What is perseverance in this world?

I was beaten up, I felt uncomfortable, and then I said a bunch of whining things. Pen × fun × Pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 ｉｎｆｏ

It's like a child making excuses for his mistakes.

I can't see what happened in front of my eyes, so I just slowly sigh about what happened.

The cries like those around me went from the beginning to the faint sound at the end, as if they were tired, and the feeling of boredom was boredom.

While recovering and wanting to regain the beauty of the past, he just shouted twice in a daze.

And me? What's the difference with them?

"Hehe......"

I'm sure there's no such difference...... The same complaints, the same dissatisfaction.

"Mom's ......"

I swallowed my words, but I didn't know how to continue.

In the middle of the night, it seems that there are not even a few cars in sight, even on the street, the dazzling lights cannot shine into the eyes, and the occasional passing light makes the sign shiny, and finally the cold ice sores left on the glass are transmitted from the bright light, making the inside of the house shiny.

However, behind that shining, there is a loneliness that is not easy to detect.

In the dark night, the color that fell from such a faint night made my eyes seem to be filled with tears.

Crystal tears shine like diamonds, but they can't relieve the pain in people's hearts.

"There's one thing I want to say to you......"

Hidden in my heart for a long time, it is like the most precious treasure, but some sincere emotions are too painful.

With my head down, I just walked quietly to my mother's bed and sat down on the chair on the side.

"What......"

I looked at the ground, on the floor of the lattice, leaving all kinds of afterimages, and finally scratched one after another, that is the trajectory of the shadow on the ground reflected on the window, I don't know if it was too long to be silent, or too long to wait, my heart was always worried, the cold palm seemed to have shown my nervousness, but I didn't know how to speak.

"Pop ......"

Tears fell to the ground, reflecting a variety of luster.

Shine around ......

It's so wordless, but it's so sad.

"I don't know where to start......" I said lightly, but the tears in my eyes were even more messy.

Like a spring, it gushes out of the tear ducts.

My struggling mouth kept trembling, as if I wanted to hold on to such endless sorrow.

But the sorrow that spreads in my heart really makes me not know what to do.

It doesn't feel good to be dead with my best friend, how to express this emotion, I don't want my mother to worry about me, but this kind of loneliness is too cold, and the world of a person is in such a vast world.

Maybe after a long time, I will forget this fact, and finally I will never want to face it again, but this kind of emotion seems to have been conveyed from that endless void, and my soul feels more frightened than ever, is it really good to forget such a fact? Or should I find something a little more joyful to dilute this emotion, and stop talking to people......

But...... Is this really the right thing to do?

My mother looked at me nervously, and the panic that shone through the moonlight, and finally left a shadow in the ravine, and I didn't know what to do.

"Something happened to the school? Someone bullied you? ”

She asked in a panic.

I quickly shook my head, "No...... It has nothing to do with that...... I just want to talk to someone......"

"Your dad beat you again?"

Immediately, more nervous words came from my ears.

I shook my head, but smiled and said, "No, everything is fine...... He's not going to hit me anymore...... Besides, he can't beat me......"

Laughing, my tears were even more even.

"And what's wrong with you?" Nervously looking at me......

"It's something online......" I said.

"I can't sleep ...... some of them"

I kept my head down, but I didn't know how to express such a fact.

My mother's face seemed to be relaxed at once, like a balloon that had deflated in an instant, and her expression seemed to be even more tired at this time.

"You can't sleep, I can't sleep either......"

She seemed to shake her head.

"If I knew, I would have taken you out earlier...... Something like this will definitely leave a shadow on you. ”

"No ......"

"The children of the third family next door have already been brought out, and they are also very ......good."

"And you have a character like yours, that is, with your father...... Your father's family......"

I was silent, as if I had heard something similar from my father's side.

I have no way to refute it...... It's not fair to listen to only one person like that......

"If it had been thirty years earlier, he said, I have delayed his youth, who is delaying whose youth...... I'm a woman......"

The sound seemed to be replaying in my ears again.

"Have you forgotten how he beat our mother and son?"

"Yes, yes, you didn't see it, that time, you saw it, if you hadn't pulled it to the death, maybe I would have been beaten to death by him......"

“……”

I was silent, and the tears that had begun to pour out seemed to have dried up in my mouth.

And my mother's bitter narration still made me a little uneasy.

"Mom's ......"

I said it again.

It seems that he also wants to express his suffering.

"Look at the people around you, they are all trying their best to help you, what reason do you have not to study hard, how happy you are......" She seemed to smile like this, so I didn't know how to answer.

"Mom......" I seemed to want to say again.

"There's one thing I want to tell you, can you not tell others......"

I said lightly.

"You say, if there's something, don't hold it in your heart......" she said.

I looked at the ground lightly, but in my heart I had already managed my thoughts and was ready to say things in one breath.

"I met someone online and we had a good conversation......

My mother seemed to realize the key issue at once, "the ...... of men and women"

I replied to him with a smile, even though the tears were still dry on my face, "Male ......"

"Oh......"

My mother seemed to nod indifferently.

"Whether it is a political ideal or an upholder, we ......"

"I'm telling you, it's not allowed on the Internet...... Some people just let you say this for the sake of envy him, and he just deliberately flatters you...... I've also met Spanish crooks who say they're so rich and so rich, and then they ship a box and what manager they call themselves...... The reason why I haven't looked for so many years is because I can't find the right one, and I went to find it with a purpose, you know? First of all, you know how heavy you are, those unrealistic people, we can't meet at all, since we can talk to you, it must be a very ignorant person......"

I was silent and didn't say a word, as if even I was going to believe it.

It's as if tears are drying up on your face as the scenery repeats in front of you......

Mother still seems to be saying this.

"So, it's only true if you study hard......"

"Look at the two children around you, they are all out, only you are the only one, next door, the child of the third family is more miserable than you......"

"When he was a child, his father could ...... Didn't they survive it? Finally, he was admitted to the civil service...... Who doesn't envy it......"

"You're the only one, we're civilians...... Those things are not what we should think about......"

"Really, study hard...... Let your mom save some snacks......"

Oh, yes...... None of what Mother said was not true...... But why, I always feel that something is wrong......

Fear ...... numbness......

Why......

Oh, yes...... Maybe I'm talking too much...... I should have talked to my mother......

Right...... Is that so......

But in this world, there are many people, but people are always alone.

Maybe you should talk to someone......

Perhaps...... Maybe others will think that they are insane......

Perhaps, at my age, it is normal for me to love games or movies......

People like me, who have their own ambitions, should not be allowed to exist......

"That's right......

When the morning dawned, it was time for me to pack my schoolbag and go to school, just like all the countless homework I had to do today, and the students who were going to take exams in the future.

But I had never seen such a bright sky, and there was anything to look forward to.

Oh, yes......

I'm just repeating the enviable routine day after day. But in such a world, why should I be addicted to the Internet? To be blamed, to be disdained, to be ridiculed.

But in this naked reality, what did I get...... Perhaps, Einstein was right, people should not look at what a person has gained, but what he has contributed to society......

They are all people who love me......

I know......