It's another day back to school, back to class.

Yan Mei gradually noticed the unusual atmosphere in the class.

The first is that after she entered the classroom, some strange eyes followed her.

Then there were bits and pieces of chattering that drifted through the air.

Before Yan Mei could hear the whole story, the class bell rang.

Bell bell bell ~

Almost at the same time, their homeroom teacher, Mr. Wang, walked in with a Chinese textbook.

Yan Mei found that Teacher Wang also glanced at her meaningfully.

While she felt inexplicable, she also knew that something must have happened.

But Mr. Wang obviously didn't want to waste time talking about things that had nothing to do with studying.

He just asked everyone to put the dictionary next to the book so that it was easy to flip through.

Yan Mei doesn't have many advantages, but she doesn't do much worrying things, and her big heart is probably her biggest advantage now.

Therefore, those who do not know are fearless, and those who are ignorant are heartless.

She didn't think too much about it, and even pulled out her new dictionary with joy and joy under the teacher's reminder.

The new dictionary is really new, she just bought it today, a full five yuan.

The price of five yuan is definitely expensive for her now.

You must know that her pocket money for a week is combined, and sometimes she can't even make up a dollar.

Doesn't that seem exaggerated?

Don't have this kind of thought, you have to understand that the price of pork is only 11 or 2 yuan.

What is the concept of five yuan? You can buy almost half a catty of pork!

Do you feel the smell of poverty?

The answer is: Yes.

Yan Mei recalled the embarrassing days at her mother-in-law's house.

She still feels sad and sad, not for herself, for her mother-in-law.

Because the protagonist of life was difficult at that time, she was the one.

If you want to ask about the first time, when did you feel the difficulties at home, Yan Mei will definitely say.

It's time to pay the electricity bill.

That happened when Yan Mei was still very young, she was already able to walk, her words were not clear, and her mother-in-law was still a baby, often holding and walking.

But that day, she didn't hold her, she followed by herself.

After all, that was when the mother-in-law first took over them.

Yan Mei remembers very clearly that it was a rainy summer.

She was crouching on the threshold of her old house.

In front of her was a middle-aged uncle with a group of elderly people, slowly moving to a small house in the bamboo forest next to her house.

It's a small house, but it's not really a brick wall, less than two meters high and wide.

Inside the wall, there were a lot of wires and cutter heads, and maybe there were other things in it.

That's what they're going to see anyway. Yan Mei confirmed very much.

Because her mother-in-law is also there.

So Yan Mei also climbed down the steps curiously, and for this reason, she fell while she was still going.

The fall was ugly, and she and her beautiful clothes rolled into the mud puddle, very embarrassed.

But the embarrassed person is not only her, but also her mother-in-law.

It turned out that her family was too poor to pay the electricity bill.

Yan Mei remembered that in the end, her mother-in-law asked a mother-in-law named Su Nan to help pay the electricity bill.

The second time I found out that my family was poor, it was the day when my mother-in-law gave us pocket money that was about to leave this side of the house and go to Dashi's house.

It was the weekend, the sky was approaching dark, and we were reluctant to give up on our mother-in-law's house, and we did not set foot on the road back to our grandfather's Tian family.

This is not the first time.

My mother-in-law often struggled with this matter, and slowly she seemed to have found a way to send us away.

The method is realistic, and it is not out of the ordinary for us.

That's right, it's to give pocket money!

This was a happy thing, but Yan Mei couldn't be happier anymore when she witnessed the picture of the origin of the pocket money.

Perhaps, you already know, but I still want to tell you personally that the money is borrowed.

What does it mean to borrow?

Means: poor.

Even if Yan Mei is young, she knows what it means to be low and speak well.

Can you imagine an old lady with gray temples, a thin body, hunched over, clubbing a cane, and pulling a mass of things out of her trouser pocket with trembling hands and feet.

The thing was wrapped in several plastic bags, and it was very solidly wrapped, and at a glance she knew that she was very carefully protected, as if it was a treasure, afraid of losing it, and afraid of being stolen.

She offered treasures, her hands were raised in front of us, her eyes were quenched, as if there was a morning glow, and her pupils were usually sloppy, but now they were also scorching, full of brilliance, and a look of anticipation.

It's really dark.

As we left, the gray hazy fog was so rich in color that it blackened the body of my mother-in-law, who was standing at the door of the house to see us off, and even her dazzling white hair was not spared, and she was sentenced to death, and she could not go unpunished.

We walked away, and we could vaguely see the figure of my mother-in-law, still like a statue, standing in place, without the slightest sense of movement.

She's watching us, and we're actually looking at her.

The same hope, the same concern, the same reluctance, the same desire to cry, the same desire to stop the person who was pulled by time.

We are the same, really, without difference.

Left, hurt me and us again.

I've been in class for most of the time.

Yan Mei stared at Teacher Wang's movements, guessing his behavior, it seems that Teacher Wang has the heart to talk about extracurricular topics.

This is a routine, and it is difficult for Yan Mei to know it.

Moreover, she is sensitive, thinks a lot, explores a lot, and of course knows a lot.

Sure enough, he started making small talk.

He was a king who was very popular with the people, and his courtiers were very close to him while respecting him.

Yan Mei is an exception, in addition to respecting him, she still respects him, wants to be close, but is timid, what she is afraid of is his dislike.

It's an inferiority complex that stems from her father.

She really thought from the bottom of her heart that her father didn't like her, and that dislike came from the coldness of her face and the indifference of her eyes.

Yan Mei found that she really had a sense of substitution, she felt that the relationship between her classmates and teachers was like the relationship between her sister and brother and her parents, and she was as happy as the relationship between her sister and brother and her parents, without any rustiness or mustard, while she was the opposite, she was born embarrassed, sparse and natural, and tired of her heart.

