she said. ”

"Tomorrow is your birthday?"

She nodded.

I decided to give her a birthday present. When I went back to the room and found a knife, I went out again and found an arm-thick branch in the courtyard, sat down and buried my head in sharpening it for a while, the sawdust flew away, and a round-headed doll gradually appeared.

Roughly peeled, I handed the wooden doll to Luo Luo, she took it in surprise, looked at it repeatedly, and couldn't put it down.

I thought about it, and felt that the doll was a little crude, so I took it back and prepared to carve some headdress clothes for her. This involved the identity of the doll, so I asked Luo Luo, "What is your wish when you grow up?" ”

The women in the palace usually have a position, and I was going to wait for her to say what she wanted to do, and then match the doll with the corresponding costume, but this little girl gave me an answer that was completely unexpected.

"Give birth to a little doll!" She replied without thinking.

I was stunned for a moment, and then I felt my face burn hot, and I began to burn.

"Well, I mean, what do you want to do most when you grow up." When I came to my senses, I tried to explain it to her.

"Give birth to little dolls," she said, "it's better to have two, a boy and a girl." ”

I tried my best to smile at her, although I also felt the stiffness of my smile: "Do you want to be a priest and a medicine in the future, or Shangfu and Shangyi......"

I was still wondering if I could list a few more positions for her to choose from, and she replied impatiently in a clear voice: "I want to be a mother." ”

I was completely speechless. After a moment of silence, I drew the knife again and carved a pattern on the wooden doll of her swaddling baby in her arms. Loro was delighted, took the handle for a while, and then ran away happily.