1

It was a very warm time in my life, so to speak, so warm that I often broke my heart, although my mood was sometimes extremely bad, standing alone on the edge of the Xiangjiang River, looking at the slow and powerful flow of the river, I don't know what to do. It was a bend in the Xiangjiang River, and Feng San's father and daughter's home was on the hillside by the river. This is a lonely family, the nearest village is more than 10 kilometers away, and the larger towns are even farther away, and the county or provincial capital is just around the corner. That place is called Lei Gong Bay. I stayed there for a few months.

2

Nearly a month later, the gunshot wound on my left thigh miraculously healed, with a shiny scar, thanks to the herbal medicine in Lao Lang and the careful care of Feng Santong's father and daughter. But that damn bullet stayed in my thigh, and for a long time afterward, every time it was windy, rainy, and cold, my thigh would ache in the inside. On the day I threw away my crutches and could walk freely, I walked to the river and yelled at the vast river for a long time, Feng Santong and Qiulan stood at the door of the house, looking at me strangely.

At that time, the Feng family's life was becoming more and more difficult and poor, and I also dragged them down.

The father and daughter of the Feng family originally made a living by fishing, but after the battle of the Xiangjiang River, people on both sides of the Xiangjiang River did not dare to eat fish, saying that there was a bloody smell of blood in the fish, and the fish in the Xiangjiang River had eaten the carrion of the dead. The fish that the Feng family and their daughter caught from the Xiangjiang River could not be sold at all, and they did not dare to eat the fish themselves, Qiulan said that she wanted to vomit when she saw the fish. But during the more than a month I was recuperating from my injuries at their home, I drank a lot of fish soup, and I dared to feel how much pain and fear they endured, and when I learned about it, I refused to drink fish soup. It was those fish soups that supplemented my nutrition, that is to say, the recovery of my physical strength was related to those fish soups, and also related to the blood and corpses floating on the Xiangjiang River, I indirectly drank the blood of the dead and ate the flesh of the dead!

What kind of person am I?!

That night, after Qiulan went to sleep, Feng Santong, who rarely spoke, came to my bed and sat down. From the look on his face, I could tell that he had something to say to me. Before he could say anything, I wondered if I was healed and that he was going to drive me away.

He took a puff of dry tobacco and said, "Mazi, what do you think of Qiulan?" ”

I blurted out, "She's a good girl!" ”

Feng Santong's eyes never fell on my face, and he kept staring at his dry chimney: "Qiulan is not a good girl, she is not good-looking, and she has been married." Two years ago, the son of a large family in the town married her, and in less than half a year, the man died in the West. Poor Qiulan was kicked out of the dead ghost's house, and the dead ghost's parents said that Qiulan was a dead star and killed her husband. I went to pick up Qiulan and took her home, and her mother drowned that year. I should have made these things clear to you. I think, if you don't dislike it, you can make do with Qiulan. ”

After listening to Feng Santong's words, I felt like a fish bone stuck in my throat, and I couldn't say anything. I'm such a wasted person, if I marry Qiulan, won't it hurt her! I believe that at that moment, my face was extremely ugly, my heart was full of shame, shame, anger and helplessness, and it was difficult for me to speak to Feng Santong!

Feng Santong's eyes were still staring at the hookah, and he didn't look at me squarely: "I think, Qiulan is all bad, but this kid is kind, considerate, and knows warmth and cold." However, it doesn't matter if you don't agree, marriage is a major event in a person's life, and you can't force it, you have to make your own decisions. Qiulan, don't worry, I can see that she has a heart for you. It's not early, you have to rest, if you lie down and can't sleep, just think about it. ”

He walked out of my room, and I didn't say a word.

I stayed up all night that night.

In the middle of the night, I heard a muffled cry, as desolate as the frost and snow of this winter. It was Qiulan crying in the room next to me. I don't know why she cried. I tried to say something to her, but I couldn't, and in the darkness I reached out and grabbed my hair, and I pulled it hard, and I was already in a quagmire, and I tried to pull myself out of it, but to no avail. What the fuck am I!

