Jingmei turned her head to look at her, and raised her eyebrows clearly, still so evasive, as if everything didn't matter, she only saw what she wanted to see: "My son is naughty now." ”

"It's better for boys to be naughty. It seems that she feels defeated, Bei Bei is absent-mindedly perfunctory, the more accurate Jingmei's words are, the more she can stimulate her, although she just casually mentions it, she still can't help but think of those more unhappy things.

"There are seedlings that don't have to worry about growing, this is so big. Jing Mei looked at her son in front of her from a long distance, and stroked her hair that had not been taken care of for a long time: "Actually, it's good not to get married, if I choose again, I won't get married." ”

"Oh, aren't you pretty ...... Why do you say that?"

Bei Bei was very surprised, she turned around, Jing Mei was the first among her classmates to get married, she still vaguely remembered that when she first got married, when she was still beautiful, she tilted her head, touched her slightly bulging belly, so happy, she said: "Bei Bei, do you know? I feel that God is jealous of me, jealous of my happiness." ”

——

"If I hadn't gotten married, I wouldn't be where I am now, and I wouldn't have felt so tired, so unfair, and cruel in life. The orange-yellow afterglow of the sunset was reflected in Jingmei's pupils, like a solidified egg yolk, she said cruelly, staring at the running boy in the distance.

"Why are you tired?" Bei Bei said angrily, sneering disdainfully, not believing that there was anyone more tired than her.

The little boy stood still not far in front, and when he turned around, Jingmei shouted, letting his son go to the cram school by himself, and then turned his head to look at Bei Bei but smiled silently. Her once delicate little face is now square, like a rose that has bloomed to the top: "Beibei, you don't know what I've been through, so you don't know how tired I am?"

Bei Bei hurriedly shook her head, she was still disdainful, Jingmei's old face was no longer luster, she shouldn't have been so haggard at this age, only that wisp of spirit was supported, and there was a trace of brilliance.

"Beibei, I'm really tired, I'm not as good as Jingli. Jingmei raised her head to the sky, as if she wanted to keep tears in her eyes: "She divorced her husband and married a very rich man, Beibei, it's good that people are still rich! ”

"Jingli is a person who doesn't stop by nature, can you still compare with her! Besides, a woman wants to find someone with good conditions, where are there so many rich people. Bei Bei smiled and said, it seems that such a bloody routine made her feel better.

"I don't mean that, you see I'm so fat, a woman, if you live easily, you will be young and beautiful, and when you are tired, you will grow old early. ”

"What's wrong with you today?" Bei Bei interrupted her, Jingmei's words didn't seem to be talking about herself, but she didn't seem to want to say it too clearly.

"No, it's just that you haven't been married, but I think you're very good, like me, if I don't get married, I won't get sick, and if I don't have children, maybe I'll get divorced if I can't keep it now. After all these years of surgery, hormone therapy, medicine, and no money left, this child was bought by me in exchange for my life. ”

She said that the child was bought in exchange for life, very calmly, and it was like talking about other people's business, saying inconsequential things, maybe Bei Bei always couldn't understand. She really looked like a rose that was almost withering, although it was still a rose, but the petals and stamens were shrunk and wrinkled.

"Are you sick?" Bei Bei grabbed Jingmei's arm.

"Well, I was sick when I gave birth to my son. ”

"Seriously?"

"Cancer. Jingmei stroked the hair that fell from her sideburns again: "Anyone has cancer cells in their body, but when you have strong immunity, your own ability to defeat it, is it to give birth to a child with decreased immunity......" She didn't finish speaking, and shrugged her shoulders gently, "But I don't regret it at all, hehe." She smiled bitterly: "But if I have to choose again, I won't get married." ”

stared at her blankly for a long time, and couldn't let go of his hand for half a day.

——

"Beibei, in fact, I want to say, everything will pass, don't let yourself always be in distress. At first, I was also distressed, and at that time I thought, why do I have to bear this, I cry every day. Jing Mei swallowed her saliva, like tears were swallowed with saliva: "In the end, I found that it was really useless." If you feel unhappy, run away as soon as possible, if you can't escape, don't think about it, life must go on, it's difficult not to continue, no one can stop life, just like a child born who grows up day by day, it's impossible for you to stop him from growing up, so there is no point in being unhappy. ”

She glanced into the distance again: "Beibei, we are ourselves, no matter how the appearance changes, we are all ourselves." This is too profound a sentence, Bei Bei still can't understand it at this time, or Jingmei herself doesn't really understand it, but this is a very interesting sentence, and it is often remembered by Bei Bei in the days that followed.

——

"To be honest, soon after I got married, I found out that I really didn't like my husband at all, and I was very annoyed with him, but I would never leave him except for him and not me in this life. ”

In a woman's heart, the yearning for marriage has always been different from reality! Bei Bei nodded very understandingly: "I understand." ”

"No Beibei, no, you don't understand. Jingmei said resolutely that she cared for the first time.

"Because I found out that I had cancer after giving birth to my son, I thought I was so unlucky at first, but when I arrived at the hospital in Beijing, I found that I was actually okay, not so pitiful. ”

Jingmei said about the big hospital, there is such a building, and all the patients in the whole building are cancer caused by childbirth, some are mothers, some are children, and those children, they are even more pitiful.

"My father-in-law and mother-in-law asked him, which means that he can choose whether to want this daughter-in-law or not, and if he doesn't, their family will not take the money to save me. Jing Mei smiled, and there was a dazzling look on her face: "Fortunately, he said that he must, otherwise my family may not have so much money for me to live until now, but I can be regarded as completely dragging him down, and no matter how much money I make, it is not enough for me to take medicine alone." ”

"He's so good, why don't you love him?"

Jingmei's eyes looked at Bei Bei again, as if she had seen reality, and suddenly smiled: "Bei Bei, love is a feeling in my heart, a child who has no goals in mind, if you say that never giving up is love, then I am to him, or he is to me, but I don't like him at all, I know the feeling in my heart best, I don't like it, I don't like it for a long time, it's hard to say." You find someone to marry, maybe you start to think that it is love, but when you really understand him, you will find that you and he are not the kind you love at all, as for why you are still together, maybe it's just that life has squeezed the two of you tightly together, and you can't be separated anymore. ”

"Is it because it is a carrier of contradictions? What can't stand the test of time is not love, but the feeling in people's hearts can't stand the test of time, right?"

"I don't understand what you're saying, or is it true!, so what?" Jingmei shook the braid at the back of her head, once again as if it didn't matter.

"Life is like an exam, we answer some failing papers every day, just like when we were in school, the grades are there, obviously not good, but every semester will still come non-stop. Didn't they all think they didn't see it when they were children? Now it's enough not to look at it. ”