1

I'm not like the people in Changling Town say - I have never married in my life, and no woman is willing to marry an ugly person like me. After returning home from the Korean War, Sun Debiao found a young widow for me in the county town where the army was stationed, and the wedding was very lively, at least more lively than when Shangguanxiong got married in Yan'an. At that time, I was full of hope for the future, and I thought that a better life would begin here. The wedding was presided over by Master Sun Debiao, and Shangguan Xiong and his wife did not come, but they also sent people to send gifts. I'm very satisfied, he's the big chief, there's a lot to do, and it's good to be able to think of me.

That night, I drank a lot of wine, but I was not drunk, but Sun Debiao was drunk, and when he was drunk, he cried and cried while talking about the brothers who died in the battle in Dawangzhuang and Shangganling, saying that if they lived, they would also be given weddings. His words made everyone very sad, and many people also cried with him, these people who came from the bloody rain, who didn't have a few good brothers died in those dark years, I couldn't cry, just howl! The wedding ended up like a funeral.

After they left, I went into the cave room and saw the bride like a flower, I called Qiulan's name, I thought she was Qiulan. Looking at me like this, she didn't dare to deny that she wasn't Qiulan. In fact, she also has a nice name, Hu Yuping. I stood in front of her and said stupidly, "Qiulan, don't you dislike me for being a pockmark? ”

Hu Yuping shook her head and said, "No." ”

I said again, "Qiulan, don't you think I'm an earless? ”

Hu Yuping said: "No. ”

I continued, "Qiulan, don't you like my scars? ”

Hu Yuping said: "No. ”

I suddenly withdrew my pants and carried the half-cut root: "Qiulan, you really don't think I'm a waste?" ”

Hu Yuping's tears fell: "Don't dislike it! ”

I hugged her trembling and howled. I don't know what I did that night, but I only know that when I woke up the next day, I saw Hu Yuping lying naked next to me crying, her eyes red and swollen from crying, like a rotten peach. Her white and tender body was scratched with blood and blood, and her body was incomplete. My head hurt so much that I asked her, "Who caught this?" She didn't speak, she still cried.

Our marriage didn't last long.

Because every time I did that with her, she would cry. I don't like her tears in front of me, and when I see the tears in her eyes, I get inexplicably irritable. I would stare at her with blood-red eyes and ask her, "Do you think I can't do it?" "She never answered my question and just continued to cry. I'm going to get angry and beat her up like crazy. She couldn't stand it anymore, so she went to Sun Debiao to complain, which made me lose face and had to write an examination.

The days went on like that. I felt more and more incompetent, and in the face of Hu Yuping's crying weapon, I didn't dare to touch her in the end, she and I were strangers. I admit that it was a failed marriage, in fact, I should not have been married at all, I was a waste. Three months after getting married, I took the initiative to divorce Hu Yuping. Sun Debiao and many comrades from the political department of the army came to work for me, but none of them saved my marriage. I finally understood that women can't bring me happiness, just like I can't bring happiness to women, since then, I have never had the idea of being impulsive towards women, I even thought, fortunately, I didn't find Feng Qiulan, if I found her and married her, it would hurt her, and it wouldn't last long. I never missed her.

This is my life.

2

After the divorce, I didn't have the face to stay in a crowded place, so I asked Sun Debiao to transfer me to work on the Shi's farm on the edge of the Yellow River. There are few people there, and I don't have anything important to do as the director of this farm, but planting the land may calm my mind. However, when I arrived at the farm, my heart suddenly became empty.

Every evening, I sat alone on the edge of the Yellow River, watching the muddy yellow water flow eastward, listening to the roar of the river, as if returning to the battlefield of the past. Sometimes, I would call Sun Debiao inexplicably and ask him if he had a war, he wanted to fight, and he couldn't live like this. Sun Debiao will say, "You take good care of the farm for me, and you can be without you if there is a war!" "I just waited, but I didn't wait for the notice to go to the front, but I waited for the notice to disarm and return to the field.

Because of a dog.