I quietly got up, walked out of the house, and came to the edge of the Xiangjiang River.

The river whimpered, glowing white in the night.

I let out a heart-rending howl at the Xiangjiang River like a wolf.

I suddenly remembered the ghost head knife that my master Hu Sande made for me, did it howl on the deserted river beach, or did it hear my howl?

3

When I told Feng Santong that I wanted to go back to the Xiangjiang River in Gulingtou to look for the ghost-headed knife, he looked at me in a daze, and he couldn't speak for a long time.

Perhaps he saw the murderous aura in my eyes, and finally, his gaze flickered away in a panic, and he said in a deep voice, "I'll take you by boat!" ”

Feng Santong and Qiu Lan took turns to support the boat, if it weren't for watching them support the boat, I would never have thought that their strength was so great, and their lives were so tenacious. The boat went up the river and it took almost a day to reach its destination.

It was dusk.

The remnant sun is like blood.

After more than a month, I can still smell the stench of rotting corpses on the gravel beach on the edge of the Xiangjiang River, although the corpses are gone. I saw the big rock by the river in the distance and ran towards it desperately. As I was about to run to the big rock, I suddenly saw the ghost-headed knife, which was lying quietly on the pebbles, and the setting sun shone on its rusty knife, and my heart ached as if it had been hit by a bullet.

I silently walked up to it, bent down, and picked it up.

Is the rust on the knife body clotted blood?

The whistling of bullets and shouts of killing rang out in my ears again.

What about my comrades-in-arms?

What about my troops?

Where is my good brother Shangguan Xiong at this time?

I suddenly had the urge to cry, but I couldn't shed my tears, I only felt a hot pain in my eyes, as if someone was saying in my ear: "Mazi, come, let's compete and see who has the right marksmanship!" It was Zhang Zongfu's voice, and his words with a strong Jiangxi accent were so real. I suddenly knelt on the cobblestones and shouted loudly, "Camp Commander Zhang, Camp Commander Zhang-"

Immediately after that, I howled loudly.

My sad and helpless howl spread infinitely on the empty river beach, I don't know if Zhang Zongfu heard it, I don't know if Wu Youcai heard it, and I don't know if those dead brothers heard it!

What a sorrow that is!

When I was howling, Feng Santong sat on the bow of the boat like a statue.

Qiulan walked up to me with tears in her eyes, helped me up, and said tremblingly, "Big brother, let's go, leave this place, we won't come back in the future." Let's go, big brother—"

4

I have never told Feng Santong whether to marry Qiulan or not, I have always called Qiulan "sister", and she has always called me "big brother". Feng Santong still didn't say anything, he didn't ask me anything again, some people talk, they won't talk to you a second time after they talk to you once, he is such a person.

Soon the Spring Festival is coming, Feng Santong's family is poor, I can't always eat and live in his house, I remembered that after escaping from Changling Town with Shangguan Xiong, I sold art, so I decided to go to the nearby towns to see if I could make some money, and by the way buy some New Year's goods and come back for the New Year. After the New Year, make plans again. I was going to chase the troops after I was wounded, because I didn't know where the troops had withdrawn, and there was no way to catch them up.

Feng Santong did not agree with my plan to go out to perform arts, nor did he oppose it.

On the morning of my departure, Qiulan suddenly said that she wanted to go with me.

I didn't agree with her going, but her attitude was very resolute, and in the end I had no choice but to take her on the road. Leaving Lei Gong Bay and walking on the mountain road, Qiulan became cheerful, talking and laughing along the way, as if she had changed a person, her usually pale face was also a little flushed, and her eyes were bright and fresh. The more she was like this, the more aggrieved I became.

To be honest, I have lived for more than 20 years and have never been moved by a woman, but Qiulan touched me. She cared for me in every way, and she was the daughter of my savior, her every move, her smile, even her sorrow and tears, and her pale face...... It all makes my heart skip a beat. If I say that I am not interested in Qiulan, it is a lie, I am still a bloody man! But I don't dare to think anything wrong about her, in a sense, I am a waste, my inner inferiority complex and conscience always remind me that Qiulan is just my sister, I can't break through the defense line that I built early in my heart.

