Why did I get rheumatism at the age of 17?

I guess only the old guy across the hallway could get this kind of thing.

Although the groundhog told me that I was not rheumatism, but bone marrow sensitivity or something...... Hey, I don't understand either.

In short, when it rains on a cloudy day, my bones hurt, isn't this rheumatism?

Today I wanted to secretly take the elevator to the cafeteria to have a look, but I was caught.

It's scary when a groundhog swears.

......

[May 5]

【Sunny】

By the way, how long has it been since I've seen my parents?

Three years? Or four years?

Actually, sometimes I've forgotten that they exist.

But yesterday, I dreamed of them again.

They pushed open the door to the ward and said, "Son, we're back." ”

He also said that he didn't come to see me for so long, but he was just busy and forgot to tell me when he left.

Isn't this nonsense, how can you leave for several years.

But in my dream, I didn't even scold the two of them for being out of tune.

I forgave them.

Well, just dreams......

But if they do come back, I'll forgive them.

I'm kind of missing them.

When I woke up, my pillow was wet, and I turned it over and was not noticed by the nurse.

Hehe, I'm so smart.

......

[October 20]

【？ 】

Since yesterday, the curtains have been closed because the sun has stabbed my eyes.

The groundhog said that my condition was serious, but I didn't care too much, I just felt that the sun was dazzling.

At most, when I write in my diary, I don't add the weather.

No one would have seen the diaries anyway, I wrote them page by page, and then they were all hidden under the closet.

It's a shame that these things are seen.

When the nurse left, the door was not closed.

So I seem to have heard that the groundhog is divorced.

He was in the hospital four days a week and didn't come home at night, when his son was hit by a battery car after school.

In fact, I heard a few days ago that there was a woman arguing in the hallway, probably his wife.

So, women are really a problem.

......

......

[November 2]

【？ 】

I'm crying.

As soon as I opened my eyes, tears flowed.

It doesn't hurt, I'm pretty strong. But my eyes were a little afraid of light, and the groundhog bought me a table lamp that wasn't so bright, and it felt much better.

His hair has been unkempt lately, and he looks more and more like a groundhog, and it looks like he hasn't been home for a few days.

Well, he probably doesn't have a home, just like me.

My back started to hurt, but it didn't hurt all the time, so it was fine.

The groundhog said, "I have three painkillers a day, and that's pretty good."

The old lady next door had a granddaughter who was very beautiful.

I figured I could propose to the groundhog to buy a wig, and the next time the girl came, I would go up and talk to her.

A bald head would scare her.

......

......

[November 22]

【Sunny】

Today the girl is here again.

However, the grandmother next door is gone.

The hallways were filled with crying...... The girl was crying very sadly.

I wanted to go up and comfort her, but I didn't have a wig yet.

I saw the window of the next room, the sunlight was shining through, and I started to cry again.

One day, I'll be carried out like this, but no one in the hallway will cry at that time.

It's also good, it won't make noise to others.

Last night, I didn't get a good night's sleep and I felt like I had been punched in the back and it hurt all night.

I asked Dr. Zhang if he had any pain relievers.

He just shook his head.

......

[December 10]

【？ 】

hurt

The nurse said, I want to be strong.

That's what I thought, too.

But...... Hurt.

......

[December 31]

【？ 】

hurt

Today is the last day of the year.

I could hear the sound of firecrackers outside.

Groundhogs are night shifts again. He pulled the curtains back and let me look at the night sky.

The fireworks are really beautiful.

He said, "Starting today, I have four injections a day.

Thank you so much to him because I was finally able to get a good night's sleep.

......

【？ 】

hurt

......

【？ 】

hurt

......

【？ 】

hurt

......

[April 12]

hurt

I don't want to lie down now, I don't want to sit, I don't want to stand, I don't know what to do, whatever I do, it hurts.

It never occurred to me that something could make me hurt like this.

I said to the nurse, can you give me a mirror and see what the hell is wrong with my back?

But the nurse shook her head.

Now, I have 4 injections a day, and sometimes, there will be a 5th injection, and an old man next door is very noisy, and he said that he has less medicine. However, Dr. Zhang didn't seem to pay much attention to him, and yesterday I heard him mutter, and the old man's reaction was that he was addicted to drugs.

Well, even so, I still can't sleep.

5 days? Or 6 days.

I want to cry, not because of the light, but I really want to cry.

If I had to do it all the time I wanted.

Then I'...... It's better to die.

Jumping off a building?

However, there is a guardrail outside the window!

Why...... To have guardrails?

Could it be that there were people in this ward who had the same idea as me?

It's just that he succeeded.

How lucky.

......

Li Huan flipped through these diaries page by page.

In the beginning, there were still a lot of words, but there were fewer and fewer words, and sometimes, there was not a single one for months.

And in the only words, Li Huan also went from being optimistic and strong at the beginning, and gradually saw more and more despair.

There are even many times when only one word is written in the whole article.

【Pain】

Just one word.

But Li Huan's heart twitched involuntarily.

It's hard to imagine a child's state of mind that would write such a word.

In his mind, there should have been nothing left at that moment, only pain.

Li Huan was stunned.

Just a few hours ago, she was still thinking.

A child's attitude towards life should be perseverance, love, and fearlessness even in the face of illness.

After all, that's what the books say.

However...... From these words in her hand, she finally realized that the child was actually just an ordinary person.

Abandoned by his parents, tormented by illness, and even when he questioned the nurse why he persisted, the nurse was just silent.

