Before receiving systematic ability training in the Golden Hall, Merlin naively thought that all capable people would be like him, suffering from another "self" who did not know whether or not he actually existed, and would need to be vigilant at all times that the tyrannical and restless destructive desire in his heart would suddenly jump out to dominate a qiē, and he would be framed by "himself" conspiracy from time to time.

But unfortunately, Miss Nazi mercilessly punctured Merlin's little fantasies. She told Merlin very bluntly that no one with the ability will always be affected by the "other self", unless he has suffered some serious changes, or he has some great defect in his birth.

After some discussion between Nazi and the Golden Pavilion's veterans about Merlin's question and the current situation, they generally agreed that Merlin should be a unique type that combines both.

First, there is a congenital defect. The ability to awaken at the dawn of life - an almost impossible situation that exists is in some ways a fatal birth defect for Merlin. The first thing that a child who has not yet known and understood the real world is the extreme fear of tangible entities and the great desire for destruction of tangible entities that arises from them. This special way of awakening that completely violates the growth trajectory of normal people and even normal human beings is destined to suffer all kinds of abnormal shackles and tribulations, and the emergence of the so-called "other self" is probably reasonable. Because for Merlin, his first impression of the world is extremely unsafe and malicious.

Secondly, it is a sudden heavy dà accident. At this point, Merlin is different from the ordinary ability. Most of the changes encountered by the capable people are a point or a line, and through this sudden change or a continuous series of changes, the ability is caught off guard and even produces various psychological problems and even physical problems, which leads to symptoms similar to personality disorders and schizophrenia in the modern medical sense. However, this "disease" of the capable person is more dangerous and deadly than that of ordinary patients.

For example, Nazi is a special personality split - a real split - because of the defection of her best friend and the betrayal of her subordinates, so that Nazi can reappear as a child with a fanatical and ruthless personality. However, Nazi's illness is actually similar to a self-protection mechanism in some ways, she was hurt by betrayal and deception, so she decided to return to the period when she was least deceived and betrayed to protect herself. If you don't have feelings, you won't be hurt anymore - this is probably Nazi's true thought at the beginning, and it is based on her own idea that Nazi was able to directly manifest with Miss Nazi's extraordinary ability and power.

It's just that the split personality will obviously not always act according to the will of the main personality, and when the split personality gradually becomes stronger and more complete, they will generally have their own plans. And becoming truly complete and truly mastering oneself is probably the basic demand that they have in common. It is precisely on the basis of this or similar demands that they often cause great threat and harm to the personality or original personality.

Merlin, on the other hand, is not so much a line as a curve that runs through his upbringing. Whether it is his grandfather's indoctrination and inappropriate parenting methods, or the discrimination and oppression caused by his upbringing, or even the erasure actions that his "great" mother has been trying to ...... This qiē and qiē are subtly distorting Merlin, making Merlin both afraid of the destructiveness of his own power but having to rely on his own power to protect himself, this huge contradiction that cannot be solved has been tormenting his mind.

It wasn't until he embarked on his journey as a trainer that he gradually let go of his burden and accepted his power under the guidance of Wizir and other guys. However, even if he accepts his own power, the fear of himself and his power that he has accumulated since childhood still exists in reality, and it still makes Merlin contradict himself.

And this constant self-denial is probably an important reason why the "other self" in Merlin's mind is becoming clearer...... Of course, there is another possibility, that is, Merlin had been in contact with some "dirty things" in the aster not long ago, and maybe he also played a certain role in it......

No one can say how much of a person there is. Even a relatively harmless ordinary person has to face himself and his own wars often in his daily life. And as a person with telekinesis, this kind of war against himself becomes even more dangerous.

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Deceived by "himself", he almost fell into a violent and pure desire for destruction. It was an experience that was far from acceptable to Merlin, and he began to wonder if he had really made the right decision to exercise his abilities. After beginning to doubt the correctness of the decision to exercise ability, Merlin began to doubt the correctness of his choice to become a trainer, until further, Merlin began to doubt whether his initial choice to reject his grandfather's offer and go against his grandfather's will was really correct......

