It wasn't until I finished packing my things, took a shower, and was ready to go to bed that I took Lin Su's letter again.

The letter was handwritten, on a plain A4 copy sheet. There wasn't much content, I didn't write a lot of crying and wiping tears, I didn't point to the world, I didn't tell how helpless I was that day, I just apologized to me, apologized sincerely, and didn't even hope that I would forgive her.

She said she didn't know what to do, but she couldn't do nothing.

Actually, I didn't know what she was going to do, I thought a lot, but I still couldn't think of a way for her, what did she have to do to make me feel like 'oh, okay, I forgive her'.

Guilt is a very self-tormenting emotion because it is not something that can be eliminated on its own, but it needs to be redeemed by another person.

A few people in that incident, but Lin Su made me not know what to do. I hate her, and I can't convince myself to forgive her. Therefore, although Lin Jiangnan and Xu Yijing both felt that Lin Su's husband should let her know, although I also thought so in my heart, I still didn't know what to do.

Two days later, on Saturday, I went back to my parents' house for dinner as usual. Actually, I don't have a job now, and it doesn't matter if there is a difference between a weekday and a weekend, but the power of habit is so strong that once it is broken, it is uncomfortable on both sides, so whether it is necessary or not, it always makes everyone feel comfortable as usual.

My mother estimated that she had been suffocated in the past two days, and as soon as I went back, she didn't even finish changing my shoes before she split her head and covered her face: "Su Mi, let me tell you, that Lin Jiangnan, don't go deeper." ”

I kicked my foot into my slippers and walked into the house, laughing and saying, "What have you been thinking about at home these past two days?" "My mom was right next to me," he was too young. ”

"So what?"

"It's not appropriate." My mother waved her hand very affirmatively, "Look at the state of that child, it looks like he has just entered society." He likes you, maybe he can't figure it out. ”

"Huh?" I threw myself on the couch and glared at my mom, laughing and quipping, "How do I understand that?" ”

"You can interpret it however you want." My mother's expression was serious, no joke, "You have to be sensible about this, you're thirty, how old is he?" The two of you have been in love for a few years together, if you can really get married, forget it, if the conversation is not suitable to break up, then he still has a chance to choose, and you will be delayed. My mom patted me on the arm as she spoke, afraid I wasn't listening.

"Got it. If there is nothing to do, don't be foolish. ”

"What do you mean by worrying about it?" My mom frowned, "What ordinary friend picks you up at the airport at night?" Who have you become? You really have been your mother and I have lived for nothing for 60 years, and you can't see this? ”

"What do you see? I said that we are ordinary friends, and I don't plan to develop with him, so don't talk to me, okay? ”

"Okay! You're too old to listen to anything, right? "My mom picked up the remote control and pressed the switch hard and threw it on the coffee table. The remote control hit the teapot with a popping sound, and she said, "Then you can find me if you have something in the future." ”

I was helpless, "What's the matter with me?" What did I do? The one who entered the door and covered his face will give me a beating. ”

"I haven't taught you, if you don't mean anything to others, make it clear to them as soon as possible, don't mess up these messy things. In the end, it's all you who will be delayed, do you understand? ”

"What do you mean by mess? Mom, what the hell do you mean? ”

"What do you mean?" My mom crossed her arms and turned her head to stare at me, raising her voice and saying to me, "I mean to be realistic and sensible!" What can I mean? Am I not good for you! ”

My father, who was frying and frying in the kitchen with the door closed, probably heard the movement and hurriedly ran out, "What's the matter?" It's been less than five minutes since I entered the door. ”

"I don't know what's wrong." I turned my head away and didn't want to say anything.

"What's wrong? What can happen! The child is older, and we don't like to listen! "My mom turned the gun around and went at my dad. My dad didn't know what he muttered, and my mom didn't say anything more. A moment later, I was tapped on the shoulder, and I reluctantly turned my head, and there was already a different person on the couch. My dad was amused at me, "Hey, don't you know your mother's person, it's always good, and you won't say good things." ”

I was angry and complained to my father: "What has my mother been thinking about at home for the past two days? Is there already a drama in your brain? ”

My dad nodded his head again and again, "Your mom thinks a lot!" From you falling in love to getting married, from getting married to having a child, you even have to think about who will help take care of the child after giving birth, so she told you that Lin Jiangnan is not suitable. ”

"Not suitable, not suitable. I'm not in love, I'm not married, I'm not going to have children, okay? Dad, I beg you, you've worked hard all your life, isn't it good to enjoy your retirement? ”

My dad didn't take what I said seriously at all, and waved his hand, "Don't be angry, girls still have to have a home and a child." You are an only child, and you don't have any brothers and sisters, what will you do when you are old and alone? Your mother and I won't be able to close our eyes in the future, will we? How uneasy we are! ”

"I'm married and have children, so you can rest assured? What if the person I marry is not good? What should I do if I am lazy and do domestic violence? Isn't this just adding to your own blockage? ”

"Tsk." My dad obviously didn't like to hear this, "You don't have eyes yourself, do you?" Do you have to find the lazy person who does domestic violence? Anyway, your mother just told you so much, isn't it just that I'm afraid that you won't be able to find it? You don't like to hear it. ”

"Okay, okay, got it." I turned my head again, not wanting to continue the conversation, lest I end up with a bad breakup. But my dad's side wasn't over yet, and he poked me in the back again, and I became a little impatient, "Let's not talk, okay?" ”

"I'll say it again." My dad lowered his voice and said, "Actually, I think Lin Jiangnan's kid is good, this man is the most accurate to see men, just like you women look at women." With that, he glanced back in the direction of the kitchen, where my mother was.

looks like an undercover agent telling the police: "I'm my own person." ”

"I thought you were finally united with my mother."