My mood is always inexplicably irritable. It was noon, and I was lying in bed, my mind full of confusion, not knowing what to think. Somehow my hand reached under the pillow, I touched a pistol, this pistol was placed under my pillow, every time I went to sleep, I had to put the pistol under the pillow, so that I had a certain sense of security, the war years filled me with blood, and also planted the seeds of fear. When I touched the pistol, I took it out and played with it, and I suddenly thought of the Browning pistol from a long time ago, and I saw the scene when Zhang Zongfu handed the Browning pistol to Shangguanxiong. I don't know if Zhang Zongfu can survive and be a military commander like Shangguan Xiong, and I don't know if Shangguan Xiong has kept the precious Browning pistol.

I was thinking about some unsolvable questions when I heard a dog barking.

I bounced off the bed with my gun in my hand and saw a skinny dirt dog running around the yard of the field. I was very surprised to smell the smell of dog meat, and I naturally remembered the smell of dog meat in the ruined temple in Guoliang Village.

I thought about it and shot the dog.

The dog snorted and fell to the ground, dead. I sighed for my marksmanship. Then, I went out the door. After bringing the dog into the room, boiling a large pot of boiling water, and removing the dog's hair, and making it clean, I asked my soldiers to make a big fire on the basketball court in the field, and roast the whole dog on the fire.

The soldiers on the farm ran to the basketball court when they smelled the smell of dog meat, waiting for a piece of dog meat to eat. I didn't say a word, silently roasting the dog meat. The smell of dog meat drilled into my nostrils uncontrollably, and I swallowed a lot of fluid from my mouth. The process of roasting dog meat gave me a strange sense of satisfaction, is this the good life I have bought for many years of birth and death?

I hadn't eaten a piece of fragrant dog meat before I had a problem.

I really didn't think about where this dog came from.

I thought it was an unattended dingo at first.

I heard a commotion coming from outside the main gate of the venue. After a while, a soldier came running up to me and said, "Field chief, it's not good, the people from the village have come looking for the dog." ”

"What did you say?" I couldn't believe my ears.

The soldier repeated: "The people of the village have come looking for the dog!" ”

I walked out the door with the soldier. The soldiers standing guard stopped an old man with a white beard, and the old man with a white beard was pulling a little girl like a bean tooth vegetable. When the soldier standing guard saw me coming out, he said to me: "Field manager, this old man said that his dog ran away from our field department, I said no, let him go, he didn't leave, and said that someone saw his dog running away from our field department!" ”

I saw the white-bearded old man and the little girl, and the old man's sunken eye sockets and cloudy old eyes pierced my heart, and I suddenly lost the urge to eat dog meat, and felt that something was about to happen. I tried to prevent that from happening, so I said to the old man kindly and frankly: "Uncle, I didn't know it was your dog, I thought it was a wild dog that ran into the field, and now the dog has been killed by me and is roasting on the basketball court, you see, I will pay you, how much?" ”

The little girl first whimpered, and the cry was very sad and sad.

The old man said in a hoarse voice, "My great man, why were you killed?" ”

That skinny dog is called Da Zhuang? I said, "Uncle, don't be sad, the dog is dead, it can't be resurrected, I lose money, you go buy another dog, and call it Da Zhuang, okay?" ”

The little girl cried louder and louder.

The old man sighed: "My Da Zhuang is the most humane dog in the world, where can I buy such a dog!" ”

I thought for a while and said: "Uncle, let's do it, I'll pay you money, and then I'll get you a military dog to compensate you, military dog, your earth dog can't be compared, you can see it, right?" ”

The old man wiped his eyes and said to me seriously, "What do you say?" ”

I patted my chest and said, "Count!" My Li Tugou doesn't count when he speaks! ”

The little girl was still whimpering, and her cry made me feel uncomfortable, and my skin tightened for a while.

I thought that the matter was over, but I didn't expect that more than a dozen people came from the village, still holding the guy in their hands, and the young man in the lead came up to me with a flat pole in his hand and said loudly: "Wow, your People's Liberation Army is still unreasonable, beat my dog, it's too bullying!" ”

The old man said to him: "Second son, the leader of the People's Liberation Army said that he would pay us money and pay us a military dog." ”

The second son said to the old man in a vicious voice: "Old immortal thing, get out of my house for me, don't be embarrassed here!" ”

The old man trembled with fright, and took the little girl who was crying away, and looked at me helplessly as he left.