A series of self-doubts and even self-denial eventually pointed at one person, an old man, a loved one who was vital to Merlin, his grandfather...... As soon as he remembered that the old man who had been in Merlin's memory had really passed away, the bitter pain in Merlin's heart once again rippled. Again, the grief consumed Merlin completely......

[Hey, young man......]

Suddenly, Merlin seemed to hear the words that his grandfather most often called himself, and the slightly rough and weak voice and some flirtatious tones echoed in Merlin's mind very clearly, [Remember the promise you made to me with a pat on your chest? 】

Merlin was stunned for a moment. The voice in his head was not a simple replay from his memory, but a real communication, a very real communication.

[Remember how you told me, an old man?] "Grandpa" asked again. The old man's weak voice carried a wonderful power that could only make Merlin feel fearful.

Merlin replied nervously, ....... It looked like when I was a young man answering my grandfather's questions with trepidation, timid, weak, and uncertain.

[Since I still remember......] "Grandpa's" voice went up.

Merlin could even paint in his mind the expression of his grandfather's face as his tone rose in the moment—the snow-white sparse brow raised unpleasantly, the slightly cloudy but deep and lustrous eyes staring fiercely at him through the thick lenses, the thin lips trembling disapprovingly, and the wrinkled age-spotted face trembling slightly—and whenever Grandpa used this tone, Merlin always felt very frightened and nervous. Because this tone represents a meal, a scolding, and even a stick.

[Since I remember, why did it become like this!!] Sure enough, "Grandpa" roared, roaring in a rough voice and laborious panting, "Why did it become like this!?" His voice was distorted, shrill with anger, the wail of an old man's throat, "I told you a long time ago that the word 'regret' has no meaning in this world! "If I had ......" and "If I had ...... then" are even more stupid thoughts that will only waste time and mind!! 】

[People, whether they are men or women, after making a choice, there is only one choice left! That's to stay the course! Whether you live or die, you have to go to the end! There will never be a 'one more time again' in this world, there will never be a 'return to the past', and it will never be possible to go 'back'! We can only face the future, we can only go to the future! 】

[Be responsible for your choice, be responsible for the path you choose, and be responsible for the one you have paid to get to where you are today!] There is no point in regretting it! Let's say there was no value in the first place! 】

[Think about your own vows, your own choices, and then look at your cowardice today! Amusing! Lamentable! Impotent! Ignorance! 】

[Is a dead old man worthy of a young man's permanence**, eternal decadence?!] Is it worth it for a dead person to sink into the mud and stagnate a living person?! No, it's not worth it! 】

[There is nothing wrong with remembering the deceased, and it is understandable to mourn the death. But those who are dead have died, and those who are alive will continue to live. The footsteps of the living should not bind the body of the deceased. 】

[Stand up and walk out.] Keep the sorrow and pain in your heart, cherish the thoughts and memories, and then stride forward and go your own way. This is the best memorial to the deceased......]

"Heh......" Merlin suddenly let out a sigh, "Wizil, how many years have you not played this old trick?" Curled up in a ball, he stretched out his limbs and lay on his back, and said to himself into the patio, "What a look...... I was scared at first......" Raising his right hand and pushing the frame open with his palm, he wiped his blurred eyes with the back of his fingers, and warm droplets of water slid down his face.

"Just today, just now, let me be willful once, let me be weak......" both palms on his cheeks, panicked, hurriedly wiping the tears that kept pouring out, "Because I really, really have no relatives...... Really, you're the only one left......"

Merlin, who was wiping away his tears, suddenly understood two things: First, tears could not be wiped dry. Second, there is no way to shed tears even if you look up......

