"When did I start to crumble?"

I asked myself this question more than once or twice, and looking at the pale face in the mirror with water on its eyebrows, I knew that "he" couldn't answer it for me.

I closed the door and got out of my rented house to go to the "processing factory" again.

Walking down the streets, stepping on the tram tracks that I imagined existed in the last century, I rubbed shoulders with countless people, all of whom were like shadows, without a sense of reality.

Seeing those smiling faces, they looked relaxed and full of energy, and it seemed that every day they spent was a day worth celebrating, and I didn't understand how the world they saw in their eyes was different from me and us.

- Probably, it is not different at all!

I don't know who it was, but suddenly it was said in my ear, which made me look back in amazement in the crowd, and in the strange eyes of many people, I didn't find the speaker who was supposed to be behind me.

Why is that voice so familiar, so familiar that it makes me feel a sense of pain in my heart, as if it is about to tear the muscles of my whole body, so that my body can't help but tremble, and cold sweat runs down.

- Who is he or she?

As I tried to reproduce that voice in my mind, the traces left by the memory were as shallow as the footprints of a bird on the beach, and the moment the waters of the lake of memory overflowed it, they disappeared without a trace.

"When did I start to crumble?"

Standing in the midst of the crowd and watching the crowd of people who seemed to move forward without any hesitation parting, walking away, and disappearing at the street entrance and the turnstiles, I felt that I was a monster, because I couldn't hear or see......

The strange question and answer was repeated in my ears, and it was completely unclear what it meant.

"Did you read yesterday's news, there is chaos on the Syrian side again!"

"Hey, what does this have to do with us?"

- Well, it really doesn't matter.

"Have you read yesterday's news, the UN peacekeeping force is ready to go there for peacekeeping this month!"

"Hey, what does this have to do with us?"

- Well, it really doesn't matter.

"Have you read yesterday's news, the United States is going to start trade sanctions against us again!"

"Hey, what does this have to do with us?"

- Well, it really doesn't matter.

"Have you read yesterday's news, the State Council passed the latest bill, and the individual income tax threshold is going to be raised again!"

"Hey, what does this have to do with us?"

- Well, it really doesn't matter.

"Did you ......read yesterday's news?"

"...... you read yesterday's news"

"Yesterday's News ......"

"Yesterday ......"

“……”

"Huh?"

"Huh?"

"Hey!"

"Hey!"

“……”

- Did you see that?

- Did you see that?

- Did you see that?

- You, see it!

"Nope!"

I shouted, and many in the crowd stopped and looked at me with surprise and mockery on their faces.

- Hey, this guy is crazy!

I think that's what they think, even I think so, I'm crazy! I'm crazy!

They were all moving forward, staring at me for only a moment, stopping for me, and then returning to their established tracks, as they were always unfazed and accustomed to.

I can't help but ask: Did you see that? Did you see that? Did you see what I saw?

No one answered me, they just walked forward, to an unreal distance, but their shadows answered me in unison behind them: "Well, what does this have to do with us?"

Yes, they didn't see, they didn't see, they didn't see anything, and even if they did, they blindfolded and pretended they didn't know anything.

"Look at me, look at me, look at me, what do you see?"

I asked, looking for an answer, but they all avoided me, looking at me like they were looking at a flood beast, running away!

"What exactly are we different about?"

- Probably, it is not different at all!

The voice came again, close to my ears, and I could even feel the breath of talking, but when I turned to look for it......

Obviously nothing!

Obviously nothing!!

Obviously nothing!!

But why is that tingling feeling so strong, it hurts so much, the uncontrollable tear ducts let the tears blur my vision, I feel, I feel, I notice, the important things are far away from me, farther and farther away, out of reach!

Against the flow of people, I ran, faster and faster, countless people yelling, scolding, condemning, what they were saying, I could not hear.

Faster and faster, farther and farther away, breathing faster and faster, my heart beat heavier and heavier, for the first time I felt that I was really alive, and this was all a sign that I was still alive.

The sound in my ears became clearer and clearer, and the reverberation was endless.

- Probably, it is not different at all!

- Probably, at all, there is no difference!

- Probably, at all, just, no, different!

- I said, do you see that?

- I said, do you hear me?

- I said, are you listening?

- I said, not at all, no!

- I said, different!

- I said......

"What are you talking about?"

"Who are you?"

"I can't hear you!"

When the pace stopped, I went up to the elevated highway, which was not quite what I imagined!

In front of you, this bustling city!

High-rise buildings, bright lights, everyone is enjoying prosperity, this is a prosperous era, an era of enjoyment, an era of drunkenness, an incomparably distant era......

It was noisy, and many people gathered in front of the building, and they were watching the "monkey show".

There was a person sitting on the guardrail at the top of the building, a girl, who felt inexplicably familiar, but she couldn't call her name, and even her face was blurry and she couldn't see clearly.

"Hey, what's that doing?"

"Haha, do you want to jump off the building?"

"Jump, hurry up and pull down, I have to send my child to school!"

"Jump, jump, don't waste our time!"

……

Everyone was shouting, roaring, and reveling, and the scene was no different from the savage sacrifice of the ancient tribes to "eat the living".

Above the building, a man in a firefighter suit was shouting below, tears sliding down his cheeks that left a visible tear stain.

"Hey, are you listening?"

"Stop shouting!"

……

"What are you yelling at us, the police are amazing!"

"We are a vulnerable group, yelling at us, be careful that we sue you!"

"Aren't you called servants of the people? Is this your attitude towards serving the people? ”

……

The revelry continued, and at some point, I appeared in the crowd, shouting along with the rioters.

"Jump, if you have the ability, you can jump down!"

Finally, with a deafening roar, the girl jumped from above......

Amid the cheers of the crowd, I heard the cries of firefighters on the roof of the building.

"Mom, why did you let that sister jump off, wouldn't she fall to her death?"

"Hey, what does this have to do with us?"