Chapter 4 (32)

The outcome of the conversation with the head coach made Gao Jinsong a little disappointed. He could see that he didn't take his opinions and ideas to heart from the beginning to the end, but he didn't want to dampen his enthusiasm, so he perfunctory himself without a word.

After the disappointment, his heart was still full of regret. He shouldn't have come to talk to Cheng Dexing at this time, let alone talk about the head coach's tactics in front of a third party. When Cheng Dexing perfunctory him, he should have found an excuse to get out of here, but he still pestered the head coach and chattered about his views and ideas. Obviously, Cheng Dexing is very dissatisfied with his ignorance, "Franco is both a striker and a striker", which is not only Cheng Dexing giving a clear definition of the new tactics, but also warning him in disguise......

He suddenly understood. What he did tonight was out of line! Even if Cheng Dexing looks up to him, what he does is still a kind of deviant behavior, and he has no right to dictate the team's tactics and formation......

His emotions suddenly slipped from a peak. But it was also a wake-up call to his mind, which had been excited for days.

He was quite annoyed and remorseful for his recklessness.

What's wrong with him? My brain is in water, and I'm still burned by this damn hot weather, why do you do this kind of thing stupidly?

How can you do that? He asked himself angrily. You're just an ordinary player, you're just an ordinary player who has the opportunity to play, you just have opinions and ideas about the team's tactics and formations, and you shouldn't go directly to the manager. You should first go to the captain, explain your confusion and confusion to them, and then ask them to help you report the situation to the coaching staff, which is the normal way to solve the problem, otherwise what is the use of the team asking the captain and vice captain to do it? And how can you be sure that your opinion will be correct? You just understand it wishfully based on your own experience, this new tactic and new lineup has not been tested by the game at all, and no one can arbitrarily predict its future. Besides, maybe you're doing it with the wrong intentions and you're just doing it so that you can have more opportunities to perform in the game, or maybe your motivation for doing so isn't pure......

Impure motives?

This sudden thought made Gao Jinsong himself startled, and he suddenly stumbled under his feet, barely falling into the grass by the side of the path.

He can also throw himself on this concrete road, and if this spreads, I am afraid that people will make fun of him for a long time.

He looked back and forth, left and right, like a thief. Fortunately, there are only three or two windows in the office building in front of the garden, and those staff on duty or working overtime will not have the leisure to wait to see him laugh, and the No. 2 dormitory building and the office building on the other side of the garden are almost at a right angle, and it is impossible for the members of the second team and the dolls in the echelon to see him make a fool of himself. These hurried discoveries reassured him a lot. He couldn't help but be a little dumbfounded, he had been in and out of this garden I don't know how many times, but why had he never noticed these details on weekdays?

It was getting dark. The small trees along the road, the bushes separating the road from the green belt, and the buildings near and far all gradually lost their clear appearance during the day, and their outlines were blurred. On the two dormitory buildings, all the windows are lit up, and you can faintly hear the rhythmic rock music. There was still the sound of people shouting and shouting in the direction of the training ground. The energetic dolls of the echelon always like to take advantage of the cool evening to go to the training ground to have fun, and they always have to gamble on the host, and often don't even bother to take a shower after playing football, so they run to find a tavern outside the base to be presumptuous, and then run back over the wall and through the window. The youth team members often do this, but their monthly income is not bad, and they don't need to run to the court to toss a victory, but if they want to return to the dormitory after drinking, they can only do the same thing as the junior players. In fact, this phenomenon is more and more serious in the senior team, almost no one has not been punished by the club for this matter, like Gao Jinsong, he was fined several times by the club for this matter, once he was so drunk that he couldn't even tell the difference between the southeast and the northwest, Wei Honglin and Zhou Jian had to throw him at the entrance of the dormitory, but when people saw him the next morning, he was still salivating and snoring...... On that occasion, he was fined almost a month's salary by the club, and if it weren't for Youshen's kindness, he would have almost been suspended from training and playing.

Thinking of his ugly state at that time, Gao Jinsong is still a little blushing.

But he immediately found a reason to excuse himself. That time was the birthday of a woman Zhou Jian knew, Zhou Jian had a treat, and he had to be called to death, and at the dinner table, Wei Honglin and Zhou Jian were embarrassed and poured him wine in a different way, otherwise how could he be drunk to the point of not waking up?

He had reached the door of the dormitory, but he did not go in, but continued to walk down the road to the training ground.

The night was already a little dark. The streetlights scattered throughout the base had long been lit, and now they were shrouded in a pale halo of yellow. The frolicking on the playground has completely disappeared, replaced by rhythmic rock music from nowhere, with singers roaring hoarsely and obscure lyrics drifting around with the cool breeze in the sonorous tones. The air smelled of dry dust after being scorched by the sun.