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The weather in the mountains was gloomy, just like Merlin's mood at the moment. Merlin thought he didn't have the ability to change the weather, so he knew that this depression was only because his mood was too dull. If you're in a bad mood, even if it's a clear sky, you'll only feel glaring and an eyesore.

Although I promised my partners to be positive and optimistic and no longer depressed, how can the feeling of heaviness and loss in my heart be so easy to eliminate?

Leaning cross-legged against the doorframe, Merlin stared listlessly at the grey sky among the mountain streams. Two identical mini-dragons, one on the left and one on the right, were clinging to Merlin's body, and the two little heads rubbed against Merlin's chin from time to time, and Merlin mechanically rubbed the fine and tight scales on their bodies with his palms.

When the mood is low and the mind is depressed, staying is Merlin's usual choice. Doing nothing, thinking about nothing, just staying, simply feeling the slow passage of time. This strange feeling seems to make Merlin's bad mood slowly disappear with it. But this time, this approach obviously had little effect, because no matter how much he stayed, he could feel the pain in his heart constantly rolling, brewing, and fermenting.

"Alas~~~" sighed softly, Merlin leaned his head against the door frame, feeling the touch of wood through his head and scalp. Only in this way can he feel the existence of the outside world more tangibly.

At this moment, a guest was welcomed in the small courtyard where Merlin temporarily lived. The thin orange walked into the courtyard with silent steps, and after standing still, he looked at Merlin, who was full of decadence, and let out a soft sigh that was almost inaudible.

"Merlin-kun...... "Ju Mai walked towards Merlin, "The deceased is worth remembering, but the living are not worth grieving for him." ”

Merlin had already sensed the arrival of the ninja master when Tachijue sighed lightly, but he didn't pay much attention to it, and even when the famous special trainer took the initiative to speak, Merlin still didn't plan to pay attention to him, because Merlin really didn't have the energy to deal with him.

"I know a little bit about your situation," Ju, who was left out in the cold, didn't mind at all, but continued: "The sudden death of the only loved one is indeed a heavy blow. But I suppose you should have foreseen this, right? Shin's health has always been terrible, and to be honest, it was already a miracle for me that he dragged that crippled body for more than ten years. When he came to Light Red with you in his arms, I thought his days were running out. ”

Merlin finally looked at Ju squarely, and his slightly hollow eyes lit up with a hint of hearing from his grandfather. The faint purple streamer in the depths of his eyes also jumped.

Ju, who had obviously noticed the purple light in Merlin's eyes, frowned slightly, "Faith, that weird guy is one of my few friends. He turned his back to Merlin, put his hands behind his back, tilted his head slightly, and spoke in a nostalgic tone.

"Even if those of us who have struggled through the old times are a little estranged and frictional with each other, instinctively and naturally, we will inevitably still have a sense of closeness to those who are also from the old era, even if it is with disgust and hatred."

"Xin was born with the blood of the so-called 'noble' and 'sacred', born in a noble and prestigious public family, born in the top Chinese family, but he is an out-and-out eccentric, a particularly strange person."

It is said that when he was young, he was also a famous genius and prodigy among the royal family and the Chinese family. What is the age of a few months to walk, a few months to speak, a few years to write, a few years of mastery of the classics, a perfect aristocratic demeanor and elegant manners of high blood...... He was an out-and-out prodigy, a genius prodigy. However, this prodigy has also shown great difference since childhood, he is a maverick, unsociable, and full of crazy ideas that mortals like me cannot understand. Since he was a child, he liked to sneak out of the house, mingle with the vulgar townspeople and commoners in the town, mingle in the lower class society that is regarded as dirty, and even fight for the so-called 'rights' of those lower classes. ”

"This genius prodigy, after growing up a little, easily won a new name of 'Rong's shame', and quickly overshadowed the name of the genius he had once obtained. However, he was not ashamed at all, but took it as an honor, and after almost letting him go untreated in the family, he was even more at ease, more happily mingling in the lowest strata of society, doing what he wanted to do, and from time to time there were some voices that made the nobles angry and ashamed. ”

"Even if the prodigy in his childhood later became a disgrace to the aristocracy, he was also a masterpiece of his generation when he grew up. He took the pseudonym of Dongchuan Xin, and had a very high reputation among the common people, and his books, periodicals and remarks had a great number of fans among many civilians, and he called himself a 'revolutionary/life/family', and he was complacent about it......"

