.

"I think I get it." Looking at Kari in front of him now, Old Duroc squinted his eyes slightly, moved his lips, and slowly spoke, his voice was the same as usual, with a natural lowness peculiar to a man of his age, and he couldn't hear a trace of waves, "I think I have felt it...... After all this nonsense, you must be feeling terrible. ”

"Oops......"

"There's no way you can calm down like that, so you laid your hands on Lyra. You killed her with chronic poison, and then you manipulated subtle clues to mislead our investigation so that we — everyone thought he killed her. ”

Old Duroc said, his eyes on Carry. Carrie didn't make a sound, rubbing the back of the other hand with the fingers of one hand, his mouth closed, his face calm, like a student who was seriously distracted in class, watching the imaginary villain dance in his mind, and did not listen to what the teacher was saying.

"But I have to say, that's wonderful, isn't it - he jumped off the roof of that building and threw himself into a work of art on the snow, but in your opinion, I think it will also be seen by many people who know the truth, in a way, it can be counted as Leila killing him, it was Leila's stupidity and arrogance that turned into that invisible hand, pushing him up to that rooftop, and then pushing him down again."

“……”

"And you—Carry," said Old Duroc again, holding out an index finger in his handcuffed hands, pointing at Carey diagonally in front of him, "you killed Lyra, you said it yourself, you admitted it." But I think the same way, deep down in your heart, in the hearts of many of you who have had the opportunity to know the truth, you will think that the real killer of Leila is not you, but 'he' - it is his revenge on her. And you, you're just a poor innocent caught between these two people, caught in the whirlpool of pain. ”

"Do you really think so, sir?" Kari finally raised his head, looked at Old Duroc indifferently with half-open eyes, and then suddenly grinned at the root of his ear, "Ridiculous...... It's so hypocritical that I want to throw up. ”

“……”

"No one is innocent." Kari shook his head gently in an undetectable motion, "The reason we're not the way we are is for any other particular reason, but because we're the way we are—because that's what we are. What you're talking about, what external stimuli, bad experiences, all of them are just excuses, a ladder to build towards the outcome. A child with a strong nature will not commit suicide if he is dumped a hundred times by a hundred girlfriends in a row, and a woman with a positive heart, no matter how arrogant she is, she will not achieve her desired goals by playing with others...... And a man who has no demons in his heart, no matter how painful and resentful he is, will not allow himself to kneel down and surrender to defeat, let himself be kneaded by the world into what it wants you to become, will not allow himself to compromise with fate, lose his original shape, and twist into a monster he never imagined - unless, that is his true face, the real self he has always known, but has always cowered and refused! ”

“……”

"You know, I killed Leila." Carrie sat up straight with his hands on the table, his eyes unblinking at Old Duroc, leaning slightly in his direction, "You know, I poisoned her - do you know what I did it?" ”

“…… What, you're still taking notes? ”

Kari smiled, a somewhat hoarse voice, like a human-shaped, pale crow. "No," he said, "of course I didn't take notes—what do you need to do?" All the process, all the scenes, all her faces from birth to death, the little inconspicuous changes, are all here. He tapped his temples, "It's all imprinted in the depths of this place—it never fades." ”

"Then I think I understand how you got the hell you are." Old Duroc tried to make himself appear calm, "How many fingers do you need to count the good night's sleep you've had all these years?" I think maybe one hand for one person is enough. ”

"You know again, right?" "Nothing else, sir, just a little piece of advice from an old subordinate to his former boss that was purely for your own good—sometimes, you really should learn what it means to be humble." If it weren't for what I thought was what I was, I think you might have noticed a change in the relationship between me and Leila, and that in the days before she died, there was a man who none of you thought of but should never have slept next to her pillow! ”

“……”

"Yes, that's right." The subtle changes in old Duoc's face beneath his beard did not escape Carry's eyes, and the helplessness and frustration that was both unexpected and unexpected, seemed to him to be a funny pastime, "The proud, arrogant, hypocritical, self-righteous woman, who thought she was clever, even used to play with others as entertainment, and deceived everyone around her—I was one of them, but after I saw her true self beneath the surface, I saw through it." After my true self beneath the surface, she was nothing to me.