I said to Qiulan, "Sister, you should find a good man and get married." ”

As soon as I said this, I regretted it.

When she heard this, her face turned gloomy, and her eyes were misty with sorrow.

She walked briskly ahead, silently.

Looking at her slightly trembling back, I really wanted to go over and hug her, tell her not to be sad anymore, and tell her that I like her; But there was another voice in my heart that said firmly, no, you can't! I am a contradictory person, Qiulan is suffering from pain in my heart, and I am also suffering from pain in my heart.

I said, "Girl, I'm sorry. ”

Qiulan still didn't speak.

……

For more than half a month, we wandered around the surrounding towns and villages, rushing to wherever there was a market. It was a gray era, and the people who went to the rivers and lakes were no different from the beggars who begged for food. There are a lot of people in the bazaar, and there are a lot of people who watch me play with knives, but there are not many people who are really willing to throw money at you. Most of the people who watched the excitement were poor, and they took some things to sell in the bazaar, just to exchange them for some New Year's goods and go home, and they could not have spare money to give us alms. No matter what, I still worked very hard to show everyone, but there was no money in return, and I was satisfied with the applause. I hope that some people from big families will come to see me perform, and they will give us some money when they are happy to see it.

There are also times when the particles are not harvested. One day, I was so tired that my back hurt and I didn't make a penny, and after the market was gone, I took Qiulan to eat a bowl of noodles, and then found a ruined temple outside the town to shelter. Qiulan and I gathered some dry firewood, made a fire in the ruined temple, and spread some dry straw next to the fire. When bed. Qiulan felt very sorry for me, she added firewood to the fire, and said to me softly: "Big brother, you lie down and rest, I look at the fire, if the fire is not extinguished, you will not be frozen." ”

I was really tired, and I said, "Sister, add more firewood, and you can rest." I told you not to come out, you have to come out with me, you know the bitterness. ”

Qiulan's eyes sparkled: "It's not bitter, it's not bitter to be with the eldest brother." Big brother, don't you work so hard in the future, people won't be able to see it if you work harder, so you will be more relaxed. ”

I smiled and said, "How can that work......

As I spoke, I couldn't resist it, and lay on the straw, my eyes closed sourly, and after a while I fell asleep.

I did have a dream. I dreamed of Shangguan Xiong. He fought a bloody battle with the White Army on a hill, the whole position was a pile of corpses, and he was left alone to hold on, and there was heavy snow in the sky, and the snow covered the corpses on the position, but it could not cover the angry fire that erupted from the chamber of his gun, and finally, his bullets ran out, and the White soldiers screamed and swarmed up. He was covered in blood, with big eyes like brass bells, and brandished a ghost-headed knife and pounced on the enemy. He roared and slashed left and right, and one by one the white soldiers fell in front of him, blood splattered. Suddenly, a White soldier rushed after him and stabbed him in the waist with a bayonet, he turned around and cut off the head of the White soldier, and before he could swing the Devil's Head Knife again, several White soldiers' bayonets stabbed him in various parts of his body at the same time. Shangguan Xiong threw himself on the ground, blood drowning him. The white soldiers actually urinated on his bloody body, and the snow in the sky fell more and more fiercely, and the snowflakes also turned bloody...... I woke up screaming Shangguanxiong's name, sweating profusely and soaking through my underwear.

Qiulan didn't sleep, she hugged my head in horror and said, "Big brother, you're having nightmares again, big brother, it's okay, it's okay, it's all over, it's all over-"

I found that she was covered with a patched padded jacket that Qiulan had taken off, and she was wearing thin clothes. I sighed and said to her in a reproachful tone, "I'm fine, why don't you sleep?" We're going to have to go when the day dawns, and you're going to be crippled like this. ”

Qiulan said softly: "As long as the eldest brother is good, I am willing to do anything." ”

I sat up, picked up the padded jacket on my body, and draped it over her: "Put it on, how about freezing your body!" You won't be allowed to do such stupid things in the future! ”

Qiulan stared at me and said, "I'm not cold. ”

I glared at her and said, "Liar, look at your lips are purple, and it's not cold!" ”

At this moment, a group of people rushed in from outside the ruined temple, some of them were armed with knives, some with guns, and a few people with guns pointed guns at my head and said viciously, "Take out the money!" ”

I looked like a bunch of bandits.