No one can give a reason.

It seems that everyone is asking a patient to value his life, and for those who do not cherish life, most people just blame him.

Because in the eyes of all those who have never experienced despair, this is how things should be.

Finally, Li Huan remembered what Dr. Zhang said to himself at the beginning-

"This is the hospital, and the world you're in...... It's not the same. ”

Li Huan stood up suddenly.

She snatched the door out.

"Excuse me, what about Dr. Zhang, what about the police?"

The nurse hurriedly pointed to the elevator, she didn't know why the girl was so anxious.

In fact...... Li Huan didn't know either.

She couldn't imagine what kind of person Dr. Zhang was.

......

Perhaps, he was a kind person.

He just watched Wang Xiaoming, who was gradually falling into despair on the hospital bed, finally made up his mind, picked up the syringe, and injected the excessive analgesic drug into his veins.

Then I watched him finally smile and fall asleep quietly, never to wake up again.

......

Perhaps, he was a timid man.

was so timid that he let his wife come to the hospital to make a fuss, and he was so timid that he finally divorced, and he didn't dare to refute anything.

Timid, seeing the patient in front of him gradually losing his breath, he finally realized what he had done, and then in a panic, he thought of disguising it as a jump.

......

Maybe...... He was just a poor man who had resigned himself to life in desperation.

He resigned himself to the breakdown of his family.

Obedient year after year, there is no end to ward work.

Obedience has passed away one patient after another.

In the end, he also obeyed Wang Xiaoming.

He carried the child who was no longer able to stand up, and took advantage of the two hours of video exchange to the roof of the opposite office building.

There, the two of them said something in their hearts that they couldn't say to another person in their lives.

And then..... They parted ways with each other, and life and death were separated forever.

......

Or maybe what the old man in the ward said was true, Dr. Zhang, really a bastard.

......

Well, the biggest possibility is that Dr. Zhang is actually just an ordinary person.

He killed Wang Xiaoming because of sympathy, smashed his body because of self-preservation, didn't dare to leave him on the hospital bed because of his weak heart, fascinated Li Huan because of fear, and was taken away by the police because he didn't struggle because of remorse.

And the liquid in that infusion bottle ...... Maybe it's really anxiety-relieving.

People are always complex, and a person can never be summed up by the same label.

Naturally, it is not possible to generalize with good and bad, good and evil.

Therefore, everyone may have their own opinions on what kind of person Dr. Zhang is.

......

But none of these thoughts matter.

At least for Wang Xiaoming himself, it doesn't matter.

Because at the moment before he died, he must have felt that Dr. Zhang was a good person.

......

Li Huan rushed to an elevator, and the notes in her hand were tightly held in her arms, refusing to drop a page.

After the elevator reached the first floor, she rushed out with all her might.

Just outside the hospital's door, police cars were already ready, and Dr. Zhang was already in one of them.

With a start-up sound, the police car started.

"Wait a minute!"

Li Huan pushed open the hospital gate, shouted, and then chased after the police car!

Zhou Yan watched the police car, heard this shout, and was startled, and at the same time as he turned around, he saw Li Huan holding something, and rushed into the night quickly.

"Hey!" Zhou Yan didn't react for a while, so he had to quickly run over.

It's hard to imagine what it was that made a little girl, not long after she woke up, drag her weak body and chase after the car so desperately.

Fortunately, Li Huan's voice was heard by the driver, and the traffic in front of him gradually slowed down and stopped on the side of the road.

In the rearview mirror, the officers looked at the little girl who ran towards them in surprise.

Finally......

She panted and ran to the window of the car where Detective Liu was.

"These ...... These are Wang Xiaoming's diaries! ”

"What?!" Liu Chen was stunned for a moment and hurriedly took the diary.

"I don't know if Dr. Zhang killed anyone, but if he did kill Wang Xiaoming, then these diaries should be able to affect the court's verdict."

With that said...... She looked at Dr. Zhang, who was sitting in the back of the car.

At this time, Dr. Zhang just sat quietly, with his head down, and his face could not be seen clearly.

"I believe that you are a good person." Li Huan said suddenly: "At least Wang Xiaoming thinks that you are a good person." ”

She used the word 'good guy'.

It was not said that Dr. Zhang was the murderer, nor did it say that Dr. Zhang was wronged.

It's just that...... Good.

However, how should good people and bad people be defined, and how should good intentions kill and malicious accusers be distinguished?

This is not something that Li Huan can figure out, she is only looking at Dr. Zhang from the perspective of the deceased.

"Hehe, thank you, little girl." Dr. Zhang in the back seat smiled and finally raised his head, but in his eyes, there was helplessness that could not be dissolved: "It is naturally a good thing to be able to observe the world with kind eyes."

But don't get your hopes up too much for the world.

After all, the greater the hope, the greater the disappointment. ”

He said something inexplicable.

Then, Dr. Zhang actually took out a card from his pocket and handed it to Li Huan.

"This is something that I have exchanged for the luck of my life, and now, my wish has been fulfilled, this thing, just give it to you, I hope you will not need it for the rest of your life."

Li Huan was stunned, compared to the previous sentence, this sentence made her even more incomprehensible.

Still, she took the card.

The material, like poker, is very tough.

The main color of the entire card is black, both front and back.

Just on one side, an abstract outline is outlined with simple white lines.

Looks...... It's kind of like a crow with its wings outstretched......