Today's exam papers have been updated. I've been in a bad mood for the past two days, and I want to adjust for another day to ensure the quality of my writing. I can't write good content in my current state of mind.

I reflected yesterday that my failures in work and life were caused by my character flaws. I'm the kind of person who thinks too straight and patterned, and can only work in a patterned work with the exact same process, and once the work needs to be flexible and changeable, there is bound to be a problem. In the past, I didn't care about the things I didn't like and the environment around me, and I didn't communicate with others enough, which eventually led to my social failure.

In reality, since I was a child, I have never been able to fit into any social circle. When I was a student, I was always known throughout the school as an outlier, and I am still the same in the workplace.

If others write themselves, they are majestic (such as Douluo Continent and Yang God, and infinite terror), but I always file and write. I just tried my best to masochize myself in my works, how to abuse it, so that I felt more comfortable, because I am a person with extremely low self-esteem.

This is also one of the reasons why I failed in love, because my posture is too low when I fall in love, and later I saw on Zhihu that men are too low and inferior when they are in love, and girls can see it. Men may fall in love with women with a humble attitude, but women never do. That's why most of the male licking dogs don't die well. Of course, another reason for failure should also be my many fallacies in dealing with the world, although the emotional intelligence is much higher than when I was a student, but the rigidity of my thinking restricts me in normal social interactions, I estimate that the other party will think that I will never be flexible, and can only say one step to do one step, and I will get tired of it after a long time.

I want to reflect on myself.

I was so self-loathing that I felt like I shouldn't have been born.

Without a doubt, one thing is for sure. I am a highly mentally unhealthy person, even I have been to a mental health center for testing, and even I wonder if I am mildly depressed.

Now, I have only one goal, that is, to write a high-quality book with an average order of 10,000. I don't know if I'll be able to do it in my life.

I'm trying.

I want to spend my life looking for the social identity and self-identity that I am missing.

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