She's always been so unsociable. Yan Mei smiled bitterly.

In the next second, she sighed that there was really no shortage of life to add fuel to the fire, add sorrow to sorrow, and sad things in the autumn and sad moon could not be imagined.

Yan Mei's return to her senses was completely forced.

She looked at her homeroom teacher, Mr. Wang, in confusion, not understanding the meaning of what he was asking.

What is her grandfather okay? Is the matter settled? And why did you tell him that there was no hurry about the school?

Grandpa is very good, just like usual.

Thing? No, I don't.

And is there anything going on at the school? How is it not clear to her?

She didn't know anything!

She looked at the homework book on the table in a distracted manner, and her right hand, which was holding the pen, began to clench quietly, and the voices of teachers and classmates around her continued to talk.

"There's such a thing? Fake, right? ”

"It's true, I was on a bus with her grandfather, and I saw him cry with my own eyes!"

"Crying? But also, who is not angry when this kind of thing happens?! ”

"Who's to say it isn't! It's a whole fifteen hundred dollars! It's all fake! ”

......

Fake? Crying?

Yan Mei felt stuffy, and there was a kind of indescribable distress and words.

When she heard this, she finally figured it out, and the strange eyes that everyone stared at her just now were sympathetic.

It all started with a fake sum of money.

The fake money was withdrawn by my grandfather from the bank, and it was used for the tuition, miscellaneous and living expenses of our three siblings.

I heard that my grandfather found out that the money was fake not long after he took it, and he went back to the bank to change it, but people refused to admit the origin of the money on the grounds that he had no evidence.

Coincidentally, the scene where he was crying on the bus was met by her classmates.

Elementary school students who have just entered the fourth grade have not yet been tormented by life, and they do not know how sad the helplessness and unspeakable color are.

Therefore, in the most innocent tone, he said the most worldly words, hurting the most sensitive people, and there was no sense of hurt and apology at all.

Yan Mei's lowered head never lifted, and the thoughts flying in her mind returned to the scene in the morning, when she asked for money.

At that time, Tian Guan was running back and forth beside the stove and the table and chairs, bringing breakfast to the table.

Yan Mei hesitated behind him for a while, and finally walked over and opened her mouth shyly.

"Grandpa, I want to buy a dictionary. It costs five bucks. ”

"Ah, oh, okay. I'll give it to you later. You go and wash your face and hands first, and get ready for dinner. ”

Tian Guan paused, turned his head, and looked up at her, with a kind smile on his face, and a very good look.

"yes, okay."

Yan Mei quietly breathed a sigh of relief, there are only a handful of times when she grows up to ask for things, and there are even fewer things like asking for money, and some experiences can be said to be impressive and unforgettable.

At that time, Yan Mei was still carefree, her heart was not framed, the door was not installed, the lock was not installed, and there was no key that could not be found.

As for when she became so closed, it may have started from the moment her mother went out to work, or it may have started from the moment she knew that she had a younger brother, and she felt that the atmosphere in the house gradually began to change.

I used to always like to go up the slope with my back, come at home, and chatter endlessly, but now when I meet, the object of conversation has become my younger brother, and what I say to myself is also three sentences that I don't leave my sister and brother, and the things I explain are also to take care of my sister and brother, and tell her to be sensible, but in addition, it seems that even the most basic care has disappeared.

She seems to have become a dispensable, inconsequential passerby; A servant girl who calls and drinks at will; An outsider who is excluded and looks on coldly.

Yes, there was a time when Yan Mei was also an overly lively person, and anyone who saw each other had to praise this little girl for her sweet mouth.

In our native dialect, it is: Hey, you doll has such a white mouth!

How white is it?

Oh, it's so white that it's annoying.

This is not something that someone else said, it is Yan Mei's conclusion drawn from the expression on her mother's face.

If you can't imagine that kind of expression, then Yan Mei can explain it in three words, that is: I can't get used to it.

Three simple words are really more striking than anything else.

The first time I felt that my mother couldn't get used to her behavior, was on the way to the market, she saw a grandfather with a basket not far in front of her, the back was very similar to her sugar grandfather, she subconsciously jumped up and waved her hand to greet: "Grandpa, grandpa is good!" ”

The man was not him, but he smiled back and said loudly: "Okay, the girl is really good." ”

Mom didn't say anything in front of the man, but after he left, Mom's face showed displeasure, and she said coldly: "No one can see clearly, what are you yelling at, don't you be ashamed!" ”

Yan Mei didn't say anything to refute, she didn't know why her mother felt ashamed, and she didn't think that her behavior was ashamed, but she just shouted the wrong person, she only felt aggrieved and sad.

After this time passed, it was not the end, but the beginning, Yan Mei found that her mother liked to hit more and more, oh no, she hated herself.

She will find some points in herself that she is not used to, from dressing, to hairstyle and complexion, from walking posture to sitting posture, from speaking language, to action behavior, all of which are missing, and soon Yan Mei's self-confidence also fell from heaven into the abyss, and since then she has been in a slump.

This is also the reason why Yan Mei didn't like to talk and didn't dare to look at anyone for a long time, especially because she was afraid of her mother.

To this day, her mother still wonders why she used to comb her hair as soon as she saw her, and she thought it was funny.

Didn't she think it was funny, her bright and sunny psychology in the past seemed to have become so eclipsed that she tried everything to be in a state of no improvement, and who knew her helplessness?

No one.

Speaking of which, I have to mention the embarrassing situation of the first time she opened her mouth to ask for something.