"The era when the trade winds were flourishing coincided with the period of withering and decaying after the two defeats of Guancheng, and the rulers of the crazy Guancheng government/government and the 'heaven/emperor' of the 'eternal lineage' who were held up by them to the altar of the gods had basically committed suicide to thank the world or self-judgment to escape from reality, and the victorious countries like wolves and tigers tore Guancheng to pieces, throwing the last pride and dignity of Guancheng under their feet and trampling on it at will and spurning it. The rulers of the once invincible and high-ranking public and military families either fled in panic and trembled secretly, or they frantically screamed about the 'national total jade shattering' to ensure that 'the divine state is immortal and the imperial kingdom will live forever' in a vain attempt to make a final struggle......"

"Only faith, this crazy 'genius' came up with a crazy idea. He used his popularity among the people to connect with the townspeople and the common people, and by virtue of his status among the nobles and the slightest blood relationship, he lobbied the nobles, persuaded them to give up resistance, and persuaded them to surrender to the victors......"

"Obviously, this proposition of Shin was secretly supported by some nobles who had long planned to do so, so this former family disgrace suddenly took over the position of family governor, and immediately completely eliminated the remaining three branches of the Genji who intended to shatter the jade with the bloodiest thunderous means, and made the first example and offered the greatest sincerity to the Allied forces that took over Seki Castle."

Subsequently, Shin and the old nobles who had surrendered one after another became the vanguard of the Allied Coalition, constantly dividing and tearing the already precarious old aristocratic alliance from within. Moreover, he also succeeded in dividing the camp of the old nobles in the final counterattack of the old nobles, completely erasing the last supporters of Guancheng......"

Merlin looked at Ju in a daze, listening to Ju tell about his grandfather's legendary experience. It's not that he doesn't know these things, but at this moment, listening to others tell them still makes Merlin feel fresh. Yes, it's fresh.

"Why are you talking to me about this?" Merlin finally couldn't help but ask the question.

"Because," Ju slowly turned, looking directly into Merlin's face, "I really can't find anything else that would interest you. So I thought, maybe, talking about that old guy will work......"

Merlin smiled wryly.

"Young man, your grandfather has gone through a crazy, legendary, and unusual life, and I think he should have no regrets." Tachibana looked at Merlin, "Your parents—whether you recognize your relationship with each other or not—are going on a life of their own choosing, and they're pushing forward no matter what the outcome. And you, you have no reason and no right to stop your progress, maybe you can rest, you can miss, but you can't stop. ”

Merlin patted the bodies of the two miniature dragons clinging to him, and Patrogne and the transformed Lavi slid off Merlin with twisted bodies and slipped back into the room. Holding his hand on the doorframe, Merlin took a few deep breaths before gathering strength and standing up.

"Good." Ju nodded, "Come with me," he turned around and walked again, "It's rare to come to Light Red, since you've already passed the dojo's house, there's no reason why you shouldn't come to the dojo to taste my toxin." He turned his head, "I'm looking forward to what kind of battle you can show me......

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Ahem, the interval between updates seems to be a bit long...... I'm embarrassed, too...... Hawkers,Anyway, I'm working hard.,I've really grabbed a qiē time in the code word.,In short, please understand one or two~~I'm sorry everyone~~ Thank you for your support~~~

Then, for some reason, there was always an urge to dig a new hole. However, according to the current reality, it is better to suppress it for a while......

Well, that's probably it......

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