Originally, I wanted to talk to my second son properly, but when I saw how ruthless he was with the old man, a wave of anger surged in my heart. I tried my best to suppress the anger in my heart: "Young man, you have something to say! ”

The second son yelled at me: "You bandits, you think my dad is a bully, you think you can buy everything with money?" I don't want your money, I don't want your military dog, I want you to give me a big strong life! ”

When I heard the word "bandit", my anger burned even brighter. I still suppressed the anger in my heart, gritted my teeth and said, "The dog is dead and cannot be resurrected. ”

The second son roared: "Don't think I'm afraid of you, my brother is also on the team!" I don't care, I want you to pay me for my life, otherwise-"

I said coldly, "How about otherwise?" ”

The second son said fiercely: "Otherwise, you don't want to stay here!" ”

I was never afraid of threats, and I said, "Then I really won't compensate you, you kind of drive us away!" ”

At this moment, the crying little girl ran over, hugged the feet of the second son and said, "Dad, grandpa asked you to go home!" ”

The second son picked up a kick and kicked the little girl out of the air: "You money-loser, get out with that old immortal!" ”

The second son completely pissed me off now, fuck it, is this still a human, it's just something that is not as good as a pig and a dog! I let out a low roar, rushed over, and hit the second son in the face with a punch, and that punch made his face bloom! I said, "Dog, I'll teach you a lesson!" "The second son yelled and rushed towards me, and the villagers, and my soldiers also rushed over......

A few days later, two officers from the divisional security department came and took me away. I was locked up in a confinement cell at the division headquarters. Sun Debiao came, and for the first time he blew his beard at me and glared at me: "What do you want me to say about you, you are also an old revolutionary during the Red Army period, why don't you have a little consciousness?" Do you know what mistakes you made? I'll tell you the truth, your basket is bigger! I can't protect you this time! What you pulled yourself, how can you eat it yourself! You pockmarked son, how can you do such a thing! It's heartbreaking! ”

I was silent.

Soon after, the troops sent me back to my hometown of Changling Town in western Fujian. The night before leaving, Sun Debiao invited me to drink one last time at his house, and I didn't say anything, just drank silently. Sun Debiao felt sorry for me and worried about my future life. In the end, he asked me if I had any requests I could ask for, and I only made one request, asking him to allow me to bring back the ghost-headed knife that had followed me for most of my life back to Changling Town, and he readily agreed. In the end, he said to me: "Don't blame the commander of the army, he can't help it, this matter is indeed too big, the head of the military region knows about it, and there are instructions!" "I didn't say anything, and I left the army, gray and gray like a lost dog.

It's my life, too!

3

After returning to Changling Town, the first thing I did was to go to my master, Hu Sande, and the insider told me that he was killed on the night we left. I asked, where is he buried? The insider also said that no one knew about this, and heard that it was thrown into the mountains to feed jackals. I stood in front of the former blacksmith shop, and my heart was like a knife, as if I were in a different world. I came to the mountains, knelt on the weeds, and howled loudly!

The small mud hut next to the old camphor tree in the west of the town is still there, but it is even more dilapidated, and it is deserted. After returning to Changling Town, I renovated and strengthened the small mud house and moved in. Because I was a combat hero, although I was sent back to my hometown, the commune still took care of me and let me go to the commune's agricultural machinery factory to work as an ironworker, that is, to build some farm tools, which is also my old job, and it is easy to do it. I was silent and worked very hard. When I got back to the small mud hut after work, I drank alone. I was very lost, I thought of the old days, my heart was very uncomfortable, I could only fall asleep in the anesthesia of alcohol, wake up in the morning in a nightmare, eat something casually, go to work in the agricultural machinery factory early, and vent my inner loneliness and helplessness with iron. Everything that fate has given me, I must bear, unconditionally!

In the town of Long Ridge, I don't have a single friend.

Not a single one.

