Chapter 131: A belated confession
"It's yourself...... Kill him? Yamato looked sadly at the emaciated body lying in his arms, red blood filling his chest, soaking the silver lotus that bloomed in the dark on his kimono, and each petal on display was delicate with desire, like a mandala in hell, with the wail of the dead.
And the long knife that had put an end to countless admirals, this time did not escape its own fate, plunged into Jiqi's chest and pierced through his back. Let the smile that once showed tenderness and sunshine only leave the weak plain white at this time. And the mouth that was once stubbornly kissed by her coagulated with overflowing blood, sliding down the corners of her mouth little by little.
She was stunned and touched the wetness of her moist lips, the heavy red on her slender fingers, and every drop seemed to carry a heart-rending pain.
"Yamato, you know what? In fact, every word I said with you was true, and it was also true when I said that I wanted you to be my wedding ship, I didn't lie to you, and I didn't lie. She looked at the teenager who had only a little bit of warmth left, and smiled weakly.
In the confusion of her memory, she seemed to hear the most sincere confession of the fool before he died, and also saw the bloody and smiling face, exactly the same as the smiling face that had accompanied her in the past, but it was like a sunset about to fall, sprinkling the last afterglow. And the person who bathed in warmth is also a monster who buried the light with his own hands.
She twitched her nose weakly, grasped the hilt of the knife, and carefully pulled out the long knife that ended life again, and you could still see the blood flowing down the sharp blade, and even feel the beating of the stubborn heart that was unwilling to give up. She stretched out her white wrist and slashed it open with the blade of a cicada's wing, letting the crimson blood inside pour into the wounded heart like a drizzle, mending the pierced heart little by little with essentially the same blood.
She knew that he wasn't dead yet, that he hadn't left him completely, that he was just on the way out. Because she could still feel the last residual warmth from that thin body, and she could also see his nostalgic gaze. Like the dead who have just fallen into the abyss, they are screaming silently to the light behind them.
Don't die...... All right? Please, please. Yamato choked his voice, tearfully clenched the weak hand in his hand, and gave him the last warmth with his palm. Tears on her cheeks slowly dripped from the corners of her mouth and the heavy blood from the corners of her mouth, gradually smearing on the white floor.
She didn't know if she would be able to pull him back from the brink of death like she had done last time, and make him smile and hug herself as before. Because Jiqi's breath is now as weak as a candle in the wind, and the fierce wind may extinguish him at any time, but he can only keep doing his last effort, and he can't decide the life or death of that gentle figure at all.
Perhaps, this time he is really going to leave himself completely, and he ...... Nothing can be done.
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"It's good if you try it, I promise you'll like it, I'm the only one in our academy who graduated with a perfect score in cooking, and my cooking skills are master." It was the first time he smiled at himself, like a pure fool.
And he didn't care about knocking over the meal he had carefully prepared to the ground, and in the end it wasn't himself who said he was sorry, it was the stupid guy.
You stubborn fool don't want to die, okay, I haven't apologized to you yet, I haven't told you I'm sorry, are you going to make me feel guilty all the time? Why didn't you answer that, you scoundrel? Didn't you say you wanted me to be your wedding ship? I promise that I promise, we will be together forever when you wake up, and I will follow you when you go back to the town guard, and I will follow you in whatever you do, as long as you wake up, please gather prayers, please.
Yamato has never wanted to live alone as much as she does now, as a deep sea, she has always been synonymous with death, and every appearance is the beginning of a nightmare and the end of life for the Admiral and the ship's mother. However, she never imagined that she would fall in love with such a stupid and pathetic admiral, and she loved so deeply.
But in this love, the only thing that has been given is the big fool in front of him, cooking for himself, catching dolls for himself, making himself happy, and always caring for him silently by his side, and he is there every day, and he is ...... He has always been the one who is deeply loved, but he never said thank you to him, until he was about to leave himself completely, but those two words have been ignored by himself, as if everything was that stupid person should do for himself, everything is taken for granted in his own eyes, and he ...... Nothing ever was done to him.
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"Hey, what do you think you human love is?"
"Love? It's something that can't be described in any words, and when you truly fall in love with someone, you take everything you do for her for granted, even if it's ...... It doesn't matter if you give up your life for her. ”
"That is, can you die for the sake of your beloved?"
"Yes, I think I can do it." He was silent for a few seconds and then whispered to himself, although his voice was not loud, he could feel firm and sincere, just like he had chosen between the ship mother and himself, and those eyes never hesitated in the face of death.
"So can you die for me?"
"I don't think I can do it right now because ...... I'm not in love with you yet. He turned his face and looked at himself seriously, and there was no sadness or joy in those inky eyes, as if only the gloom of autumn remained. If I had fallen in love with you that day, I don't think I'd have hesitated to do it. ”
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That was the question he had asked him, and he didn't give a positive answer at the time, but now he told himself with his actions that every word he said was not just a talk, but the most sincere confession.
Just like the first time I met him, he stubbornly said to himself, I will definitely prove to you that love exists. He did prove that he used his life to tell himself that love is such a strange thing that makes people desperate, and life is in front of her, and there is only concession.
And he, the deep-sea monster who was treated gently by him, gave him death with his own hands, even at the last moment of his life, what he said was not complaining, it was deep love, and what he showed was not pain, but a gentle smile. It was not the cold bullet of his memory that was given to himself, it was his feeble and pale kiss.
He gave everything he could to this vengeful monster from the depths, and in exchange for a cold death.
Yamato's eyes looked vacantly at his gradually drying wrist, and the dripping blood seemed to be unable to wake up the figure who had stepped into the darkness. Instead of crying like a girl who had lost everything, she slashed her wrist open again and again, letting the warm blood flow inside. A viscous liquid trickled down her pale knuckles and into her pierced heart.
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Jiqi, I remember you said that love can make people not afraid of life and death, not afraid of waiting for a long time, and become the bravest person in the world. I didn't understand before, but now I understand, and I understand what kind of mood you have to say such things to this monster to me, but ...... Now it's too late, everything is ruined by my own hands, and there is nothing left.
I remember every day you would prepare me elaborate meals in that little kitchen, and you would grab my hands on the noisy streets, and now that I have lost you, I can no longer see the light and heat from beyond the depths of the sea. It was like a downpour that drenched me, only dark and cold.
Since this world is without you, there is no need for me to exist, because I now understand how deep it is to love someone, and how painful it is when he leaves, you said that there is gathering and separation in love, but I don't want to be separated from you, forever ...... Didn't even think about it.
So, it's like I shed the last warmth for you with my blood, and also sing an elegy for my funeral.
You said you love me, I heard it, and I want you to hear this belated confession, Jiqi, I love you.