My name is Su Yile, and I am a child who has no mother at the age of five!

In my childhood memories of having a mother, I never had a father, and when I saw other children with fathers, I asked my mother, why don't I have a father?

Whenever I asked like this, my mother would smile and say to me that my father had traveled far away and could only come back once in a long time, but he had an agreement with my mother that as long as I listened to my mother and be a good boy, he would come back on my sixth birthday!

My mother's words influenced me for a long time, and although I was not a naughty child myself, I tried harder to be more obedient, just to meet him, my father.

I've always thought so, even if I was ridiculed by other kids for being a wild kid without a father, I didn't care, because I always believed that I would be able to meet him when my sixth birthday came, my dad, because I was already very obedient, didn't I?

Although I have always thought so, the truth is that there is only me and my mother in my current life, so my personality is more rigid than other girls, and only in this way can I protect myself and my mother!

I always thought so, but when I grew up, I realized that it was not a sign of strength, it was the protection of self under low self-esteem.

That's why whenever I see other children spoiling their fathers, I choose to avoid them and run away, the smiles on their faces are so dazzling that they almost tear my heart and lungs when I want to have them!

This repression lasted until I was five years old and in kindergarten.

Because my mother was supported by her meager income and hard work, we lived a little poorly, and I went to kindergarten as a poor child.

Even so, I feel happy to have my mother by my side, and I know very well that as long as my mother is always there, I don't care if I live such a poor life for the rest of my life, although I can't compensate for my regrets without my father......

My mother once said, "Different people have different ways of living, just watching others can't live their own lives, just have a good time", I think I will never forget this sentence in my life.

It has been said that children are copies of their parents, and although this is inappropriate, it is very realistic.

Because it is a kindergarten for the poor, and the children in it are all from poor families, the children's personalities show a very obvious polarization.

One is introverted, inferior, timid, cowardly, and crying, and the other is perverse, arrogant, violent, and extremely egoistic!

Thanks to my mother, I was not one of the two, so I was destined to have no peace in my kindergarten life.

Violent children will bully other children for fun, and as the stronger party, they can do almost whatever they want, while the bullied children can only endure and dare not resist at all, or even dare to say it to their parents.

How high the level of kindergarten can be for poor children, teachers are irresponsible, mixed eating and drinking, as long as they don't make a big deal about the dead, they are all blind to violence among children.

When it became known that I had no father, the arrogant children began to laugh at me, ridicule me, and say that I was a wild seed, that I was a child born of a mother and a wild man!

Because of ignorance, those children don't know that such words can cause most harm to their peers, which also reflects the quality level of those children's parents, and I know this now, but that doesn't mean I can forgive them for their stupidity.

For them, this may just be a stain on the past that can be covered by a sentence of "just an ignorant child" on their life resume without guilt, but for me who was hurt, I will never forgive and never forget!

Chinese people have eight tolerances: the Chinese New Year, everyone is dead, everyone is coming, it's not easy, it's still a child, it's old, for your good, it's good to get used to it.

Some are not unreasonable, but some are deformed tolerance, indulgence in sin!

When the long-term dissatisfaction squeezed to the point of blowing out, I couldn't take it anymore and got into a fight with the boy who bullied me the most.

I'm a girl, and my body is thinner than that boy, but the carapace of resentment and self-preservation made me win, and that boy was scared by me!

Even though the pain from the wound on my body brought me to tears, I smiled because I won.

Such a victory is not exchanged for a kindergarten life that no one will dare to provoke in the future, but the blackmail of scoundrels!

The next day, the boy I was fighting with brought his parents, and he was much more injured than I was when I was fighting, and he didn't have a few teeth left.

I didn't understand why this was happening at the time, but when I grew up, I understood, what a disgusting method......

Because I was blocked by the other parent, the teacher stood on their side and joined forces to ask me, and my weak and upright character finally collapsed, and I could only cry and keep saying, it's not me, it's not me......

Later, they brought their mother to her and asked her to pay for the medical expenses!

Because I deliberately concealed it, my mother didn't know that I had a fight with someone yesterday, and when I was called to school, her surprised eyes stared at me, and then she began to apologize, and apologized incessantly, and suffered this shame that should not be imposed!

Nine out of ten of my looks were inherited from my mother, and at that time I didn't know how provocative my mother's looks were, but the look at my mother by the boy's father made me sick, because there was only desire, naked desire!

As a result, we lost money, a sum of money that was astronomical for us, and thanks to the "blessing" of this incident, our original life completely collapsed.

We left where we had lived and went to a farther away, more remote, cheaper place, and in order to pay off the debt, my mother began to work day and night, which made her age faster, the gray hair on her forehead increased, and her body became weaker and weaker day by day!

And I didn't go to kindergarten anymore and stayed at home, not only because I didn't have money, but also because I had become disgusted with that kind of place, and the pain of that scarred memory could never be erased.

My mother's work prevented me from seeing her, and even when I did, she was doing all kinds of things, and she didn't have time to care about me at all, which made me dissatisfied with her when I was young!

When I saw other children with their parents again and again, I finally couldn't stand it, I wished I had a father, just like other children, but it turned out that I didn't!

I asked my mother why my father didn't come back when we were in trouble, and if he really came back when I was six years old?

My mother still said that as long as I was obedient, he would come back when I was six years old, but I couldn't accept it, I couldn't believe it without any guarantees!

As a result, I lost my temper with my mother, for the first time in my life, and for the last time.

When I ran out of the house and came back in the middle of the night when I couldn't stand the cold, I saw my mother crying secretly, and I had never seen that pain in my mother!

I understood that maybe every time I mentioned my father, my mother would be miserable, so I never mentioned my father's affairs in front of her again.

Just a week before my sixth birthday, my mother, who had been suffering from a long backlog of illness, had a complete breakdown and was bedridden.

It happened very quickly, and the mother died three days later!

I remember my mother repeating what she said to me many times before she left.

"Xiaole, in the future, when your mother is gone, you have to work hard and live well!"

"Xiaole, don't blame him, if he finds you in the future, you must not blame him, he can't help it......"

"Xiaole, I'm sorry, I really didn't know things would turn out like this, I'm really sorry!"

"Little music, little music, little music...... If you're a boy...... How nice would that be......" ()

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