"But then again, he's a little younger. In fact, this young age is not only a matter of age, but also includes many aspects, such as personal experience, social experience, economic conditions, and so on. Your mother's concern is not so simple as age, she just can't express it. After saying this, my dad slapped his thighs with both hands, stood up, let go of his voice and said, "Don't say it, I believe you must have your own ideas in your heart." I'll take a look at my dishes, and don't let your mother be a disaster." He patted me again, "Be happy." ”

It's not easy to be happy, the atmosphere at the dinner table is barely strong, my mother and I are in a situation where no one talks to anyone, only my dad has riveted enough strength to enliven the atmosphere, which seems to be extremely hard.

I finished my meal and left, taking with me the ribs my dad stewed for me.

On the way home, I thought about what my mom said, thought about my mom as a person, and sighed alone. In fact, I didn't know that my mother was for my good, but I didn't understand why she said the words of concern in a reprimanding tone? It's as if there is a condenser tube in her body, and no matter how hot her heart turns into words, it will be cooled down, and the stinging person's heart will be chilled.

There's no way, you can't change it. She's sixty. I had to ignore my own feelings and try to see the essence through the phenomenon.

It's almost late January, and the atmosphere of the New Year is gradually filling the place. Red shirts are sold in the mall, red Chinese knots are hung by merchants, and red lanterns are lit up on lamp poles on the side of the road.

In previous years, the company will be very busy at this time, because some procrastination Party A will suddenly exert force at this time, and the designs that have been changed countless drafts in a year have begun to be finalized one after another, and strive to finish this year before the holiday of the printing house. Lin Su will follow Cheng Liren to visit his parents everywhere and give some New Year's gifts, hoping that the cooperation will be smooth in the coming year. As the Chinese New Year approaches, I will be so busy that I will fly, because the designers will start to return to their hometowns one after another, and I, as a Beijinger, have no hometown to go back to, so I always insist on working until the last day.

This year, those things are gone.

When I was idle at home, I sent a message to a few friends, asking if there was a suitable job, asking them to help me pay attention to it, and I also hung my resume on the recruitment website.

The end of the year is not a good time to find a job, and people who want to resign rarely resign at this time, and there are no vacancies; Companies that want to recruit workers rarely recruit workers at this time, and everyone wants to celebrate the New Year and is not so positive. I used this time to sift through my design works, typeset them into a book, and prepared them for employment in the future.

Xu Yijing suggested that I find a company in Party A to do design management work in the future, and I have this intention. When you get older, your energy, physical strength and creativity are always worse than those of young people, but in comparison, you have a lot of experience. It is easier to find a balance if you can understand the needs of the leader and understand the designer's expression at the bottom. Personally, Party A's department is more diversified, which is also an expansion of my horizons, and it may have more room for growth and is relatively stable.

"Women are going to have to suffer, especially those who are married and have no children. Last year, our company recruited, and there was a woman who had good conditions in all aspects, but she was married and had no children, and she was screened out by HR. Xu Yijing spread her hands, "Have you heard, this year's second child is released, and those who have not had children before marriage will be screened out, and now it is dangerous to have a child." ”

"I know, Chengmei has done this kind of thing. I can understand why the company thinks so, after all, women's maternity leave is so much longer than men's maternity leave, and some men simply don't even take maternity leave except for the day of childbirth in order to perform positively. It's as if giving birth to and raising children is just a woman's business. ”

"That's what the law stipulates, and we can't resist the law." Xu Yijing sighed helplessly, "So, you hurry up and find a stable and humane company while you are unmarried and childless." ”

Who wouldn't want a stable and humane company, it depends on luck.

So, in February, I found a sunny day and went to the Fragrant Hill Reclining Buddha Temple. Because I heard that the homonym of Wat Pho is OFFICE, so when I was looking for a job, I went to Wat Pho to worship. It's a hilarious statement, but I went anyway.

Whatever, it's better to go on a picnic and take a break.

There is still a week before the Spring Festival, many people have already embarked on the journey home, Beijing is beginning to seem empty and huge, the roads that are blocked on weekdays are difficult to walk, and at this time the wide makes people panic, and the car is speeding at every turn. The red leaves of the West Mountain have long fallen, and they do not see half of the appearance, so the tourists are sparse.

The reclining Buddha has been lying in the last hall of the temple for hundreds of years. I've been here a few times before, but it's all because I don't think I'm a devout believer in Buddhism, and it's a bit of a utilitarian thing to worship when I ask for something. But since Lin Jiangnan said that I am one of the sentient beings, I no longer have any hesitation and psychological burden to worship the Buddha.

Whoever puts down the butcher's knife can become a Buddha on the spot, and I just made a wish to find a satisfactory job, even if it is a little utilitarian, with the tolerance and compassion of the Buddha, I will not blame it.

Kneeling in front of the temple with his hands folded and making a wish, when he leaned down, his mobile phone buzzed. I lay on the mat and took a look, it was Lin Jiangnan who sent a message, and he asked me, "Are you free today?" ”