I wielded the Devil's Head Knife, and the Ghost Head Knife glowed coldly in the firelight. This is a knife that has drunk the blood of many people! Besides, I haven't seen any big scenes, and I'm afraid that this group of bandits won't succeed, and I'm ready to fight with them, at this time, Qiulan hid behind me, her hands around my waist, I could feel her body trembling, she was so scared that she couldn't even speak. I said to Qiulan: "Sister, don't be afraid, you hide away!" With my brother here, don't be afraid! ”

Qiulan didn't dodge, but her hands tightened tighter, and her body trembled even more.

I said to the bandits, "Are you looking for the wrong person?" If you want to rob, you should also rob big families, what's the use of looking for us, we are poor eggs! ”

A black-faced man in the lead pointed a gun at my head: "Don't talk nonsense, get the money out!" We know you're making money by doing your best! ”

I really want to slash this son of a bitch, but Qiulan hugged me dead behind me, I just want to fight with them, and I can't do it all at once, and if I really do it, Qiulan may also be hurt, even if I die, I can't let her have any mistakes!

I said to them again, "You're really looking for the wrong person, we don't have any money!" You are also poor brothers, so don't make it hard for us, okay? ”

The black-faced man said coldly: "I repeat, take out the money, otherwise I will shoot!" ”

I believed that he could do anything, so I had to give in, and I said to Qiulan: "Sister, you let go, give them the money, and destroy the disaster!" ”

Qiulan still didn't let go, and I said again: "Sister, listen to my brother's words, give them the money, we can continue to earn money without money, and there is nothing left when there is no life, your father is still waiting for us to go home for the New Year in Lei Gongwan!" ”

Qiu Lan let go, took out a small cloth bag from the pouch, and gave it to me. I handed the small cloth bag to the black-faced man, who didn't take it because he had a gun in his hands. He motioned for one of his men to snatch the little cloth bag from my hand! The man opened the small cloth bag, saw our hard-earned money inside, and roared away.

I breathe a sigh of relief! Many years later, when I think about it, I feel very embarrassed! It's worse than killing me! Through this incident, I have learned a truth, some poor and crazy people will not be much better than those who are not benevolent to the rich, because they have no good heart and no fundamental blood to be human!

After the bandits left, Qiulan began to cry, I endured the anger and humiliation in my stomach, and comforted Qiulan: "Sister, don't cry, this is nothing, maybe we can meet someone who is generous in other places tomorrow, and we will make up for the money that was robbed tonight!" Don't cry, girl, my life is saved, it's better than anything else......"

5

Snowflakes are flying.

Two days before the Chinese New Year, we took the New Year's goods and returned to Lei Gong Bay in the face of goose feathers and heavy snow. Before going home, I told Qiulan not to mention being robbed by bandits in the broken temple, and Qiulan agreed with tears. That's a shameful thing, I don't want more people to know, and many times, I have to endure and have to lick my wounds alone, even though some wounds will never heal in my life!

Qiulan and I returned to Lei Gong Bay, and in the distance, we saw a man standing under the red lantern in front of the house on the hillside, smoking a dry cigarette and looking out at the way he came. Qiulan saw Feng Santong as if she hadn't seen her for many years, and ran over excitedly. Running and running, she fell, she got up, and ran again. That scene touched me and was poignant, touched by the deep love between their father and daughter, and poignant because my relatives were buried deep under the loess.

