Ed knew what trick he was playing right now. This trick is actually quite old, and it is also very funny, and if it is not played well, it will make him look like a duck-headed fool, innocent and cute, and stupid. However, after some careful and chaotic consideration, he decided that he should give it a try. If this is the case, if the object is a woman who is tithe, maybe the normal method will not have any effect.

Besides, even if he fails, he has nothing to lose - he thought so, but he soon realized that he was wrong. He thought that he must have said something wrong just now, like accidentally plucking half of the cat's beard when he was petting it, because the tithing was slow but determined to splash her cup of cold black tea on his face.

“……”

Ed wiped the tea from his face and saw that the tithing had the intention of getting up to leave. He immediately leaned in and snatched the other crutch that was leaning next to him that did not belong to him.

Tiji stopped and looked at Ed with a dangerous gaze. She didn't say anything, though.

"I apologize," Eddard looked at the tithes and placed the cane on the other side, along with his own, looking like a pair of chopsticks, "but I insist that you should say something to me - it's because of me, Marcy and Albert that I'm involved in this with Susan, and if they end up in conflict with you over this, then whoever suffers will be indisputably responsible." ”

"You think so much."

"It's like an annoying kindergarten class leader." Ed smiled.

“…… I can tell you something," Shijlo was silent for a moment, then finally turned his head and looked at the lake in the distance, slightly loosening his mouth that had been closed, "but you have to answer my question first." ”

"You can ask anything."

"That detective - Marcy - she has her own reasons to pursue the case against Susan...... Albert, he also had his reasons to find out the secret behind Susan. But why are you bothering about Susan? Shilo said, turning his head back and looking Eddard in the eye, "Why are you bothering about me?" ”

“……”

"If you're still talking about 'commissioning' or 'collecting money' or anything like that, we'll end our conversation right away." Tithes added.

Ed didn't answer right away. He looked a little ...... Dazed, it seemed that he didn't expect Shilo to suddenly say such things to him, and he was caught off guard. His face was expressionless, he didn't say a word, his eyes lowered slightly, and he stretched out his tongue and slowly licked his lips. He lifted the teapot on the table and poured a new cup into the cup that had finally been empty in front of Shilo.

"Take a sip," he said, "and it tastes good." ”

"I don't want to drink," said Tithe, "are you avoiding my question?" ”

"I didn't shy away, I just brewed and thought about what to say...... Take a sip. ”

“……”

Shilo blinked twice and looked at Eddard with a slight change in expression. She lifted her teacup and took a sip as Ed had said. What Ed said was really good, and it tasted really good.

"Can you tell me your age, doctor?" Ed asked suddenly, his eyes fixed on the void.

“…… Twenty-nine. ”

"Old girl." Ed smiled, "I'm thirty years old Chinese New Year's Eve—thirty years old." Do you know how much time has passed since my first killing? ”

"I don't know."

"Fifteen years." Ed looked at Shilo and raised the corners of his mouth calmly, "Fifteen years ago, I killed the first person in my life. The guy was a traitor, and I was in training. The expectations were high for me, because I had a talent that was different from the others, an innate advantage, a special ability that kept me in the role of Team Scout for a long time after that - of course, there was nothing special to say. In short, in order for me to grow as soon as possible, they gave me the task of killing that traitor. They held him in front of me and shoved a gun into my hand to make me relax and follow my feelings, as long as I finally turned the person I saw into a corpse. ”

"How do you do it?"

"What do you think?" Ed shrugged his shoulders with a smile and exhaled, "I blew his head, and I hit his forehead in the head. I must have been so nervous that I forgot some of the most basic common sense. That guy's blood splattered my face...... Do you remember the first time you killed someone? ”

"Yes."

"Do you remember how many people you've killed?"

"Nope."

"Do you remember their faces?"

"Some remember, most of them are blurred."

"I'm pretty much the same." Ed said, rubbing his fingers against the rim of the teacup, as if pondering something, and took a deep breath into his lungs, "I remember a mustachioed man, and a fat man, a fat man who loves to cry...... I don't know why, but there was a time when he appeared in my dreams as if he was some important person. I think it must be some kind of theory that involves the category of psychology, because I've even forgotten his name. All I remember was that I hacked him to death with a scarlet and threw him off the roof. That's it. ”

"I've had a lot of similar experiences."