I didn't want to have anything to do with anyone else, I lived in my own minds, even though I tried many times to forget everything in the past. But it was impossible, and everything I ever experienced grew with my flesh like a bullet in my thigh that never came out.

4

The people in the town always looked at me with a strange look. In their eyes, maybe I'm an evil person. I know that the people in the town use me to scare the children: "If you don't sleep again, Li Tugou is coming!" "So, the children in the town all avoided me, I once met a little boy on the way home from work, he and I met in a narrow way, I couldn't dodge, I looked at him more, he was so scared that he cried and peed his pants! I looked at him like this, and said to him coldly: "You really don't have a seed, you will be a traitor when you grow up!" "As a result, I became even more lonely and rarely went out into the town streets, for fear of frightening the children who had grown up in honeypots. I know that there are also people who curse me inexplicably, saying that I, an ominous person, have brought disaster to them. For example, the family members and relatives of those who went up the mountain to fetch firewood and were bitten to death by a fierce leopard all said so, as if the fierce leopard was brought by me.

During that time, there would always be news from time to time that the town and the neighboring villages were hurting people on the mountain.

One dark night, I went up the mountain with the ghost head knife that had killed countless people. I came to the forest of the most treacherous monkeys. The howling mountain wind is like a thousand troops and horses fighting. Tonight, the Monkey Mountain Forest is my battlefield. I sat under a tree with a ghost head knife in my arms, took out a piece of cooked wild boar, and put it in the grass in front of me, I heard Shangguan Ming say that leopards and tigers would go crazy if they smelled the smell of cooked wild boar, and they would come from far away.

All night, I sat under the tree, motionless, waiting with bated breath for the leopard to arrive.

When it was dawn, I smelled a smell, it was a mixture of blood and stench, I thought it must be that guy coming, it smelled of human blood and animal stench, my sense of smell has always been so sensitive, just like my eyes have always been sharp. Sure enough, after a while I heard the footsteps of animals coming from the grass, albeit very slightly. This is a dangerous and strange fierce leopard that knows how to observe its opponents. It stopped in the grass not far from me, and the cat tilted its head and cast a murderous and tentative gaze at me through the gaps in the blades of grass.

The gaze was like lightning.

I felt it.

I slowly stood up. I saw its head, and its lightning-fast gaze.

I hung down the knife in my hand, I waited, waited for its roar and attack, at this time, I would not take the initiative to attack, I could only brake with static. The fierce leopard seems to be braking with static, and it is engaged in a mental contest with me, and I and the fierce leopard both know that whoever can't hold his breath first may lose completely. I confronted the leopard, the air seemed to freeze, and the mountain wind that had been blowing all night was still at dawn.

Minutes and seconds passed.

Sweat oozed from the palms of my knife-holding hands.

I think if I had a gun in my hand, I wouldn't have worked so hard and ended up with this fierce leopard. But I haven't touched a gun for a long time, and the gun that smells of gun oil and steel has already broken up with me, just like Feng Qiulan, she will never be able to love me and depend on each other for her life! The thought of this made me a little distracted, even though my eyes were fixed on the leopard.

It was my distraction that made the leopard see my flaws.

The leopard let out a low roar, leaped to its feet, and swooped down on me like lightning. Its jumping posture is beautiful and powerful, and there is an indescribable domineering, just like when I was younger. To say a hypocritical word, I can't bear to kill it.

But I must kill it today, and if I show mercy, it will kill me!"

It pounced, its sharp claws snatching at a piece of flesh from my shoulder. It was going to grab my head, but as soon as I flexed my head, its claws landed on my shoulder. I felt my own blood flow out, and my body gave off a strong smell of blood, and the strong smell of blood drove me crazy. I swung my head knife and slashed at the leopard's buttocks.

It also smelled the blood coming from its own body, and it went crazy.

I strangled with the leopard.

That fight brought me back to the feeling of a warrior.

This is an opponent I respect!

How many opponents can you meet in your life?

Heroes are all lonely, lonely life, lonely death! I believe that the leopard is as lonely as I am, as lonely as I am, and as powerless as I am about my fate. But we can't be friends, and we never can be. Because it died under my knife, my last knife cut its throat.

