1. Ghost: God, my next reincarnation I want to be as white as an angel and have a pair of wings, but I still want to suck blood. Pen @ fun @ pavilion wWw. ｂｉｑUｇE。 ｉｎｆｏ?

God: Then you will be reincarnated as a protector, right?

2. I have a friend who sells popsicles in the park for the first time while working and is embarrassed to shout; At this time, suddenly a person shouted there: "Sell popsicles~~~~Sell popsicles~~". When the friend heard this, he was happy, so he shouted: "I am also ~~~~~ I am also ~~~~".

3. Soon after the ant and the elephant got married, the elephant died. While burying the elephant, the ant cried bitterly: "My dear, why did you go so early, I didn't do anything else in my life, I buried you!" ”?

4. Your boy has a crush on a girl, and he has the courage to ask what kind of boy the girl likes?

The "fateful" girl answered, and even asked how many times was the same answer?

The boy deflated and said, "Is it okay to have a flat head?"

5. One day, I was out of breath to catch up with the last train, shouting while chasing: Master! Master, wait for me~?

Suddenly, a passenger poked his head out of the window and said to me slowly: Wukong. Don't you chase it?

6. One day in the biology test, one of the questions is to look at the bird's leg and guess the name of the bird. A certain student really didn't understand, so he angrily tore up the paper and prepared to leave the examination room. The invigilator was very angry and asked him, "What class are you in and what is your name?" A certain student lifted his trouser leg and said, "Guess, guess, guess." ”?

7. After the beautiful Mongolian actress finished the performance, the leader came to the stage to meet her, followed her hand, asked the cold and warmth, refused to let go for a long time, and asked kindly: What is your name? The actress replied excitedly, "Malegbi. Matsushou"?

8. A man bought a parrot that could only speak two words, and one day the owner was not at home, and a gas changer came knocking on the door.

Parrot: Who?

Answer: Gas?

Parrot: Who?

Answer: Gas?

……?

The owner went back to the door of the house to lie down, and the owner wondered, who is this?

Inside the door: Changing the gas?

9. A person saw a bunch of things on the road, squatted down and smelled it, said it might be poop, touched it with his hand and licked it in his mouth, and said, it's really poop, fortunately I didn't step on it! ~?

10. The doctor asked the patient how he fractured the bone, and replied: I felt that there was sand in the shoe, so I held on to the telephone pole and shook the shoe, and I shook and shaking...... One of them thought I had been electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two sticks.

11. A professor teaches in the field: "Scientific research should not be afraid of dirty... Then he squatted down, poked his fingers at the cow dung on the ground, and then put his fingers in his mouth and licked them clean. A classmate hurriedly said: "I'm not afraid of getting dirty... Then he also poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger and put it in his mouth to lick the professor: "In addition, you have to be good at observing, I just poked the dung with my middle finger, but I licked my index finger... ”?

12. In a public toilet, Mr. A was constipated and couldn't pull it out for a long time, at this time another man, Mr. B, rushed in, just squatted down and crackled and pulled so unpleasantly, Mr. A heard it and said: "Man, I really envy you, I pull so happily" Mr. B said: "What is there to envy, the pants haven't been taken off yet......"?

13. A certain gentleman was practicing riding a bicycle, and a pedestrian came in front of him, and a certain gentleman panicked and shouted: "Stop! Hold it! The pedestrian hurriedly stopped. Why did a certain gentleman ride too poorly and still knocked down pedestrians. The pedestrian got up and was furious: "You still told me to stop!" Hello aim isn't it! “?

14. Pretty sister, 2 years old. One day, even called her mother, and the little one answered the phone. As a courtesy, I'm going to have to say hello to her, too. "Where's Mom?" "I'm going to Huaguo Mountain!" "......" "Boy, what are you doing?" Auntie, you're so funny, I'm not talking to you on the phone! ”?

Colleague's son, 4 years old. A classic quote: "I ...... when I was young"?

15. There was a car accident on the highway - a turtle trampled on a nest of cattle. The police are investigating the cause of the accident and said Wo Niu: How did the turtle hit you? The cow who was hanging the plaster cast recalled in a panic: I don't remember, he was too fast at that time!?

16. A polar bear is lonely on the ice in a daze, and when it is really bored, it begins to pluck its own hair and play, a ...... Two ...... Three ...... There was not a single one left in the end, and he suddenly shouted............ It's so cold!! ………………?

17. My colleague's daughter is a little beauty, and her mother often asks her when she comes back from kindergarten: "Beauty, did anyone call you that today?" The little girl actually sighed: "I guess they see me too much, and they don't think I'm beautiful." ”?