"Of course, of course you have." Ed nodded, "Too much blood, red hands, a pungent smell - but only temporarily." You know what killing is kind of like to me? ”

“……”

"Like a woman." Ed said, and couldn't help but laugh first, "Of course, it should be a man for you, as long as you're not ...... Well...... When I didn't say – have you ever had experience with men? ”

"Yes."

"Yes, of course. You know what it feels like. Ed lay in his chair, his eyes rolled upward, his mouth slightly open, "It's like kissing, wonderful kissing - first kiss, magic, second kiss, intimacy, third kiss, routine - and then, just undress." It's the same with killing, when you kill a certain amount, all kinds of intensity and flames that you thought you would never forget, can't accept, and dare not let go of are all turned into scattered ashes, sprinkled in the belly of the fish and sunk into the ocean. You don't struggle anymore, you don't get scared anymore, you don't feel sick and uncomfortable anymore...... You can't feel anything. ”

“……”

"Of course, there's more to it than that, isn't it—much more than that." Ed withdrew his gaze from the sky, sat up straight, and looked at Shilo, "Do you think this is normal—as a 'human', a...... Is this normal for people who are still alive. ”

“……”

"I don't think so." Ed said, "I feel ...... It's bad. And here's why. ”

"You feel terrible," Shialo repeated Ed's words, "and that's why?" ”

She was more of a question, or rather a certainty—something she had already determined, but wanted to be more certain again. The emotion in her tone at that moment was unprecedented.

"Incomprehensible, right?" Ed smiled as expected, the corners of one side of his mouth went up, and there was a little sad cunning in his eyes, "I don't know how to tell you more clearly...... I'm just, a little tired. A long time ago, no matter what I did, I always wanted to think clearly, calculate clearly, and try to be accurate before I started to act, but the end result was always success when I should have succeeded, and failure when I should have failed. I don't know from which day of the month of the year, I gave up. I no longer struggled with the things that I tried so hard to control but could never control, I began to learn to be on a whim, to listen to my inner voice at all times, to do what I wanted, to stop worrying about this and that, to stop worrying about this and that, to fight to cover the water and the earth - I learned to be free, I learned to release the truest voice in my heart. ”

"It must feel great."

"Great?" Ed laughed and shook his head, "I should say it...... It's crazy. ”

“…… That's why you're often full of crazy talking? Shiro asked, "Because you say whatever comes to your mind?" ”

"It's the same reason that I always make deals that I look back on and think are absolutely losing money - like insisting on this between you and Susan without heeding warnings."

“……”

"Whether it's Marcy or Albert, they've all tried to persuade me to stop and don't wade into the muddy water between you and A.R.X, but now I've dragged them together to prepare the goggles and oxygen cylinders in the muddy water, and now they won't pull my hands when I pull them out - you ask me why I'm doing this, why do I mind Susan's business, why do I mind your business?" Ed said this, leaning forward and approaching Shilo, his eyes wide open without blinking, "Honestly, I don't know...... But to be sure, it has nothing to do with the sympathy of bullshit and the sense of justice. I do all this, all of this, for myself...... If you insist that I give an explanation, an answer, I don't know...... Maybe it's because I've lost so many things for so many reasons along the way in the past fifteen years...... And people like you and Susan, I think you can help me get them back. ”

“…… What did you lose? Tithes asked.

"I don't know." Ed sat back in his chair and shrugged, "I'll know when I find it." ”

"Is that so?" Tilo looked at Ed and was silent for a long time. Then she lowered her gaze and nodded, "That's right." ”

"Yes, that's it." Ed said, "To your question, this is my answer. ”

“……”

"So, now it's your turn." Ed looked at Tiro, "It's time for you to answer my question." ”

Shilo shook his head. "No need." She said.

"What?"

"No need."

Tiji slapped one hand on the table, and then stood up directly in Ed's suddenly widening gaze, standing up with his own strength. She turned, limped down the path toward the manor, took two difficult steps, then stopped, and squinted back at Eddard.

"You're not the only one who has lost something, Ed, and you're not the only one trying to get it back."

“……”

"And."

"What."

"Thank you for making me realize this."

After tithing speaking, he quickly turned his head back. Her chin lowered slightly, then she raised her head and continued her difficult, slow stride forward. Her back has never been so weak for a moment, and she has never been so strong for a moment.