After returning home, Feng Santong called Qiulan to the room, I didn't hear what they were saying, and I didn't want to hear it. Their father and daughter have not seen each other for many days, and it is normal for them to say some intimate words. After a while, they came out, and Qiulan glanced at me, looking shy, and went down to the kitchen to cook. Feng Santong smiled at me: "Mazi, thank you for your hard work." I said, "Where, we don't talk to each other." Feng Santong said again: "Thanks to you, taking care of Qiulan all the way, she has caused you trouble!" I said, "Sister Qiulan has helped me a lot along the way, how can you say that I am causing trouble, I am dragging you down!" Feng Santong smiled again: "Haha, since we are a family, we don't have to be polite to each other." I am a person who has lived a year and a year less, and this old bone will soon be buried in the loess, and Qiulan will be entrusted to you in the future! ”

I didn't speak again.

Outside, the cold wind howled and the snow danced wildly.

On the night of the thirtieth day of the Chinese New Year's Eve, I was drunk. That Chinese New Year's Eve was the best Chinese New Year's Eve I've ever had. Before the Chinese New Year's Eve dinner, I stood under a tree outside the door, looking at the distant mountains and the Xiangjiang River in the wind and snow, and there was a knife cutting in my heart, dripping with blood. If Qiulan hadn't called me in for Chinese New Year's Eve dinner, I might have been standing in the wind and snow.

The Chinese New Year's Eve dinner is quite rich, there is chicken and meat, but there is no fish, this Chinese New Year's Eve, I believe that people on both sides of the Xiangjiang River have not eaten fish, and every fish has an unjust soul attached to it.

Qiulan poured a bowl full of wine for us.

Feng Santong put up the wine bowl with a stern expression, and we also followed his example and put the wine bowl up, he said: "The ancestors and the ancestors are above, today is the New Year, this bowl of wine is for you-" After speaking, he poured the bowl of wine on the ground.

Qiulan also followed his example and poured wine on the ground.

I said in my heart: "Zhang Zongfu, you and all the dead brothers should drink this bowl of wine first-"

As I slowly poured the bowl of wine on the ground, I could hear the roars of many people...... I looked a little sluggish.

Qiulan filled our bowl with wine again.

Feng Santong picked up the bowl: "Mazi, Qiulan, let's drink this bowl of wine, I hope the coming year will be smooth and safe!" ”

He threw up his head and drank the bowl of wine.

Qiulan said to me affectionately: "Brother, you also drank it, be happy tonight, don't be the boss!" ”

After listening to her words, I thought, yes, I should be happy, I took the bowl of wine and drank it dry. Qiulan also picked up the bowl of wine and drank it all in one gulp. I've never seen her drink, and it's rare for a woman to drink in such a big bowl, which I think is a bit incredible. Qiulan took a piece of chicken with chopsticks and put it on my plate, and said shyly: "Brother, you eat, what are you doing watching me!" ”

Feng Santong smiled and said to me, "Mazi, don't be surprised, Qiulan has been able to drink since she was a child, just like her mother." ”

Feng Santong rarely laughs, and his kind appearance when he laughs makes me can't help but think of Huang Qigu, Shangguan Ming, Hu Sande, and them, but I can't remember the appearance of my parents, how much I hope that their appearance can appear in front of my eyes. Feng Santong's smile infected me, and I also smiled: "Qiulan, your amount of wine must be very good?" ”

Qiulan's face flushed and she didn't speak.

Feng Santong smiled again and said, "Qiulan and her mother's alcohol is unfathomable!" Anyway, I didn't dare to let go of the wine with them, when Qiulan's mother was alive, I fought with her once, and I got drunk, and she was like a nobody. Mazi, do you dare to fight with Qiulan? ”

I glanced at Qiulan and smiled: "Don't dare." ”

Feng Santong said: "No, he still said that he was a good man!" ”

I said, "I don't fight with women!" ”

Qiulan said: "Brother, you look down on people, aren't women human?" ”

I argued, "I didn't mean that, I didn't mean that!" ”

Feng Santong laughed: "Mazi, let go and drink tonight!" We are a family, just drink and be happy, don't be so stinky! ”

……

It's been a long time since I've drunk so much and I got drunk. I was so drunk that I collapsed on the floor. Feng Santong and Qiu Lan carried me to the bed. Feng Santong said in a snort: "I can't see it, the pockmarks are quite heavy." Qiulan said: "He is a person who practices martial arts, and he is strong." I felt Qiulan make a basin of hot water, wiped my face, and then said to me: "Brother, you are too tired, your body is tired, and your heart is also tired, while you drink too much, don't think about anything, sleep well." After a while, I didn't know what they were talking about, and then, I couldn't hear them anymore, and I fell into a quiet bloody light.