The leopard that fell in the grass still maintained its majesty, and although its heart stopped beating, its eyes were still so clear, and in the morning light, it maintained its inherent fierceness, without a trace of sorrow. It's so tragic when it dies, not like a dead pig or a dead dog! That's the difference between a hero and a coward. I was also scarred by its bites, and my legs went limp, and I half-knelt beside its corpse, my teeth chattering.

5

I will still see Shangguan Xiong in my dreams, but it is not the bloody image, it is a very vague shadow, but I know that the vague shadow is Shangguan Xiong. Every year during the Qingming Festival, I would go to sweep the tombs of Shangguan Ming and Huang Qigu, and I moved their graves and the graves of my parents to one place, and I also built a tomb for Hu Sande, right next to them. Only on this day, I would burn paper for the dead in the cemetery, drink wine, and talk a lot. Then I got drunk, and lay down at their graves, whirring and sleeping.

I remember that it was 1990, and Shangguanxiong returned to Changling Town. At that time, he was already a general, and he had three golden beans on his shoulder card.

That's really a homecoming, hugging back to the front. I didn't go to join in the fun, although I wanted to see him once, and if I didn't see him again, I might never see him again. I hid in a small mud hut, and my heart was full of anxiety. He may have forgotten about me, and in this little mud hut I always thought there was still the smell of his childhood, and I could tell it clearly.

I didn't expect him to come and see me.

That day, when the wind was very strong, he stood outside the door of the small mud hut with a few attendants and knocked on my door. I heard him call my name. It was as if I was in a dream, and I couldn't believe that I could see my brother who had been born and died with me here. He knocked on the door for a long time, and I opened it, and a gust of wind poured in, along with his blessed body. He closed the door as soon as he entered, and shut the retinue out of the dilapidated cedar door. He sat with me on the edge of the bed. He held my rough hand, his hand was warm and soft, reminding me of a woman's hand. I'm scared of such hands, really scared. If his hands were rough, perhaps our hearts would be reattached. But his hand was so soft, like a woman's hand, I couldn't believe it was the hand that had once held a knife and a gun. He said to me, "All these years, you have suffered! I said, "Not bitter." He said, "I often think of you." I said, "Me too." He said, "Sun Debiao misses you too!" I said, "I miss him too." He said: "Several times, I want to take you to Beijing to have fun, we old brothers get together together, but I can't achieve it, I'm ashamed!" "I was speechless.

When Shangguanxiong returned to his hometown, he asked me to take his car to Songmaoling, which is more than 100 kilometers away from Changling Town. After going back to western Fujian for so many years, I have always wanted to go back to that place to see, but I don't dare, and every time I think of Songmaoling, I will have a lot of bad emotions in my heart, not only because many people have died there, but also because my lifeline was interrupted there, because of what, I don't understand, I think, it is a cursed place, together with Gulingtou, together with Jigong Mountain and Dawangzhuang, together with Shangganling, are all cursed places. Shangguan Xiong stood on Songmaoling, sighing with emotion, I could see the tears in his eyes, but I didn't say anything, I was rejecting this place in my heart, hoping to escape quickly!

After coming down from Songmaoling, Shangguanxiong said goodbye to me and left western Fujian, and he never came back since, and I never saw him again. I watched the car carrying his fat body go away, my eyes blurred, and I didn't know if it was tears or blood.

One night ten years later, I dreamed of Shangguan Xiong again.

He was dressed in a crisp general's uniform, and he came from a long distance, his face was gray. He walked up to me and stretched out his hand to grab me, but he couldn't. I shouted, "Ah Xiong, Ah Xiong—" His eyes filled with tears. After a while, I saw that his military uniform was stripped naked, and he stood naked in front of me, changing into the appearance of our childhood when we swam naked in the Tingjiang River, and then he turned around and walked into a void of light, and he was overwhelmed by that void light, and I could no longer see him, no matter how much I shouted.

Soon after, I got the news that Shangguan Xiong had passed away due to illness.

He died the night I dreamed of him.