He walked down the concrete road to the edge of the training ground, and then he stopped. The road forks here, on the left is to go to the base gate, on the right is to go to the equipment storage room and indoor gym, and the road in front of it is to stretch down, across the entire training ground, and then split into two near the base wall, around the training ground to the base gate and gym respectively.

The gym in the distance was still lit up.

He was a little curious. Who else is exercising at such a late hour? But the thought just swirled in his mind and disappeared immediately. He didn't want to meet with anyone now, he just wanted to walk quietly and think about it alone.

Or it's not about walking around and thinking about it. In fact, he feels that he is now afraid to meet others, and even to say hello to others.

Why am I afraid? He asked himself.

His mind refuses to answer the question. His mind, or rather himself, fears the problem and refuses to admit it. It even skips the question and moves on to something else – tonight the city cable TV is going to show the American movie "Walking in the Clouds," which he has been longing for for a long time......

But he gritted his teeth and pulled his mind back from the movie – why am I afraid?

His mind was still evading the question.

In fact, he knew very well in his heart that this question was not difficult to answer. But his mind simply does not allow the answer to emerge clearly, and even if he touches the edge of the answer, his mind ruthlessly conceals it - the answer is no longer examining himself, but judging himself......

With two hands, he walked slowly along the path that separated the four training fields into two large blocks. Instead of walking on the hard concrete pavement, he walked on the edge of the grass. Sandals on soft blades of grass are like stepping on soft sand, and there is hardly a sound. The summer insects near and far are as lively as a song, singing one after another, often just quiet here, and then rising there. Occasionally, you can hear a few dull bangs of barbells as they hit the ground from the gym.

He walked to the walls of the base, and now he needed to think hard about which direction he should go.

He stopped, sat down on the cement pier by the roadside, pulled a handful of grass in his hand, and unconsciously grabbed it in his hand and rubbed it and played with it.

He finally triumphed over his mind and forced it to answer its own questions.

Why am I afraid of being seen now?

- because you have a ghost in your heart, because you have done something wrong, because you have a guilty conscience;

…… What am I doing wrong?

- When you talk to Director Cheng, are you really wholeheartedly for the team? When Wei Honglin didn't want to have an in-depth conversation with you on this issue this afternoon, were you still secretly happy? What do you rejoice in, and why do you rejoice? There are many things you talked about with Director Cheng, even you may not know clearly, and you can't even convince Chi Yuwen thoroughly, but you still hastily throw out your own opinions, are you really thinking about the interests of the team, or are you just trying to win more favor from the head coach? ……

Gao Jinsong suddenly became panicked. He didn't expect that his self-examination of his inappropriate words and deeds would lead to so many sharp questions. He immediately defended himself in his heart with great anxiety.

He approached Cheng to discuss tactical issues, of course, for the benefit of the team; Yes, his ideas are not mature, there is no doubt about this, there are many things that he himself half-understands, but Coach Cheng has been engaged in football-related work for many years, and what seems to him to be complex and difficult to understand, maybe Coach Cheng can solve it easily; As for saying that he hopes to win more favor from Director Cheng with this matter, is this also wrong? Who doesn't want to be valued and appreciated? To say that he made a mistake, he just didn't grasp the opportunity to talk, but the game with Dalian Dongwei is imminent, as the main player, as a sharp knife on the front line, he has the responsibility and obligation to remind the head coach to try to make the new formation and new tactics more clear and clear......

He deliberately avoided questions related to Wei Honglin. He was unwilling and afraid to face it.

But he also clearly knew that Wei Honglin could not get around it, and before he solved this problem, all the justifications he had made for himself were pale and unconvincing, and he could not even use these excuses to convince himself.

But to face up to this problem, he really lacks enough courage.

He swallowed his saliva with difficulty, his palms were already sweating from too much force, and all the blades of grass were crushed into grass by him.

He buried his head in pain.

He held this position and sat on the cement pier for a long time.

Then he raised his head slightly. His eyebrows were still lowered, his eyes were a little cold, his lips were pursed tightly, and the muscles on both sides of his neck under his cheeks were a little tense because of the excessive force on his chin. His expression was serious and stern, like a hunter examining his prey—obviously, he was examining himself, he was examining something in his innermost heart that he did not want to be known to others and could not share with others......

We have no way of knowing how he will look at himself, and it is difficult to draw conclusions right away about what kind of impact this difficult time will have on his future path, the only thing we can be sure of is that some of the events that happened on this night must have been very important to the young Gao Jinsong......