"Because of our special relationship between the two of us, because of the emotional basis of our former sincerity and truth — what an irony to put it — it was easier than I thought it would be much easier than I thought. I easily persuaded her to hide our relationship for the time being, because the child had just left...... Then slowly, slowly, I sent her to the execution table step by step, little by little. ”

"You slowly poisoned her," Old Duroc frowned, "but the medical examiner's report says the poison is ......"

"Don't you remember what happened to that dedicated old forensic doctor?"

“……？！”

"Yes, that's right." Kari shrugged, "I was in touch with the Donfrie family back then, and they helped me with all my worries. And one of the most important links, sir, is to deceive the eyes of your steel detective. ”

Carry's voice was soft and low, as if it was a whisper on Old Duroc's shoulder, causing Old Duroc to close his mouth and take a deep breath, his face faintly flushed.

"What the hell happened to you in the first place? You used to be a nice guy, Karry, you used to be the most honest, shy, well-behaved clerk I've ever met, why did you become like that? Why is it like this? You ......"

"You haven't been listening to me at all, have you?!"

Without warning, Kari stood up from his seat and slapped his palms on the table with a loud "bang", as if the bones of his hand were about to be shattered. He stared at old Duroc with his eyes red from congestion, his mouth closed, and his breathing was slightly rapid, as if he would pounce on him and tear him to the ground in the next second.

"Why, I'm going to be like this." He said slowly, slowly moving his body along the table towards Old Duroc, "Why, I became like this...... Because, I am the way I am, because this is my nature!

"Do you know how I felt when I fed the poison into Lyra's body little by little, and watched her die day by day, becoming hopeless?"

He paused, then grinned.

"Nothing," he said, "I feel nothing—nothing." I thought that I would feel pain, feel sadness, feel the anger burning and blazing in my heart, drive me to overcome all the discomfort and reluctance, and finally send her to hell with great difficulty, and then I will also usher in my own end in joy and despair, burning myself to the ground - but no, nothing, I felt nothing, including the pleasure of killing, the excitement of touching the taboo - all these things that should have appeared in me, not in my brain...... Not at all. ”

“……”

And then I understood that that was who I was—that is, who I really was, who I really was. I'm a monster, I'm a killer, I'm a cold-blooded, cruel monster who quietly takes a lady's life bit by bit and doesn't feel anything. ”

Stopping at the table directly opposite Old Duroc, Cary slowly held the table with both hands, leaned over and lowered his head, and brought his face in front of the detective's eyes, so close that their noses were almost touching.

"Maybe everybody, everybody is deceiving themselves, everybody is lying to themselves, polishing their edges and corners to fit the shape of the world, and then in the end they don't know themselves...... I was luckier than they were, I broke free from the false shackles and broke the thin cocoon. At the moment of spreading my wings, at the moment of freedom, I feel like I have been reborn. ”

“…… At the beginning, the medical examiner said that the murderer was a psychopath. Old Duroc leaned back slightly, distanced himself from Carry, and looked straight at him, "I understand what he means now—he's not talking about the kid, he's talking about you." ”

Karie didn't answer, just grinned and smiled silently.

"Do you like it?"

"What?"

"What do you call this...... Be true to yourself. Old Duroc raised his chin at Carry, "Do you like it?" Or rather...... Do you still know yourself? ”

“…… Does it make sense? Kari straightened up and looked at Old Duroc flatly, "Like it or not, aren't you all you, can you become someone else?" ”

“……”

"It's been a great conversation, sir, maybe you don't believe it, but there aren't many people with whom I can sit and talk about the past. You can go back, and I'll take special care to take care of your life here, and you should be here for a long time. ”

Kari said, raising his voice and calling out to the guards outside the door, but no one answered. Carry's brow furrowed, and he glanced at Old Duroc, then walked quickly to the door.