Yesterday, at the request of the company, I went to another community to deliver invoices.

As a result, he fell on the road and fell backwards.

My waist was not good, but when I fell, the stone was right on my waist.

Yesterday, I went back to the dormitory upright, didn't dare to move, and slept with plasters all night.

There were signs of improvement this morning, but I continued to work in the afternoon, and my colleague happened to be on vacation and couldn't come back until the 19th, so I was alone in the park.

As a result, after coming back at seven o'clock, he was straight and straight, and he didn't even dare to turn over and go to the ground.

This goalkeeper wrote that the subscription plummeted after the end of the Champions League, and now it is less than 50 subscriptions in 24 hours.

In the past few days, there have been nearly 20 average bookings, which makes me very troubled.

I originally thought that after the new football book TJ, I would update this goalkeeper article, and maybe I could subscribe a little more.

As a result, according to the current situation, it is still two to say whether the manuscript fee will be 1,000 next month.

A lot of times the plan doesn't change as quickly as it comes.

If it weren't for the real difference of a thousand dollars, I would have been a eunuch now.

I never wanted to become a god, or make a lot of money by buying a car and buying a house with code words.

In fact, I am very self-aware, and I can basically earn 5K a month in this industry, and I don't think it's realistic to get any higher.

Writing also requires talent, and it is not something that can be written as soon as you read a few books.

There are often many people who rush to the street and say to me that so-and-so can be a god with a book, why can't he?

Is it QD, or is it that person who is looking for an editor to sell his ass.

I say neither, it's not even that you're unlucky, it's that you're not prepared.

Just like some people will blurt out "Ma Ma Lailai" when they see Turkey's hot air balloons, but the big guy is different, and people call it "dotted around".

A truth. You have not been influenced by literary literacy since you were a child, you didn't study Chinese and history well when you were in school, and you don't have any social experience and experience after graduating from university, how can you become a god with a book?

The novices who are all gods are the literacy and heritage accumulated since childhood, and this is the only thing that suddenly broke out.

Some people hit the street and told me that they couldn't even code 2,000 words in an hour, and they blamed themselves for not having the luck to be on fire, which is really ironic.

To be a man to be self-aware, from accumulation, writing, to practice, experience, subject matter, I am destined to write football.

Originally, I planned to earn about 2K a month, but now it seems that 1K is very reluctant, but what can I do?

In the background, there are a few old readers who vote for me, and occasionally comment to encourage me, and I am really touched.

But these people can count on both hands, and I'm really too scared.

Counting the blocked text, I wrote 300W, but I'm still a level 1 author.

It can be said that it has reached a certain level in the streets, and it makes me very uncomfortable every day.

Now lying in bed, unable to move, and having to think about today's update, I am really sulking.

In fact, judging from my goalkeeper text, I didn't have a strong number of words after the Champions League, but it is undeniable that the sense of expectation has decreased, and the corresponding willingness to read the text and the quality of my senses have also decreased.

The low subscription for several days in a row made me a little helpless, and the plot that I originally wanted to design well also fell through.

In fact, what else can be written about football?

What else can readers expect from a football article?

Transfer?

Going to another league to win the title?

That's all.

Sometimes I admire myself, the burden of reality is so heavy, and I still have an optimistic and positive attitude. There is no self-abandonment, no complaining, no complaining about society, no complaining about parents and family. I even thought about saving a few hundred dollars after the epidemic passed, meeting classmates and friends I hadn't seen in a long time, and inviting them to eat the cheapest barbecue.

In fact, I think I'm a lot more cheerful than everyone else.

There are many people who have said to me, "You are so miserable, worse than the worst XXX around me", I said that I am used to it, even if I complain about this and that every day, what can I do?

Isn't the reality still going on? Won't it be the same when you wake up tomorrow as it is today?

A college roommate called me the other day and asked how I was doing.

I said that I was the same as when I graduated from college, the only difference was that I was not very "ambitious" anymore, and my health was not as good as before.

It seems to me that as soon as you graduate, you will get married, promoted, and have children, and I feel like the graduation party is like yesterday.

You don't have to ask me how I'm doing, I'm the same as when I graduated, I have nothing, nothing to achieve.

In fact, it is also the same, watching the people around me gradually walk on the road, there is a new change in the day, which is completely different from before. That's when I realized that time was really passing.

Some people do the same thing every day, 365 days a year, but I live the same day 365 times.

Some people go crazy after two weeks of quarantine, and I don't think it would be a problem for me to stay in the house for two years.

Maybe I, like the turtle in my fish tank, see the world so slowly. It took me three years, five years, ten years to take a step, and people took one year to get there.

So, will I live as long and as long as that turtle?

If so, so what?

The longer you live such a life and life, the more you will suffer.

In the past two years of writing, I have also met all kinds of people.

Some people write to support their families, some people do it for a simple hobby, some people stick to it, and some people are long gone.

After I was injured yesterday, a former reader asked me why I didn't go to the hospital, and I said that it would cost at least a few hundred yuan to go back and forth inside and out, and he said how much is your WeChat ID, and I will transfer it to you.

I didn't give it, saying it wasn't necessary.

There's really no need.

I'm not an internet beggar, and even if I get a few hundred bucks?

