It wasn't a serious illness, just a small cold. It didn't take long for me to continue to devote myself to the "dire water" training.

Since this time, Xu Zhekai has taken more meticulous care of me, for fear that I will be sick again, and sometimes I smile at his mother-in-law. In fact, my heart is very warm.

Just as we were putting all our energy into the next round of screening, and while my friends were struggling, Chen Shuo's life took a major turn - his father died of illness.

I have long heard Yu Han say that Chen Shuo's father's heart has not been very good, and he had two sudden situations before, but fortunately, there are people around him, and they were saved in time. But this time, it happened in the morning, Chen Shuo's mother, Aunt Li, went to the morning market and didn't come back, Chen Shuo's father fell ill, and when Aunt Li came back, the person had already fallen to the ground and was not breathing. Aunt Li immediately called an ambulance, but Uncle Chen left before she could reach the hospital.

On the morning of the incident, Aunt Li called Chen Shuo, and Yu Han was by Chen Shuo's side at that time. Aunt Chen didn't tell the truth on the phone, only said, "Dad is sick, please take leave to come back and have a look." Chen Shuo had a premonition that the matter must be very serious, because in the past, his parents never told him about a small illness and disaster, but the last time his father had a heart attack, it was only later that Chen Shuo called and couldn't find his father.

After hanging up his mother's phone, Chen Shuo went to the department to ask for leave from the instructor. Yu Han offered to accompany Chen Shuo back, and Chen Shuo said that he could handle it, so let Yu Han train well at school and not be distracted.

That afternoon, Yu Han called to inquire about Uncle Chen's condition, but received the worst news. Yu Han said that he could feel the restraint of Chen Shuo's voice on the other end of the phone, but no matter how restrained he was, he could hear the choking in it. Yu Han wanted to ask for leave to accompany Chen Shuo, but we still felt that it was not appropriate for Yu Han to go, and it was somewhat inappropriate to meet Chen Shuo's family on this occasion. So, Yu Han could only send out the words he wanted to comfort Chen Shuo and Aunt Li in the text message.

Although Yu Han didn't say it, we can also see the pain and anxiety in her heart, Yu Han is still like this, you can imagine how painful Chen Shuo and Chen Shuo's mother will be over there.

A few days later, Chen Shuo came back, and the whole person had obviously lost a lot of weight, and the black yarn was not only worn on his arm, but also on his face and heart.

Chen Shuo was not a person who talked a lot in the past, and now he is even more silent. When he met us downstairs in the dormitory, he just nodded expressionlessly, which was regarded as a greeting.

Yu Han knew that he was sad in his heart, and he couldn't say a lot of things he wanted to persuade him. What to say? Condolences change? Will it get better slowly? It's all empty words.

Unless I have experienced the loss of my beloved parents, I have never felt anything about it, and this pain is different from all other pains in the world, it is a real, scratched wound in the heart, and can never be healed.

Yu Han no longer comforted in vain, just as much as possible, quietly accompanied Chen Shuo, listening to him talk about his father playing with him when he was a child, accompanying him to study, Chen Shuo said that he was interested in mathematics, in fact, he was influenced by his father, and later he made some achievements in mathematics, and his father felt very proud, but now, he has not repaid his father's nurturing kindness, and his father left, and he didn't even see the last side.

When Yu Han talked to us about these things later, he cried uncontrollably, and several of us also shed tears silently on the side.

Death is an objective thing, but it has always been difficult for us to face it directly. I still remember when I was very young, about the fourth or fifth grade of elementary school, one night, for some reason, suddenly I realized that one day I would leave this world, and so would my parents, and the teachers and friends around me, and everyone would, and suddenly my heart was filled with a great fear, and then I started crying, crying alone in my room.

I don't know how I thought about it, but I always remember the fear of that night, and the huge feeling of powerlessness.

Later, I cried and cried, maybe I fell asleep because I was too sleepy, and when I woke up the next morning, I deliberately did not recall the painful feeling of last night, and during the day, the bright sunshine really dispelled some of the gloom in my heart.

Later in my formative years, there were a few times when I felt that sudden fear at night, and I cried incessantly as before, but as I got older, I began to learn to comfort myself, to learn to enlighten myself, and I tried to make myself understand that no matter how much I was afraid, no matter how much I tried to escape, this was a fact that could not be changed, and that human life has a time limit. What we can do is to enjoy life while we are alive and cherish the people around us, there is no other way to make this life without regrets.

