Just this year, butterflies feel like they've lived two lifetimes.

From Zhuang Yousheng being shot by Liao Yingchen and falling into a coma, transferred to Hong Kong for treatment, to moving out of his villa and returning to his old residence, to reuniting with diving birds, and now meeting his mother to ask for a child, this way of thinking, it is really a bit of a trance, ups and downs.

The butterfly couldn't help but sigh secretly.

Many of these experiences butterfly can't be told in detail with Gao Ruohan, because she still doesn't know who the biological father of the kite is, this is the first secret that is pressed on the butterfly's heart, very tired, but also very helpless.

Although Gao Ruohan had doubted it more than once, Butterfly gritted her teeth and denied it, and she couldn't speculate.

Gao Ruohan looked confused, but he was not really confused in his heart. She knew that this girl definitely had secrets, and there were many secrets. Don't look at the appearance as calm as water, in fact, it is not simple at all, and the experience may be more complicated than yourself.

Some women are crazy, but they are as simple as a blank slate. Some women are the complete opposite. Butterflies fall into the latter category. However, although these Gao Ruohan are curious, they will not pursue it, and even have some emotion in their hearts.

In this day and age, which woman is still simple? is really middle-aged or a blank sheet of paper, isn't this life in vain?

Whatever life should go through, no matter whether it is happy or sad, taste the bitterness and joy of life, so as not to waste this life.

From the moment of falling to the ground, it means that you have to experience all kinds of feelings and hatreds, and then you can say Zen words like Master Huineng said, "There is nothing in the first place, where is the dust".

If you don't experience it, how can you see through it? The red dust road is the only road to the bliss of non-action. Hundreds of twists and turns, let go of the ability to practice the true body of King Kong is not bad.

Whether it is Taoism or Buddhism, it does not preach that a person goes to a certain place to isolate himself from the world to cultivate, and what is cultivated is only appearance, not concentration, born from the heart, and does not experience temptation, but there is no temptation, not not being tempted, or seeing through the temptation, which is far from the same.

As for Zhuang Yousheng, who suddenly appeared later, she also knew that Zhuang Yousheng was definitely not the father of the kite, because to be honest, a real father would not treat his children like this.

She has personally experienced how He Yuran raised butterflies, and that kind of experience is needless to say, all in all, biological parents and non-biological parents treat their children differently.

Sometimes the kind of parents who look particularly good and take care of their children's joys, sorrows and sorrows are often not biological parents. It's like you do with butterflies.

So although Butterfly and Gao Ruohan are also close, only the two of them have a little bit of hidden thoughts in this regard, and Butterfly is always careful to cover up.

In Butterfly's heart, as she gets older, she becomes more ashamed to talk about her love experience with diving birds.

As long as I think about it, there is not much pleasant feeling, more self-blame for my frivolous behavior, deep guilt. So she always wants to avoid it, always wants to bypass it, and even wants to erase it directly from life.

So her attitude was very vague, not because she and he had a kite out of wedlock, but because all of this made her feel ashamed.

As a woman in the new era, Butterfly's love experience actually reflects the love experience of many women today on many levels. Because of willfulness and openness, because the times have given them autonomy and boldness, courage to love has become a life motto of women of their generation. But in fact, behind any brave love, there will be all kinds of potential sequelae.

The so-called love, as Milan Kundera said, "love arises from metaphor".

A lot of uncertainties, a lot of unknowns, a lot of unattainable illusions...... We think it's love.

We always talk about love at first sight. Love at first sight is actually an ambiguous concept, and it is also the most chemical manifestation of metaphorical love.

Butterfly had to admit that from the first moment she saw the diving bird, she belonged to the feeling of love at first sight, and she was shocked by the young, energetic boy in front of her at a glance. At that moment, her mind was a little blank, her mouth was dry, and her consciousness was confused.

She remembered vaguely that he was grinning at herself as well. And when Lao Ma introduced: This is our new colleague, Xiao Ying......

For a long time after that, she only had two words "Xiaoying" in a trance in her mind.

So I can't help but call Xiao Ying, I have nothing to call Xiao Ying, only the butterfly herself understands in her heart, this is a hint, a desire for love, a metaphor for sex, a kind of expectation to be responded, or to get a meeting, she needs to meet, she needs to be calm, she needs to fill the pit of desire that was hit out in an instant.

Therefore, no matter what kind of love at first sight, there is actually a direct sexual hint from the hidden party to the other party. In other words, there is always someone who flirts with the other first.

Butterfly knew that the eyes she had looked at him were completely different from the eyes of all the women in the office. At that glance, she had already opened up her whole human nature: longing, expectation, waiting, anxious......

As a man with no experience of love at all, it is difficult to resist this kind of chemically rich teasing, the so-called initial chemical reaction, which is usually very violent.

At that glance, he was really frozen. It's a stash at once.

And throughout most of the butterfly's life and love history, this is the only time she has taken the initiative. In fact, it was she who chose the diving bird, not the diving bird, who chose her.

Whether it was Fan Fan back then, Jack Bear who appeared later, and some other men, basically butterflies were in a state of being chosen, and they were chosen to be abandoned, and they had no guilt at all. There is loneliness, there is loss, there is pain, but there is no guilt.

When that young man, Xiao Yingying, walked up to you, indicating that he had accepted your hint, recognized this hint, and was willing to go to the life and death of love with you, you suddenly flinched, cowardly, hesitated, and hesitated......

In the end, I went away in a panic.

This whole process is obviously not so pleasant.

The point is, your escape doesn't mean the whole thing is over, and certainly not because when the young man comes up to you and starts asking for this love, you realize that you can't really give him anything.

Love, if it arises from metaphor, can only sink into some kind of metaphor.

As the other party, he must be in a state of confusion: it is obviously the hint you gave, it is what you want to love, and now I have taken a step towards you. It's as if you have domesticated me, and I have gradually become accustomed to the life with you, the daily life full of your shadows and feelings, and suddenly you say: Give you freedom!

This freedom is not so much exile.

Diving birds were exiled for so many years for no reason. He has always wanted to get the answer, why did you abandon me when you teased me?

He didn't make any mistakes at all, it's just that the butterfly woke up to his behavior and wanted to correct it, but was it her side who was hurt? It is he who is banished, not you, and that is obviously unfair.

Every time she sees diving birds, she has this profound experience. Every time the diving bird looked at her, it was silently reproached and pursued. It was as if in the courtroom, suddenly a witness appeared in the ultimate fatality, and all his testimony would directly lead to her conviction.

For the conviction of butterflies when a spontaneous choice of love.

Relatively speaking, the marriage with Zhuang Yousheng has no such shadow at all. Or, because he was married once, he is more tolerant of certain experiences of women. With him, it is not like a husband and wife, just relatives, you can have no worries, worried relatives. If you choose a diving bird back then, it takes courage and dedication. But choosing Zhuang Yousheng is like holding the hand of a relative, the person who is waiting for him in the dark. Make butterflies feel warm.