"My name is Poison Island Tsuko, and I am the oldest child in the Poison Island family and the only girl.

For as long as I can remember, what has accompanied me is the wooden knife that is so heavy that it is a little hard to lift.

My father was a powerful and majestic man, and in the eyes of others, he was one of Neon's most famous swordsmen, a kendo powerhouse who spread the Poison Island Ryu Kendo to foreign countries, and even foreigners were impressed by it.

But in my eyes, he is not a good father.

Since I was born, I have carried all the expectations of others, and I have worked hard to become the heir of the poison island stream.

While the other girls were playing with their friends in the room with their dolls, I had to wave the wooden knife in my hand over and over again to avoid being scolded by my father during his inspection at night.

While other girls were discussing what kind of clothes looked the best, I was asked by my father to learn all kinds of swordsmanship.

Again and again, he was knocked down by opponents who were much taller than him, and then swallowed tears into his stomach, got up and rushed up again with a wooden knife.

This was my childhood.

I thought that if I tried so hard, my father would approve of me. And I will also become the next father, a great swordsman who is respected by others.

However, I was wrong. Maybe I used to be the pride of my father, but .....

With the death of my mother, the remarriage of my father, and the birth of my younger brother, everything changed.

I need to go days without food or sleep to master the same swordsmanship, but my brother only needs to learn it as if he were playing, and he can understand the truth.

I finally understood that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't avoid the sad end of being easily surpassed by my brother.

My father no longer urged me to learn swordsmanship, but asked me to learn that if I became a woman, for him, as long as I became a good wife in the eyes of others, it would not be a disgrace to the family of Poison Island.

The funny thing is that I, who was extremely dull in learning kendo, was unexpectedly talented in this area.

When I learned how to be a good wife, I learned how to be a good wife.

It's ridiculous to say, but it wasn't until junior high school that I realized for the first time that I was a girl after all. When you meet someone you like, your heart pounds, and when you see something cute, you can't help but smile.

I naively thought that maybe I couldn't achieve anything in kendo, but I could still be a good wife for someone in the future. To have a beautiful love that I will not regret until I die, to give up the so-called kendo, and to concentrate on doing everything that a wife should do for the person in the future, this is also a way for me to realize my self-worth.

I left my father's side and came to Chiba alone to guard the empty gym, going to school alone, cooking alone, and living alone in this city without any acquaintances or concerns.

I thought I was going to start a real, my own life. Without my father's expectations, no longer jealous of my brother's talents, no one knew me.

I just need to treat kendo as fun and be as ordinary and happy as other girls, and I'm satisfied.

Until......

On the night of junior high school, I was alone on the way to school, and I found the pervert who was secretly following me behind me.

Knowing what the man was thinking, he deliberately let the pervert close to him, and when he wanted to violate himself, he took out the wooden knife he was carrying, breaking his leg bones and shoulder blades.

I don't know why I did it, but when I cut his bones with a wooden knife and watched his hideous and evil face turn into horror and despair, my heart rose with joy and excitement that I had never felt before.

The final verdict was that although my actions were somewhat over-defensive, I was not held accountable given my age and status.

But I knew that I would never go back.

When I realized how terrible the dark side was in my heart, how terrible that irrepressible urge of violence was, I knew that I could never be a normal girl again.

Even, I began to hate myself, disgusted with myself who obviously has such a psychology, but has a soft heart like an ordinary girl.

I loathe myself, the heart that still falls in love with others.

I don't deserve it.

I don't deserve to fall in love with someone, and I don't deserve to be loved by someone else.

Until that day..... Aoki-kun appeared in front of me.

I decided that I would never like anyone again, but for some reason, I couldn't help but have a good impression of him.

With daily practice, his kendo strength has improved rapidly.

This kind of talent is completely incomparable even to his younger brother. I was a little jealous, but more envious.

Moreover, the most envious thing is that he can live freely in the fearful eyes of others, no matter whether others are afraid or disgusted by his eyes, he still follows his own pace step by step. This may be the reason why I am tempted.

Perhaps, he will accept himself.

Such a powerful man makes me feel excited, and I can't help but admire - if only I could be like him, no matter whether others fear or like me, I can live my own self and not be influenced by others, how great would it be?

This admiration has turned into more likes.

When he fell into my arms covered in blood that day, my heart ached and angry, and for the first time suppressed my violent impulse that I could not bear as long as I saw blood.

When I saw the group of bad high school students who were beaten and wailing all over the ground, I had to admit that he was far stronger than I thought.

Carrying him home, drying him, and putting him on his bed, I looked at him quietly for a long time, his sleeping face was quiet and gentle, and he frowned unconsciously from before, and his fierce face looked much better. Perhaps, this is the real one, and he can't say for sure.

I still remember thinking at that time - it just felt like this moment could go on forever, if only that.

After he woke up, looking at his somewhat shy face, I finally couldn't help it and expressed my feelings vaguely. After he left, I lay on the spot where he had been lying and blushed for a long time.

I have never forgotten his taste.

It's just that......

He also veiled me down.

This afternoon, he said he wouldn't come back to practice his sword.

He said he owed me a favor and didn't know how to pay it back.

Actually, I don't know. I don't want him to give it back, because if that's the case, he'll never think of me again, right?

All I know is, maybe from today onwards.

I'm alone again.

That day, his quiet sleep in my room became the only color in my black and white memories.

That dream-like time has passed, and it's time for me to wake up from my dream and recognize reality.

I don't deserve to have love - Poison Island Tsuneko. ”

——————

ps: I hesitated for a long time in this chapter, and in the end I didn't keep it for myself, so I put it in the text. I don't know if you like it or not...... There should be no such chapters in the future.