Today's three chapters were written in October, which is very much in line with my mood for this month.

So there's some of this stuff that's actually written for me to see.

Of course, it is also for those friends who are facing this kind of problem like me.

In October, it was my birth month, and this month I attended three weddings alone, and once I simply ran to Shanghai.

But it doesn't seem to be tinged with joy.

October was my lowest month in more than two years.

I've only written 210,000 words so far, and I would have written almost 400,000 words by this time.

It's almost half of it.

Didn't I dare to break out this month? Because there was no manuscript as soon as it broke out, I didn't dare to break out at all......

On the one hand, there are many mundane things, after all, we are all social animals, and it is impossible to really live alone, there will always be some human relations.

On the other hand, this month is really evil, the family has been sick, the child has been sick for half a month, the wife has been sick for almost half a month, and the two of them are still not well. My mother-in-law has also had a cold for more than a week, and she has only recently gotten better. My mother's lumbar disc herniation is getting worse and worse, and she went for surgery this month and needs to recuperate, so we took the child back to my wife's house. As for me, in the last few days of the end of the month, I finally didn't get through it, with a cold and acute conjunctivitis of the eyes.

Everyone has a bad birth year, is this my birth month?

Tomorrow will be my thirty-first birthday.

This age cannot be regarded as "middle-aged".

Among the online writers who have written books for more than ten years, thirty-one years old is probably not too old.

There is no clear age range for middle age, but the period between the ages of 40 and 50 and 60 is generally considered to be middle age.

By this definition, I'm still a little far from middle age.

But I now have the same sense of crisis as a middle-aged man.

As I wrote in the book, I am the breadwinner of the family's income. I can't have a problem, if I have a problem, the family will collapse.

In the past, when I was single, I only needed to support myself and my parents, but now that I have a wife and children, I want to be backward compatible.

Then I got caught in the middle and became a sandwich biscuit.

When I was in high school, I listened to Zhou Huajian, Li Zongsheng and Pinguan's "It's Annoying Lately", but the lyrics were written very interestingly.

Now I gradually realized the helplessness of the middle-aged man sung in the song.

“…… It's been annoying, annoying, annoying! I can't see the shore in front of me, and there is a group of geniuses chasing after that, ouch! It's getting harder and harder to write a song that everyone will be happy with......"

Changing the song to a book is my anxiety, and it's not an exaggeration at all.

※※※

As a result, I didn't write a word for the whole day.

As I waited outside the delivery room, I saw a lot of women being pushed out with their babies, and the waiting family members gathered around me, and even other people would come up to see one or two and come back and say, "That's a good baby!" "Will our children be like this......

On the other side of the delivery room, there is the ICU for newborn babies, where babies who have problems at birth are sent here. And the parents who are waiting here or coming and going are frowning and anxious.

Watching this tragicomedy of life, I suddenly realized that in my life, I wrote 6,000 words a day, and then I could play games and play all night without any scruples, or go wherever I wanted, write as much as I wanted, never work if I didn't want to work, and indulge myself when I wanted, and only write 60,000 words a month...... The beautiful rì without heart and lungs has come to an end.

When I have a child, all my thoughts will be on him, and I will have an endless heart. I have a lot to worry about. I'm worried that my mother's nǎi water is not enough, I'm worried that he doesn't rest well, I'm worried that the child doesn't develop well, I'm worried that he will get sick, I'm worried that he won't get better after being sick for a long time......

When he got a little older, I was worried about the hidden or obvious dangers that we didn't have as many cars as we do when we were kids...... I'm also worried about his education, I'm worried about his character.

When he is older, I am worried that he will go to college, I am worried about his job, I am worried that he will find a daughter-in-law, and if he finds a wife, I will worry about his children, and when the children come out, I will have to worry about my grandchildren......

Well, I do think too much, but as a parent, isn't this how this life comes by? I see this trajectory clearly in my own parents.

I took them to the heart of my work cāo. I worked them out for my income cāo heart. My income went up, they started to cāo heart I couldn't find a girlfriend, I got married, they cāo heart our offspring too...... Until now, sometimes they will stay up all night and discuss for a long time behind closed doors for our affairs.

