I was a bit of a mistake.

Because my impression of the Wat Pho is still stuck in the last time I came, but now it is the day of the spring flowers, and catch up with the weekend, the Wat Pho is not as clean as it was in early February, the tourists are weaving, shoulder to shoulder, the two ancient magnolia trees in front of the temple are taking pictures of people eager to have more flowers than the trees.

Lin Su and I walked slowly in the group of tourists, without any atmosphere to chat and talk, so we walked side by side silently.

I was actually a little surprised when I met Lin Su today, because she has changed a lot from the last time I saw her. Today, Lin Su put on light makeup, her hair was gently curled, and she was wearing a semi-casual tweed jacket, and the whole person looked tranquil and gentle, which made me feel as if I saw her for the first time many years ago.

But there is still a slight difference, and I can't say it for a while, so I secretly speculate and ponder in this silent parallel.

We walked directly to the last hall along the east road of the temple, the reclining Buddha was still lying in it, no different from the winter, whether the temple was empty or lively had nothing to do with him, although people came to him. I bowed down earnestly, thanked him, and donated some incense money.

Lin Su did not enter the temple, when I came out of the hall to see her, she was standing in a place of sunshine, with her hands in her pockets, looking at the men and women kneeling in front of the temple, her expression was as light as the morning mist in the mountains.

I seem to understand what is different about her. Her previous gentleness and tranquility were really gentle and tranquil, and now she is gentle and tranquil, just on the surface.

"Find a place to sit." She said to me.

So we found a clean teahouse in Wat Pho. This teahouse is an ancient building, with red walls and green tiles, and the courtyard is quiet, and the noise outside is isolated as soon as you enter the courtyard gate. And the reason why this teahouse can have such a state of standing alone in the turbid world is that it is expensive without him.

We just wanted to find a quiet place to sit and drink some tea, but the tea master at the teahouse brought a lot of cups, obviously not so easy for us to drink, otherwise it would not be enough to explain why they charged so much. Lin Su and I silently watched as the tea master poured a kettle of water into a teapot in front of us, and the task was completed. The tea master politely said goodbye and left, and put down the thin bamboo curtain intimately.

Sunlight penetrates through the cracks in the bamboo silk, and the mist of tea rises into the air from the cup, and this small space is not as quiet as the world. I picked up the teacup and took a sip, sweet and bitter mixed with shengjin to moisten my throat, but unfortunately my rough character is not good or bad, after a mouthful of drying, I put down the teacup and said to Lin Xu: "This time I see that you are in good shape." ”

Lin Su was sipping tea, his hanging eyelashes flashed slightly, and he smiled lightly after drinking the cup of tea, "Yes, if you are in a bad state, no one else cares except for yourself who pities yourself." ”

"How's your interview?"

"Not bad. I haven't had an interview for many years, but fortunately, I often interviewed people when I was in Chengmei, and I knew what the interviewee wanted to see, so I was quite prepared. If nothing happens, I'll be notified when they come to work next week. She smiled at me, "We're going to be colleagues again." ”

"How good it is to go to a new environment, to have old colleagues and old friends, I feel down-to-earth when I think about it." I was genuinely happy, "What about your family?" How about now? ”

"My parents arrived on Monday, and my in-laws bought Thursday tickets to bring the children back." She smiled and said that she always looked like this when it came to the child, "I am relieved when the child comes back." ”

"That's good." I nodded, happy for her, but at the same time a little embarrassed, "It seems that Xu Yijing and I are thinking too much, it's okay." ”

But she shook her head, lowered her eyes and played with the tea cup in her hand, "It's not necessarily that you think too much." But then again, even if I think too much about it this time, it's a very important reminder for me. She paused, "Sumi......"

"How?"

"I have to trouble you to thank Xu Yijing for me. If she hadn't reminded me, I might still be only staring at my husband, still struggling with why he was on track, and then constantly asking myself when our love disappeared, and also, is that woman really better than me? Where am I bad...... Such boring questions. ”

She turned the teacup in her hand, put it down gently, and looked up at me, there was no emotion in her eyes, but she smiled, "I couldn't sleep all night long because of these problems, and now I look back after I understand it, what does these things have to do with me?" ”

I frowned, didn't talk, and didn't know what to say.