18. A couple gave birth to a little boy after failing contraception, and the child clenched his fists and laughed all the time when he was born. The nurse threw his fist open. found a handful of contraceptive pills inside, and then the little boy spoke: "You two want to kill me, it's not that easy, hahahaha........."?

19. Two men went to play on the mountain, one accidentally fell off the cliff, and the companion shouted anxiously: "Brother, how are you, is there anything wrong?" I only heard the person who fell down reply: "I don't know, I'm still falling~~~~~"?

20. I also topped, a man riding a bicycle, not holding the handlebars, holding his hands in front of his chest, a traffic policeman saw it and said: Good palms! The man replied, hello comrades!?

21. The monkey asked the fox how to describe the elephant's fart in a song. The fox said: Gu Juji's \ant heard and said, "Fuck, I thought it was a power train." ”?

22. The two brothers were chased by the tiger, and the younger brother really couldn't run, so he said: "Brother, let's not run, let's live and die with this animal" The elder brother said: "Don't talk nonsense, I can't run away from it, I can run past you." ”?

23. The noodles were steamed buns and Haibian, looking for cousin instant noodles to take revenge, the instant noodles were beaten up when they saw the bean buns, and when they came back, they said to the noodles: Don't worry, I beat all the out of it.?

24. A fashionable woman walked on the bus, saw that she was empty, took out a tissue and wiped it violently, and was just about to sit down and fart unfortunately, when a man next to her laughed and said: "I'm KAO, it's so clean, and I have to blow it after wiping"?

25. Penguins are bored, so they want to play with polar bears in the North Pole?

Walking, walking, walking for many years, almost there, and suddenly remembering that the gas at home was not turned off properly?

So I went back, and I walked, and I walked for many years, turned off the gas, and set off again, and walked and walked, and walked and walked for many years?

I finally came to the door of the polar bear and knocked on the door: ?

- Polar bears! Come out and play!?

Polar bear:?

――Don't play.?

26. In junior high school, a math teacher talked about equation transformation, and shouted loudly with his sleeves on the podium: Attention students! I'm going to be transformed! ……?

27. A certain judge squinted and tried three criminal suspects in A, B and C in one day.

The judge said to A, "Did you steal it?" ”?

Answer: "No"?

The judge was furious: "I didn't ask you. ”?

C said, "I didn't say anything. ”?

28. On the plane, the crow said to the flight attendant: "Bring me a glass of water", and the pig said to the flight attendant: "Give me a glass of water too!" After hearing this, the flight attendant threw the crow and the pig from the plane together. The crow smiled and said to the pig: "Silly, can you fly~~~~?"

29. A rabbit walked into a shop and asked the owner, "Do you have any carrots for sale here?" My wife said, "No." After a while, the rabbit came back and asked, "Do you have any carrots for sale here?" The boss said impatiently no! After a while, the rabbit came back and asked, and the boss finally couldn't bear it anymore: If you come to make trouble again, I'll take a pair of scissors and cut off your ears!?

After a while, the rabbit came again: Do you have any scissors for sale here? The boss said: No. The rabbit asked, "Do you have any carrots ......for sale here?"

30. The Demon King caught the princess?

The demon king said, "If you cut your throat, no one will come to save you!?"

Princess: Broken throat, broken throat!?

Nobody: Princess, I'm here to save you!?

Demon King: Cao Cao Cao is here!?

Cao Cao: Demon King, what are you telling me to do?

Demon King: Wow, you see a ghost!?

Ghost: Damn! was discovered.?

: Nonsense, who found me??

Who: What the hell is going on with me!?

Demon King: Oh, mygod!?

God: Who called me?!?

Who: No one called you!?

No one: how can I !!?

It is said that the Demon King has been suffering from schizophrenia since then.?

31. A king wants to marry a princess, put an apple on the princess's head, and whoever wants to shoot it will have a chance to marry the princess.?

The first man shot the apple and he said, "I'm Robin." ”?

The second man also shot the apple, and he said, "I'm Houyi." ”?

The third gentleman accidentally shot the princess to death, and he said, "I'm sorry..."?

32. A man is interning in a mental hospital, and suddenly a neurotic person chases after him with a kitchen knife, and the person turns his head and runs until he runs to a dead end, thinking that this is the end, and the patient says: Give you a knife, it's time for you to chase me.??

33. The wolf has just fallen out of love, and when he is foraging for food, he passes by a hut and hears a man teach his child: "If I cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf child and cry all night in the house, and the wolf has been outside all night, and when he gets up in the morning, the wolf choked up and says: Man, men are liars!!