And then when I thought about it so much, I suddenly felt a little lost.

I am very reluctant to leave me for a good rì.

But no matter how reluctant you are, this rìzi has to move on.

I think maybe I started to mature at that time.

I have more responsibilities, I can't lose my temper and pick on what I want. Since this road is on, it is impossible to get off halfway.

Even if this road is not easy to walk, the burden on this shoulder is a bit heavy. After pressing the waist and wearing out the skin on the shoulders, it was necessary to move forward.

Because, that's life.

I have to do this to live my life.

※※※

I went to the hospital this morning, because my eyes were a little red last night, and my wife was worried about conjunctivitis, so she dragged me to the hospital.

In addition, she has to go for a review.

When I was in the hospital, she held my hand, and I was quite happy, I still had a cold, top-heavy, my nose was blocked, my throat was uncomfortable, my mouth was dry, and I didn't know what to be happy about coming to the hospital.

As a result, my wife said, "Because you came to the hospital with me!" ”

Then I was stunned for a moment.

If you think about it carefully, in addition to giving birth, she has been to many hospitals in the past two years to do various reviews, examinations, and medical treatments.

But every time, it was her mom and her dad who went with her.

I never accompanied her, at most I drove the car to the underground parking lot of the hospital and sat alone in the car to code words.

Not only my wife, but even my children went to the hospital, I only went to it once.

Now that the child is more than a year old, "grandpa", "nǎinǎi" and "mother" can be shouted, but they can't call "dad".

They asked him, "Where's Daddy?" He learned how I snored, and that's "Daddy."

Recently, my wife and children are not good, and I accompany the child when I sleep at night, but he will definitely be woken up in the middle of the night every day, and then dimly see that I am next to him, he will cry, no matter how coaxed. He had to go out of his grandmother.

As a result, he slept with me for two days, and then he still asked his grandmother to take him to sleep.

He rarely asks me to hug him, and he hardly sticks to me.

My wife complained that I brought less.

Because I really don't have time to take care of the kids.

I have to write at least 400,000 words a month, otherwise I won't be able to keep up with the rhythm of the explosion.

These 400,000 words are a task that can only be completed by writing from going to bed in the morning until going to bed at night.

I spend all my time coding words, so how can I take care of my children?

I always want me to fight for two more years, while my body is still able to fight, I will fight for another two years.

But who knows if I'll fight for another two years?

Life is a battle, and you have to fight it.

A few days ago, after watching the national derby, I took the time to watch a documentary about Ronaldo, and at the end of the film, the reporter asked Ronaldo: "You always work so hard, why is that?" You're already one of the best players in the world. ”

Cristiano Ronaldo replied to him: "You have to keep trying, otherwise everything you have gained will be lost, you will have nothing. ”

For me, the results of these two books are desperately updated, so I have to work hard, all the time, otherwise I am afraid that I will lose everything I have now, I am afraid that I will disappoint you, and I am afraid that if I don't work hard enough, my family will not be able to continue to live the current life.

I couldn't afford to lose, my four parents, a wife and a child, were watching me from behind.

I'm not fighting for myself, I'm fighting for them.

There is a photo that is very popular on the Internet today, a man fell asleep sitting on the subway, and before he fell asleep, he called his children, told him that he had eaten, was not tired at all, and brought a delicious meal home, and asked him to wait for him at home.

Then after the call, he kept his hands on his knees, bowed his head and fell asleep.

I think this is the typical representative of every man who carries responsibility and family on his shoulders.

※※※

At this point, my wife came over to take her temperature and told me that I had a fever.

I'm going to have to lie down for a while.

As soon as people are sick, they are easily sensitive and vulnerable, and they are prone to thinking about everything.

So wasting everyone's time looking at my gibberish.

Tomorrow will be my thirty-first birthday, and it is really commemorative to write such an article at this time.

I wish myself happiness in life and a good health sooner. I wish you all happiness and health every day!

Thank you!

Lin Hai listened to the waves

2013.10.28 in Chengdu (To be continued.) )