Will it change my current situation?

My life, my body has rotted to the roots, and there is really no need for me to have a few hundred dollars more and a few hundred dollars less. On the contrary, if I do accept it, it will only make the heart that is still calm become restless and restless.

Sometimes I reflect on my life, and sometimes I imagine at night what it would be like if a ghost stood outside the door.

Thankfully, although there are many regrets, although there are many failures, I have a clear conscience after all.

Don't do bad things, don't be afraid of ghosts knocking on the door.

That's probably the only thing I'm proud of right now.

I had done something wrong, but I faced it and received the punishment I deserved, which made my mind very peaceful.

Sometimes I even wish there was a ghost in my room, and I would even feel glad that there might be an afterlife in this world.

The last time I came home, my mother asked me, and she said that she was very sorry for me in this life, and if there was an afterlife, she was far from wanting her to be my mother again.

I don't know how other children would answer this question to their mothers, and maybe other mothers wouldn't ask her children this question.

At that moment, I was really entangled and hesitated.

My first reaction was definitely not, it's too hard to be a child for you.

But on second thought, do I have a choice?

Does a person have the ability to choose his or her own parents?

Definitely not.

And taking a step back, do parents want their children to suffer? Don't you want to give your children a good life?

So, my current life is not what my mother wants to see, but what can she do if she is a weak woman?

Back then, she couldn't protect herself, so how could she take care of me?

So I don't blame her, I don't blame anyone. Blame yourself for not being able to change the status quo and change everything.

So I hesitated, and I told her that these things could not be chosen, and they could not be changed. If there is an afterlife, I don't think I have a choice.

Mother said if, if, what do you choose.

At the end of the question, I told the truth.

I said I wouldn't necessarily choose if I did.

My mom smiled, and she said I knew you would say that.

At that moment, I actually regretted a little, I should have lied to her.

No matter what kind of person my mom is, she is a woman after all.

A woman is unwilling to listen to the truth, even if she knows it is a lie.

The truth is often too cruel.

But I was tired.

First of all, I was taught to tell the truth as much as possible and not to lie. And that's what my mother taught me the most in my only memory.

The second is that I feel really tired, and telling a white lie at this time is too tiring for me. I'm so tired that I don't even want to hide my selfishness, because the price of every white lie is the inner torment of the liar, and I don't want to suffer any more.

After the mother smiled, she said that it was impossible, there was no next life. Maybe you could, but she didn't.

I know that in my mother's worldview, as a person who "cultivates", she will be detached and will fly in this life, so she has no afterlife.

And I didn't listen to her, and I was still rooted in the quagmire of the red dust and the world, so I still have to suffer from reincarnation in the next life.

If that's the case, then even if I tell the truth, it won't hurt her much.

She just told me that she only has one regret in her life, and that is that I am related to her by blood.

She said that her heart hurts when she thinks of me, and that she is now trying to break this blood relationship.

I say I support you, I support you in whatever you do and think.

As a person who "cultivates", it is really difficult to cut off the fate of the dust.

But when he really cuts off the "self" and becomes free of seven emotions and six desires, it may really not be far from "detachment".

I don't know if there are such people in today's society, but I think my mother wants to be inspired to be such a person.

I don't blame her, she's also a miserable person.

After experiencing the whipping of society, it is understandable for a person with a hard life to choose such a "point of no return".

Compared to those who committed suicide by jumping off a building after being exploited at Foxconn, I am still very lucky, after all, my mother is still alive in this world.

Birth and life can change a person and shape a person.

In fact, in my eyes, it is extremely selfish for people to pursue "cutting off the dust" in this way.

And I'm not going to be that.

But I don't blame her, she has the power to choose which path she takes. Therefore, in conversations with her, I often say that the path I choose must bear the corresponding consequences, why there are so many unsatisfactory in reality, and I must always reflect on whether it is caused by the path I choose.

My mom doesn't understand this truth, so she is very persistent.

But I think she will understand after all, until the day she understands, our mother-son relationship will be over.

I can't imagine whether she would have become a stranger at that time, or would she choose to leave here and live in seclusion somewhere, or would she just find a place to give up her body?

Maybe it was detached for her at that time, but for me, maybe the new pain was just beginning.

So now I'm always vaccinating myself, and I have to be clear about the reality, because that day will come sooner or later.

I said so many useless nonsense today, I hope readers don't mind.

I've said many times before that I write articles with the purpose of chattering when I'm fine, and that's the only way for me to vent after all.

If there are no accidents, it may be interrupted today, after all, time is wasted on this single chapter.

Now I have low back pain, and I don't have any strength in my body.

I even thought that it would be better to quit if something really happened, after all, I had only been working at this new company for 2 months, and I was still a temporary worker without a contract.

Although this is a work injury, I don't want to slander the company, maybe peace of mind is the last pursuit of my life.

If any reader sees this, I would like to express my great gratitude to those who have the patience to read my feelings.

If this goalkeeper article continues according to the current subscription, I may finish it in a hurry, or even end it in a hurry.

Because there's no point in hanging it anymore, if you don't even have 1K a month, it's better to open a new book directly.

Finally, thank you to the readers, thank you for your continued support. Really, thank you from the bottom of my heart.