That year, I was twenty-three.

At that time, I didn't know what I was living for. But I didn't choose to die, because I also didn't have a reason to die. In this way, I went through every day in a daze, and at that time, there was a sentence that always liked to hang on my lips - the meaning of life is to wait for death.

According to the people in the village, this is the standard mixed eating and waiting for death. I know it myself, but what about it, what if I don't eat and wait to die?

At that time, I had already begun to become numb.

Until then, I had been complaining. Complaining about my parents who worked hard to give birth to me and raising me, complaining that the environment in which I lived was too bad, complaining that I did not receive the best education, complaining that the first girl who gave all her love betrayed me so fiercely, complaining about the cold eyes of the forces of this society, and complaining about the insensitivity of the world.

I never felt like I was wrong in anything. I have always believed in the idea that the world should be centered on me, and that my existence is the meaning of the existence of this world, so I should not be treated like this.

But I started to go numb.

I'm too lazy to think about these issues, too lazy to discuss with others what's right and wrong, lazy to explain, lazy to complain, and lazy to prove something.

All I have to do every day is run my game, my guild on the web. I have accounts on every popular game, and more than one. Online games have become my only sustenance. Not only did I transfer some money from above, but I also found the value of my existence. yes, this is where I'm supposed to be. There is not so much deceit, not so worldly, not so much cold-eyed. The important surname of money is ignored here, of course, there are many RMB players, but they are not uncles! I! I am!

I became extremely diligent in order to make my skills and level better than others. I started to work hard, and I started to keep researching and learning. I started calculating various formulas every day, researching the best combination of equipment, researching the strongest output mode, and researching the fastest way to clear the level.

My efforts are not buried here, they all worship me, they all rush to make copies with me, they see me as a god! I'm not afraid of being tired, three or four hours of sleep a day is enough, my brain actually doesn't stop while sleeping, every time I fall asleep, I dream, and things that I didn't finish before going to sleep will appear in my dreams. For example, there were some flaws in the flow of my previous copy, and my brain would continue to think about these solutions after falling asleep, and they would appear in my dreams. There have been many times when I have problems that have been solved in one sleep, and I feel like this is my talent! I'm a natural online gamer!

I'm not thinking about anything that has to do with women, because I have seeds! Seeds in hand, I have the world! As long as the right hand is good, there is no happiness! The woman began to equate with the film in my mind. When I have a need, it can be solved in a few minutes, so why should I go to the trouble of soaking them? Why should I give everything I have to please them? In the end, he will be forcibly detained as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Women, began to become like toilet paper, after using up, I can shake it as I want, and throw it wherever I want. Although I think so, I am indeed a **silk.

I began to fade out of the real world, I gradually gave up all contact methods, I don't know how long the phone has been down, qq? I don't even remember what the account number is. There are only games in my world. My machine is well configured, and there is more than one. My room can be a small machine room, not that I have many machines, but the configuration is high. A lot of the time I'm working on several games at the same time.

When was the last time I took a shower? Forgot.

When was the last time I bought clothes? Forgot.

When was the last time I went back to my hometown? Forgot.

But I haven't forgotten my games, I clearly remember my account and password for each game, remember the remaining game time for each paid game, and I will definitely top up before the expiration. I'll remember when each round of missions is open and will definitely go by and line up before it opens. I have a dense schedule of which times of the day I need to do those things on those accounts. These things must be done, because the way to practice martial arts is to persevere, and the game is even more so! Many times, just because you didn't do the usual tasks for a day, you will be left far behind. The road of the strong is like sailing against the current, and if you are not careful, you will be doomed! I can't be the one who never recovered.

Until that day, a new chapter in my life began.

It was a great day, I qualified for the beta of Dota 2, and when I was excited to log in and start my first game, something incredible happened - I was reborn!

When I got into this world, I had nothing. That's when I realized what it meant to cherish.

It turns out that pain can also make people feel difficult to let go, and it turns out that pain can also make people feel nostalgic.

It turns out that everything that is hated by the nest is so beautiful and worthy of nostalgia and cherishing in my opinion at this time.

Perhaps this emotion was entirely due to my fear of the unknown. To be honest, I'm not afraid of death. Because I have planted a concept in my mind since I was very young: people will not die when they die, but will live in another world, and it is unknown whether they will have memories of the past. I don't believe in the cycle of life and death.

What now? Am I dead and now in another world on my alarm clock? None of this is known.

It turns out that what others are afraid of is not death, but loss.

Everyone has their own things that are difficult to give up when they are alive, maybe they are people, maybe they are things, maybe they are love, maybe they are just some memories or promises.

These things eventually turned into a firm obsession, buried deep in people's subconscious, which became the source of their fear of death.

At this point, I began to understand how hard it was for my parents to raise me. Even in such a barren mountainous area, they still grasp that they are so well nourished, and there is no disease or disaster. Even with all the money, they let me go to school, even though they looked at least five years older than their peers, and even though they ate shabbyly, they never complained in front of me. What they give me is always the best they can come up with! And what I want is always what they strive for. In their eyes, am I not a king?

I also fully understood my girlfriend's decision. The reason why she has started dating others and hasn't told me about it is not because she wants to green me, but because she still loves me. But driven by material things, she still betrayed the feelings between us. Although the ending is not happy, after all, we have experienced two years of pure friendship and more than a year of love, during which we are so happy and wanton. Isn't there a saying that if you don't want to be eternal, why can't I let it go so much?

I've also come to understand people who look at me coldly, who also have their own lives, their own families, and their own chores to deal with. Like me, they feel that the world should be centered around them, which is why they are so mean, so bitter, perhaps, they also have the same dissatisfaction as me, perhaps, their situation is not as good as mine.

But after thinking about it so much, the only thing I didn't think of was my game.

Originally, I thought that was all I had for life.

Now, I know that that's actually the most insignificant. That's just something I created to escape reality. Although he made me find my own value, it is not my life, it should not be my everything. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't do it!

But, is there a way back for me now? Obviously, I don't. The only thing I can do is move forward!

The past is over. They can only be memories of my leisure time, they can only help me make up my mind when I have difficulty making decisions later, and they can no longer serve any other purpose.

Since I missed it once, this time, I have to work hard!

In the previous life, I didn't have the opportunity to see the scenery of the commanding heights, and in this life, I must be the strongest! Climb to the top and feel what it means to look down on all beings!

Now that I have my own power, I have a group of people who are determined to follow me, and more importantly, I know what it means to learn from the past. What's more, I still have two rings!

Before, I didn't know what it meant to cherish, I didn't know what it meant to look at problems from multiple angles, I lost what I shouldn't have lost, and I was stubborn about what I shouldn't have been stubborn, so I ended up in this end. Perhaps, I died of exhaustion, perhaps, I died of malnutrition, perhaps, I died of hyperactivity.

Now that I've come here, let it pass from the previous life!

I think this should be the last time I think about these things, because I have a new beginning and a new choice! With a new purpose and a new life.

Although I don't have the chance to come again, I still hope that those who have accompanied me along the way can live happily, whether they love me or hate me, and I hope that you will forget me......

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