"I used to think that no one in this family cared about me, but I still had to humbly accommodate and take care of everyone, what do you think I think? I obviously grew up with my parents, I studied and went to school the same, and I worked and lived the same, why should I be so humble? Why the hell should I care so much about them? ”

"Your in-laws treat you badly?" I hadn't heard her say it before.

"Not really, they're okay, and they're kind to me. But how to say it, they are my husband's parents and my daughter's grandparents, and their politeness always makes me feel that I am an outsider at home, and I unconsciously put myself in the role of an outsider, and I feel that I am not qualified to object to what the owner of the family wants to do. ”

She took a deep breath and lifted the teapot to pour water, "I read a book that says that people eventually live the way they want to live, and I asked myself what I want to live." Then I also found that what kind of person you think you are, others will treat you accordingly. ”

"Do you have any answers?"

"Nope. I don't know what I want to live, I've never thought about it, I can't think of it for a while. She sighed and looked out the window. There was a magnolia tree planted in the courtyard outside the window, which was in full bloom at this time, and she stared at it for a moment before continuing: "But I have thought about what I want my daughter to live. My daughter will be in love and get married when she grows up, and I don't want her to think that a woman should be like me in marriage. ”

"Are you ready for a divorce?"

"Not yet."

"No?" I was a little surprised, I thought she had made up her mind to give up the marriage by saying so much, but she said she hadn't.

"Nope." She picked up the teapot and refilled my teacup, and said sarcastically: "What am I in a hurry, it's not me anyway." ”

"But I heard Xu Yijing say, if your daughter turns two years old......"

Lin Su interrupted me, "My daughter will turn two years old in three months, and if I propose divorce now, he has a way to delay these three months." What are my odds and chips then? Nothing, I get nothing, including my daughter. ”

"Then ......," I said a little, "you mean, you're ready to live like this?" ”

"Naturally, it's not. But divorce is a battle, and I always have to have a chance to win. She tucked the hair hanging from her ears behind her ears, "I said I would do anything for my daughter." So I first want to get my home back on track, to give my daughter a good environment, a living environment, a family environment, I want her to have a great mother. If I want my daughter to be an independent and confident girl in the future, then at least I have to do it first, so I don't want her to see me so bad, and I don't want her to live in the arguments between me and her dad every day. ”

I was a little confused, "Are you going to forgive your husband?" Win him back to you? Do it and cherish it? ”

"There's nothing to cherish, I just need time to prepare. I want to have my own house, I want my daughter's hukou to be with me, I want my in-laws who take care of my daughter to go back to my hometown, in short, I will prepare whatever I need to fight for custody. So I had to keep my husband with me during this time, and I couldn't let him divorce me. ”

"Won't that take a long time?"

"It doesn't matter." Lin Su spread his hands, "I was also in pain when I first knew that my husband was on track, and I was tortured every day for most of the month, until you and Xu Yijing finished talking to me that day." I didn't sleep all night, I just sat in bed and watched my husband, and I hated him at the thought that he might snatch my daughter, and at that moment I didn't feel at all that he was the father of the child, and I forgot that I had loved him, and that he was as hateful as my enemy. Before that, I was still entangled in his derailment, and entangled in our love, but that day I suddenly felt that there was no love or not, and I couldn't get out of the rails, and it was worthless compared to my daughter. ”

"So you're going to live like this until you're able to fight for custody of your children before you get a divorce?"

The sun shone on Lin Su's face, her expression was extremely firm, she had no nostalgia and concern for her husband, she smiled slightly and said to me: "Now I wish he was on the rails, it is best to find a difficult lover and let him abandon his wife and daughter." ”

I looked at Lin Su, and my heart was pounding inexplicably. I can't imagine what she thought about behind her words, in the sleepless nights, which must have been broken, and then struggled to re-stitch herself.

So the Lin Su I saw today is she and doesn't look like her anymore.

Lin Su said to me: "A woman who doesn't even care about her husband's cheating is invincible. In order not to lose my daughter, I can only keep my husband first, but it doesn't matter, it's hard to be a good wife, but it's easy to play a good wife. ”

She was determined to care most about what she cared about, so she cut off all the branches and pointed straight at the goal, and everything else became her means. I have no experience and no qualifications to say whether she is doing this well or not, right or wrong, I just think that her husband is so annoying, and he has turned a marriage and a family into such a beautiful Lin Su.

It's really annoying, it's annoying.