In the blood light, I saw a man shirtless, holding a blood-stained ghost head knife in one hand and his own bloody clothes in the other, coming to me. His face was blurred with flesh and blood, he couldn't see his facial features clearly, and his head was still wrapped in dirty gauze, but despite this, I could accurately judge that he was Shangguan Xiong, and there was a special smell on his body that I could smell at a distance, just like between hyenas and hyenas, they could smell each other from a long distance. I wanted to say something to him, but my throat was choked with something, I couldn't say anything, and I felt like I was struggling. Shangguan Xiong yelled at me, "Earth dog, what are you doing now?" You've forgotten our brothers who lived and died together! You only care about hiding in Lei Gong Bay to enjoy the blessings, are you still a bloody man! Bad seeds! The eldest husband would rather die on the battlefield than survive in the world......"

I woke up gasping for air.

I have nightmares again, and I dream of Shangguan Xiong, whose life and death are uncertain, where is he at this time?

Under the flickering oil lamp, Qiulan's anxious face, she saw me wake up, and wiped the cold sweat on my forehead: "Brother, you scared me." Are you having nightmares again? You've been shouting a person's name. You look so scary, it's all my fault, brother, I shouldn't have let you drink so much. ”

I sat up from the bed, my temples hurt so much that they were about to explode, I endured it, and reluctantly said to Qiulan: "I don't blame you, girl, I want to drink it myself, and it has nothing to do with you." I thought I could forget everything when I was drunk, and it seems that I can't do it. ”

Qiulan's eyes were filled with tears: "Brother, I understand, you are bitter in your heart-"

Qiulan's appearance made me pity on this Chinese New Year's Eve, she was a woman who needed the care and care of others, I reached out and touched her hair: "Sister, you are more bitter than me——"

Qiulan threw herself into my arms and cried.

At this time, I heard Feng Santong's snoring in the other room.

I hugged Qiulan: "Poor girl-"

Qiulan's hands wrapped tightly around my neck, her mouth kissed wildly on my pockmarked face, and she said indiscriminately: "Brother, brother, you want me; Brother, brother, I will serve you for the rest of my life; Brother, brother, you want me-"

Qiulan's words stimulated me, and my heart was cut by a sharp knife, and I could feel my heart bleeding.

I suddenly pushed Qiu Lan away and yelled, "You get out of here!" Get lost! ”

At that time, I must have been a hideous-looking devil in front of Qiulan, her body curled up in the corner of the bed, trembling all over, and looking at me with tears in her eyes. Feng Santong's snoring also disappeared. I was shaking, panting, and staring in a daze.

I don't know how long it took, Qiulan muttered, "Brother, do you really dislike me?" Brother, I'm really good to you—"

I was speechless and lowered my heavy, aching head.

At that moment, my heart was full of weeds.

Qiulan slowly crawled towards me, I felt chills all over my body, and I didn't know what to do.

Qiulan said: "Brother, I know you still remember those things in your heart, after a long time, it's good if you forget it, everything will pass, brother-"

I muttered, "You don't understand, you don't understand—"

Qiulan climbed in front of me, and I could hear the sound of her breathing, and I could smell the smell of a woman peculiar to her. She said, "I know, brother, I know—"

My breathing became more and more rapid, and I still muttered, "You don't understand, you don't understand, you don't understand—"

Qiulan cried again and said, "Brother, I understand, I really understand." Brother, I'll treat you well and make you forget those painful things—"

I suddenly yelled again, "You don't understand—"

Then, I pushed her away again. Then I stood on the bed, took off my pants angrily and humiliatingly, and continued to yell at her: "Look, you open your eyes wide, I'm not a man anymore, I'm not!" Girl, I can't hurt you, I can't-"

With that, I sat down and held my head and howled.

A long sigh came from Feng Santong's room.