Later, when I went to high school, when I had the fear of death again, I gradually realized that this fear was not only because I would die, but also because after I died, I would never see the person I wanted to see again. Just like now, although my parents and I are not in the same city and cannot get along day and night, I know that as long as we want to see each other, we will be able to see each other thousands of miles away, which can be expected and realized. But what death is, is this person from now on, you will never see it again, no matter how much you miss it, no matter how reluctant you are, you will never see it. We often comfort people who have lost relatives and friends by saying, "He just went to another world", but this sentence is a completely different concept from "he went to another city", and the so-called death is the loss of the right to see each other again. Those who left continued with infinite regrets, and those who remained continued with double regrets.

That night, I called my mom and dad and kept saying that I loved them, missed them, and told them to take good care of their health. Unexpectedly, I scared my parents enough, thinking that something happened to me and I wanted to commit suicide.

Later, it was only after I confessed what happened to Chen Shuo that they understood the meaning of my words. My father said to me at the time, "We will take care of ourselves, and we will not watch you get married and have children, and we will not watch our grandson or granddaughter grow up, how can we be willing to leave." One sentence made my face flush, and I could only leave one sentence: "You better bless me to find a good partner first!" ”

I still haven't confessed to my parents about Xu Zhekai, the reason is the same as before, the things of this time and space, I can't grasp it, I seem to know a lot of the future, but I can't be sure, this feeling is particularly uncomfortable, it is better to let me go forward without knowing anything, and I will be happy to break my head and bleed, this kind of hesitation, the feeling of being stuck is really unbearable.

It is often said that time solves everything, but many times, it only solves some problems superficially.

Chen Shuo, accompanied by Yu Han, was in a slightly better mood, and occasionally joked, but Yu Han knew that Chen Shuo would never fully return to the way he was before, but she was willing to stay with him until Chen Shuo didn't need it anymore.

The river of time is rushing forward with everyone, and there is no way to turn back everyone's life, and there is no way for all the lost lives to return to us. "Relatives or remaining sorrows, others have also sang", when I learned this sentence in high school, I couldn't understand the sadness in it, but when I could, I must have witnessed or experienced something similar. After the pain, I know where the sorrow comes from, and I know that all the good things in the world have a time limit, so I cherish the rest of my life and the travel companions around me even more.

At the beginning of May, spring is already deep in Beijing, and some days will even be as hot as summer. I hope that such a warm season can warm Chen Shuo's cold heart.

Xu Zhekai and Chen Shuo are not very familiar with each other, maybe their personalities are not particularly compatible, even if they are boyfriends who are also sisters in the same bedroom, his relationship with Chen Shuo is not as close as that with Jiang An. But Xu Zhekai was also very concerned about Chen Shuo's situation during this time, so I told Xu Zhekai everything I heard from Yu Han, and he couldn't help but sigh after listening to it.

Xu Zhekai's parents are abroad all the year round, and the number of times they return to China every year is pitiful, so they have very few opportunities to meet, and they can only see each other through online video every week. Xu Zhekai always said that every time his parents left when he was a child, he always cried and kept them, but slowly found that all the retention was useless and could not stop his parents from leaving. Once, when he cried so much, Uncle Xu told Xu Zhekai, who was only in the third grade of primary school: "Everyone comes to this world with a mission. My mom and I are not only your mom and dad, but also ourselves. You are not only our son, but also yourself. Therefore, even if your parents are not by your side, you have to live your own life, listen to your grandparents, your parents leaving does not mean that you don't love you, it's just that we all have our own missions, let's work together. ”

Xu Zhekai said that he was still young at the time, and he didn't seem to understand his father's words, but he always remembered this passage deeply. Since then, he has especially wanted to become a better version of himself, and wants his parents to know that they are also fulfilling their "mission" and working hard with them.

When I listened to Xu Zhekai reminisce about this past, I unconsciously sketched what he looked like when he was a child, constantly imagining that little boy in the third grade was like a brave little man, shuttling between his grandparents' house and school every day with high morale.

I also gradually understood the reason why he worked so hard and was so good, and suddenly realized why he must go abroad to study in graduate school in another time and space, because he subconsciously has been keeping up with his excellent parents, and has always wanted to see the "outside world" that his parents struggled for when they were young, and the "mission" in that world is where he competed with himself for the love of his parents back then. From this point of view, the experience when he was young has a crucial impact on Xu Zhekai now and Xu Zhekai in the future. His choice, in addition to giving an explanation to his current self, is more of an answer to all the questions he had about growing up in the past.

The lack of youth will always compensate for itself in various ways when people grow up. It's just that when making up for the past, it's easy to let the present self lose something, so in the past, present, and future cycle of compensation, a lifetime has passed, we often say that we hope there are no regrets in this life, but in fact, it's just because life is originally composed of all kinds of regrets. Just like me now, coming through time and space is not just another form of compensation given to me by fate.

No matter what, I still hope that all the people around me can truly achieve "no regrets in this life".